An hour later, I'm driving Ryan home because I don't think I can handle much longer of not talking, and just... Ryan's total awkwardness. And, I just don't understand why he's so freaking effected over this whole Jon and Spencer thing. Like, sure, I know it's this big shock and all, that his best friend who he thought was straight and a slight homophobe all his life is suddenly fucking some guy but, seriously, he's taking it a bit too far. Why should it effect him anyways? It's not like he's the one fucking Jon.

We're about half way to his house, and he's just staring out the passenger window, all moody and emo and just... Ryan. I'm about ready to just stop the car, tell him to get the fuck over it because yes, his best friend is gay and fucking my best friend, and drop him off right here on the side of the road. But, of course, I wont, because it's still Ryan, and I still love him.

Five minutes later, we're about three quarters of the way to his house, when he randomly says, voice all hard and demanding, "Pull over."

I just sneak a quick glance over at him from the road, and go, "Huh?"

"Pull over!" he cries, a little louder and a little more intense now, and I'm a little scared he's going to throw up the slice and a half of pizza he previously consumed or something. So, I quickly pull into the nearest parking lot, because my parents would so totally kill me if I gave their car back with puke all over the passenger side. Even if it is the Pastor's son's vomit.

I barely turn the key to turn the engine off, before Ryan's lunging at me. And... what the fuck? He's... kissing me?

I kind of just sit there, eyes wide, trying to figure out if Ryan Ross, the pastors son, is actually kissing me. Kissing me, a boy! Then, after a few seconds, of Ryan's mouth against mine, his body pressed right up against mine, I realize, yes, he is kissing me. Me, a boy! Huh.

So, I kiss him back, because, hello, it is Ryan Ross and he is like, the sexiest thing I've ever laid eyes on and I've only been imagining this (and jacking off to this) for the past two months.

I sling my arm around his waist, my hand brushing against the bare strip of skin in between his jeans and shirt, and holy shit. He's pressed so close up against me, and it's like, impossible to get any closer, especially because we're in a car with a console between us.

He's kissing me so fiercely and hard and rough, I think our lips might fall off, but it's okay because I cant think of any other way I'd rather loose my lips than by kissing Ryan Ross.

And, all that is running through my freaking mind is, Oh my god, I'm kissing Ryan Ross... Oh my god, I'm kissing Ryan Ross. Oh my god, I'm kissing the Pastors son. My mom would so kill me if she saw this right now. No, don't think about your mom when your kissing Ryan. Oh my god... Ryan Ross' tongue is in my mouth.

We're panting against each others mouths, and we've barely pulled apart like, at all, to take even the tiniest breath. His warm tongue is sliding against mine, and his hands are around my neck, fingers digging into my hair, and oh my god, I've never been more turned on in my whole entire life. And, holy shit, did he just moan?

Finally, we pull away, even though I'm pretty sure neither of us want to. Ryan's breathing hard, and so am I, but I'm pretty sure I've never heard anything hotter in my life. He stays pressed against my arm, not moving away, and he doesn't say anything. He doesn't even look at me.

Of course, I'm the first to speak. "Holy shit," I pant. "You're a pretty good kisser for the Pastors son."

He shoots me a look, but I can see his cheeks turn a little pink. "Shut up. Just cause I'm Christian doesn't mean I cant kiss."

"I know," I say, looking out the windshield in front of us, and Ryan's chest is still pressed against my forearm, and I can feel it rising and falling as he pants, trying to get his breathing back on track. "But, it means you cant kiss boys."

Obviously, this was the totally wrong thing to say, because Ryan pulls all the away from me now, sitting back into his seat properly. He stares ahead, licks at his chapped, swollen lips, then curses under his breath, and puts his hand in front of us his eyes.

"It's okay, Ross," I say, patting his shoulder comfortingly. "I'm sure god doesn't hate you." And, I'm sorry, but I really cant help the asshole remarks. I'm in like, too much shock right now to even process that this is actually happening and this isn't just another one of my dreams I've been having quite often lately.

"Fuck off," he hisses, voice cracking, and I think he might cry. "Shit, what have I done?" he curses under his breath again.

"I believe you kissed me."

Shut up, Urie, you're not making this any better.

Ryan's shoulders start to shake, and I'm pretty sure it's not from laughing. And shit, is he actually crying?

"Ryan," I say softly, deciding to tone down the asshole remarks, and place my hand back onto his shoulder. "It's okay..."

"No, it's not!" he cries, pulling his hand from his eyes and wiping under his nose. "It's not okay, Brendon! I just fucking kissed you! And, it wasn't just a small, tiny, little, meaningless peck either! It was like... well, you know!"

Oh, yeah, I definitely know.

I bite my lip, and look out the window, at the dark, abandoned Wal-Mart parking lot. "Look, Ryan, it's okay. It's not like you're going to go to hell for it."

