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When I woke, it wasn't anything that came to me in a dream that startled me, or a noise.

But the shifting of Daryl beneath me, looking up to my right did I see what position I feel asleep on, and with the lingering warmth in my stomach, I'm confused on whether it's from the flask or the butterflies causing me to be nervous.

Holding my head as it felt utterly dizzy, was I greeted by Daryl's tired look. And I smirked as he smiled his own version of a 'goodmorning'. "I...I'm sorry I passed out on you I didn't mean—"

"It's aight, just happy ya got some sleep." I nodded, but seeing everyone getting ready had me turn scoot down from the truck's bed and greet every. All while tying back my holster and flannel around my waist, and lastly, the backpack I grabbed by reaching over the rim and throwing it over my shoulders.

Soon after was I handed a water bottle and snack by Glenn who couldn't even look me in the eye or even give an effort of sympathy, so I just drop in into the bottle of my pack and sip delinquently the water before it too slipped into my pack.

"Everybody takes a weapon." I looked towards the hood of the car, and an entire little arsenal was displayed before us all. And my god did the machete look pleasing, I looked at Rick and he nodded. Slipping it out of it's hold to hand it towards me, and with it did I strap it onto my belt as well.


"These aren't the kind of weapons we need. What about the guns?" Andrea continued to persist on the same topic as yesterday, it was clear in mind. And while I stood with my arms crossing over my stomach, and the strict position in which my daughter would be at is replaced with Daryl. I shook my head.Not at Andrea, but at this whole situation.
"We've been over that. Daryl, Blake, Rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles." Licking my lips did I feel the incisive burn to my waist that Andrea was so keen on gazing at.

"It's not the trees I'm worried about. There's a twelve-year-old out there with one. You trust her?" She wasn't asking me, she was asking the cops.Taking the few given steps before her, crossing my arms over my chest did I look down at her. Gazing into her eyes one by one, she didn't seem apologetic.
  
"My daughter, the twelve-year-old, has had more training than you ever will...And you can't stop being selfish for one god damn minute, because you want your gun...She's out there alone, not in a group, nobody to defend her...Grow up." I spit, being just an inch away from her face. And by the beginning tears and mumbling of sorry excuse that resembled an apology, made me move away for the conversation.

Jumping over the guard railing and walk down but Daryl's whistle had me stop to look back towards the group.

"I didn't mean it like that Blake. I want to find her too, we all do. But with the herd just passing by, I don't like our odds out there. Even in a big group." I stayed silent, blankly staring at her yet again and she continued to drift off in an endless trail of guilt. Her sister did die, and that's the last time she had the pistol in hand.

"Alright, let's say that does happen, a herd is passing by. Then it's game over for all of us. So you do need to get over it." Shane's final words brought back what I said before, but I get Andrea's willingness to help. The silent in the middle, Daryl huffed out an explanation. Not daring to look me in the eyes until he was finished.

"The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are they'll be by the creek. It's their only landmark." Him finishing his plan, and even then he didn't give me the courtesy of looking at me. Not even a glance did he finally glance, his bow strictly on one side of his shoulder and somehow during the time spent he changed his shirt.

No longer wearing the vest for it turned far too hot out for anything extra.

"Stay quiet and stay sharp. Keep space between you but always stay within sight of each other." Rick ordered, and once Shane threw in some orders I stopped listening. I had everything I needed, but once Daryl over towards me he handed me another water bottle. Not wanting to speak anymore did I take it and just throw it back into my pack before he started down the mountain, and I right behind him.

 "...Keep an eye on Carl when we're gone." Rick stated, and the moment Carl spoke up did my gut tell scream a 'no' and loud and utter no.

"I'm going with you guys." He stated, and with Lori already looking at me, pleading eyes to invade the conversation. I couldn't be the bad guy, not to the last remaining child.
He lost his two friends, one of which is a long last friendship and he wants to help.
"You need people, right? To cover as much ground as possible..." Dale looked out of place, he was just stationed about to baby sit and his voice didn't really matter.

"Your call. I can't always be the bad guy." She stated, but she knew better than to pin this on him.

"Please..." He looked off to me and I closed my eyes to look away. Not wanting to be the voice in the situation.

"...Jenner gave us an option. I chose to stay...So what's that to you? You barely know me...Keep her out of this...This is not about Amy. This is about us. And if I decided that I had nothing left to live for, who the hell are you to tell me otherwise? To force my hand like that?" My attention went to the yelling, but Dale's voice was so low that I couldn't get his section of the conversation, and although all eyes wondered away from the two people holding up the search.She needed this moment to vent with. 

"I saved your life..." I heard his say, louder this time. Almost as if he found his voice.

"No Dale. I saved yours. You forced that on me. I didn't want your blood on my hands and that is the only reason I left that building. What did you expect? What, I'd have some kind of epiphany? Some life-affirming catharsis?"
My eyes widened, and the only connection I made to was Daryl. And he too came closer with his sight now in their range.


