Songs for this chapter are:

You and I- One Direction

Right now- One Direction

Half a Heart- One Direction

Chase Me - Emiliy Rae on youtube (she's a reader and her song is really awesome!)

..

Tessa's POV.

After spending half of my afternoon on the phone with Hardin and getting close to no actual work done, my first day at the new office is over and I wait patiently for Trevor to meet me near my office, as he promised.

Hardin was so calm earlier, he sounded so clear, as if he was focused on something. Standing here, I cannot contain my happiness that we are  still communicating, it is so much better than when we avoided each other before. Deep down, I know that it won't continue to be this easy, talking this way, teasing myself with small doses of Hardin when in reality I want him, all of him, all the time. I want him here with me, holding me, kissing me, making me laugh.

This must be what denial feels like.

I'm fine with that for now. It feels pretty good compared to my other option, sadness.

I sigh and lay my head back against the wall as I continue to wait. I am beginning to wish that I hadn't asked Trevor to spend time with me, I would rather be at Kimberly's house talking on the phone to Hardin.  I wish he would have just come here, he could be the one meeting me here instead. He could have an office close to mine, he could come by my office multiple times a day, and in between those times, I could make excuses to go to his. I'm sure Mr. Vance would give Hardin a job if he wanted one. He made it clear that he wanted Hardin to work for him again at the old office.

We could spend our lunch hour together, maybe even recreate some of the memories from the times when Hardin visited my other office. Just as I begin picturing Hardin behind me, me bent down over the top of my desk, my hair wrapped tightly around his fist...

"Sorry I'm a little late, my meeting ran over." Trevor interrupts and I jump in both surprise and embarrassment.

"Oh, uhm, it's okay. I was just.." I tuck my hair behind my ear and swallow, "waiting." If only he knew what I was thinking, thank goodness he doesn't have a clue. I'm not sure where those thoughts even came from.

He inclines his head the other way, peering down the empty hallway. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes,"

We make small talk as we walk through the building. Nearly everyone has left for the day, leaving the hallways quiet. He tells me about his brother's new job in Ohio and how he went shopping for a new suit to wear to our co-worker Krystal's wedding next month. Idly, I wonder just how many suits Trevor owns. He wears one every day to work.

I follow behind Trevor's BMW as he drives through the crowded city and finally we arrive in the small neighborhood named Ballard, according to Google, it's one of the hippest neighborhood's in Seattle. Coffee shops, vegan restaurants, and hipster bars line the narrow streets. I pull my car into the parking garage and laugh to myself while remembering Trevor's offer to help me find an apartment in this pricey building.

"I just need to change, obviously." Trevor smiles, gesturing to his suit.

I nosily glance around the expansive living room inside Trevor's apartment. Pictures of family and clipped articles fill picture frames on his mantle, empty wine bottles melted and molded into an intricate display piece takes up the entire coffee table. Not a trace of dust is collected in any of the corners. I'm impressed.

"Ready," Trevor announces, zipping up his red sweatshirt. It always catches me off guard to see Trevor dressed so casually, it's such a vast difference from how he looks in a suit.

After walking two blocks from his building, both of us are shivering and shaking.

"Are you hungry? We can grab something to eat," white puffs of cold air follow his words and I nod eagerly. My stomach growls in hunger reminding me of my insufficient lunch of peanut butter crackers.

I tell Trevor to choose the restaurant and we end up at a small Italian grill only feet away from where we just stood. The sweet smell of garlic fills my senses and my mouth waters while we are escorted to a small booth in the back.

..

Hardin's POV.

"You look much more.. hygienic now." I tell Richard as he steps out of the bathroom wiping his freshly shaven face with a white towel.

"I haven't shaved my face in months." He responds, rubbing the smooth skin on his chin.

"You don't say." I roll my eyes and he grants me half a smile.

"Thanks again for letting me stay here.. " his deep voice trails off.

"It's not permanent so don't thank me. I'm still beyond pissed about this whole situation." I take another bite of the pizza I ordered for myself.. and ended up sharing with Richard.

"I know it. I'm surprised you haven't thrown me out." He attempts to make a joke.

I stare at him, his eyes are too large for his face with dark rings showing through his white skin. I sigh, "So am I." I admit with annoyance.

He quivers under my stare, not from intimidation,  but from lack of whatever the hell drug it is that he is used to taking.

