My dad and I spent Sunday on the couch. We watched the new Santa Clause series and devoured our favorite ice cream, which had been his idea. He must've noticed, long before the message came in that we'd be going out to dinner with the family tomorrow, how down I was. That's probably why he hadn't let me out of his sight all day. He laid with me on the couch, holding me close, occasionally pressing a kiss to the top of my head. That was his way of cheering me up, of telling me I wasn't alone. I couldn't even begin to express how grateful I was for that.

On Monday, I didn't wait for the others like I had all last week. I still felt like crap, because Hiccup had broken my heart for what felt like the hundredth time. Honestly, I didn't even want to be near him. But I didn't want to skip the last two days before Christmas break either, especially since we had a chemistry test tomorrow. I wanted to ask Elsa for help who struggled a bit herself, but asking my former tutor was out of the question.

"You look like absolute crap," she said as she sat down next to me in the bio room. "What happened?"

I waved it off. "Just overtrained. My whole body's sore, and that made sleeping kinda awful."

She sat down and gave me a sympathetic look. "That'll pass. You'll feel better by Christmas, then you can use the holidays to rest."

I tried to smile. "Yeah. Hey, about that chemistry test tomorrow."

We puzzled over it together and came up with a vague understanding until Ms. Martinez came into the classroom and started the lesson. Internally, I sighed. Nothing against Elsa, but with Hiccup I would've understood it a hundred percent. Then again, he was somehow good at every subject. Intelligence, charm, humor, good looks, what didn't he have?

As much as my body wanted to, I forced myself not to glance in his direction. His message had been clear and I'd understood it. Whatever this thing between us had been, it was over for good. At best, we could be acquaintances now, classmates who occasionally helped each other out, but nothing more. He'd made his choice and for the third time it was Stacy. How stupid had I been to think I stood a chance? It was more than obvious that I didn't.

It was time to let go.

❁

When I got home at half past three, the living room was filled with voices. Stella seemed to be telling a story about one of her competitions while my grandma and grandpa were listening intently, and my aunt was chatting away at my dad. The moment I appeared in the doorway, all eyes turned to me.

A wide smile spread across my grandma's face. "There she is, my sweet girl." She came over to me, kissed my cheek, and pulled me into a tight hug. "Oh, how I've missed you." Over her shoulder, I could see Stella rolling her eyes.

Grandpa was next. He had to lean down to hug me, unlike grandma, who I had to bend down for. "It's so good to see you again."

"I'm happy to see you too," I whispered, pressed against him.

After he let go, I smiled in greeting at my grandmother, aunt, and cousins.

"Come, darling," said my grandma, pulling me toward the couch, where I sat down next to my dad. "Have a slice of apple pie and tell me how life's going these days." She gave me a wink. She probably assumed everything had gone great since the party, since I hadn't given her any updates afterward.

If only you knew, Grandma, I thought, but I smiled at her. "I can stay for a bit, but then I have to go to my room and study until we leave. We've got a chemistry test tomorrow."

"My hardworking sweet girl," my grandma said. "Right?" That last part was directed at my other grandmother like a challenge.

She didn't let it rattle her. "Absolutely. I'm glad she's taking school seriously again. It could've ended badly otherwise."

Grandma shot me a look that told me she was holding back laughter. She'd always found it funny how my other grandmother spoke in such a formal tone. "Well then, Astrid, tell your old grandma what she's missed."

Leaving out the heartbreak, for obvious reasons, I didn't have much to report. I told them I'd gotten pretty drunk at Mitchell's party, but still had a blast. School was going well, Hiccup and I had worked through the older material and were mostly focusing on the new stuff. My dad shot me a look at that, but I ignored it. Everything else was more or less the same.

After that, my grandparents started debating something while I devoured my slice of apple pie, which was homemade, as I could tell. My grandma really was an amazing baker.

When I finished, I stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go memorize some formulas."

"Good luck, sweetie," my grandma called after me. Grandpa gave me a thumbs-up. I smiled at them and disappeared upstairs.

It didn't take long for me to realize I wouldn't be able to get through this on my own. I didn't understand a thing. Where were these letters coming from? Why did the state of matter change like that? Why was gold represented by Au and not Go? I was going crazy. Sadly, there was no one I could ask for help. Elsa and Jack understood just as little as I did, and I didn't know anyone else. Except for one person, but did I really want that? Of course I wanted it, but was it smart? Oh, who cared, it was about school and technically, he was still my tutor. He was way too nice not to help me.

So I picked up my phone and opened my chat with Hiccup.

5:01pm
Hey, sorry if I'm bothering you,
I just really need help with
chemistry, so if you could
FaceTime me or something,
that'd be amazing

After hitting send, a pop-up appeared. Message couldn't be sent because this user blocked you.

I went as still as never before, couldn't move a single muscle, not even blink. My breathing went shallow, my brain couldn't process what it was seeing, and my heart plunged off a cliff all over again. He ... blocked me?