"What the hells goin' on?" He questioned, the back of his head still shifted towards me and looking to them. They looked like a bickering old couple, and I couldn't feel anything by a poor empathetic plea from Dale who was trying to handle her in this situation.
"...maybe j-just a little gratitude." She was quick to repeat the last word and throw it back into his face in the second it was released.

"Gratitude? I wanted to die my way, not torn apart by drooling freaks. That was my choice. You took that away from me Dale...But you know better? All I want—" I turned off my hearing and sighed down a bit to bend over. Stretching more or less, trying to give myself an action to do while waiting.
"If I turn into that, whack me upside the head," I muttered, and in the instant, he turned to me. Bitting the inside of his cheeks to try and understand what I said, but perking his lips.

"Ain't no way ya gonna turn out like that, ya ain't a whiny bitch...Ain't nobody battin' an eye for Merle except ya and Addie, but her sister everyone feels sorry 'bout."I offered a smile but he didn't accept it, so instead, I reached for his hand. Not in sight of anyone, but enough to allow it to contact enough.

No strings attached.

I sighed, see how deeply he wove himself back into my heart. And my hand dropped in the instant, and whether he understood or not didn't matter. Because the second it did, everyone began to work forward down the hill.

Being stationed right behind Rick who was behind Daryl was a godsend, I didn't want to converse with him anymore. And with the silence came room for what he spoke about last night, thinking I was asleep.


He's trying to do right by me as he claims, so is he trying to win my heart by looking for Addie or was he going to do this before anyhow? That's the question I want to be answered. 
Each and every sound made by a squirrel or something else had the entire group stop and wait. Us being this grouped up doesn't feel right and I cannot begin to imagine where my daughter is, but every time I tried to sense, and beg that motherly intuition...It just made me feel like a failure once again.


Until a tent came into view, making Daryl motion his hand and I was already crouched down before Rick had the entire group do the same.

"They could be in there..." Shane stated, voicing the god damn commentary of the group, but once Daryl started moving forward. I did the same.

"...Could be a whole bunch of thin's in there." Dixon stated, moving to his feet with his bow arched up like he would always show me to do. The quick glance behind told me that both Shane and Rick were following, but the second one held onto my shoulder I shook my head.


"If that's Addie and Sofia, they need a familiar voice..." I whispered, and Rick nodded to motion towards Carol as well and voiced up for me.

"Addie sweetie, it's mommy. It's alright...Everyone's here." With no response, Carol took the attempt, but in doing that did Daryl hold up his bow towards me and I was quick to take it. Holding it in my arms like he taught me as he was surveying the area with his knife at the ready.Carol continued to plead to nothing as I looked to Daryl his head nicked forward for me and I continued. Pulling the crossbow up and over as he unzipped the flap. Making a horrific smell last waste to my nostrils, I've smelled it a thousand times. But this one had a distinct putrid to it that almost had me gag. 

The bow didn't falter, not while he went on in and I held the flap on open so he could breathe. Tilting the bow down a bit did I gesture to the revolver in the man's hand. This was a sad reminder of people out alone, and I'm praying that Addie didn't stumble upon this.
"It ain't her...Some guy, did what Jenner said. Opted out. Ain't that what he called it?" Daryl spoke answering off to Andrea's question of what was in there, I held out the crossbow back towards Daryl and he pulled it on over his shoulder. Not needing it at the moment, buy his smirk never faltered. Even when my eyes shot back towards him in the oddest of ways.

He was acting so odd, all because I held his damn bow. 

Stepping back to the rest of the group as Carol offer her hands out towards me did I take them, barely holding them for a minute before we begin to hear the faint sound of church bells starting to go off.

I wasn't the first to take off, but that didn't mean I didn't catch up with the rest of them. And as we cut through the underbrush did we appear before a chapel, looking to the rest did I realize it has no sort of bells at the top. But that didn't stop the rest of group from continuing forward.
Taking the walkway and running up the steps do I follow through with the men as they pushed open the red doors. With the reveal of my new knife, creating a devilish grin on my face at the fact of its first use,  pushing past the men as I went forward to the bride.

All of whom were sitting down, doing a chop down motion while the others found their easiest to do the same or slash to the side or through. It was the given idea that had everyone take down their claimed walker.

But the second Daryl's spewed blood did he stumble back, actually disgusted by the fact that it did. This made me laugh at him due to his sudden action of being horrified, only for him to scoff. 

When the stabs were done and completed, making this entire room safe. Did I look up to the man on the cross.

"Sofia! Addie!" Rick screamed out the door, but I was frozen in my position tears burning in my eyes as he allowed this to happen.The big man in the clouds had this happen to my little girl. "Yo J.C, ya takin' requests?" Daryl mocked towards the figure, looking to see my reaction. And as much as I wanted to laugh, I couldn't find any humor in Jesus having lost my child.

