06. don't forget who you are

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I sat across from Yelena, enjoying her pancakes from a diner that we stumbled upon and she was hungry. I watched as she stuffed her mouth.

"Yelena?" I broke the silence.

"Hm?" She didn't look up. She was too into her food. Mama used to make us waffles, sprinkle of strawberries and a lot of syrup and whip cream, it was our favorite until what went down.

"You know that i love you right?" I tried so hard not to cry. "And that ill do anything to keep you safe?"

"Devon? Whats this about?" Shes too little to understand but, we're children assassins. Shes only 7.

"Im going away." She stops eating and looks at me. I assured her with a smile. "You'll see me around but I wont be really there." I couldn't tell her why. I didn't want to hurt her, like Natasha did. I saw the older Widows walking in and that was my cue. "I love you Yelena, im sorry." I got up and kissed the top of her head as I left. The Widows looked at me and I had to suck it up. "You take care of her." Yelena watched me as I got in the car and rode off, shes never going to see me the way she is used to. I did this for her, to keep her safe, to not let them turn her into a monster. Dreykov sat across from and scuffs.

"Crying?" He grabs my face and grips my chin tight. "If you shed one more tear, I will have Melina kill your family." I sat there, wiping my tears. "Weak." He slaps me. My cheek burning and turned red. "You did this to yourself."

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My eyes quickly opened, staring at the black ceiling. The horrible thought woke me up and now I realized, I cant move. I stayed on the floor, trying so hard to move a finger. Sleep paralysis. I started getting them ever since i came here. It triggered me when I had those thoughts. My dad had to come and pick me up as I hummed, screaming for help one day.

I gave it my best as I managed to get one finger to move. What felt like hours, was just only 20 minutes. With nobody around, I had it. I could move again. I sat up and drink the cold tea on the table. Her voice was in my head, it was like she never left. Yelena was only 7 when I left her to become Dreykov's puppet. She was alone, she had me and I left. I do wonder what shes been up to.

It was only 4 am, lovely. I stayed up, practicing my combat steps, shower, organize my clothes by the time it was 8. My mom wanted to have mother/daughter day, to catch up, to be close again. I knew she never forgave herself that day. Mom was a wreck. The day I came back, she felt this closure, she finally forgave herself but she wanted/didn't want to know where and what they done to me. I rather not. If one day, if people figure who I really was, I still wouldn't tell her. I don't want her to picture that.

"Ready." Matt smiles as I step out of my loft and locked my door. Our daily thing we do was to grab coffee together, hang and Foggy will join to go to work. "And then he ran into a pole, dont tell him I told you." I cracked a smile as Matt was telling me the story about Foggy trying to ask out one girl.

"Im still at the part where Foggy had a rat tail." We both cracked up as we stepped into the shop. We stood in line, waiting, telling Matt what sounded good on the menu. He held onto me, listening to what I was saying.

Matt loves the way Devon sounded, a bit raspy, gentle and sweet, as if she had an accent. He told Foggy that she's beautiful, Foggy laughs and said how would he know. Matt just knows. He love the way she smells like coconuts and lavender, its so strong that he can smell her miles away. Devons sweet, so kind. He really fell for her but it was too quick and didn't want to scare her.

"Matt?" He hums as he comes back to the living. "What do you want?"

"Oh." He said what he wanted and we waited. We chatted more and more and walked out, now going to meet up with Foggy. "Any plans today?"

"Going out with my mom, she wants to catch up and spend time with me."

"That sounds good." I just shrugged. It is good but, what do I say? What do I do? "How are you? You know, fitting in." For the first time, ever, someone asks me that. He actually cared.

"One day at a time." Its hard, usually im training all day or on missions, but now, I got a job, my family, friends. I do think sometimes that this is all a dream, a dream I dont want to wake up from, or heaven. Pfft, as if im going to heaven after all I did. "Foggy!" I saw him from the corner of my eye. I handed him is drink and we began to walk. The three of us squished on the sidewalk, laughing. "Well, i hope the place is what you guys are looking for." They were firm haunting. Something small, something cheap.

"Bye Dev!" I waved goodbye and headed back to my parents house. I hung up my coat and watched River coming down the stairs and he smiles. "What?"

"You ready to spend hours of shopping with mom?" Hours? I can barely stay in one place! He laughs as he got ready to go to his house. "Have fun!" He leaves. It was just for one day. My mom skips down the stairs and sees me. She stops herself from hugging me and pats my arm.

