"She likes you."

AND THAT SHUT ME UP. Wala nang kasunod na salita ang lumabas sa bibig ko. Kahit ang tenga ko'y naging bingi sa mga sunod niyang sinabi.

"Kaibigan ko si Mikaela at alam kong may gusto siya sa iyo. Nawala sa isip ko na dapat hindi kita inalok na maging boyfriend ko. Nadala ako ng bugso ng

damdamin kasi ikaw lang ang kasama ko. Ang akala ko kasi, hindi na ako mabubuhay. Hindi ko naman inasahan na makakalabas pa ako sa hospital. Mali, mali ang ginawa ko, Jaydel. Hindi kita dapat naging boyfriend... Hindi kita dapat maging boyfriend."

Malalim na hininga ang kumawala sa akin. I felt defeated. Akala ko lubusan na ang kirot na nararamdaman ko kanina, pero may isasakit pa pala. Pakiramdam ko, isa iyong constant variable na hindi na pwedeng mabago kailanman-hindi ako dapat maging boyfriend ni Laila kahit kailan. Kahit ipilit ko, kahit sabihin ko ang totoo, kahit ligawan ko siya, kahit mahalin ko siya nang buong puso ko. Dahil sa sinabi niya, nawalan ako ng malaking pag-asa.

"So we're good now?" nawawalan ng lakas kong tanong sa kaniya.

Napakagat naman siya sa kaniyang ibabang labi at nakita ko sa mga mata niya ang malaking pagsisisi. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I had been hiding my feelings just to prevent this situation, but why does our friendship have to end up like this?

"I'm so sorry, Jaydel. I'm so sorry for being so selfish. I shouldn't have asked you to be my boyfriend. We should remain friends forever," she stuttered. I hoped she would stop. I hoped she was having second thoughts.

But in reality, she wasn't.

I scoffed in disbelief. God knows how much I wanted to disappear right now. I felt so stupid. I should not have been swayed by her impulsive words. It felt like I had wasted my only chance, and now I was also losing her.

"Ayokong maging hadlang para sa inyo ni Mikaela," she said, her voice breaking, which only made me feel weaker.

Naalala ko ang araw na nagkausap kami ng kaklase naming si Mikaela. What Laila said was true-Mikaela had confessed her feelings for me, but I didn't care about it. Mikaela was just a classmate to me, and I knew that when I spoke to her, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate her feelings because I had been in love with the same girl for the past few years. But that same girl was now pushing me away.

How cliché.

"So we're breaking up?" I clarified.

"Y-yes, I mean, kung sineryoso mo 'yong sinabi ko noon sa hospital, then treat this as our closure. Yes, Jaydel, we're breaking up."

I clenched my fist as my jaw tightened. "What if I said no?"

Umangat ang ulo niya habang patuloy akong nagsasalita. May kung ano sa dibdib ko na yumanig at ayaw magpatalo. Kung nasisiraan na nga ako ng ulo, mukhang gusto ko nang matuluyan. Nababaliw na ako. At mas lalo akong mababaliw kapag hinayaan ko siya sa gusto niya.

Hindi niya ako pwedeng bastahin. Ayoko na. Hindi na pwede. Hindi pwedeng ganun-ganun lang.

"No, Laila, we're not breaking up. There were two of us in this relationship, at may say din ako whether this is real for you or not. You won't break up with me because the moment you asked me to be your boyfriend? You already asked me to save you-and when I agreed, I meant that I would be here forever, no matter what happens. So stop taking back what you said because I already took it seriously. No buts, Laila, I will be your last boyfriend. No one will come after me."

She gasped. Yes, she just stood there, looking at me, astounded. Ni hindi siya nakasagot.

Well, dapat lang. Kung ganito pala ang makapagpapatino sa kaniya, matagal ko nang ginawa.

At katulad ng inaasahan, kumalat sa buong St. Andrew's ang tungkol sa amin ni Laila. Wala na nga rin akong pakialam kung malaman pa ito ng mga magulang niya. Kaya ko namang humarap sa kanila at sabihin ang intensyon ko.

Buo na ang desisyon ko. Kaysa naman iwan ko siya at maghanap siya ng iba, ako na lang. At least ako, sigurado akong hindi ko siya sasaktan at hindi ako ang magiging sanhi ng lalong pagkawasak ng puso niya.

I will take care of her heart even if it means breaking mine.

And she will not die, aslong as I'm breathing.