❝ OPERATION FIVE ❞
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"Y/N. . ."

You hugged your knees tighter, fighting the urge to bury your head into it and cry your eyes out again. You're about to get dehydrated. Though, you asked yourself, "What should I do aside from crying?"

You basically don't know where and how to start again. Maybe it's just fate―that things are slowly being taken away from you, people around you are slowly leaving you. It hurts so much, but you're about to get used to it. It shouldn't be that way, but what can you do? You're just human. A mere doctor. You're not God.

You can't revive Eren anymore.

We're not in some fantasy story wherein you can finish a quest, get some inhuman superpowers, and bring back your loved one's life. Reality doesn't work that way. We can't baby ourselves anymore in such unrealistic stories. Let's face―we need to face what's really in front of us.

Armin sat beside you, looking at Eren's name carved on a tombstone. Who would've thought that his best friend's dream would just go away like that? Who would've thought that the boy who sought freedom is now gone?

No, no―Eren just gained freedom. This is what he's looking for in the first place.

"Don't you want to go home?"

You shook your head, lifting your head. "Tell me, Armin. . ."

The surgeon looked at you and watched how tears mindlessly stream down your face. "What?"

"Why did you leave me before?"

He bit his lip. He never gave any proper explanation yet, right? Armin looked away―at the sea, not too far from where you are. He has to say it. He needs to say it so that the both of you can finally move on from the past and finally face the present. This is the only way.

"I. . ."

[ FLASHBACK ]

"I. . ."

"How much?"

Armin looked at Y/N's mother standing in front of him as she slammed a stack of cash on his desk. The blonde boy was startled, surprised. What is happening? What is this? His eyes were stuck on the money which was almost slapped on his face.

"M-Ma'am. . ."

"How much should I give you to finally leave our daughter?" Tears were evident in her eyes. Pain, anger, disgust―they're all mixed on Dra. L/N's eyes. On your mother's eyes.

Armin was furious.

"Ma'am, I don't want to be rude, but I can't trade my feelings for Y/N just for this money." He looked at her directly in the eye. "I love your daughter, Ma'am―"

"But I can't let a man like you marry our daughter!"

Armin was hurt.

"I-I can't let a lowlife like you touch my Y/N! She's a smart lady, a girl with a bright future. She will follow our step―my step―to be a doctor! She will be known to everybody and will save many lives someday. So, please, leave my daughter, Armin."

Armin was speechless.

He can't even move a muscle. His eyes were like an opened faucet as tears flowed out of it. His mind automatically went blank.

"If you truly love my daughter, you'll do everything for her, right? You'll just get in her way. You'll just be a distraction. Armin, I am willing to pay you money, just name it and I will―"

"No, Ma'am." He stood up. "I don't need your money."

Yeah, she's right. She is damn right.

"A-Armin. . ."

I will just get in Y/N's way. I was too naïve to think that she'll marry someone like me. I'm just a no-one, and she's a big shot. I am out of her league.

"You understand me, Armin, right? If you love Y/N, you will let her go. If you're sincere with her, you'll let her reach her dreams, right?"

But I want her to reach her dreams with me.

The boy clutched the hem of his polo shirt, looking at the floor. No matter how hard the rain outside is, he knew it was raining harder inside his chest. No weather forecaster can even predict when his storm will end. Tears kept falling as he tried muffling his eyes. How can he be so pathetic, crying in front of his girlfriend's mother like this? That's why Y/N's family will never accept a man like him.

He cried, and cried, and cried. Until he made up his mind.

He needs to be strong. Not for himself, but for you. He promised you, right? That he'll fight for you, even if he has to let you go. It's just sad to think that he will never be able to stay with your side until you reach your dream. It's just sad to think that the plans he made with you for the future will never become a reality anymore.

"I-If. . ."

Your mother's eyes were full of anticipation.

"If this is for the best. . ."

I'm sorry, Y/N.

What else could he say? Even from the start, these words are the only thing he could say.

I'm so sorry. I fucked up.

". . . then, let me break up with her."

I'm. . .

[ END OF FLASHBACK ]

"I'm sorry, Y/N."

You sat there, frozen. You don't want to believe him, but the tears falling from your eyes tell you that he isn't lying. All the words that his mouth spilled were true. Real. The look on his eyes never waver. Armin is speaking the truth.

"I-I've been wanting to tell you this―six years ago, and even from the moment we met on the hospital. I strayed away from my dream of being a lawyer to be with you. I want to see you again. I want to be with you again. Even though I used to pass out when I see blood, I knew I had to overcome my fears so I can prove myself to your mother. I wanted to get you back, but it looks like. . ."

He looked at Eren's grave.

". . . I was too late. You can never forgive me, and I can't even ask for it anymore. I have no right anymore, Y/N."

Armin kept wiping his tears but they just keep on flowing out from his eyes.

"I hurt you, Y/N. The pain I gave you was too much to handle. I left you hanging without giving any reason why I was breaking up with you. I told myself back then that I don't care if you'll hate me, I just don't want you to hate your mom. I knew you had to be a doctor, that's why I let you."

You remained silent, you just stared at Armin.

Why does he keep on saying sorry?

"I-It should be me. . ."

The blonde boy looked at you in the eyes with confusion painted on his face. "What?"

"I. . .should be the one saying sorry here."

You're the reason after all. You're the one who made Armin broke up with you. After all these years, you kept blaming him when you should be the one to blame. You kept pointing fingers at Armin when you should point fingers at yourself. You were the reason why he left you. Now, you felt ashamed―ashamed of yourself.

You bit your lip, bowing at him. "I'm sorry, Armin. . ."

Because of me. . .

"N-No, Y/N, you don't have to―"

"Because of me. . ." You looked up. ". . .you had to break up with me. Because of me, you had to leave your dream of being a lawyer. Because of me. . .I hurt you. I'm sorry. I was the one who messed up here. I was the one who fucked up. I shouldn't blame you, not even my Mom, but myself. Six years. . ."

You sarcastically chuckled.

". . .I cursed you for six years. I blamed everything on you for six years. I don't know. I'm sorry I never knew it sooner. I should've asked you for an explanation and―"

"You asked me," Armin cut you off. "But I never told you."

"Still!" You shouted. "Blame me, Armin! Blame me! Tell me that I was wrong. Tell me that I was the reason for everything, even for Eren's death! It was me, right? It was me! I was the antagonist here. I was―"

You were cut off once again when Armin slammed his lips into yours. During the kiss, everything turned slow motion. Your mind went blank. You felt like you stopped breathing for a moment. Frozen, you tried to snap yourself back on reality.

But he immediately let go.

"A-Armin. . ."

"I have no right to kiss you." He looked away. "Because you are Eren's. Not mine. Even if he's dead, you still love him."

"I. . ."

"We have to move on, right?" Armin smiled at you. Bitterly.

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't . . .
. . .let go of what's in front of me here.

"It was the kiss―" He stood up as you followed him with your eyes. "―I failed to give you when I danced with you during our promenade."

I know you're leaving in the morning 
when you wake up.

"N-Now, are you. . ." You closed your eyes.

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

". . .are you letting me go again?"

You are the only exception.

Armin stopped walking as looked back at you with a smile. A genuine one. The smile that made you fell in love with him six years ago.

"I will not make the same mistake twice."

And I'm on my way to believing. . .

Your heart skipped a beat, as you immediately put a hand above your chest. Armin jumped inside his car, as you waited that he might lower down his window to give you another message. And luckily, he did.

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing. . .

"Y/N. . ."

The way he called your name felt so nostalgic.

". . .see you at the hospital."