as she felt the warm water on her skin, she closed her eyes and tried to pretend this wasn't her life. she had so many thoughts racing through her head that she just wanted to push out, but they continued returning nevertheless.

she turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing the warm towel from the rack. as she dried her skin she noticed the clothes san had left for her on the side; some shorts and an oversized hoody. thankfully they were similar sizes. she pulled them on and looked at herself in the mirror, the bruises still obvious on her neck and face. she sighed at the sight of herself; just a week ago she had been happy and in love, now she didn't even know if she had a place to live.

"are you done in there, y/n?" san called from outside the door. "sorry, I don't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

y/n opened the door and san couldn't help but let a small smile creep across his face - she looked so cute in his clothes.

"I'll wash your other clothes for you" he told her, still taking in the sight. he had to remind himself that she wasn't his, even if he was unsure whether or not she was still mingi's.

"has he called?" san asked.

"I don't want to check"

"I understand" he conceded, "anyway, I made you coffee if you wanna head downstairs"

she smiled and agreed.

-----

"your house is nice" she said quietly looking around san's lounge.

"thanks... to be honest I might have to move out soon though - I used to share this house with a friend but he recently got a girlfriend and moved out. I was thinking of getting somewhere with wooyoung, if he got his shit together" he chuckled.

she smiled weakly and san's heart broke all over again at how defeated she still looked.

"....was it because he saw me holding your hand?" san whispered.

she looked up at the sudden change of subject. her stomach knotted at the thought of talking about it but she felt safe with san. his eyes were full of comfort and serenity, his whole aura invited a feeling of security.

"yeah... he got it in his head that I was-"

"you were what?"

"sleeping with you"

"oh"

y/n looked down in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger, y/n. please forgive me" he spoke.

"don't be silly, san. you were just looking out for me"

there was a short pause before san broke the silence again.

"you can stay here as long as you need to, okay?"

"can I stay here forever?" she asked, only half joking.

"I would love that" san replied, then fearing he had given his feelings away he quickly added, "if I haven't been evicted by then!".

this earned him a giggle from y/n, but she had no idea how serious he was when he said he wanted her to stay forever.

9pm, that same day

san hadn't left her side the whole day. they'd spent the day watching tv and san had ordered pizza later that evening. throughout the day, she had noticed san looking at her when she was pre-occupied, or so he thought. she was never fully engrossed in the tv show they were watching - her mind had run away with her instead.

part of her was actually worried about mingi. she had no missed calls from him, no messages - nothing. after worrying for a few minutes she would try to shake these thoughts away - he didn't deserve her to be worried about him. but they'd spent six long years in each other's arms, and she couldn't help but hope he was okay.

san slipped another look in her direction. he had to check, he had to make sure there were no tears in her eyes, make sure she wasn't shaking in fear, make sure she didn't look lost. he had to make this better, he'd already allowed enough to happen to her.

"san, I'm really tired... I barely slept last night..." she broke the silence.

"okay, we can go to bed if you like?"

"yes please... urm, where do you want me to sleep?"

"there's no mattress on the bed in the other room, my friend took it with him when he moved out. you take my bed, I'll sleep on the sofa"

she looked to the floor. "...please don't leave me alone" she softly spoke.

san sighed and gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll sleep on the floor next to the bed, how would that be?" he asked.

she hesitated for a minute before carefully proceeding; "san, could you sleep with me? I'm not used to sleeping alone"

his smile grew bigger as he replied "if you're sure you'd be comfortable with that, y/n"

-----

as san climbed into bed next to y/n, he was initially hesitant of where to position himself. he laid close to the edge of the bed and turned himself around to face her. she was still laid on her back, staring at the ceiling.

"are you okay, y/n?" san asked, concerned.

"I don't know what I did so wrong" she whispered. he sat up slightly.

"you did nothing wrong! don't let me hear you say that ag-"

"maybe I neglected him too much..."

"stop it, y/n. none of this is your fault"

she sighed and turned to face him. he saw she had newly formed tears in her eyes.

"I just feel so alone" she said, voice faltering.

san didn't know what he could do to make it better, he just wanted to erase everything. even if it meant she would go back to being happy with mingi - he just wanted her to be happy again.

she dabbed a tear away with the bed sheet and spoke the words, "I'm sorry" as her emotions threatened to intensify.

"I'm sorry, let's go to sleep" she repeated as she turned over, away from san.

he debated for a second before he replied; "would you like me to hold you, y/n?"

she didn't reply straight away and san thought he might have overstepped the line. this wasn't his girlfriend, he wasn't her boyfriend - why on earth would she want him to do that?

"yes... I do" she replied as she sat up, much to his surprise. he sat up too and motioned for her to rest her head on his chest, which she did.

"is this okay?" he asked, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

"uhm hmm" she hummed. and so he slowly brought his hand up to rest on her head and began gently stroking her hair. his touch instantly soothed her - she felt like she wanted to stay like this for as long as possible.

"don't worry" he comforted, "it's gonna be okay"