A/N:Birthday post lmao

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Audrianna's POV

I was in the Man Cave looking at the news on my phone with Gooch and Schwoz while my dad was pacing around, annoyed.

"Ooh." I hissed "Yikes."

"Read it." my dad demanded

"You sure? It's a little uh.. vulgar."

"Read it."

"Whatever, I'll just read it in italian. 'Capitan Man dovrebbe andare a farsi fottere, quel vecchio bastardo.'." I read out

"I do not understand that."

"Ooh, here's a good one." Schwoz said

"Read it."

"'Captain Man, the only difference between you and a box of poop is the box.'."

I heard screaming come from the elevator, the doors opened and it was Henry and Charlotte.

"We're here."

"Did you guys see the news?" Henry asked

"Yeah, we saw the news, everyone hates me now."

"Well, why did you smash those kid's lemonade stand?" Charlotte asked

"A dollar a cup's not that much."

"I didn't smash their lemonade instead because of the price!" my dad reasoned

"Then why'd you do it?" I questioned

"Because after the little girl said 'one dollar' I noticed a spider on the lemonade stand. A Red Jabber!"

"A Red Jabber?" Henry asked

"Those are deadly." Charlotte pointed out

"I know!" My dad yelled "That's why I smashed it before it could hurt those kids."

"Ohhhh."

Schwoz stood up "Well then I say, who cares? So what if everybody hates you now?"

"I'm a superhero. I don't want to be hated by everybody."

"Well, you are."

"Dah!" my dad turned to me "What am I going to do?"

"Why don't you just make a video apologizing?" I suggested

"Yeah," Henry turned to me "That's goooood." he turned back to my dad "The public love it when famous people beg for forgiveness."

"No! No. I did nothing wrong. I don't care what people think of me."

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"I'm Captain Man, and I care very much what you, the people, think of me. So, most of you have seen the viral video of me in which I used a mailbox to demolish a lemonade stand run by two small children. Since then I've read many if your comments, very hurtful comments. Some suggesting that I should do things to myself, some of which are physically impossible. But that video didn't tell the real story. You see, I spotted a dangerous spider, and I used that mailbox to beat the spider to death. And if any of you were upset by the video, I am truly sorry."

My dad tapped the table multiple times before turning to us with a wide grin "Huh?"

"That was perfect!"

"Yeah?"

"For sure."

"Yeah."

"You nailed it."

"I'm proud to say that's my dad."

"Thanks, guys." my dad had a happy look on his face before he perked up "Hey, go online and check what people are saying about me now."

"Yeah, sure." I pulled out my phone and started checking the comments under the video my dad posted.

"Internet!" Gooch checked his pear pad

Our smiles faded as we looked at the comments.

"Well? Muffin?"

I looked at the comment again in horror "Uhh... next question..?" I blurted out

"Henry?"

"This one says, 'Captain Man, you liar, I hate you.'" Henry read

"Well, that's a little negative. Charlotte?"

"This one says, 'Oh please, the only reason Captain Man apologized  is to make us think he's sorry.'" Charlotte looked up at my dad

"Well, yeah." he admitted "Gooch, read."

"'Yo, Captain Man, why don't you..'" Gooch turned back to my dad "My religious beliefs prevent me from reading the rest out loud."

"Schwoz?" my dad still had a hopeful look on his eyes

"This guy posted a pic of you, but he changed your head to something else.."

He walked up to Schwoz "Changed my head? What did he change it to?"

I walked up behind Schwoz and saw a picture of my dad, except his head was the poop emoji.

"Oohhh! That's horrible."

"What is that?" Schwoz asked

"That's poop." I pointed out

My dad groaned.

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We were all eating corn but my dad, Henry, and Charlotte pacing around

"Why are you guys pacing? It's making me dizzy." I blurted out

"Ooh, I have an idea." Charlotte perked up
"Okay, what do people want to know most about Captain Man?"

"Who his daughter is." Henry answered

"Leave me out of this."

"What he wears under his man suit?" Schwoz asked

"What? No."

"They wanna know where I live and work." my dad caught on

"Right. So we have a contest."

"We have a contest." Henry repeated

"And the winners get a private tour of the Man Cave."

"Of the Man Cave."

"Wait we can't reveal the secret location of the Man Cave." my dad realized

"We don't have to." he reassured

"Gooch will meet the winners somewhere else, put them in sacks." Charlotte explained

"And then he can bring them here and send them down the tubes." Henry added

"And send them down the tubes." Charlotte repeated "Annoying, isn't it?"

"But everybody hates me." my dad threw his corn on the counter "Why is a tour of the Man Cave going to make people like me again?"

"Because you know how people are. They get mad about stuff." Charlotte said

"But as soon as you give them something new to talk about.." Henry added

"They forget they were mad and focused on the new thing." I continued

"Okay." my dad approved "But what kind of contest picks the winners?"