I want to know if brought drugs into our apartment while he was staying here just last week. However, if he says yes, I will lose my temper and he will be out of my apartment within seconds. For Tessa's sake, and mine, I stand to my feet and leave the room with my empty plate in hand. The stack of soiled dishes in the sink has managed to grow double in size and loading the dishwasher is the last thing I want to do.

"Do the dishes as payment!" I call to Richard. I hear his deep laughter from the hallway and he walks into the kitchen just as I reach the bedroom door and close it. 

I want to call Tessa again, just to hear her voice. I want to know about the rest of her day, what does she plan to do after work? Did she stare at her phone with a stupid ass grin on her face after we hung up earlier, like I did?

Probably not.

I now know that all my past sins are finally catching up to me, that's why Tessa was given to me. A merciless punishment disguised as a beautiful reward. Having her for months just to have her taken from me, dangling in front of my face by ways of casual phone calls and distance. I don't know how much longer it will be until I succumb to my fate, and finally allow myself out of this denial.

Denial, that's exactly what this is.

It doesn't have to be though, I can change the outcome of this all. I can be who she needs me to be without dragging her down to my hell again. Her smile shines  behind my eyes, through my self-pity, a prison that I've created all on my own. That smile lifts me up from the floor and has me searching for an exit from my cell.

Fuck this, I'm calling her.

Her phone rings and rings, yet she doesn't pick up. It's almost six, she should be off and back to Vance's by now. Where the hell would she go? While debating whether or not to call Christian, I push my feet into my gym shoes, lazily tie then and shove my arms through my jacket.

I know she will be upset, beyond pissed off surely, if I call him but I have already called her six times and she hasn't answered once. I groan and run my fingers over my unwashed hair, this space shit is really fucking irritating me. 

"I'm going out," I tell my unwanted houseguest.  He nods, unable to speak due to the handful of potato chips that he is shoveling into his mouth. At least the sink is free of dishes now.

Where the fuck am I even supposed to go? 

Within minutes, my car is parked in the lot behind the small gym. I don't know what being here will do or if this shit will help me but right now I'm growing more and more irritated toward Tessa and all I can think about doing is cussing her out or driving to Seattle to find her. I don't need to do either of those things, that would make things worse. The fact that she isn't answering my calls is really getting to me,  so here I am, ready to take my anger out on that ratty old punching bag.

..

Tessa's POV.

By the time my plate is cleared, I am practically twitching in my seat. The moment we ordered our meals I realized that I left my phone in my car and it's driving me much more insane than it should. No one usually calls me, however, I can't help but think that maybe Hardin has called me or at least sent me a text message. I'm trying my best to listen to Trevor while he talks about an article in The Times, to not think of Hardin and the possibility that he may have called, but I can't help it. I'm distracted the entire dinner and I am positive that Trevor notices, he's just too kind to call me out on it.

"Don't you agree?" Trevor's voice pulls me from my thoughts.

I scramble through the last few seconds of conversation, trying to remember what he could be talking about. The article was about healthcare, I think?

"Yeah, I do." I lie, I have no clue if I agree or not but I do wish the server would hurry and bring our check.

On cue, the young man places a small booklet on our table and Trevor hastily pulls out his wallet.

"I can.." I begin.

"It's on me." He slides his credit card inside and the server disappears back into the restaurant kitchen.

I quietly thank him and glance at the large stone clock hanging just above the door. It is past seven, we've been here for over an hour. I let out a breath of relief when Trevor stands from the booth.

On the way back we pass a small coffee shop and Trevor raises his brow, a silent invitation. "Maybe another night this week?" I offer with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan." The corner of his mouth rises into his famous half smile and we continue the trek to his building.

With a quick goodbye and a friendly hug, I climb into my car and immediately reach for my phone. My subconscious mocks me, rolling her eyes at my desperation, but I shove her back into the darkness. Nine missed calls, every single one from Hardin. I call him back immediately only to be directed to his voicemail. The drive from Trevor's apartment to Kimberly's house is long and tedious. The traffic in Seattle is terrible, cluttered, and loud. Honking horns, small cars whipping from lane to lane, it's slightly overwhelming and by the time I pull into the driveway I have a massive headache.

When I enter the house Kimberly is seated on the white leather couch, a glass of wine in her hand. "How was your day?" She asks. She leans over to place her glass onto the glass table in front of her.