Addie's baptized, and to the full disclosure to her grandmother, she is Christian for the most part. Guess we're in the wrong church since we're conspiring atheists in the house.

"I'm telling you it's the wrong church. It's got no steeple Rick." Shane pleaded, and perhaps there was another church within the area. But this close to one another?

Once again, fait crashing down on every little thing Shane ever dictates about, yet the sound off made Daryl bust through the crowd running down the steps with me right behind Glenn who was tailing him. Seeing the voice box did it trail to a control panel, and just as I was about to move my feet did Glenn try and power it off. "Turn it off man!" Shane yelled and Glenn was trying his best, placing Daryl's bow down beside him. But that wouldn't work.
"I don't know how!" The poor boy yelled back, so I picked up Dixon's crossbow for the second time today and motioned to him for the okay. At first he was confused, but then he understood.
"Move." Glenn did what I said, and in a given swing did I begin to break the box to shatter it completely, the timer broken after a few hits did I sigh on down to my given knees. Bow still in hand. 

"A timer. It's on a timer." Daryl told the group as I handed him his boy back. And while Carol and the rest of the group went on in back to the church, I found myself in the shade relaxing and completely out of breath. 
Reaching to my back did I take the water bottle and take the few given slugs for the moment before placing the given coldness against my head, this is pointless. The noise as far as it might be away from my daughter, was it difficult to hear. 


"Ya aight?" I nodded, handing him the bottle of water as he took a gulp himself, all before motioning back off into the church. "Carol's in there...If ya wanna-"
"Haven't begged god before, not going to start now...Besides, still a little zen left in me." I said, stabbing my knife down into the dirt to give me a sort of action to play with.

I was bored and I hate waiting, at first I was going to just follow the rest of the stream myself and continue onward if we wasted another minute. But he too just sat down beside me, letting the water swirl around the bottle. "Forgot ya weren't 'bout..."
"Religion? If the big man wants to prove himself to be real, he can give me my kid back." Leaning back further into the building did I close eyes, trying to get a little rest as everyone regained their god damn faith. But the sudden motions beside me had me gaze over."Didn't break it, did I?"
"Nah, this thin' has been through hell and back...Christ, it's the same one I had when we were together and—" Shane came walking over, but then stumbled with his hands on his hips. With the shake of his head did he trail back to return back into the church. 


"Shit." I grumbled. Groaning up a storm as I tried to rise back to my feet, but his hand on mine stopped me in the instant.

"Who's he gonna tell? He ain't got no friends no more, Lori don't wanna talk to 'em, Rick barely speaks to 'im. And that boy's gettin' a cold shoulder from 'im. Last person he got is ya, and he's pissed ya off on more than a couple levels to even know." My side smirk commenced, but that only turned into me leaning into my pulled up knees. 
I was going into a strict topic that I hope he wouldn't question any more than I'm giving on, but when I sighed, he knew I was going to speak.

"I never told them about Merle, hell I barely told them about Toby."
"Don't blame ya, honest."Shaking off the conversation did I look to the bow, of course it had a bit of wear and tear. But it looked the same more or less, felt the same too. "Felt funny, carrying that thing."

"...Felt even funnier watchin' ya with it. Natural after all 'em years, bet ya got a nice one just sittin' on at home." I shook my head, I never allowed myself to get into it. But a simple bow, yes. 


"Addie is...Fucking master at archery." I joked, and in reality. She gets the accuracy from her father, full in story mode. "Now there's somethin'...Lemme guess, she got one?"

"Yeah. For her...8th birthday...Christ, I feel old now." I sighed into my knees as I realized how old I am. Fucking thirty
"Ya feelin' old? I reached thirty and it ain't lookin' all that good. Can't believe I couldn't recognize ya before..." I rolled my eyes, we never really addressed this part, at all. 
"Kept my distance."
"Hmm, probably an asshole even then. After ya saw me yell at ya the last time we spoke, I don't blame ya." I smirked, pulling my hair behind my head as I shook my head.
"That wasn't the last time we—" The group trailed back, and in the instant did I stand up looking back down towards him. He too took it as a sign to get up, so I started walking and he did a light jog back on towards me. "What the hell ya mean?"
"Tell you later." I joked, in my mind I'm actually hoping he doesn't remember. 
And that I don't have to tell him about the night he called me shit-faced drunk.
"Y'all gonna follow the creek bed back, okay? Daryl, you're in charge...Me and Rick, we're just gonna hang back, search this area another hour or so just to be thorough." I sighed in relief that both of them are leaving, I know I shouldn't blame Rick. But I can't stand to look at him for more than a few seconds.