"We can put up a website so people can go online and to guess some big number." Charlotte suggested

"The first four people who get it right, win." I added

"And I know the perfect url for the website: guessthatnumber dot com."

"Oh, hey." My dad smirked

"Mhm. Very clever." I smiled sarcastically

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My dad and Schwoz were watching the news, turns out four people have already guessed the number.

He stood up "Dah! You heard that? They love me now?" he grinned widely and kicked the air "Boosh!"

"Yeah! They didn't even mention the horrible thing you did to those kids' lemonade stand." Schwoz pointed out

"I know!" my dad hit the air "Hyah!"

"And your Facepage has four thousand new thumbs upses!" Schwoz beamed as my dad danced around

He laughed "Aw, this whole VIP tour thing was the perfect idea."

Henry and Charlotte barged in the Man Cave.

"We got to cancel the VIP tour thing." Henry blurted out

"What?" I ask

"One of the winners is my little sister, Piper."

"Really?" my dad asked "Who's she gonna bring as her guest?" he smirked "She gonna bring your mom?"

"I don't know who she's bringing."

"Henry's afraid that Piper's gonna recognize him and Audrianna since she's always at his house doing who knows what." Charlotte explained

"Oh no, she won't." my dad reassured

"You guys are going to be in your Kid Danger suit and mask." Schwoz added

"Well yeah, but she's going to be down here with us for like an hour." Henry walked across the room

"Alright, calm down your pants. Schwoz can disguise our faces." I said

"Really?"

"Yeah, I give you guys good face disguise."

"What about our voices?" Henry asked

"Can you disguise our voices too?" I ask

"Easy." Schwoz pulled out something from his pocket "Look." he placed the thing on his throat "Excuse me." Schwoz spoke in a little girl's voice "Dria? Henry? Will you help me find my mommy?"

"Ooh, quit it. That's so creepy." Henry moved closer to me

"Will you buy me a pony?" Schwoz begged

I shuddered "Ew, Schwoz! Stop that!"

-

Kid Danger and I walked in the main room and saw my dad and Charlotte prepping the room for the guests.

"Woah." Charlotte walked up to us and touched our faces

"How do we look?" I ask

"Completely unrecognizable." Captain Man answered

"Good."

"Wait. What about their voices?" Captain Man asked

"Oh, yeah." Schwoz pulled out two of the devices and put it on our throats "Now sing the Little Pea Pod song."

"I'm a little pea pod green and flat. Squeeze me in the middle and squirt out my beans." Kid Danger sang in a low voice

"Oh man, this is amazing!" I said in a deep voice

"Woah! Her voice isn't whiny and annoying now!" Kid Danger teased

"Haha. Very funny." I rolled my eyes

"Henry, Dria, good luck." Schwoz put his hands on our shoulders "Charlotte, let's go."

"Okay." Charlotte got ushered by Schwoz to the tubes

"Woah. Where you taking Charlotte?" Captain Man asked

"To pick up my sister from the airport."

"Your sister who looks like a horse?"

"Yeah, that one."

"Come on. It's not nice to say that your own sister looks like a horse." Charlotte scolded

"Show her a pic." I ordered

Schwoz showed Kid Danger and Charlotte a pic.

"Oh." Charlotte said

"That is one crazy looking lady." Kid Danger pointed out

"Her name is Winnie."

Captain Man, Kid Danger, and I burst out laughing.

"For real?" Charlotte asked

"Winnie." my dad whinnied, making Kid Danger and I laugh harder

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"Okay, contest winners and guests." Captain Man said

"Drop your sacks." I instructed

The contestants and their guests opened up their sacks.

And you would not believe who one of the contestants were.

William.

How the hell did he win?

"Welcome to the Man Cave." Captain Man greeted

"Wow!" Jasper ran up to us "I'm Jasper. Remember me?"

"Yeah." Captain Man agreed

I looked at him up and down "Why are you wearing that."

"Oh, she made me." he pointed to Piper who waved innocently

"Nice. Can you step away from me?" Captain Man asked

"Oh, sure." Jasper stepped back from us

"Of course, you people all know my sidekicks."

Piper ran up to Kid Danger "Kid Danger!"

"That's right."

William walked up to me "Ah, Danger Girl." he extended his hand out for me to shake

"Hi." I greeted

William nodded and stepped back from me.

"We're really excited to show you the Man Cave." Kid Danged said

"What's wrong with your voices?" Piper asked

"And your faces?" Jasper stepped in

"Uh.. they.."

"We went through puberty." I blurted out

"Now, you three I've met before, but.." Captain Man began

"What are your names?" Kid Danger asked

The old couple laughed, walking past us and heading to the monitors.

"And you?" Captain Man walked closer to the strange man

"I'm Dennis. I collect celebrity socks."

My eyes widened "Do you have Tom Felton's sock!?"

Kid Danger and Captain Man looked at me weirdly.

