CHAPTER  58

A trip to Starbucks and a ten minute drive later, I park my car outside the church. I turn the engine off and just sit in silence as I sip my coffee.

Once I have finished my hot drink, I get out of the car with my possessions in hand and lock the car. I walk towards the bin and toss the empty cup inside it.

I walk inside the church and I'm not surprised when I see Father Liam McCarty. 'Kiera, you're early,' he comments but I don't bother replying. I notice the coffin that I wanted is at the front of the church and he’s standing in front of it. 

‘Can I have some time alone?’

'Of course,' he says and leaves the church. Within minutes, I hear someone step inside the church and I think it’s Father Liam McCarty so I don’t bother turning around. 'Kiera,' I turn around and see Kaiden dressed in a black suit.

 'Why are you so early?' I question and he stands next to me.

 'I could ask you the same thing,' he replies as he stares at the coffin. 

I can’t bare to stand any longer so I sit down. 'Did you do this on your own?' He asks and I nod. 'You shouldn’t have had to have do this by yourself.'

'Well I did Kaiden so just drop it,' I reply annoyed. He sighs but doesn’t say anything and silence falls upon us. 

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He sits beside me after a long while. 'Have you prepared a speech?' He asks me and I shake my head as I stare into space.

 'Have you?' I return the question and he nods.

 'Elaine told me that mum died and her funeral was here too.'

'I wanted it to be in the same place.' I reply.

 'Did you speak at mum's funeral?'

'I was going to, I even prepared a speech. But when the priest asked me I just couldn’t do it and dad spoke instead.' He nods as he takes in all this information.

 'How was everything with him?'

'Saying things were bad would be an understatement and you're probably wondering why? But I don't really want to talk about that now and I'm sure Elaine would be happy to tell you.' He puts his hand on top of mine.

'Its fine Kiera,' he says quietly.

I look at the clock on the wall and take a deep breath once I realise it’s nearly twelve. 'I didn’t even know him yet I still feel upset. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now.' Kaiden breaks the silence and I'm not sure if he expects me to reply but I don’t because I don’t what to say to his comment.

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Kaiden's wife and daughter enter the church when it is twelve. She sits beside Kaiden with her daughter on her lap and Kaiden introduces her as Esmé. She smiles politely and says 'it’s nice to meet you Kiera.'

'You too,' I reply not knowing what else to say. 

The doors open and Elaine walks inside. 'Elaine,' Kaiden greets her as he stands up to hug her and she returns the hug. After they pull away, Esmé hugs Elaine as well with Zoey Lynn by her side. Elaine looks at me but I make no eye contact with her as I look at the floor. I get up to go to the toilets, to control my breathing. 

I look in the mirror, starring at the reflection not even recognising the person starring back at me. I analyse my facial feature, getting carried away.

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'Hey, Elaine said you were in here,' Kimberly says as she enters the toilets.

 'When did you come here?'

'Ten minutes ago.' I narrow my eyes because I've been in here for a while. 'You were in here for fifteen minutes,' she says noticing my discomfort. I nod my head and she puts her hands on my shoulders. 'So you want to go back then?'

'I don't think I have a choice,' I reply and she smiles a little before intertwining our fingers and walk out. I mentally gasp once I see how full the church is. People are probably wanting to see him punished for everything he's done. 

Kimberly tugs at my arm and I sit beside her, taking the seat in the corner on the opposite side of the church to where I was sitting before. 

The priest begins talking and I cross my legs as I try to listen.

A couple of minutes later, I notice Elaine walking to the front of the church with a paper in her hands. 'What is she doing?' I loudly whisper to Kimberly.

'She's going to say a few words because it’s time for that.'

'Oh.’ She squeezes my hand and I turn my attention on Elaine.

