It's about a week and a half later (one full of Ryan and I basically making out pretty damn h-core everyday) when I finally decide it's time to end it with Ethan.

I don't necessarily want to, but I know I have to. I have to come clean and tell him the whole truth about Ryan and my feelings and just ugh. I hate my life.

On Thursday night, I tell Ryan about my plans. He goes a little red, and I can so tell there's a huge grin waiting to come out, but he manages to keep it down and goes, "Oh, cool." And to my dismay, he says absolutely nothing about Dayna... not that I really expected it or anything. I guess I just kind of hoped, but whatever.

When I get to Ethan's the next day, I've barely gotten three feet in the door before we're making out furiously, stumbling towards his living room couch, and I'm dropping my jacket to the floor and his hands are working on my jeans and I kind of forget the whole reason why I came here in the first place.

Then, I run my hand up his arm, and I feel hair and muscles opposed to Ryan's smooth, lanky ones. And when I go to run my hair through his hair, I'm stopped by messy, thick dreads opposed to Ryan's soft, silky hair that I've grown used to these past couple of weeks. And then, well, then I remember.

I pull away, and it really sucks because after a week of really intense make out sessions with Ryan freaking Ross, and absolutely no way to get off except for my hand after he leaves is getting very difficult. And, it's only been like, a week.

"Ethan, we need to talk." I say, doing my pants back up and I sit down on his organic couch (how couches are organic, I have no idea, but Ethan, of course, manages to find it).

He stands there, staring at me with his mouth slightly open, because he's obviously confused. I probably would be too, because I'm pretty sure I've never stopped one of our little... sexcapades like, once in the past year we've been together. Not even once. "Oh... kay..." he says, and he takes a hesitant seat beside me on his couch.

I fiddle with the hem of my sweater, and I stare down at the ground. There's a long pause, and Ethan's the first one to break it by going, "Actually, I have something to tell you too."

I look up at him, eyebrow raised. He looks worried, and maybe even a little guilty too, and it makes me feel a little bit better to be completely honest. "Oh yeah?" I ask hopefully.

He bites his lip and nods.

So, I decide, well, if he has something to tell me I might as well just get it over with and he's obviously thinking the same thing because when I go, "I cheated on you..." he says the exact same thing, at the exact same time.

Then we just kind of just sit and stare at each other with his marijuana clock ticking in the distance. And I'm kind of like, Whoa. Did that actually just happen?

Slowly and quietly, Ethan begins to chuckle, then, I soon follow, until we're both practically rolling on the ground giggling and hacking up a lung like us cheating on each other is the funniest frickin' thing we have ever heard.

"Shit," he goes, and wipes a stray tear from under his eye. He takes a deep breath, then laughs a little more before continuing, "Here I was, all freaking out the past few days, trying to figure out how the fuck I was going to tell you, and you were cheating on me all along."

I start laughing again, and he starts along with me, and we're back to laughing like complete idiots.

After a few more minutes pass, I catch my breath, sit up and go, "Look... Ethan. I still care for you and I mean, I still do have feelings for you..."

"But you really like this other guy more," he finishes for me, and I cant tell if he's upset, or mad, or what, because his voice is just completely emotionless.

I blush, and look down, because I didn't really want to say it like that.

He nods, and sniffs because he knows he is right. I'm a little worried he is hurt, but then a few seconds pass before he's back to practically rolling on the ground. He takes this big, deep breath and goes, "ME TOO!"

And thank god. I start laughing with him, again, and it seems to go on forever. And, let me tell you, it feels good. Well, okay, maybe the selfish part of me is a little upset, I mean, he did cheat on me. I mean, yeah... I cheated on him too, but like, I really didn't think Ethan was that type. Then again, probably like he didn't think I was that type either.

Finally, we manage to clam down, a few giggles slipping out here and there, before I go, "Well, he's kind of waiting for me..."

He laughs, and nods. "Of course he is."

I blush, and reply meekly, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says. "He was planning on coming over right after you left tomorrow, but I guess I'll be calling him tonight."

"Oh, well this worked out just fantastic, didn't it?"

"Yeah, seems like it." He smiles, and fuck, I'm really going to miss him.

"We're still... friends, right?" I ask, and I hope I don't sound too desperate. Because like I said before, Ethan's my best friend. He's been my life for a year, he can't just... be gone like that.

"Duh," he replies, and ruffles my hair. "This relationship ended way to fucking good for us not to be."

I smile, and nod, because he's so totally right.

There's a long pause, with us just sitting there staring ahead and I know I should just leave but it's kind of like... something's, I don't know, missing?

I look over at him, and I can tell just by the look in his eye, he so totally read my mind. I grin, get up and head towards his bedroom. Because, really, what's a breakup without breakup sex?

---

Apparently, Ryan doesn't seem to feel the same way.

He's already waiting on his doorstep, backpack on his lap and a scowl on his face when I pull up two hours later than originally planned.

He gets into my car, slams the door shut, and when I say hi, all giddy and happy and post-sex, and he just scowls at me. "Spencer wants us to stop by Jon's," he mutters.

"Okay..."

I'm barely like, two feet down the street when Ryan goes, "You had sex with him, didn't you?"

And, I'm like, holy shit, how did he know that?!

"You reek," he says, and okay, yeah, that would explain it. "I can't believe you! You stupid, inconsiderate, selfish, easy, prick!" he cries, and if that wasn't enough, he just continues to go on for five minutes, naming off every single insult he can muster up.

I just keep my mouth shut and wait for him to finish. Then, when he finally does stop, he does this little huff, folds his arm across his chest, and I go, "Are you done now?"

