// blurry face was ranked #199 in fanfic and hit 40K reads so I HAD to update for you guys :D //

dan

Dan sits in the waiting room of the hospital, his fingers drumming anxiously on the armrest of the uncomfortable, white chair.

He can't think straight, his mind is plagued with too many worrying thoughts. He can't seem to relax himself, and as for his parents - they don't know he's here.

Dan tries to think back on what happened in the last few hours in an attempt to grasp what has just happened.

He was in the classroom, in excruciating pain. Then he remembers Connor coming in, kneeling beside him and asking what was wrong.

Dan had then choked out, 'something's... wrong...'. Connor wasn't sure what was wrong exactly, but then Dan sort of... Knew. He then choked out Phil, and Connor had thought of when Phil asked him if he'd called the police.

Connor quickly explained to a teacher, who momentarily obliged and called an ambulance while Connor and Dan also were taken to where they thought Phil was. Connor had to basically drag Dan down the street, as he was still in pain. Which was also difficult because Dan is a giant compared to Connor.

Dan remembers seeing Phil, lying curled up in the alley, his white t shirt stained with drying blood around his stomach, which his arms are curled around. He remembers running to Phil's side, crying. He remembers whispering to Phil, begging for him to hold on.

But then the paramedics took him away, and Dan has been left in the waiting room ever since.

He doesn't know what to think - or feel. The only word he can think of to describe how he feels is anxious. He's scared, he's worried, and every time he closes his eyes he sees Phil's life draining out of him in streams of crimson.

What if Dan hadn't found him? What would happen then? And what on earth was Phil doing there in the first place? Dan had thought it had ended for Phil when he left, that he was finally free - so why would he go back?

Dan sighs, looking down and trying to shut his brain off - it is probably better for him to think of nothing rather than to make his mind explode with even more questions and thoughts.

"Dan?" Connor asks, taking the seat beside him, "are you alright?"

Dan goes to say yes, but can't bring himself to do it. He shakes his head instead, looking down.

"I-I just keep seeing him, the blood..." Dan stammers, "I can't stop. Every time I close my eyes..."

Connor places his hand on Dan's shoulder comfortingly. "Everything will work out to be fine Dan, you'll see."

"You can't say that Connor, no offence, but you don't know two shits about me," Dan says, looking down at his fingers, "no one does."

"Everything always works out to be fine Dan," Connor says, "you'll see."

"Life isn't always a fucking fairytale Connor," Dan says with a sigh.

"No, I know that Dan! You aren't the only one with a tough life you know," Connor says, "there's a point where you should stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to fix your life."

"My life can't be fixed Connor!" Dan yells in the basically empty waiting room, his voice echoing.

Connor looks away then, staring at the floor and Dan does as well. They stay there, silent and lost in their own minds.

***

Dan must've fallen asleep somewhere along the line, because when he opens his eyes, it's morning again.

His neck is stiff and back sore. Dan winces as his neck cracks when he puts his head upright again. He stretches out his back before standing up, walking over to the woman behind the desk, who apparently didn't think to wake him up to send him home.

Connor isn't there either, he must've gone home.

"Um, is there any news on Phil Lester?" Dan asks.

The woman pauses before saying, "I'll find out, go sit down again if you want."

Dan nods, but he can stand to sit any longer than he already has, so he paces in the waiting room, stretching out his long legs. He checks his phone - neither his mother or father have asked where he is.

He texts them anyway, telling them he's alive - if they even care. It'd probably be easier for them of their son died anyway.

"Dan Howell?" A nurse asks, walking into the room.

Dan stops and his head whips over to the nurse. He can't see her face, but her voice is soft, gentle, cautious. Dan's heart twists in his chest.

"Where's Phil?" Dan asks, his voice hoarse and filled with panic, "is he okay?"

"Phil... Phil's not here. I-I'm sorry," the nurse stammers.

Dan doesn't hear anymore of what she says, he's already running towards the exit. The street seems overwhelming, with all the people around, so he runs into the nearest alley around fifty meters down the street.

He keeps running through the maze of the thin, dark, damp streets. He doesn't stop until one area looks familiar. He slows, rounding the corner, and sure enough, there's the dead end.

There's still a trace of crimson on the ground. There's no police in sight though. Apparently it wasn't a murder, apparently Phil stabbed himself. Dan knows he didn't.

Dan stares at the blood which stains the wet concrete. He sinks to his knees, his jeans growing damp where they touch the ground. He doesn't know what to feel.

He wants to scream and sob violently at the same time. Part of him still doesn't believe it. Part of him will always refuse to accept that Phil is truly gone.

Dan cries then, sobs racking his body as tears roll down his face. His mind is empty but his heart is filled with hurt and grief. How do people keep going when the one person they really cared about is gone?

