I guess I don't fully believe the whole Jon/Spencer thing - because, hello, it is Jon and Spencer, and they're like, the last people you'd ever expect to get together - until the next day when Ryan and Spencer Smith himself just randomly show up at our table at lunch and sit down. Then, Spencer and Jon keep sneaking each other red-cheeked looks, and giggle at absolutely nothing every once and awhile. And, I really have no choice but to believe it.

Ryan is, of course, oblivious to the whole thing. Even when Spencer excuses himself from the table, not even ten minutes after sitting down, giving Jon a long, hard look before disappearing. A minute later, Jon's getting up too, sends me a coy smile and practically skips out of the cafeteria after Spencer. Ryan even looks at me and goes, "I kind of wish they got along."

And, I'm kind of like, how can you be so naive, Ryan Ross?

I shrug, nibble on my carrot and keep my mouth shut, because he'll figure it out eventually.

---

He does, because when I get home late Saturday afternoon from Ethan's, Ryan's sitting on my bed, and he doesn't even have to say anything, because I already know just by the look on his face.

"You know about Jon and Spencer, huh?" I ask, dropping my bag onto the end of my bed, and kick my bedroom door shut behind me.

His eyes somehow grow even more wide, and his mouth slides open a little. "You knew about it?!"

I shrug, pull off my weed soaked hoody and throw it into my hamper. "Of course I do, Jon's my best friend."

"Well, I'm Spencer's best friend and I didn't know!" he points out, face flushed and he actually really does look a little angry and hurt. "And I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't of walked in on them!" He buries his face in his hands, and I barely get out a muffled, "I just don't get it! Spencer can't be gay."

Something swells up inside of me when he says this, and I don't even know what it is, or why it is, but it hurts. "Well, he is, Ryan, so you're going to have to deal with it." I snap.

He pulls his head from his hands, and looks at me startled. "No... Brendon, I didn't mean it like that. It's just... I don't know. I always thought he was... straight. That he felt the same way as my dad. I mean, it was practically his idea to start that whole protest against the GSA..."

I shrug and sit a few inches away from Ryan on my bed. "Sometimes people in the closet do things like that. You know, to try and convince themselves they're straight or something... I really wouldn't know."

He stares straight ahead, biting down so hard on his bottom lip that I wouldn't be surprised if he drew blood. We stay quiet for a few minutes, and it's really, really making me upset, because Ryan looks so... freaked out over this. "But... but..." he finally stutters out, face white, "eighth grade..."

I look at him and frown because, what the fuck does any of this have to do with eighth grade?

He looks back at me, sending me an exasperated look, like I should know this and says, "When we kissed."

Oh, right. How could I have forgotten? It is the only hope I am ever going to get for getting Ryan after all.

"Just because you kissed him when you were thirteen doesn't mean you're gay, Ryan," I grumble out, and again, it comes out more bitter and hurt then I'd meant it to.

Of course, since he's stupid and naive, he doesn't pick it up. "I know, but, like," he starts, unsure. "But, what if it does?"

"Well, Ryan, are you?"

He turns bright red, and shakes his head back and forth profusely. "No!"

"Okay, so... then you're not."

He nods, and doesn't say anything else. Then, he stays for the night, and the conversation isn't brought up again.

---

As the next week goes on it becomes even more and more obvious that Jon and Spencer are fucking - even though Jon keeps trying to convince me that they're not, but I totally don't buy it because it's so obvious they are - because now Spencer's sitting with us everyday, chair pressed right up against Jon's, even the days when Ryan is off spending his lunch with Dayna. They just sit there and stare at each other with sex eyes, mumble a few things to each other that only they can hear, then just giggle the rest of the time. And it totally sucks for me, because all they care about is eye-fucking each other and I go completely ignored. It even sucks when Ryan's there, because he just gets all weirded out and stares off in the distance the whole time, barely saying three words to me.

Ryan asks me to hang out on Friday night, and of course, I ditch Ethan once again. And, sure, don't get me wrong, I do feel bad because I do still have feelings for Ethan, I really, honestly do, but... gah, it's Ryan Ross.

When I ask him about Youth Group, he kind of just shrugs and says, kind of soft and distant (and he's pretty much been like that since he found out about Jon and Spencer), "I don't really feel like it tonight." And I don't ask anymore questions.

We end up hanging out at the little pizza place that we went to the first time we like, ever hung out. This time, however, we both order our own small pizza.

We've already been hanging out for a good hour, and Ryan has barely said anything more than a few words to me and I'm starting to wonder why I ditched Ethan for this.

Five minutes pass of complete silence, and I glance down at my watch. It's eight o'clock which means I still have enough time to make up some excuse as to why I have to suddenly leave, make up another excuse to my parents of where I'm going and then drive to Ethan's and spend the rest night having amazing sex.

Ryan must have secret mind-reading abilities, because out of nowhere he goes, "So, you've never really told me about your boyfriend."

I look up, and yeah, there's a reason for that because discussing Ethan with Ryan would definitely make me feel far too guilty.

"Oh..." I say slowly, and run my finger along the table. "Well, I don't know..." I let out a small uncomfortable laugh. "I really don't think you'd want to hear about him..."

He sends me a look. "Why wouldn't I?"

I send him a look back, but continue, quite awkwardly, anyways. "Uh, well, his name's Ethan. And... he's very... artsy? He's an amazing artist, he paints and sketches and stuff, and uh, he's got dreads. I met him at an art show last year, and he's um, he's twenty-three--"

"Twenty-three?!" Ryan cries, loud enough for everyone in the whole crowded, noisy restaurant to hear. "Brendon!"

"Uh... sorry?"

"That's crazy," he says under his breath, but I hear it.

"It is not," I retort. "What do you expect? It's not like there's any gay guys my age jumping at the chance to go out with me. Plus, he's... sweet."

Ryan snorts out loud, and this is honestly like, the most he's spoken to me in a week. "So... do you two like," he coughs, and forces out, so awkwardly, "have... sex?" The way he whispers out sex (kind of like he did so many nights ago in my bedroom when he said he never met anyone homosexual before. Ha! The irony! Because his best friend's been one all along) makes me burst out into a fit of laughter.

He stares at me and blushes, while I'm practically peeing my pants laughing. And the scene really does feel all so familiar to me. "Uh, do you really want to know?" I finally manage to choke out.

He shrugs. "Um, sure."

"We do."

"Oh..." he looks down at the table, and his face is so red and hot, you could like, cook eggs on it or something. "Like... okay, you know what? Never mind, I just don't want to know."

I laugh. "Yeah, you probably don't."

The waitress comes with our pizza before he has a chance to say anything, and we're back to not talking as we dig into it. I've downed two pieces, and Ryan's barely finished one when he says, "So... I finally talked to Spencer about Jon..."

"And...?" I ask through a mouthful of pizza.

He shrugs, and lets his gaze fall from mine. "I don't know... he told me he really liked him. And, well, he's liked guys ever since he was younger he just... didn't think he could tell me. He thought I'd hate him."

"And, you wouldn't, would you?" I ask carefully.

He shakes his head, eyes wide. "No, of course not. It's just... it's just a little weird, that's all."

"Yeah... I understand." I mutter in between bites of scolding hot pizza.

He sends me a grateful smile, and then we're back to complete silence.