"No, I'm not done!" he yells, and then starts all over again.

Again, I don't interrupt him because I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't even really understand why he's so mad.

"How could you sleep with him?! You were supposed to be breaking up with him! Not sleeping with him!"

"Holy fuck! I did break up with him!" I snap, because seriously, he needs a pill or something.

"YOU. HAD. SEX. WITH. HIM!"

"So?! It was breakup sex!" I yell back, and I'm gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are going white.

"That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard in my entire fucking life!"

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, Ross."

"Oh, no! Don't you go and call me Ross, Urie!" He's really starting to sound like my freaking mother. I groan and resist the urge to blast my stereo and just tune him out completely.

I don't answer, so he goes all, "God! I can't believe you!" under his breath and slumps down in his seat, muttering things under his breath.

"So, let me get this straight," I start, sneaking a quick look at him from the corner of my eye. I have to say, even though he's pissing the hell out of me, he's still really fucking sexy when he's this mad. "You don't have to breakup with your girlfriend, but I have to breakup with my boyfriend and I'm not even allowed breakup sex?! 'Cause God knows, I wont be getting that for a long time."

"Oh, so, that's what this is about?! Me not putting out?!" His sitting back up in his chair again, nostrils flaring, and besides the fact of turning me on a lot, he's still really freaking me out. He looks scary.

"Christ, Ryan! That has nothing to do with it. If it did, do you really think I would have broken up with Ethan for you?! The thing with Ethan was just like... closure."

"Oh, what-the-fuck-ever. There's many other ways to get that." He snorts.

"Fuck, Ryan. I don't understand what the problem is! It's not like I haven't had sex with him before! We were making out for over a week before I broke up with him. Which means, yeah, we had sex in that point of time, sorry to tell you, sweetie." And, fortunately were almost at Jon's because I'm pretty sure it isn't too safe driving while fighting with your... sort-of-not-really boyfriend next to you.

"You're such a fucking idiot! We're practically together! How is it okay for you to go and have sex with your ex-boyfriend?!"

"Yeah, Ryan, keyword: practically. We can't be together if you still have a freaking girlfriend, it doesn't work! So don't even..."

"I'm not having sex with her though!" He groans, and throws his hands up in the air. He really does look seconds away from wrapping his arms around my neck and strangling me to death, and by the look of it, I really don't doubt that he would if I wasn't the one driving the vehicle he's currently in. "We barely even like, kiss! I can't just break up with her, Brendon it's not that easy. My dad--"

"Oh my freaking god!" I snap. "Stop with your fucking father already! Do something you want to do for once. You don't have to do everything your fucking dad says or wants okay?! Get your own fucking brain!"

It falls completely silent after that. He kind of just stares at me, so intensely, for a few, very short seconds, and I'm pretty sure that if he wasn't all Christian, he'd just like, attempted to put a spell on me or something. Then, he looks away and he doesn't say a thing until we pull up in front of Jon's house a few minutes later.

And as we're sitting there in complete silence, I'm wondering why the fuck we came here. I should have just turned around the second he started yelling at me and dropped him back off at home.

I turn the car off, but I don't move. Neither does he. I can hear him breathing beside me, and I can tell how freaking furious he is just by that. A few more minutes pass, and the only sounds around us are the crickets outside the car. Finally, Ryan goes, so quietly I can barely hear, "I want you to tell me right now, Brendon, truthfully." I look over at him, and he takes a shaky breath before continuing, "Can you be in a relationship without sex? Because if you can't, you're going to have to tell me right now so we can end this before it starts, because I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Ever?" I ask, and okay, that's a little difficult to even wrap my head around.

"I don't really know, Brendon. Maybe, maybe not. If you want to be with me then..."

"Well... like...are you saying we can't do anything but kiss? Or..." And come on, Ryan, don't do this to me. There has to be something. I'm sure I can live without the actual sex if there's lots and lots of other things involved.

He looks away and blushes, and I'm hoping that's a good sign. "I don't know... It'd be awhile at least..." He picks at his hangnail on his thumb, and it's kind of funny how we went to screaming at each other, and him calling me all sorts of wonderful names to discussing our relationship and sex in a matter of minutes. He looks at me and says, "So, Brendon, please just tell me the truth right now, because I can't really say if we ever will... have sex or... you know, do other things. It all depends on how things go, or how I end up feeling. So, it's up to you if you want to take the chance or not. Should we even start this? Because it'll be a lot easier if we just stop before we start. Because if we actually get into this... and you end up dumping me or cheating on me or whatever because of it... well, I just really don't want to get hurt. I want to know that you're okay with it right now."

He looks at me, and I look ahead. Because, shit. I mean, I like Ryan, obviously. I really, really, really like him and maybe, even, possibly I think I could be... you know, falling in love with him. And, I know it's soon and everything, but shit. And, I mean, of course I want to be with him, more than anything. I wouldn't have broken up with Ethan if I didn't. But... can I live without sex? Can I really go on, making out with him like we do, and that's it? Without the possibility of ever getting more from him? God knows, I'd probably end up getting so horny and like... I don't know, raping him or something. Which would not be good, at all. I think that goes without saying though.

But, I mean, seriously. I'm a teenage boy! I'm at my sexual peak! You can't expect me to have a super, smoldering sexy boyfriend and not at least get a little feel! That's just like, not right. Whatsoever. It should be against the law.

But... it's Ryan. So, I bite my lip, close my eyes and slowly nod, because I know, I can do this. I can wait. I can wait and hope. I mean, he is a teenage boy too, after all. "Okay. I can do it."