Emily's POV

How could I be so selfish?

How could I forget about something so important like this?

How could I forget about the dreadful night?

How?

Cause I'm stupid.

It's been two weeks since the party and I still cant believe that I could be so careless.

You must be confused, right? Let me fill you in.

That night when we came back from the party, I got a call from my aunt. I was happy because I hadn't got the time to talk to her in a long time, so I left the boys in the kitchen and went to my room to talk to her. We talked about some random things for sometime but her tone was very shaky when she spoke.

I asked her what was wrong and then immediately regretted it. She had actually called to remind me of my parents' death anniversary. That's when everything came crashing down. I had forgotten the day they died. I had forgotten the day they left me. All because I was so stupid.

I wanted to run away at that moment. I wanted to hide somewhere because I was so ashamed of myself. Not only am I the one who is solely responsible for their death but I also forgot the day it happened.

Screw me.

I talked to Alice the same night. She is the only one who knows and she promised me that she would cover for me that day. That day had come. It is today. The day my parents...you know what I mean.

Right now, I'm driving to aunt Tessie's at six in the morning, we will go to the cemetery and the church and we'll pray, like every year. Alice has let me borrow her car for today and told me that she would handle the guys. She will tell them I had some important family function to attend and I will be back by tomorrow.

I knock on aunt Tessie's door, after a minute it opens, revealing my beautiful aunt. She is dressed in simple blue jeans and a white shirt. Her face is without any make-up and her blonde hair just like my mom's is hanging around her shoulders.

She gives me a small tentative smile and pulls me for a hug. I don't return the smile; I keep my face straight although I'm just waiting to scream on the inside.

She leads me inside and we sit in the drawing room. She gives me some scrambled eggs with toast knowing I haven't eaten anything because of leaving in the morning so soon. I take two bites and put the plate back on the table. I don't have an appetite. Especially today. I will not be able to scarf down a bite of food today.

Aunt Tessa sighs but stays quiet. Usually she would pester me to eat more, just like Luke does, just like mom and dad did but she knows better than to push me today.

We sit silently most of the time. Aunt Tess asks me about college and my friends and I reply with a simple 'fine'. She tries to keep up the conversation but eventually gives up after getting restless with my monotonous one-worded replies.

Around eleven, we drive to the church. We buy two bouquets on the way, orchids for mum and lilies for dad. We reach the cemetery and walk side by side towards them. We pass numerous graves on our way. Some look old, covered with leaves ad dust while some look new and freshly dug.

I see a few dried up flowers lying on some of the graves as we pass by. I see a girl who seems to be in her twenties, sitting in front of a grave and reading a storybook to her sibling probably. She looks up momentarily and meets my eyes. I see many emotions-identical to mine- swimming in her eyes, grief, pain, sadness, vulnerability and most important, empathy.

Empathy is something you rarely find these days. People say, 'I'm sorry for your loss.' That is nothing but sympathy. Nobody needs sympathy. Nobody needs people looking at him or her with pity in their eyes, it's annoying. I personally feel that people will say that they understand our feelings but they wont. They wont understand until they experience the same pain.

That's what empathy is, feeling.

Looking at the girl, I know that she feels empathy. She knows how painful it is to loose a loved one and I know that she has genuine empathy rather than fake sympathy.

We finally reach our destination. Two grey stones side by side, the left one was my mom while to her right was my dad. Their names written in bold letters. We place the bouquets in front of them and both of us sit on the lush green grass cross-legged and side-by-side, our knees touching. It's silent for sometime but its not long before the first tear slips out.

Aunt Tessa lets out a light sob. I take a quick look at her, her eyes already red and also her nose, pain is evident in her eyes as she stares at her older sister. At that moment, only one thing goes in my mind, I did this.

I rest my head in her shoulders as tears pour out my eyes. I did this.

"I'm sorry." I whisper through my tears. It's an unforgivable apology. Aunt Tessa knows that I am apologizing to her; she immediately shakes her head and wraps her arms around me.

"No, Ems. It was not your fault." Her shaky voice makes me cry harder. I all but burry my head into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." I say again.

"It wasn't your fault baby. It was an accident. I don't blame you, Emily. I never will." She says with so much conviction in her voice, which calms me down just a little, but I can't encourage myself to believe her.

"I miss them so much." I sob into her shoulder.

"I miss them too, sweetheart, so much but they are at peace now. They are at a better place." She says. We sit in silence, seeking comfort from each other as our tears subside.