The shock hit so hard I just stared at my screen for five minutes. I didn't know what to do or what to think. Was this real life or was I in a coma having a nightmare since the party? He wouldn't go this far over just one make-out session, would he? I didn't understand the world anymore.

With trembling fingers, I took a screenshot and went to my chat with Jack. He was the only one I could think of who might be able to help. He was Hiccup's best friend, he had to know something, right?

I sent him the image with the message: Uh, he blocked me ...?

Since I couldn't focus on anything else, I just kept staring at my phone, waiting for him to come online and reply. About ten minutes later, he finally did.

5:18pm
What????

So he didn't know either. This just kept getting better.

5:18pm
I'm messaging him right now

Apparently, I was still in shock mode because I couldn't bring myself to respond. I just set my phone down on my desk in front of me and waited for Jack to get back to me. In the meantime, my dad knocked on the door and told me we'd be leaving around six. Then, finally, two messages came in, one from Jack and one from Hiccup.

I read Jack's first, since I was already in the chat.

5:29pm
He says he didn't do it
and has no idea why
it was set that way,
he'll message you now

I typed a quick Thanks and switched over to Hiccup's chat.

5:29pm
I'm really, really sorry,
I honestly don't know
why your number was
blocked, I'd never do that

I read it a few times. The shock slowly wore off, and I managed to sit up straighter and pick up my phone again. My heart was pounding against my ribs. It was time to let go, but first, I wanted to tell him everything that had been running through my mind about him. Everything I hadn't had the courage to say and that had been hanging between us since the party.

So I started typing.

❁

In the bathroom, I washed my face with cold water. After I had sent the message, tears had come, but I could only cry for a short while. We were supposed to leave in a few minutes, so I had to get ready quickly. My reflection looked back at me with a sad expression, at least my eyes weren't too red.

In my room, I put on my long-sleeved black dress with a V-neck and belt, along with a pair of tights underneath. The same ones I'd worn to Mitchell's party. I brushed my hair once more, then headed downstairs to put on my shoes. My dad, grandparents, aunt, and cousins were already outside, as I could tell from the silence in the house. My grandmother was still in the living room, looking at my mother's trophies.

I was in a really foul mood, and it showed in the way I snapped at her. "Jealous?"

She looked at me and for the first time in my life, I saw sadness in her expression. "I know that's what you think."

"What exactly?" I provoked her further.

She sighed. "That I envied her for her medals. That that's why I never visited her and treated her poorly in the past."

I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that exactly what happened?"

Her eyes bore into mine as she stepped closer. "No, Astrid, that's not how it was."

If she didn't look so defeated, I might've thought she was lying. "I don't understand."

She looked past me. "I was happy about every one of her victories, even though they reminded me of everything I couldn't have. But I didn't envy her for that." She looked me in the eyes again. "I envied her because she gave up her entire career with a smile when she found out she was pregnant with you."

I furrowed my brows. "What?"

She lowered her gaze. "I didn't understand how she could just give it up like that, her dream. I had been in the same situation once, but I had hated it. I didn't want to give up my life, nor did I want to have an abortion, so I kept her and became a bitter housewife. It took me a long time to realize that you were just as much her dream as figure skating had been. That's why she could sit at the dinner table with her big belly and talk about her past successes with a smile. She hadn't lost anything, she had only gained something."

When she looked at me again, tears were glistening in her eyes. "And when she got sick, I couldn't bring myself to visit her because I was a coward. I couldn't bear to see her wasting away from cancer, growing thinner and more frail. My beautiful, kind, joyful Polly. I had already lost my Richard, how was I supposed to watch my child die?" She blinked several times and I did too, because my tears were also close to breaking through again.

"You think I didn't grieve." She swallowed back a sob and shook her head. "But that's not true. After your father called me, I couldn't eat for four days, I barely drank any water. I just sat in my armchair and looked through every photo album I owned. I cried and cried and cried. For her, for the time we lost, for my own stupidity. As much as I wanted to be there for you all, I couldn't, I couldn't even take care of myself."

She wiped her cheeks and sniffled. I had never seen her do that before, I had never even seen her cry. "I'll hate myself for it forever, believe me, but it's too late. All I can do now is try to make things better with you."

I couldn't believe she had just told me all of that. My whole life, I had carried around a false image of her. That's why she had defended me at Thanksgiving, both at the dinner table and after Hiccup had left. She was trying to be a good grandmother, but I kept pushing her away. Without thinking, I hugged her, something that had never happened before either. She wrapped her arms around me and let out a sigh.

"Thank you," she whispered, smiling at me. She wiped beneath my eyes and placed her hands on my shoulders. "You look good. Go put your coat on, I'm just going to the bathroom real quick."

I did as she said and waited for her so we could head out to the cars together. She got into Aunt Lydia's car and I got into my dad's, but before that, she gave me a real smile.

———

Gold is represented as Au because it comes from the Latin word Aurum :)