"But," he starts, sputtering, "b-but, why did I do that?"

I shrug. "I don't know... 'cause I'm just so sexy you couldn't resist?"

Ryan sends me a look, and slaps my arm. "Shut up, you're not helping," he snaps, but I see a small smile make it's way across his thin lips... you know, the ones that were just on mine. Oh, that so made the rest of my life.

He wipes his cheeks, sniffs, and wipes under his nose again.

"Look, don't worry about it," I say after a few seconds of silence. "It was nothing, alright? It was probably just a spur of the moment thing. I don't know. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you, and you thought I was a girl for a second or something. I mean, I've got the lips and I've definitely got the curves."

Ryan shakes his head, and laughs a little under his breath. Which is good, cause at least he's stopped crying.

"Just don't worry about it," I say, ruffling his hair playfully, and holy shit, I still cant believe Ryan Ross just kissed me, and really kissed me too. "We'll pretend it never happened. It's my fault too, I shouldn't of kissed you back."

He bites his lip, and looks out the passenger window.

I go to turn my car back on. "Come on, I'll just drive you home, okay? It'll be okay. Don't worry about it, we'll just forget it never happened."

Ha! Like that'd ever happen. That moment will be forever burned into my memory, I swear it.

Ryan grabs my wrist, stopping me from turning the key in the ignition. "No! Just- just wait."

I drop my hand and look at him, eyebrow raised. My stomach does a few very, very delighted flips. "Okay..."

He stares at me, blinks, then turns to look back out the window. "Okay." He says nothing else, and we just sit there, staring out the window.

Minutes pass, and I finally break the silence by going, "Uh..."

He takes a deep breath, but keeps his back to me. "Okay, see," he starts, clears his throat. "I've never really said this out loud, like, ever. But, um, okay. So, ever since I was like twelve or something, I've had these feelings, right? And, yeah, I mean, I've ignored them, and it's worked, well, you know, for the most part. It's nothing, right? It's just thoughts, it's natural, that's what I kept telling myself. And then, well, you came along, and it wasn't so... it wasn't so easy to ignore anymore."

I stare at the back of his head, a little shocked inside. And okay, really, really, really, really times 345834573485435 fucking happy.

"And, then... I just - I couldn't... I just had this overwhelming urge to... to kiss you. I don't know what it was. Like, I've thought about kissing guys before, right? I mean, yeah..." I cant see his face, but I know he's blushing, hard. "Anyways, but, this was like... I don't know. I've never felt that before... and, I just... I don't know. I'm so confused, Brendon." Finally, he turns a little in his seat, peaking at me through his soft bangs. "You confuse me."

I kind of just stare at him, cause, um, yeah, I don't really know what to say to that.

He lets his head fall back against the head rest, and he stares ahead, lip in mouth. He looks like he's going to start crying again, and I cant even move.

"I mean, fuck!" he cries, throwing his hands in the air. "I'm the pastors son, I cant be... I cant be doing this. I cant be having these thoughts... or feelings. These fucking dreams, Brendon! I was doing fine before you came along!"

"I'm... sorry?"

"You better be!" he snaps, but then sighs, looking down at his lap and shaking his head. He keeps his eyes glued to his thighs for a few seconds before he looks back up at me. "I just... I don't know what to do. If this is so bad, if this is a sin, then why is god making me have these feelings? It just doesn't make any sense."

"That's what I don't understand either," and it's really all I can say and I feel so pathetic.

He nods, and stares ahead, and we're back in silence. I turn my key ignition and start the car, Ryan doesn't say anything this time and my mind isn't processing anything to say back. It's totally, and utterly, blank.

When we get to his house, I turn off the car and just sit there. Ryan does the same, staring ahead; he doesn't even move. I finally force myself to say, "I like you too, you know." And I'm not sure if it's the right thing to say, but I say it anyways.

Ryan makes this little noise deep in his throat and slumps down in his chair, squeezing his eyes shut. The streetlight in front of us is the only thing illuminating his face from the darkness, and just, ugh. Why does he have to be so pretty?

"I'm so screwed, Brendon," he whispers.

"I'm sorry," I whisper back.

He opens his eyes, and looks over at me, teeth running along his bottom lip. He keeps his eyes on me for seconds, or minutes, I'm not even sure, until he finally undoes his seatbelt and says, "I've gotta go."

I nod and mumble, "Yeah..."

He looks down at his feet, then across his lawn to the front of his castle house, then back to me before leaning over and pressing a quick, almost unsure kiss to my lips. "I'll see you later, okay?" He barely waits for me to mumble a quick goodbye before he's out of my car, and dashing up his front lawn.

I watch him fumble with his keys, and disappear into his front door, still trying to figure out what exactly had just happened.