"Not the time?" I stepped back

"Where's your guest?" Captain Man turned back to the man

"I came alone.." the man pulled out a sock from his pocket "This sock belonged to Daniel Radcliffe."

"Can I have it for five dollars!?" I beamed

"Danger Girl." Kid Danger turned to me

"Sorry." I raised my hands up in defense "We'll talk later." I whispered to the man

"Where do you guys keep your weapons?"

"Uh.." Captain Man walked up to the couple while Kid Danger talked to Dennis.

"We're going to show you those later." Kid Danger said

"Good." Dennis nervously smiled

"Heyy!" Captain Man walked up to the elderly couple "Whatcha- whatcha doing there?"

The couple laughed at the show in response.

"Okay.. the rest of you, this way." Captain Man directed

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The contestants and guests were smashing chairs against Captain Man's head.

"I'm okay." Captain Man reassured

We all clapped for him.

"Thank you. Now that you've all had a chance to break a chair on me, let's go check out--"

"Your weapons!?" Dennis beamed

"Yeah. Our weapons." Captain Man agreed

"Yes!"

I ushered Jasper and Piper to back away and Captain Man pressed a button on his remote which opened up a secret wall of weapons.

"Now, these are some of our best weapons that Kid Danger, Danger Girl and I use for crime fighting."

"What's that hotdog for?" Dennis asked

"Ah." Captain Man held the hotdog "Looks like a hotdog doesn't it?"

"We call this, the Covert Weiner." I explain

"Covert Weiner?" Jasper asked

"Yes." Captain Man handed Kid Danger the hotdog and he took it and walked around

"You see, he appears to be a normal citizen just enjoying a hotdog." I pointed out

"Mmm. What a tasty hotdog." Kid Danger turned to me which made me giggle

"But watch this," Captain Man pressed a button on his remote "Kid Danger! Bad guy over there!"

The elevator door opened and carboard cutouts of criminal were inside.

"Freeze, suckers!" he zapped the cutouts

"Woah!" Jasper ran up to Kid Danger

"Awesome!" Piper yelled

"That's crazy!" William smiled

"YES!!" Dennis yelled

"Yes, it's incredibly powerful." Captain Man took the weiner from Kid Danger "Anyone could use this weapon to defeat the entire army of a small country."

"Can I see it?" Dennis asked

"Yeah, sure." Captain Man casually handed him the weiner

He took the weiner and pointed it at us "Okay, nobody move!"

"He's got the weiner!" Kid Danger pointed out

The old couple laughed.

"Put that hotdgog down, Dennis." Captain Man ordered

"No!"

"You sick loner!" Piper yelled which made me shield her

Kid Danger slowly walked closer to the man.

"Don't do it!" Dennis yelled before grabbing Jasper "Now, anybody tries to stop me, this weirdly dressed kid gets it."

"Alright, Dennis, just relax. Everything's fine." Captain Man slowly walked closer to the man

"Don't talk to me in a calming voice! Just tell me the fastest way out of here!"

"Alright, just step up there and a tube will come down over you.." I instructed

"And then you just say 'Up the tube.'." Kid Danger added

Dennis threw Jasper to us and Jasper hugged us tightly despite our protests.

A tube encased Dennis "Up the tube!" he got shot up

"You let him get away!" Piper yelled

"Did we?" I grabbed Captain Man's remote "Override." I stood next to Kid Danger on the tube panels

"Reverse suckage." Kid Danger ordered

"Double power." Captain Man added

I pulled the down the lever and Dennis got showed down which made him groan.

"Up the tube!" I commanded

"No, wait!" Dennis got shot up

"Down the tube!" Kid Danger commanded

Dennis groaned.

"Tube up!" Captain Man commanded

"Right tube down!" I demanded

"No, wait!" the tube hit Dennis on the head

"Get the Covert Weiner!" Captain Man instructed

"Yup." Kid Danger ran to get the weiner out Dennis' hand.

"Nice going, Kid Danger." I smirked at him

"Just doing my job."

"And now, triple sequence. Tube up, tube down, tube up, tube down, tube up, tube down.. go." Captain Man commanded

"Please, turn off the- ow!" Dennis groaned in pain "Hey- ow! I can't take it- ow!"

"Ooh, I almost forgot. I'll be keeping this." I snatched Daniel Radcliffe's sock out of his pocket, slipping a five dollar bill in his pocket.

"Hey, remember when you smashed that lemonade stand and everybody was mad at you?" Kid Danger remarked

"Yeah." Captain Man sighed "That seems like a long time ago."

"Right?" I chuckled

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A/N:Idk what to write in the A/Ns atp

Memes:

I am struggling to find good meme templates, if yall have meme ideas abt them it would be rlly appreciated if yall could message me meme ideas and i'll try to make them <3

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

Also i might not be able to update for maybe a week? Bc i have to study for a test huhu

Happy birthday to me <3

2612 words
Edited: 07 - 30 - 24