Although Dan didn't speak to Phil much during that last time period, his care for Phil never truly wavered for a second. Nobody could compare to Phil, compared to Phil, everyone was a spark and Phil was the sun and all the stars in the galaxy.

"What the-?" A voice says, and Dan looks up to see Shane, "ah, the boy toy."

"Leave me alone Shane," Dan says, his voice a whisper.

"Why are you here?" He asks, taking a step towards Dan, who stands and looks over at him, "Phil wouldn't want you here, especially talking to me."

"Phil is dead! Phil is gone!" Dan yells suddenly, "I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE ANYMORE!"

Dan can't see Shane's smirk at his words.

"Okay then, here's the deal, I leave and you're gone by tomorrow, and you never come back here again," Shane says.

"Fine," Dan says.

Shane turns and walks away then, back out. Dan doesn't realise he was talking to the man who killed Phil, he just watches as he leaves, and Dan is alone again.

Dan sinks back to the ground, his head in his hands as he keeps crying, praying for the thoughts of Phil to stop plaguing his mind. Dan also tries to not think about how he probably will never see a face again.

But then again, he doesn't want to see a face ever again unless it's Phil's.

***

phil [ wait what?! ;P ]

*two hours earlier*

Phil opens his eyes, the intense white of the room causing his head to ache.

Phil looks around, unsure as to where he is. Is this what death is like? Phil wonders, am I dead?

Phil tries to sit up, but a blinding pain erupts from his stomach, causing him to let out a cry. No, definitely not dead. Unless you feel pain when you're dead...

Phil frowns, looking around the room - it's a hospital room. Phil's heart picks up. He shouldn't be here, he should be dead. What's going to happen when Shane finds out he's still alive? Phil is still a threat to him. What if he hurts Dan trying to find out where Phil is?

"Phil, how do you feel?" A nurse asks, walking in and standing beside him.

"Like I've been stabbed in the stomach," Phil grumbles, occupied with his worries.

"Well, I guess that's normal. What year is it?" She asks.

"2015."

"Your age?"

"18."

"Your-"

"I don't have memory loss okay?!" Phil snaps.

"Sorry, it's a procedure we have to go through when all patients wake up," the nurse says, "there's people here to see you."

"Who?" Phil asks.

"A short boy called Connor and a tall one named Dan. Your parents were here, but we told them we'd call when you woke," the nurse says.

"Do-do they know I'm alive?" Phil asks.

"No, we haven't updated them yet. Honestly, we weren't sure if you were going to make it," the nurse says, "you lost a significant amount of blood."

"I need you to do something for me," Phi says, "let Connor in here, but... Tell Dan I'm dead."

"I can't do that!" The nurse says, her eyes widening.

"Please, I have to protect him!" Phil says, looking at her with pleading eyes.

"I don't feel comfortable lying to people."

"Please, he can't see your face anyway. He won't know, just say 'I'm sorry' and he'll run out before you finish anyway," Phil says, "please, it's the only was he can be safe."

"I don't think..."

"Please?"

The nurse sighs. She can probably see the tears in Phil's eyes.

"I'll go bring Connor in, last time I saw, Dan is asleep anyway," she says, walking out.

Connor comes in a few minutes later, sitting beside the bed. I tell him about Dan thinking I'm dead. He doesn't agree, or understand, but he says it's my choice anyway. Connor leaves a while after that, heading home to sleep properly and shower.

Around an hour later, the door opens again.

"Dan is asking about you," the nurse says, poking her head in, "are you sure about your decision?"

"Yes," Phil says.

The door closes, opening five minutes later. It's the nurse again, her face looking upset.

"I didn't get past I'm sorry. You were right. But- he was so upset. Why do you have to hurt him like that?" She asks, confused.

"To keep him safe," Phil whispers, looking away.

She sighs. "Call me if you need anything or start to feel any pain again."

Phil nods and she closes the door, leaving Phil alone. Phil cries then. He cries because he knows now that he will never see Dan again, that Dan and him can never be happy together. Because if Dan thinks he's dead than he'll have to forget Phil.

But at least Dan is finally safe. He'll finally be completely de-connected from Phil. Dan is gone from his life now - forever.

As Phil cries, the sobs cause a burning pain in his stomach, but that pain is nothing compared to the absolutely unbearable ache in his heart.

*************

an// hey guys! I updated before new year woo! I hope you have a wonderful new year!!

200 votes and 150 comments for a new chapter!

I probably tricked you into thinking Phil died lol. Sorry for any heart attacks caused.

I'm excited to see what's going to happen to PHAN now ;P I hope you're enjoying the book so far!! Thanks so much for all the support ^_^

side note: about my teen fiction book, I have three ideas which I will soon post on a separate part on this book because I'm not sure which one I should use so I was hoping you guys would help me with that :D