Ethan picks me up on the corner my street, just like he always used to, so my parents wouldn't ask any questions.

The second I get into his car, and see him there, all smoldering hot and sexy, I have the sudden, desperate urge to devour his ravishing face like there's no tomorrow. I almost do too, subconsciously, because it's just weird not to. That's just how it had always been with me and him when we were together, we'd barely got our 'hello's out before we were ripping each others clothes off.

No, bad Brendon! Bad Ethan! Think about Ryan. Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. Good Ryan.

He looks at me sideways, and cracks one of his half, somewhat amused smiles. "Hey." And yeah, pfft, look at him all suave and hot.

"Hello," I mumble, and fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I agree to do this?! Why? Why? WHY?!

His dreads are gone, and all he's got left of hair is a few millimeters poking through his skull. It looks hot. He's hot. Fuck, I really am screwed, aren't I? "You're dreads... they're gone."

He runs his hand over the top of his head. "Oh, right, they are."

"It looks... good," I mumble, and my face burns. I stare out the window, and watch a bunny jump across the lawn beside me. Oh what I'd give to be that bunny right now.

"Thanks," he says, and I can practically hear the smirk. A few seconds pass, and he doesn't drive off. I glance at him from the corner of my eye, and he's sitting there, looking me over, up and down, and he's really not trying to be subtle either. My stomach jumps and twists, and my face is so hot that I think it might actually burn off. "You look good," he says, all smooth and calm, and fuck, he so totally knows.

"Th-thanks," I stutter and squeak. I blush some more, and silently curse myself. Yeah, now he definitely knows.

He cracks one more smile, then starts off down the street. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, but it doesn't mean anything. It cant. I'm just out for a drive with an old, dear friend, nothing else. Nothing's going to happen, I'm with Ryan. I love Ryan. I'm in love with Ryan. Sure, our relationship might be a bit on the crappy side at the moment, but that's okay, it'll get better. Plus, I'm over Ethan, I'm just confused by old feelings because this is the first time seeing him in such a long time. It's just lust, that's all. It's just the lack of sex.

"So, how's it going with the new guy? You still with him?"

"Um, good," I lie, then squeak some more. Somehow, my face manages to get even hotter. I roll down the window.

Ethan gives me a sideways glance, and raises his eyebrow. "Hm, how is he in bed? Better than me?"

"Ethan!" I cry and slink lower in my seat.

"So, no?" he asks.

"What?! No! I never said that..."

He gives me a questioning look from the corner of his eye and I know he's not going to let it go.

"No, we don't... we haven't- you know, like, had sex yet," I mutter out, and yeah, whatever, I'm embarrassed. I mean, you would be too, admitting to your old boyfriend (the one that all you ever did when you were together was have mind-shattering sex) that you dumped him for some other guy that will barely even let you get a little feel.

"What?!" he cries in disbelief. Then, he shakes his head, and laughs, like he just caught onto some big joke. "Yeah, okay, Bren. You're trying to tell me you haven't had sex since we broke up?"

I stare out the window, and bite my lip.

"No way!" he cries again. He turns to look at me, studying me over for a quick second to make sure I'm actually telling the truth before looking back to the road. "I can't even believe that! You're like, a sex fiend."

"Shut up, no I'm not." I blush, and dig my fingernails into my palm.

Ethan doesn't say anything for a couple minutes, he just sits there, shocked. He shakes his head a few couple hundred times. I'm about ready to reach over and snap his head off.

"He must have you whipped," he finally comments, cracking a smile.

"He does not!" I cry, then slink lower in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest. I'm embarrassed, and upset, and he's just being a big bully. "Why are you being so mean?"

He looks me over once again, quick, then looks back over to the road. I think he even looks a little guilty. "Look, sorry," he finally says, "it's just, it's hard to believe that's all. You were a horny little thing with me, I can't imagine - "

"Will you shut up about us having sex already?" I snap. "It's making me uncomfortable."

"You mean horny?"

"Ethan, no! Stop it!" I groan, putting my hand to my forehead. Okay, and maybe, I'm so pissed off and humiliated and just ugh, because he's so totally right and I know it. "I will get out of this car if you don't stop, I swear."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," he says. He turns up the volume on the radio and says nothing more.

We keep driving in complete silence. I have no idea where we're going either, all I know is it's not his house because we're driving in the complete opposite direction. And, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little worried because there's not much this way but forests, and lakes, and rivers, and cliffs, and like, nothing. What if he's planning on like, killing me and throwing me in the lake or something cause I cheated on him?

Except for the fact that he cheated on me too... I really think I just need to get over this whole paranoid, everyone's out to kill me thing.

I guess I could just do the easy thing and ask him where we're going, but I'm still too pissed.

Houses grow sparse as we drive on, and eventually, there's nothing around us but trees and rocks. Ten minutes later, he turns onto a gravel road. I finally decide to get over myself, and ask where the fuck he's taking me.

He smirks, and shrugs. "I guess you'll just have to see, hmm?"

I do not trust him.

Shit, I don't even trust myself.

Finally, we reach a clearing, and we pass a wooden sign that reads Mountain Valley Lookout. And fan-fucking-tastic, I know exactly where we are.

He parks just before the edge of the cliff. My heart is pounding hard in my chest, and I'm pretty sure Ethan can hear it too. The radio's off, and we're silent. I'm seconds from getting out of the car and jumping off the cliff to my death.

