CW: Transphobia

Erin had grown up surrounded by a lot of people. People who all seemed to know who they were, seemed to fit in. But Erin felt different, the pronouns 'he' and 'she' never seemed right to them. They liked being called Erin, it always seemed to fit them, in their head they were always Erin, never out loud though, they didn't know what everyone else would think, especially their parents. Their parents always said about how they were such an amazing 'son', Erin never liked it when they said that. One of their favourite things to do was tinkering. They enjoyed making small devices, they particularly liked making their own mini weapons but their parents didn't like it when they did that so they kept them hidden away underneath a floorboard in their room.

- - - - - -

Erin had one friend that came with them from primary school to high school, one Henry Bythord. The two of them became fast friends when they started school and stayed close all the way through. Erin was one of the more quiet people in the class and since everybody else didn't know who Erin truly was inside they all thought they were weird, but Henry stuck by their side through everything. One memory they had was when they were in primary school, Erin had been eating lunch on a bench underneath a tree in a corner of the field. Some of the boys in their year tried to pull them into playing whatever game they were playing and being very pushy about it. Henry ended up stopping them from doing anything and came to sit with them after that. Still, Erin never told him that they used they/them pronouns, or that they would rather be called Erin rather than their dead name. It was something that they meant to do but they were scared, scared to lose their only friend.

- - - - - -

In the last year of high school, Erin decided that they wanted to tell Henry, they weren't sure how he would react so they wanted a chance to not have to deal with it for a while. Henry was only a player anyway so he wouldn't be going to the admin academy they were heading to, they hoped that the two of them could remain friends after they told Henry the truth but they always prepared for the worst-case scenario. It was the last day of school when Erin asked, "Henry can I- talk to you?"
"Yeah, somethin' up?" he asked back.

Erin took a deep breath and said, "I am non-binary and have been for a while,"

Henry seemed to take a few moments to understand the quick-paced words that came out. "Umm... ok," Henry said.

The atmosphere turned awkward, Henry looked uncomfortable so Erin just left. They could tell that things hadn't gone well, a part of them thought maybe Henry would message them later but for now, he just needed to process it.

- - - - - -

Erin wasn't surprised when they didn't hear from Henry after they had finished high school, they were just glad that it seemed they didn't tell their parents. At the admin academy, they just kept to themselves, they didn't know if they would be able to be their true selves with anyone but they knew they could always be Erin when it was just them. There was a course for crafting weaponry at the admin academy and they happily took part in it, learning a myriad of different things. They were also all given their own space so they didn't need to worry about someone trying to talk to them. They made a lot of weapons, a lot of them were broken down again to keep crafting, but some of the better ones were used by the fighting classes at school. At the end of their time at the admin academy, they had a final where they created weapons for those in their year who were going to join the army. Erin had figured out during their time there that when creating weapons if you named it after the welder's name backwards it connected with them more and did more damage, Erin ended up graduating at the top of that class.

- - - - - -

It was before Erin started their new job in the Main World, working at one of the weapon manufacturers, that they decided it was time to tell their parents. They honestly didn't expect it to go well, their parents always seemed to avoid some people they knew were a part of the queer community, but they thought it would be better to be honest. At least they had a job to go to if something went badly. They asked their parents to meet them out at a park, a place where they could escape if they needed to leave and it was public so it would hopefully avoid any worse-case scenario. When their parents arrived they said, "I have something to tell you both?"

"What is it, son?" Their father said.
"That's just it. I'm not your son, I haven't been in a long time. I'm non-binary. I use they/them pronouns. I am Erin," they said.

"Don't be stupid!" His father said loudly, but it wasn't quite a yell, "You aren't non-binary, you are a boy. Stop this nonsense!"

"This is a silly phase that you should just get over already," their mother said.
"This isn't a phase, I've known who I was for most of my life," Erin said, "If you can't accept that it's on you,"

Erin didn't want to hear what they had to say, they could see the expressions on their faces, so they left, they didn't need their parents now, at least that's what they told themself. As they left they heard their mother yell, "You won't go anywhere in life if you act like this!"

