Song: Billie Eilish - Six Feet Under.

•~••~•

I felt... odd.

Washing my face with some cold water from the running sink, I sighed in relief at the feeling of coldness on my heated skin. It gave me some relief to the events from beforehand.

I paused for a moment when I looked at my reflection in the foggy washrooms mirror, it was weird. I could see me, fully there, but I just didn't feel like me.

I felt... new almost, as if reborn. It was hard to describe, but my body tingled all over and I couldn't wrap my head around how I'm somehow alive, when I should be dead. I should be dead many times... and here I am.

It made me feel empty.

My head slowly turned to the sound of a knock on the washrooms wall, to my surprise it was William. Water droplets dripped and ran down my face as I studied my father figure before me, the darkness under the Captains eyes showed how tired he truly is.

"Hey..." William softly spoke, trying to sound like he was all good. I tried to give him an encouraging smile although he looked as pale as me, clearly shocked that I was awake and breathing.

I nearly gave him a heart attack when I looked at him. I knew he expected to see his dead adopted daughter, laying on a medical bed, not alive. Not moving one bit, not breathing at all.

It was easy to remember the events before I got here, where he screamed and kind of spazzed out gibberish when he spotted me. I think he half expected me to be a zombie or something. It wouldn't surprise me if so, especially after everthing he has discovered.

The first thing that left his mouth was the medics name. "RATCHET!"

Since then Ratchet had been keeping an optic on me like a hawk on it's damn prey, I'm surprised he even allowed me to leave the med-bay to go freshen up.

I understand to a certain degree why Ratchet was being like he was, It was his job and I clearly should be dead. Not alive, not walking around like nothing happened, but I knew... just knew that he was hiding something from me. All of them were.

Especially when I ask where Ironhide is or anything to do with the Weapon Specialist, but Ratchet always avoided the question. All of them did.

'He's recharging Hazel. Don't stress.' Was the excuse that came out of Ratchets mouth when I kept bugging him about it and he got tired of me asking.

I just didn't understand why he was suddenly recharging. One second he was by my side when I was on my death bed, then the next thing I know when I wake up is that he is sleeping. Which isn't very comforting if you ask me, especially when I've finally admitted to myself that I love the damn asshole.

It was silent and I shook my head out of my thoughts to properly face the Captain before me. "Hi..." I replied awkwardly, wiping my face with a cloth to dry it.

"How are you feeling?" William hesitantly asked, taking an unsure step towards me. I clenched my jaw at this, amber eyes falling to the floor.

William, Sarah... Optimus, the list goes on... None of them were talking to me properly for some reason. Only Annabelle would, but I had a feeling she didn't know either. Which was annoying and it also hurt, a lot.

Now William finally talked to me without looking like guilty puppy, but the feeling of them hiding something from me still bothered me. Honestly, I was starting to get angry at the fact that they were. I had the right to know. I know I did, because obviously it was about me.

"I could be better." I replied sharply, making William grimace at that. The brunette male knew that I knew they were hiding something. I wasn't stupid. I may not be the smartest kid around, but I am not thick in the head.

"You can tell can't you?" William asked the rhetorical question, making my eyes roll as we both already knew the answer. Yes.

"It's a bit obvious when the damn leader of Autobots won't even look you in the eyes." I commented bitterly, discarding the cloth I held onto the sink.

William dug his hands in his camouflage pants pockets at this. Shaking his head, were staring at the floor in thought. Many emotions visable in his dulled eyes. I couldn't pick out what emotion he was truly feeling, it was all jumbled up, mixed together harshly.

It was just a big mess really and at this moment it was clear that it had affected not only me, but everyone that cared about me... The people I care about the most.

"It's hard..." William cleared his throat, scrunching his eyes up in a painful manner. Such actions made my heart clench painfully in my chest. " It's hard to believe you are standing in front of me right now." William admitted to me while slowly looking me in the eyes.

"I'm afraid that this might be a dream- well nightmare and you will just disappear on me. Again." Will expressed to me in a strained voice, his hazel eyes filled with pain like no other. "-and I don't think I'll ever be able to accept the fact that you had died."

Those raw words of emotion made my eyes sting and I tried my best to blink away the tears that threateneed to fall. "Dad-"

The man raised his hand before me, halting whatever I was about to say. "Hazel, I wouldn't- I didn't know how to tell them, because when I saw Annabelle... I could already see her heart breaking." William told me, voice wavering with much emotion.

In this moment, I just wanted to cry my eyes out even more. The feeling of know you were truly wanted... that people did actually care. That throughout all of my self-doubt and self-hatred... thoughtout all my outbursts and drama...

They still loved me.
They love me.

I felt my nostrils become moist and sting from the tears I held back, making me sniffle loudly. I allowed William to continue, knowing that it was helping him let out what he was feeling and at the same time it was helping me.

"In the end, I did somehow tell them, because you did die." William paused to catch himseld, trying to calm himself down to get everything out at once. "- and Annabelle didn't believe me when I told her. Sarah just collapsed to the floor crying and Annabelle rushed to the med-bay faster than Sideswipe could ever drive."

"We all chased after her- and bamn!-" William threw his hands in the air, in a way to express how crazy he thought this all was. "-You were sitting up, talking. I mean talking to her. Breathing. You were alive."

I bit my lip at this and blinked harder because I knew if I stopped, more tears would fall. I held back another sniff as my nose and cheeks were now red from my emotional state.

William ran a hand through his hair. Clearly Exasperated, drained out from everything. "I'm used to loosing people, I really am. It's part of my job and I know I can't stop it... but I really am scared of loosing you." William admitted to me. "-because loosing you is like loosing Annabelle, it would ruin me."

"I hate the very idea that if your biological mum ever found out what had happened and what is happening here..." William sighed, looking stressed. "....well she could file a custody battle, even take you away from us and I won't be able to have a single say in it."

My heart throbbed painfully when William spoke to me...his voice became weaker and weaker. While my heartbeat I could hear in my ears was becoming louder and louder.

"I won't be going anywhere." I expressed to William with the most courage I could muster up, praying that my voice wouldn't stumble or crack. That he wouldn't see through my facade of courage where a scared little girl hid.

I inhaled a shakey breath. Knowing this was the time to reassure Will, to reassure myself. "This is my home and no one will ever take that away from me again. You are my family and always will be. You are my dad."

The tears in my eyes blurred my vision. "Nothing will ever change that. I promise."

For the first time in my entire time of knowing the soldier before me... I witness William slowly break down in front of me. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, the sight before me made the child in me leave. In this moment I knew I was no longer the kid that got adopted.

I watched the tears run out of his eyes and down his face. Where the soldier covered his face with his shakey hands and crouched to the floor, his legs could no longer keep him standing.

I could hear the silent sobs that escaped his vocal cords. The silent sobs that were prayers, the whispers of blessings. The dogs tags that jingled from his neck was accompied by the Cross of Christ himself.

It made the air leave my lungs, because I knew the soldier that was in front of me... has truly been strong for far too long.

I love you too, Dad.