dear oliver,
please help me.
please. i can’t
take it anymore.
it’s too much.

remember when,
the tears streamed
down my face. my
fat face. i knocked
my hands against
the concrete bathroom
floor as my sobs escaped
my battered lips.

dammit, dammit, dammit.

my hands clenched against
the edge of the sink.
why do i have to be so
hideous, so ugly that
no one is willing to
look at me in the eyes?
am i that unbearable?

remember when,
i looked at the toilet and
took a deep breath in.
holding the sides slowly,
i raised my finger and let
it go down my throat.

i need to do this. i need
to lose the weight.

i have to be pretty.

but you don’t remember.
no one but me does.


quinn