That the last time I saw my daughter was her asking if she can be with Sofia and Carl. I should've said no, I should've kept her close. I should've—
"Ya splittin' us up. Ya sure?" Daryl questioned, probably not believe the sudden vote of power on his shoulder. But men will be men, guess me losing my daughter suddenly gave me the unlikability of being able to lead the group. But my huff of a breath went unnoticed. With Shane's sudden determination did Carl's voice pop up.

"I want to stay too. I'm their friend." The idea sounded horrible in my mind, and I couldn't believe my sight when Lori didn't even allow her husband to object before kissing him goodbye. 


Why was my heart pounding? And why couldn't I find my voice?
With Lori giving a small kiss to Rick, and the eye contact between Shane and Lori that was soon directed to Andrea and Shane. Did I shake my head at the damn love triangle forming, turning a blind eye if I could.

"Ya saw it too?" I hummed at Daryl's watchful eye.Rick offered Lori his python but she refused, but then Daryl revealed the other revolver from his back pocket.
"Can ya give it to her?" He asked, and I chuckled at his sudden shyness.

"Go on big boy. You got this." I pushed, and he went on to the center claiming he had a spare. The odd looks he had gotten gave me the indication of why he was nervous in doing so, but then they gestured to me as I held my hands to my supporting holster to look at everyone else. 


What the fuck is the issue here?

*

We soon followed forward back towards the way we came, just on the other side of it all. Daryl's plan was actually thought out, probably after I had fallen asleep. But then my question came to mind, if he was talking to me the entire night. Not just what I heard, but what if he spoke more.

I sighed even harder at that, watching where I walked and not wanting to lose the ability to walk quietly. Everyone else stomped so loudly it was probably hurting Dixon's ears considering he was flinching in directions half the time.
We didn't come across anything, and by my watch was it almost one o'clock, we still had three miles back down the creek.

As controlled as my mind was, I worried for Carl. I know he's determined, but with Shane wanting him to be his son. And now that building triangle, I can't even begin to imagine what will come out of that.

"So this is it? This the whole plan?" Carol asked, trying to get over the log before her. Or rather taking a given rest by the looks of it. Considering the fact that the second she started talking everyone stopped. 

I came on from behind Lori and ended up in the given middle across from Carol. She looked to me and I couldn't respond, not now. "Guess the plan is to whittle us down into smaller and smaller groups." Feeling my eyes close did I let out a hefty sigh, one of which nobody saw that I almost fell down in exhale. 

Thankfully with that excused embarrassment, so with that did I reach behind me to take a sip of water in hope that it will help me stay awake. 
And for the most part, it did, enough to hear Andrea's voice once again. "...Carrying knives and pointy sticks...I see you have a gun." Letting my foot stop in the air did I groan out loud shaking my head at the ability that she turned this entire search about wanting a gun. 

And in the moment it pissed of Lori as well.
"Why, you want it? Here, take it. I'm sick of the looks you're giving me." As I was about to stand up for Lori, she did it in herself. But the second Andrea put her hand up to take the pistol, I got in the way.

Stuffing it into the back of my pants as I just shook my head at the valiant effort. She doesn't know a thing about it, probably doesn't even know it's a revolver. Or how many bullets there are in it to begin with. 
And while her stare was directed at me now, Lori began to speak up once more. Making me turn to her.

"...All of you...Honey, I can't imagine what you're going through. And I would do anything to stop it. But you have got to stop blaming Rick. It is in your face every time you look at him...Blake, you...You can't even look at him." She spoke, and I nodded that she was correct. I knew that if I did, then I'd be doing the exact same thing Carol is being scolded for.

But look who's being hypocritical once again?

My hand slid down my face as a simple sniffle found it's way through, she's right again. She doesn't know what this feels like. "...When the girls ran, he didn't hesitate, did he? Not for a second. I don't know that any of us would have gone after her the way he did or made the hard decisions that he had to make or that anybody could have done it any differently...Anybody?" She questioned, but now my eyes are on Dixon. He stopped me. 
I could've run after my daughter.

I could've made the difficult call.

I would've stayed with them both.

Gritting my teeth as I stared him down, did he lean up against the tree. Planting himself as he knew what I was getting at. But then again, he didn't run after my little girl because he was protecting me."You all look to him and then you blame him when he's not perfect. If you think you can do this without him, go right ahead. Nobody is stopping you." Taking a sign out of Dixon's book did I begin to chew on my inner cheeks, trying hard not to speak this time around. I can't, I honestly can't.

"We should keep movin'." Daryl instructed, and I was the first to follow through. Not wanting to be caught with him as he was going to question my stare. This was a different level of hate, one of which I cannot express other than stomping in the woods.

Making him shrivel with even more guilt.

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Date Posted: 08-29-18 // Time: 8:00

Word-Count: 4387

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Heyooo almost forgot to post to be honest :) but here I am!