Remembering things so vividly absolutely sucked and was the worst gift of all. The things I once loved to do I no longer did. Like building cars when Jake said it wasn't for girls. I taught me right then and there that I could do anything and everything. I was given the ability in my mind to do anything and everything I set my mind to. Baking I got it, cooking done, building cars and bikes from scratch done. I could rock climb, I could swim, I could climb trees as a young kid. I did anything people told me I couldn't do as a girl or at a young age. I used to paint vivid images of my memories and the good days. No longer did I paint happiness or love, sadness and despair was all that I painted now. I had the ability to sing and dance, paint and draw, but no longer did I sing or dance. No longer did I do what I once did but it's better for me then it first was. At first it was hard to leave my bed for months or eat properly. For months I didn't eat right or sleep right as I was plagued with nightmare.

Bella being the only one able to calm me down at night. If I needed I went to her if she knew I'd need her she came to me. Of course it was slowly and carefully in which she would approach me. Especially after I explained for the first time after months of nightmares I told her. Told her the truth of what happened the night I was put in the hospital by them.  I hated having to tell someone but I did once and refused to do it again. I know how bad that is for my health but it's the easiest thing for me to do. It was the easiest thing to do shut people out and wait until the pain lessened for the time being.
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A few days later

Today would be a very unfortunate day for both me and Bella. I was younger then her by a few months making her almost eighteen and me almost seventeen. Which also meant we wouldn't be going to class together she was a junior and I was a sophomore. That's the unfortunate part of today us having to go to school mid semester of the year. I gathered my things for school and then headed to the shower before Bella got there. Knowing she tended to take her time in the bathroom I always wake early. It's not only a habit from before but it's also due to nightmares now. Getting barely any sleep it's hard to do anything with lack of sleep. But with the nightmares being constant it's hard to get any form of sleep. Considering whenever I close my eyes I see the day things went south for me. I got out of the shower and put on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt with a long sleeve underneath it and paired it with some black combat boots. I didn't apply any makeup to my face nor did I usually ever add makeup.

I preferred to see originality and no makeup was the perfect way to go. If someone wore too much you could easily tell what they hide behind. Well to a point that is I suppose.