Of course he brought me here. Mountain Valley Lookout, it's the place where all the horny teens come to have sex because they've got no where else to do it.

There's no other cars here. I gulp.

Ethan slouches back in his chair. He doesn't pull out a joint, and he doesn't say anything either, he just stares ahead. I look at him from the corner of my eye, and fuck, why does he have to be so goddamn sexy?

I clear my throat. "So..."

"So," he repeats, calm and dull, like he really doesn't give a fuck whether I'm here or not. "This is awkward."

"Mm... kind of," I admit. I want to add, only cause you're a big bitch, but I don't.

"It shouldn't be." He sighs, and fiddles with his Marijuana key chain hanging from his ignition. "It never has been."

"Well, we haven't seen each other in a while."

He shrugs, then cracks a half smile in my direction. "Or maybe it's because all we ever did when we were together was fuck."

I clench my fists, and I try my best to look royally pissed, but I know my red face ruins it. "Will you please stop bringing up our fucking?"

"No," he says, blunt. He smirks, then leans closer over to me as he softly adds, "'Cause I know you like it."

I shift away, and stare ahead, out the window. "Stop," I say, but it's soft, and not convincing at all. Ethan's looking at me again, studying me up and down the exact same way he did that day we met at the museum.

No, no. Don't think about that stuff. I'm with Ryan now. Ryan's great. Ryan's... Ryan doesn't have sex with me.

No. No, that doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter that me and Ethan had hot, amazing sex and Ryan won't even give me a fucking hand job. It doesn't. Ethan and me are over, for good. It wont happen.

Except... how easy would it be to have a quick fuck to keep me sane until Ryan finally decides he's ready. No one has to know...

Fuck, no. I can't. I can't cheat on Ryan. No matter if it's Ethan or not.

Ethan... so hot, and...

No! Stop, Brendon! Stop!

I turn back to look at Ethan, which was so obviously like, the worst idea ever, because he's immediately lunging at me, and I'm lunging into him at the exact same time, and its just bam! But oh god, Ethan, sosososooso hot. It's been too long and just... Arrrrrg.

I'm the worst person ever. How am I back in this situation? Really, seriously? God, why?

Ethan's big, strong hand is clutching onto my forearm, pulling me closer into him, as he kisses me like there's no tomorrow. His tongue is in my mouth already, running along mine, and just, fuck, so good.

But, I guess, that's when I really realize that me and Ethan's relationship was never really an actual, real relationship. Not really. Not like I believed when I was in it. I wasn't head over heels in love with Ethan. Honestly, I barely knew Ethan. I still don't. I was more in love with the thought of him, with our sex. That's all our relationship was, sex. We barely went outside of his apartment when we were together, let alone his bedroom. I'd go on a Friday night, then we'd fuck all night, and I'd go home the next morning, there wasn't much room left for talking.

I thought I was in love with him, but all along, it had just been lust. Pure lust.

But, with Ryan, it's different. It's not just sex, or really, sex at all. Ryan means something to me, I mean something to him. Why would I want to give that up for sex?

I don't.

Ethan hand slides up my thigh, and his fingers inch towards my the button of my jeans.

I pull away immediately, my heart is pounding in my throat. "Ethan, I can't." I say, taking his hand in mine and dropping it onto his own lap. "Ryan." I realize this is the first time he has ever heard me spoken his name.

"Right," he says, almost bitter. He looks in front of us, off into the bright lights of the city below us. "The one that doesn't fuck you."

"It's not all about sex this time." I say, softly. "I love him."

"And, what? Are you trying to tell me you didn't love me?" he scoffs, and rolls his eyes. He's upset, I can tell.

I bite my lip, and now I'm the one to stare ahead. "I think I loved you, but you and I both know, we weren't in love. Without sex, our relationship would have never lasted as long as it did."

"No relationship lasts without sex."

"That's not true, and you know it."

He shrugs, and bites down at his lip, running his hand along the leather of his steering wheel. "You know, part of me- no, all of me was hoping you felt different. That you weren't with that guy anymore, that you still loved me. That you were in love with me. I miss you, a lot." He sighs, and shakes his head. "But it's nice to know you didn't miss me at all."

"Ethan..." I start, but he cuts me off by putting his hand up and shaking his head once again.

"Don't bother," he says.

We're silent, and all we can hear is the crickets surrounding the car outside.

"But, what about the guy you cheated on me with? What happened with him?" I ask.

He laughs, but it's sad and bitter. "Him? That lasted like, a week. It was nothing."

"Well, he was obviously something if you cheated on me for him. Especially, if I apparently meant so much to you," I point out.

This is just getting ridiculous. I want to go home. I want to go crawl into my bed, and try to figure out how the fuck I'm going to tell Ryan about this. Or if I'm going to at all.

He says nothing, he just shakes his head and turns the keys in the ignition.

We say nothing the whole fifteen minute ride home. Not a word.

When he drops me off at my street corner, I look at him, his face lit by the streetlight. His eyes are wet. "Ethan..." I start, but I don't know what else to say. There's not much I can say.

"Bye, Brendon," he says, emotionless. He doesn't look at me. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah." My mouth is dry. "Bye..." I climb out of the car, and the doors barely shut before he's driving off down the street.

And I know, I won't be seeing him around.