'Dave was a great man.' I scoff instantly disagreeing with the choice of words she chose to use. She looks at me before carrying on. 'I know many of you won't agree with that but he really was.' I know that comment was aimed at me so I roll my eyes. 'He was a great father.' I scoff again because he was definitely not a "great" father. 'Kiera let me speak,' Elaine says and I don't say anything. 'He loved his daughter and would do anything for her.' I bite my tongue to prevent myself from reacting to her words. 'Many of you may think that he has one child but he actually had a son before he had Kiera who went missing in 1991. That boy is here today,' I roll my eyes and slouch in my chair, not paying any more attention.

I sit up once Kaiden stands beside Elaine to say a few words. 'I didn't know my father but from things that I've heard I should be grateful. But I'm not. I would've given anything to have met him-'

'You did meet him.' I correct interrupting again.

 'I was only three months old.'

'So, you still met him.'

'Okay Kiera, do you want to say something seen as you keep interrupting?' He sarcastically asks and I walk over, standing beside Elaine. 'I'm not really going to say much except that my dad wasn't a "great" dad. Describing him like that should practically be illegal.'

'Kiera I knew your dad,' Elaine says interrupting me.

 'You obviously didn’t know him if you think he was "great" because if you really did like you claim to, you'd know he was in fact an awful father.'

'Kiera stop being so negative, it’s your dad's funeral' I sigh loudly, not bothering to hide my irritation as I say 'if anyone else agrees with that point of view then you're all naïve,' before sitting back in my seat. 

Elaine and Kaiden share a look before Kaiden and before he can continue Sally and Phillip walk through the doors. They stand, frozen as they make eye contact with Kaiden. Kaiden breaks eye contact and they have no choice but to sit down at the back. 'I'm going to recite a poem that I printed off called "Crossing The Bar" by Alfred Lord Tennyson.' He opens the paper and begins reading.

When he finishes reciting the poem, he folds the paper and says 'lastly, I'd like to thank everyone that is here today,' before him and Elaine sit in their seats.

The priest walks to the front of the church and resumes the ceremony.

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'Do you want to go?' Kimberly asks and I give her a confused look. 'The ceremony ended, were you not listening to any of it?'

'Shut up Kimberly,' I snap and she rolls her eyes, not saying anything else.

 'Kiera, are you going to go?' Elaine asks as she stands in front of me. I turn around and notice that the church is empty.

 'Where?'

'The burial,' she replies and I realise he's going to be buried soon.

 'No,' I reply, putting my hands in my hair.

 'Kiera, do you not want to see him?'

'I won’t exactly be seeing him will I?' I retort and she sighs. 'I'm not doing this because I'm angry, I’m doing this because I can’t handle it. I couldn’t handle it when my mum died and I still won’t be able to handle it now,' I say and her face softens.

 'Kiera, why don't you try?'

'You don't understand Elaine.' I sigh loudly. 'Elaine, you're going to miss the burial so go,' I quietly say. She considers it for a while before nodding and leaving the church.

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'Are you guy not coming?' Lucy asks as she stands by the door.

 'Where?' Kimberly asks.

'Home,' she replies as she stands in front of us.

'Come on,' Kimberly says as she stands beside Lucy. Silently, I stand up and get up to leave. 

We turn a corner and we see Phillip talking to Kaiden saying 'I'm sorry I lied but Kaiden you have to understand my reasons. I never meant to hurt you. And blood doesn't make a family, love does.' I scoff and he turns to face me. 'Do you have a problem?'

'Did I say I had a problem?' I retort. 'It’s funny that you say blood doesn't make a family and that love does but how do you lie to someone you claim to love?' I question folding my arms. Phillip scoffs as he shakes his head. 'Your dad lied to you a lot though didn't he?'

'Don't bring him into this, he is a thousand times better than you and my dad sucks so what does that say about you?' He laughs before saying 'Is that so?'

'Yes it is.' I don’t give him a chance to say anything as I say 'what would you uneven know about love? All you do is buy children and then bring them up as your own.' He scoffs loudly before saying 'At least I'm not a rapist.' I stand still silently. Kaiden's fist makes contact with Phillip's face and he winces in pain. 