"Good. The traffic here is unreal." I groan and plop down on the crimson chair next to the window.

"Yeah, it is. Have some wine for your headache." She stands to her feet and walks across the living room.

Before I can protest, she pours the bubbling white wine into a long stemmed wine glass and brings it to me. It's cool and crisp, sweet on my tongue. "Thank you." I smile and take another sip.

"So.. you were with Trevor, right?" Kimberly is so nosey, in the sweetest way.

"Yes, we had a friendly dinner, only as friends."

"Maybe you could try that again and use the word friend a few more times." She teases and I can't help but to laugh. 

"I'm just trying to make it clear that we are only friends."

"Does Hardin know you were with him?" Her brown eyes shine with curiosity.

"No, but I plan on telling him as soon as I speak to him. He doesn't care for Trevor for some reason."

She nods, "I can't blame him. Trevor could be a model if he wasn't so shy. Have you seen those blue eyes?" She exaggerates her words by fanning her face with her free hand and we both giggle like school girls.

"Don't you mean green eyes, love?" Christian appears in the foyer and I nearly drop my glass of wine onto the hardwood floor.

"Of course I did," Kim smiles at her fiancé and he shakes his head.

"I suppose I could be a model," Mr. Vance gives us both a sly smile and I'm relieved that he isn't upset. Hardin would have flipped the table over if he caught me speaking of Trevor in that way.

"How is Hardin doing? You've spoken to him I assume?" Christian sits on the couch next to Kimberly and she climbs into his lap. I look away.

"Yes, a little. He's good."

"Stubborn, he is. I'm still offended that he hasn't taken me up on my offer." Mr. Vance smiles into Kim's neck and kisses her softly just beneath her ear. These two clearly have no issue with public displays of affection. I try to look away again but I can't.

Wait..

"What offer?" I ask, my surprise shining through.

"Of a job of course,  a well paying job. He only has what.. one semester left and he'll be graduating early, correct?"

What?

"Erm, yeah. I believe so." I respond.

Why didn't I know about this?

"He's practically a genius, that boy. If he would have applied himself more he would have a perfect four -point -oh."

"He really is very smart." I agree. It's true, Hardin's mind never ceases to surprise and intrigue me. It's one of the things that I love most about him.

"Quite the writer too." He takes a drink of Kimberly's wine and continues, "I don't know why he ever stopped. I was looking forward to reading more from him." Mr. Vance sighs while Kimberly undoes the silver tie around his neck.

I'm overwhelmed with this information. Hardin, writing? He has briefly mentioned that he used to do a little writing his freshman year of college, but he never went into detail. Every time that I would bring it up he would change the subject or talk it down, giving me the impression that it wasn't very important to him.

"Yeah," I finish off my glass and stand, "May I?" I point to the bottle and Kimberly nods.

"Of course, have as much as you please. We have an entire cellar." She says with a sweet smile.

Three glasses of white wine later, my headache has evaporated and my curiosity has grown extensively. I wait for Christian to bring up Hardin's writing or the job offer again but he doesn't. He dives into a full-blown business discussion about how he has been in talks with a media group about expanding Vance Publishing's in-house film and television effort. As interesting as that is, I want to get to my room and try to call Hardin again.

I wait for an appropriate opening to excuse myself to my temporary bedroom and wish them both a goodnight. "Take the bottle with you." Kimberly calls to me just as I pass the counter where the half -full wine bottle rests. I nod, thanking her, and do just that.

My phone vibrates in my hand the moment I close the bedroom door. It's Hardin.

"Where were you all evening?" His voice is clipped and full of annoyance.

..

Hardin's POV.

"I went out exploring the city." She answers calmly, "I tried to call you back but it went to your voicemail." The sound of her voice soothes my temper.

"I went back to that gym." I lay back on the bed, wishing she was here and not in fucking Seattle.

"You did? That's good, I'm taking my shoes off."

"Okay?"

"I don't know why I told you that." She giggles.

"Are you drunk?" I sit up using one elbow to hold my weight.

"I've had some wine." She admits.

"With who?"

"Kimberly, and Mr. Vance... Christian, I mean."

"Oh,"

"He says you're an amazing writer." She says, accusation clear in her voice.

Fuck.

"Why would he even say that? I haven't written shit in a long time." I tell her.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about you and why you ignored me."

"Well, he also said you are graduating next semester."