- - - - - -

Erin did miss their parents at first, they reached out after the incident but not for the reason they wanted. They tried to convince Erin to come back and stop being 'one of those people' so they just blocked them. They were adjusting to their new job rather quickly, they enjoyed working with those in the battalion. When the application process was happening Erin was able to put down whatever name they wanted so even though they didn't want to come out as non-binary, people were at least using their name now. They changed their last name as well, their parents basically disowned them after all, and they ended up just clicking random letters until they found something good enough for them. At their job, they both created and repaired weapons, many of them they recognised from the admin academy but because they remained relatively unknown at the academy they recognised their face but didn't remember their name so they were Erin to all of them as well.

It was a few weeks into their job when they were called to speak with one of the council members. They didn't know who they were meeting, but they were still nervous. Part of them were worried that they had figured out that they were non-binary and wanted to fire them because of it. When they came through the door they saw that it was a watcher, they were facing the back wall for at first they could only see their wings. When the watcher turned around they saw that it was the High Leader, they weren't sure if that should make them more scared or not. They slowly made their way towards the High Leader, it felt like their heart was beating out of their chest. "High Leader," Erin said as they bowed.

"Erin Dimi, I am offering you a place on the council," the High Leader said.

Erin didn't know what to think, a place on the council would be an amazing opportunity... but they also didn't know if they knew about them being non-binary, obviously, the High Leader knew the name they used at work... but what if they found out and hated them because of it. Then they thought of what their mother... their birth giver said to them so they turned to the High Leader and said "Yes, I accept,"

- - - - - -

Erin didn't really know how they ended up sitting on the roof of ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ. They had seen their birth givers while walking through the centre of the Main World with Kelin, a watcher who joined the council shortly after they did. They had freaked out, after all, they still hadn't told anyone about them being non-binary. They wouldn't put it past their birth givers to let Kelin know, and they didn't know how he would react, so they just teleported away. The away just happened to be on the roof, which didn't really make sense to them but it happened. They knew that they had to tell the council eventually, but it had only been a few weeks with them, a few great weeks and they didn't want everything to turn sour. They knew that they would have to apologise to Kelin for ditching him, they had already received many messages from the worried watcher, but they had no idea what to say yet. They hadn't even realised they were crying until they saw their tears fall from their face to their hands.

They could hear the beating of wings, they assumed it was Kelin so they said, "Kelin I'm sorry for running off,"

"Not Kelin I'm afraid," the person who Erin assumed was Kelin said, they looked up and saw the High Leader.

"I'm sorry, High Leader. I can go if you need to do something up here," Erin said, they felt embarrassed.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was actually coming to check if you were okay," the High Leader said.

"I saw my birth- parents while out with Kelin. We don't... get along anymore. Some issues that couldn't be resolved," Erin said, "I wasn't ready to see them, especially not with Kelin there,"

"In my life, I found that some people will always have issues with you because of who you are, for something that you can't control. What I found is that as long as you have someone who cares for you while being truly you nobody else has to matter. It can be hard to forget about everyone else, but it can be done," the High Leader said.

Erin froze for a small second, did the High Leader know, it honestly wouldn't surprise them she did seem to know everything, and thinking back on it the High Leader seemed to always use they/them pronouns for them anyways, so they decided to test to see if she actually knew. They said, "Growing up I could never be the son they wanted, I only ever wanted to be me. When I spoke to them about it, I decided that I didn't want to be their child anymore. I do wish that sometimes they accepted me as I am, I do miss having people who care about me,"

"I can tell you, the rest of the council cares about you," the High Leader said, "And they will always accept you,"

Erin then decided to come out and say it, "I'm non-binary, I use they/them pronouns," they said, and it felt good to finally say something, but there was also a cold feeling inside of them, knowing what had happened before.

"I'm happy you felt comfortable enough to come out," she said, her words filled them with warmth, she continued, "Do you think you are ready to tell the rest of the council?"

"Maybe," Erin said, "I might at least tell Kelin to explain why I teleported away,"

The High Leader then stood up, "Come out at your own pace, you don't have to tell anyone. I don't doubt they will accept you,"

"Thank you," Erin said, as the High Leader started to leave.

"You're welcome Erin," the High Leader said.

Erin decided that they were ready to come out to who they had realised, they started to see as their new family. Maybe not all at once, but they were ready. 

WC~ 2046