"Are you ready?" When I was little, all I could remember my mom was how pretty she was. She always looked her best and she would never be seen without makeup. I always wanted to be like her, act, talk, dress. Everything. Seeing her now made me feel so guilty calling Melina mama, shes my real mom, the one who wouldn't betray me. It felt wrong. Same with Alexi, who definitely doesn't deserve the title of father at all. "Devon?" She brings me back from my thoughts. "You okay?"

"Just thinking." I gave her a shy smile and we headed down to the car that was waiting for us. My mom had spent a few days to plan this, she really wanted to be with me. I do appreciate it. We started off at the hair salon, they gave me a trim, fixed it to look nice, then we went to the mall. I followed my mom like I was a lost puppy. I then stumbled upon a boots. Shiny, black leather. I Instantly fell in love. That was a my first purchase since I got out. My mom showed me jewelry, clothes, purses, she did get my father and River some things and did spoiled me too.

"So." She sits down across from me as we got something to eat. She just looks at me.

Gen stares at her daughter, remembering her, taking it all in that she finally has her back again after so many years. She knew something was wrong with her daughter as she has scars on her face, the flinching, the nightmares. They did something to her. She didn't matter she was broken, all she cared was Devon was never forgotten, never stopped being loved. She was alone most of the time, Robert working, keeping himself occupied and finding Devon, River was sent away. She had nobody to tell how she was feeling, how much it hurt to lose everything she loved in a blink of an eye.

"I just want you to know that, you are safe. There is people who love you." She puts her hands on top of mine. "I know that its going to get a lot of getting used to being surrounded by us, but you can take your time. You are not alone anymore."

"I know mama." My accent slips but she didn't noticed. She wipes her tears. I do want a relationship with my parents again, with River. I don't want to lose them again. "I'll come around, i promise."

"How's Hell's Kitchen? Any friends?"

"Its alright, its peaceful, calm, sometimes but I like it." I smiled to myself without noticing as I thought about Matt. "Matt is sweet. Foggy is just a goofball, always making me smile." My mom hums as she saw my smile.

"Whos Matt? Is it that neighbor?"

"He is. Hes just a friend."

"You know, when I met your father, we were just friends. You never know."

"How did you and dad meet?" I crossed my arms, slouching.

"He was a mutual friend. My friend was his friends boyfriend, we used to get together and we tagged along, I hated him because he was such an ass, trying so hard to win me. One day, he asked me out and I said no, to win me he had to change. And he did. Ever since then, we have been together."

"That must be nice."

"Then we had you and your brother, and that was all we needed. We were set."

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I dragged my feet up the stairs, bags hitting the steps as I was too lazy to pick them up. I set them down as I looked through my bag for my keys.

"Just coming home?" Matt said as he walked up the steps, stopping behind me.

"Yeah, my mom decided that we should go to eat, shop and have time to do our hair." I turned around and saw his tie was lose and he looked done for the day. "I feel like a doll."

"I bet you look beautiful." My cheeks flushed red and my heart skipped a beat.

"Only you would like to know huh?" I whispered softly to him, throwing him flirting comments as he does to me. "Anything new? New clients?"

"No, it was a slow day." He sighs.

"I can cause some trouble if you want. I can be your first client." I leaned back on the brick wall.

"I don't think you should."

"Anything to spend more time with you." I bit my lip and he lets out a chuckle. I kicked myself off the wall and got closer to him. He was warm. His hand ran over my arm, his touch was to die for. He leans down and placed his hand on the back of my neck, ready to kiss me. Just as we were about to kiss, his phone rang.

Foggy. Foggy.

The voice repeats. We both didn't want to stop but I took a step back.

"I should take this." He takes his phone out of his pocket and waves it. "Have a nice night Ms. Hobbs."

"Good night Mr. Murdock." I watched him as he went to his floor and then i went inside. I didn't notice that had a goofy grin, biting my lip. Just a glance at the mirror by the door, I stopped. No. I cant be falling for him. Who wants a monster? A murderer with no emotions? He doesn't deserve me, nobody does. And me being in a relationship with Matt will make things worse, imagine if they find me and they will kill him to get to me. Ive done it before. I wiped the smirk off my face and flopped on my couch, thinking about over stuff but Matt kept coming back to me. I wanted to but I couldnt.