I walk away and get it one of the cars I hired, putting my hands in my face. 'Are you okay?' The driver asks concerned.

 'Fine,' I reply harsher than I intended. Lily sits in front of me as she hugs me. Kimberly sits on my right and Lucy sits on my left. Lily tells the driver to start driving and he obeys.

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I gasp once I see people from the funeral and more people gathered in Lily's house. Some people are walking towards it. 'Lily why the hell are people from the funeral in your house?'

'My mum and your aunt wanted to celebrate the life of your dad so they made the wake at my house.'

'What the hell? I didn’t want one.'

 'Calm down,' Lucy says, putting her hand on my knee.

 'I'm not going in.'

'So what do you want to do?' Kimberly asks and I shrug my shoulders.

 'We could hang out at my house,' Lucy suggests and I agree. We get out of the car and they boys come out of their car.

 'Where are you going?' James asks.

 'My house.'

'Why are you going there?' James questions.

'Because we don’t want to stay here, do you have a problem with that?' She retorts and he pulls a face.

'Are we not invited?' He asks and Lucy looks at me.

 'They can come,' I say and she says 'Great' under her breath.

 'I'll join you guys later,' Joe says as Tommy is with him.

'Kiera,' Tommy says giving me a hug when he sees me and I return it.

 'I'm also going to come later because I need to talk to my aunt,' I say and they nod, walking away.

 'You're really brave Kiera and strong,’ Tommy compliments.

'Thanks.'

'Come on Tommy let's go and look for dad,' Joe says and Tommy stands next to him. 'Meet me here when you finish your talk,' Joe says to me and I nod my head. 

I watch them leave and try to recover from what happened at the church. I take a deep breath as I understand that my dad is gone.

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'Take no notice of what Phillip said.' I turn around and see Kaiden. 'He shouldn't have said what he did.'

'It doesn't really change anything though does it?' He sighs, not saying anything. 

Speak of the devil, the man himself stands next to Kaiden and he says 'Thomas, I'm-'

'Don't apologise to me, I don't want to hear it. Apologise to her,' Kaiden motions towards me, causing Phillip to look at me. 'I'm sorry for what I said, I shouldn’t have said it,' he states as he looks at me in the eyes. I nod my head, expecting to leave but he continues, 'to be fair, you did provoke me.'

'What is wrong with you? You're older so you should know better,' Kaiden replies angrily, his face becoming pale.

'Kaiden-'

'Why are you here? I didn't invite you,' Kaiden cuts him off and Phillip sighs sadly.

 'I don't want to lose you.' Kaiden laughs sarcastically before saying 'You never had me in the first place.' I'm genuinely surprised at his reply. 'Kiera, come on.' Phillip begins to open his mouth only to have Kaiden to silence him instantly, 'shut your mouth.' Phillip closes his mouth and Kaiden drags me away.

 'I can walk you know.'

'Then walk,' he replies as he lets go of my arm. When we go inside he says 'I don't want you talking to him.'

'I don't want to do that either.' He smiles and walks over to Esmé who is sitting by the dinner table. I walk over to Aunt Rachel and say 'I'm going to go over to Lucy's house.' She puts her hands on my shoulder and asks 'How are you Kiera? Honestly.'

'I don't really know but I don't want to stay here.'

'Okay, are Lily and Kimberly there too?' She curiously asks and I nod my head. 'Are you guys going to sleep over there?'

'I don’t know, it depends on Lily and Kimberly.' She nods her head allowing me to go.

I walk outside and see Joe standing where we were earlier. 'You took your time,' Joe states when he sees me. 'Yeah I had to talk to Aunt Rachel.'

'Are you okay?' He curiously asks and I nod my head. Without warning, he wraps his arms around my neck and slowly, I return the embrace. We pull away and he holds his hand out for me to take. I look at it for a while before lacing our fingers together. 