Christian obviously has no idea how to mind his own damned business.

"Yeah, so?"

"I didn't know that." Tessa says. I hear her shuffling around and she groans, clearly irritated.

"I wasn't hiding it from you, it just didn't come up. You have a long time before you graduate so it doesn't matter anyway, it's not like I was going to go anywhere."

"Hang on," she says into the phone. What the hell is she doing?  How much wine has she had?

"What are you doing?" I finally ask her.

"My hair was caught in my shirt buttons. Sorry, I was listening I promise."

"Why were you grilling your boss about me anyway?"

"He brought you up, he also said he offered you a job here."

"I already told you that, didn't I?" I don't exactly remember mentioning it but I wasn't purposely keeping it from her. "I thought my intentions concerning Seattle were pretty clear."

"You can say that again." She says and I can practically see her rolling her eyes, again.

"You didn't answer when I called you, I called so many times." I change the subject.

"I know, I left my phone in the car at Trevor's.." she stops mid-sentence. I stand to my feet. I fucking knew it.

"He was only showing me around as friends, that's it." She is quick to defend herself.

"You didn't answer my calls because you were with fucking Trevor?" I gape, my pulse quickening with each beat of silence.

"Don't fight with me over Trevor, he's only a friend and you are the one who isn't here." She snaps.

"Tessa.." I warn.

"Harold." She quips and bursts into laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" I ask her. I can't help the smile that has taken over my face. Fuck, I'm pathetic.

"I don't know," she is still laughing and the sound resonates through my ears and travels straight to my chest.

"You should put the wine down." I tease her, wanting to see her roll her eyes at me for scolding her.

"Make me," she challenges, her voice thick and playful.

"If I was there I would, you can be damned sure of that."

"What else would you do if you were here?" She asks me. Is she taking this where I think she is? I never know with her, especially when she has been drinking.

"Theresa Young, are you trying to have phone sex with me?" I taunt her and she coughs violently, choking on a drink of wine I assume.

"What! No! I .. I was just asking!" She squeals.

"Sure, you can deny it now." I joke, laughing at her horrified tone.

"Unless.. is that something you want to do?" She whispers.

"You're serious?" The thought alone makes my cock twitch.

"Maybe.. I don't know. Are you mad about Trevor?" The tone of her voice is much more intoxicating to me than any amount of wine she could possibly consume.

"I don't give a shit about fucking Trevor right now," I lie.

Hell yes I'm pissed that she was with him but that's not what I want to discuss right now. I hear her gulp loudly followed by the soft clink of a glass.

"Don't chug the wine." I command. I know her too well. "You'll get sick."

"You can't boss me around from there." She is chugging the wine again, for confidence I'm sure.

"I can boss you around from anywhere baby." I grin, running my fingers over my lips.

"Can I tell you something?" She quietly asks.

"Please do."

"I was thinking about you today and when you came to my office that first time.." her voice trails off.

"You were thinking about me fucking you when you were with him?" I ask her, praying she says yes.

"I was waiting for him."

"Tell me more about it, tell me what you were thinking." I press.

This is so fucking confusing. Every time I'm talking to her I feel as if we aren't "taking a break", everything is the same as it always is. The only difference so far is that I can't physically see her, or touch her. Fuck, I want to touch her, run my tongue across her smooth skin..

"I was thinking about how.." I can hear her flush.

"Don't be embarrassed," I coax her to continue.

"That I liked it and it made me want to do it again."

"With who?" I ask, just to hear her say it.

"You, only you."

"Good," I smile.  "You're still mine, even though you're making me give you space, you are still only for me. You know that don't you?" I ask her in the most gentle way I possibly can.

"I know." She says. My chest swells and I welcome the flood of relief that comes along with her words. "Are you mine?" Her voice is much more confident than it was moments ago.

"Yes, always." I don't have a choice. I haven't since the day I met you, I want to add but I stay quiet, nervously awaiting her response.

"Good." Tessa remarks. "Now, tell me what you would do if you were here, don't leave out any details."

She never ceases to catch me off guard.

(Thank you so much for 26 million reads on After 3! The three books combined have over 150 million reads! That is so insane, I love you guys for reading and commenting.

For those of you who have heard the new album.. how amazing is it?!! I love it so much, what are your favorite songs? Every song somehow reminds me of After hah, I think I'm going insane :)