ㅡ jeno

I regret everything. I regret everything that I have done.

"You deserve to know everything," I said again and she tilted her head.

"What are you talking about, Jeno?"

"In high school, I had fee-"

"Jeno!! Harvey's looking for you!" I groaned in annoyance when I heard Chenle from the window upstairs.

Me and y/n look up and saw the window of the clubroom open and Chenle was peeking his head out.

God, I figured they would listen to our conversation. I don't even know that the window is from the clubroom.

"Well, y/n.." She looked at me but I only avoided eye contact.

"See you after school. I'll explain everything to you later.." I said and start to walk away.

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I entered the clubroom and Harvey immediately placed his hands on my shoulder.

"I told you you'll regret it!!" He starts to shake me.

"Why did you just confess to her!? She was even considering breaking up with her boyfriend and confess to you!!" He said, probably having a mental breakdown already.

He let go of me and starts to lose control, saying why didn't I just confess to her..

"It's not my fault! I didn't even know she's looking at me!" I said, defending myself.

"Well, you should've trusted your guts, Lee Jeno," Chenle said and start to play video games with Jisung again.

"How should I know!? She looked so happy with her boyfriend." I said, sitting down. I open my laptop and was about to type in my password but I suddenly froze on my spot.

I do regret it very much. Y/n wouldn't have this trauma if I just confessed to her.

I blame myself too for this trauma of hers. She would've been happy. I would've been happy.

We would be okay but no, I rejected my feelings when she didn't help as well. I don't deserve to be her friend.

"Annyeonghaseyeo!!" I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Donghyuck's voice.

We turn our gazes to the door and saw y/n laughing at the three boys. Renjun also has a bright smile on their faces.

"Annyeonghaseyeo! My name is Lee Donghyuck and this is Mark Lee!! Stepbrothers of Lee Jeno." I facepalmed when Donghyuck was practically shouting at this point.

"You have stepbrothers, Jeno?" Jaemin asked me and I nodded.

"Annoying stepbrothers." I roll my eyes but I quickly notice Donghyuck about to throw something at me.

I was quick enough to dodge it. I stick my tongue out as they all laugh.

I look at y/n who is now sitting down with Jisung and Chenle, watching them play and her cheering for Jisung to win.

I smile and glance at Renjun who was staring deeply at y/n.

"Well, Jeno and Renjun!" We heard Jaemin shout and we look at him. He smiled mischievously at us.

"Goodluck~"

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It was around 8 PM when I wore my hoodie and change into sweatpants. I went to the living room and saw Donghyuck sitting beside a sleeping Mark.

"Where are you going?" He asked, keeping his eyes on the TV.

"I need to explain everything to y/n," I said and he looked at me with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Wish you luck, Jeno~," He said then I gave him a soft smile.

"Thanks. I'll probably need it." I put on my shoes and walk to y/n's house which is just a minute away.

I pick up a pebble throwing it to her bedroom window. I saw her look out and I wave at her.

She then closed the curtains and the next 30 seconds, her front door opened. She closed and walk to my side.

"So, what are you gonna explain?" She asked and I held her hand. I drag her to the nearest park here.

When we got to the park, I bought us drinks and we walk to the playground.

At this moment, I don't even know what to say anymore as all the letters of the words in my head became jumbled.

"Y/n." She hummed, sitting on the swing. I sit beside her and sighed.

"About your feelings in high school. How do you feel now?" I asked, knowing her answer but I still asked cause I'm an idiot.

"I guess, my feelings disappeared. After falling for Jeongin, all my feelings went to dust." She said and I nodded, frowning.

"Back in high school, I had feelings for you too," I said and her eyes widened. I couldn't tell what was written in her face, she just looks surprised.

"But you have a boyfriend and I can't picture myself in your life frame," I said and she looked down.

"I was so deeply in love with you when I know you have a boyfriend and I hated my heart for feeling that way. That's why I decided to focus on another girl." I glance at her.

Her grip on the swing became tighter. Her knuckles were starting to become white.

"I used her to fall out of love with you and it worked but instead, I fell for her. She was Jiyeon. I start to fall for Jiyeon that I forgot about my feelings for you.

I felt bad but it felt right but also, something in my heart keeps telling me that I did wrong." I said, looking at the sky.

"I fell for her and when we went to uni, I asked her our which she accepted. I didn't know that you would be attending this Uni so, I was shocked when I saw you.

Then I saw you cry about your ex and Jeongin comforted you. At that moment, I knew that I should've helped you but I was too stubborn and ignored my guts again.

It kept going on like that until I found out Jiyeon was cheating on me and we broke up. I got into DNYL and when I saw you there, I felt my world stop and a part of my heart starts to crumble.

I tried to leave, thinking that this club is stupid but when I heard your experience, I start to regret not helping you even more.

I wondered since earlier if I have confessed to you, would you not have this trauma and I'll be happy with you, making you the happiest girl.

But I didn't and now, you're the traumatized girl that I regretted not helping. I'm so sorry, y/n." I said and she let go of the swing chains.

"I... I don't know how to feel.. should I feel hurt? Should I feel worthless? Should I be angry? Should I be sad?" She said, avoiding to look at me.

"Y/n, please don't feel that way." I tried to hold her hand but she immediately stands up.

She faces me and my eyes widened when I noticed her crying.

"I don't want to overreact but at the same time, I want to shout at you. I'm not blaming you for my trauma, I would never blame you but Jeno...

You should've at least talked to me if you have feelings for me. Having a companion during that time is also important for me." She wipes her tears away.

"Lee Jeno, is your feelings for me resurfacing again?" She asked and I gulped, nodding slowly.

"Yes.."

"I.. I understand. Let's see each other tomorrow. Good night."

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