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When we arrive in front of Lucy's house, we see Dan who walks towards us. 'Kiera, how are you?' He asks and I drop Joe's hand.

 'I'm okay Dan' I reply, not feeling comfortable.

 'I heard about your dad, I'm really sorry and I'm sorry I didn’t come to the funeral.'

'Don’t worry about it,’ I reply and he smiles thankfully.

 'We have stuff to do so if you don't mind-'

'Shut up Joe,' I say quickly cutting him off so he can't embarrass me any further.

 'It’s okay Kiera,' Dan replies smiling. Joe wraps his arm around my shoulder, shooting daggers at Dan with just his glare.

 'Kiera, we have to go so come on,' Joe says, his eyes still starring at Dan who is in front us. Dan walks closer to me but Joe steps in front of me angrily asking 'what the hell do you think you're doing?'

'Joe,' I warn.

 'No, who does he think he is?' He asks me causing me to sigh. 'She got arrested for your drugs. Trouble always comes when you're around and you still want to drag Kiera down with you? You're no good for her,' Joe says looking at Dan who scoffs 'And you are?'

'Yes, actually I am,' Joe replies and I roll my eyes at their immature attitude, walking towards Lucy's house where she's watching the argument.

 'Are you okay?' She asks tucking loose strands of my hair behind my ear.

 'Yeah.' She wraps her arms around my waist pulling me closer and I fold my arms but rest my head on her shoulder as I calmly breathe. 

Joe joins us shortly and he asks 'when did you leave?'

'I wasn’t going to stand there and watch you and Dan bicker like little kids.’ His face softens and I can tell he regrets it.

'I'm sorry.'

'Whatever Joe,' I say annoyed and walk inside Lucy's house. 

Everyone is seated in the living room and a movie is playing on the large screen. 'You made it,' Chris loudly says and I manage to crack a small smile. I sit beside Kimberly where there's a free spot so I'm guessing Lucy was sitting there.

'You know Lucy was sitting there,' Kimberly smiles grabbing my hand.

 'Yeah I figured but I don't really care,' I respond and she playfully rolls her eyes. 

Lucy walks in to the room and smirks at me before sitting beside me. Joe walks in and sits beside Jess. He wraps his arms around her waist and she giggles, leaning into his touch. He strokes her hair and places a soft kiss on her lips, to which she returns. I divert my attention elsewhere but James' comment saying 'knock it off you two,' prevents me from doing so.

 'Can I not kiss my girlfriend now?'

'I didn't say that Joe, I'm just saying I don’t think we really want to see it,' James replies rolling his eyes. Lucy rests her head on my shoulder and stares at Joe before staring at me. She gives me a look that says "I know," and I instantly break eye contact turning to Kimberly so Lucy can no longer look at me.

I look at the screen which is what most people are focusing on but I find myself losing interest really quickly. I begin fiddling around with my hair and Lucy whispers 'you're bored aren't you?' I raise my eyebrows at her, silently questioning her but I don't bother denying it. She grabs my hand and pulls me out of the living room and upstairs into her room.

'What Lucy?' I ask annoyed as I lie down on her bed.

 'You know what.'

'No, I don't.' I decide to act as if I don't know what she's talking about. She rolls her eyes, sitting next to me and asks 'Do I have to spell it out for you?'

'I think you're going to have to,' I reply avoiding eye contact with her.

'You and Joe,' she replies with a smirk on her face.

 'There is nothing going on between me and Joe.'

'Who said anything about that? You saying that makes me question if there really is something going on between you two.'

'You tricked me,' I mumble loudly and she chuckles.

'No, I just helped you to tell me the truth a little bit.'

 'Shut up Lucy,' I reply turning away from her. She sighs as she gets up and walks around the bed and kneels on the floor so she can face me.

 'Kiera, why are you so moody? It's only me.'

'You're probably thinking what the hell is wrong with me going after Joe but I'm not even going after him.'

'Kiera, calm down because I do not think that. You deserve to go after whoever you want.'

'Not if it’s Joe,' I mumble.

 'Do you like him?' She asks as she puts her hand on my cheek. 'It doesn't matter I can’t go there because he's with Jess and Katie is his ex.'

'Kiera you haven't answered my question so I'm going to ask you again. Do you like Joe?' She asks quietly.

 'You know the answer already.'

'I want to hear it from you.'

 'Yes,' I whisper and she smiles. 'Are you going to tell anyone?' She sits beside me and slips her hand in mine.

'Why would I tell someone? I'd never do something like that,' she replies.

'Luce there's a first time for everything and I only asked.'

'Don't ask stuff like that Kiera,' she says softly as she strokes my hand with her thumb. 'And why are you whispering?' She asks curiously.

 'I don't anyone to hear our conversation,' I admit and she nods her head.

'Kiera stop worrying, no one is going to hear or even find out about this conversation.'

'You don't know that.'

'Stop being so negative,' she replies and I remain quiet. I close my eyes as sleep catches up with me. She takes my shoes off before putting the duvet on top of me. 'Go to sleep Kiera, you're tired,' she says softly. She bends down to place a kiss on my forehead and leaves the room.

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I wake up to unknown surroundings. I notice photographs of Lucy on the walls and I finally realise I'm in Lucy's bedroom. 

I turn to the bedside table and look at the alarm. Seeing that it's 20:00, I decide to get up. I pull my hair into a messy bun and walk downstairs. I enter into the living room and only see James and Chris. 'Hey,' they say and I smile not bothering to say anything. I lie down on the sofa and Chris moves to sit by me, pulling my feet onto his lap. 'How are you feeling?'

'Tired,' I mumble and he smiles.

'That's pretty understandable,' James responds.

'Thanks for your birthday gifts,' I say remembering the presents I opened a few days ago and they both smile.

'You're welcome,' Chris replies.

 'Where are the others?'

'Everyone went home except Lucy obviously,' Chris jokes and I scoff, shaking my head. Before I can mock him, he carries on speaking, 'Lily, Kimberly, Katie and Max are in the kitchen with Lucy.' I can't help but feel disappointed when I find out Joe isn't here. I mentally scold myself for feeling that way. 

'Everyone else send their love,' James says and Chris agrees. I nod and tell them I'm going to the toilet as I get up from the sofa.

 I'm about to walk into the kitchen but once I hear their conversation, I stop. 'What is the deal with Joe and that girl?' Kimberly asks.

 'Oh you mean Jess, his girlfriend' Lily replies.

 'Oh they're dating?'

'Yep,' Katie replies stretching the "p." Lily speaks up by saying 'They're a pretty awesome couple. Joe treats her like a princess. They've even said "I love you" to one another.'

'What? When the hell did that happen?' Lucy asks.

 'Recently,' Max replies and I stand there motionless.

 'They look like the sort of couple that are going to last for ever, having kids and growing old with one another,' Lily says. I sigh, not being to handle it anymore. I walk upstairs to Lucy's room, slipping into my converse and grab my cardigan before quietly walking out of the house.

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I walk through the alleyway as this is the closest way to get to Lily's house. I ignore the uncomfortable sensation it brings to my body. 

I dread getting through the dark abandoned alleyway that I usually see Dan in. I take a deep breath, knowing that the quicker I can get passed, the less I get to worry.

Its only when I'm half way, I hear a cough and I instantly know that I'm in danger. I try to walk away but my legs are frozen, failing to move. I stand still, stopping in my tracks. Before I can even turn around, I hear a breath behind me. I know I'm probably going to die now. My life ends here.

His vile smell fills my nose and I cringe. He turns me around violently and his dark coloured eyes stare into my blue ones. His hands hold the straps of my dress. He lets go of my straps, pushing me hard and my head comes in contact with the hard ground. The last thing I see is my own blood before my eyes close against my will.