"You know what my mum, your grandmother used to tell me whenever I missed my dad? She told me that he had become a star. You can't see him in the morning but he is always there. Maybe you cant see him at night too because he is hiding among other stars. However, he is there. Watching you and looking after you. Emily, your parents loved you so much. They were so happy when you were born. Your father started sobbing when he held you for the first time. They are like stars now, you wont see them, but they are always there, watching their daughter grow up."

I nod at aunt Tessie's words staring blankly at the green grass ahead of me. We sit there for hours, not speaking anything, just listening to the birds chirping nearby. At around one in the afternoon, we decide to head back. I pay one last glance to them, saying a silent goodbye followed by a 'sorry'.

When we reach back home, aunt Tess gives me a glass of orange juice because I refuse to eat lunch. She gives me her famous and my favourite cookies to take back with me.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" she asks as we walk towards Alice's car.

"No, aunt Tess. I know it's a Sunday tomorrow but I have some important projects to complete. Besides you're going to leave for Africa tonight, I don't want to be alone at home."

"Okay, dear, whatever you wish. Call me when you reach there. Take care okay?" she says, giving me a hug.

"You too. I love you." I say pulling away.

"Love you too kiddo." I climb in and start the car.

Despite of telling her that I'm going back to my dorm, I don't. I go back to the cemetery, to my parents.

The weather describes my mood perfectly. Dark, cloudy and glum. Its looks like its gonna rain but it wont, I hope. A light wind is blowing as I walk towards mum and dad. My guitar is slung over my back while I approach the familiar grey stones.

I sit down on the grass, which is a little marshy now due to the cloudy weather. The flowers we had bought them are still there, fresh and healthy. I keep my guitar beside me and stare at the two square grey stones.

"Hi mum, hi dad." I say in a shaky voice. A few minutes pass in silence as I sit quietly, trying to find my voice again.

"I'm here to talk to you both. Aunt Tessa said that you were watching me, so I guess you already know I'm in college." I say. I know I wont get any reply so I just keep talking.

"Its been fine so far. I've made some amazing friends who really care about me. They don't talk to me just for taking notes or getting help with homework. They actually like to hang out with me. There is also this guy, who is my roommate. Its weird right? A guy for a roommate." I smile a little thinking about Luke. Oh god, how my dad would have freaked out if he knew I had a guy as my roommate. He would've immediately thrown me into some other college.

"He is a really nice guy. He is always so sweet, considerate, and funny at the same time. He is helping me to eat again, just like you guys did. We both like similar things and we became friends so quickly. He really is a true...best friend."

"Then there is this guy, Justin. Everyone says he is my long lost cousin or something because he just like me. I always have a good laugh with him. Then there are two more guys, Alex and Cole, they both are like the big brothers I've never had. They are so protective but funny at the same time. Cole has a girlfriend too. Her name is Alice and she is one of my closest friends. She is so helpful and understanding. She is always there for me. I love all of them."

I sit quietly for some time, tugging and plucking the grass in front of me. Suddenly, the memory of the accident invades my mind.

-flashback-

I finish the last spoon of my pasta and put the plate in the sink before grabbing a glass of water.

"Ems dear! Could you come here for a sec?" I hear mom call.

"Coming mum!" I reply. Finishing the glass of water, I walk to the living room to see mum and dad standing there with wide grins on their faces.

"Did you finish you lunch?" Dad asks me.

"Yeah. What did you want to talk about?" I ask them. They both look at each other still grinning madly. What is happening?

"Emily, you're going to become a big sister!" my mum exclaims.

"WHAT? Oh my god mum! I'm so happy! I'm gonna be a sister? Wow. When did you find out? How far pregnant are you?" I ask her excitedly. They both chuckle at my giddiness. You think she's too old to have a baby. Think again, folks, she's only thirty five.

"We found a week ago and I'm only three weeks pregnant." Mum says.

"Wow! C'mon lets go see the baby now!" I say, jumping up and down like a little schoolgirl.

"Emily, I'm only three weeks pregnant, you cant see a baby in ultrasound that soon. It hasn't even developed yet." Oh yeah, I forgot. We have to wait. Gosh Emily, you're sixteen! Not six! You are supposed to know these things.

"Oh yeah yeah, but we can celebrate right? Lets go for dinner tonight!" I exclaim. Not that I would actually eat if we go to a restaurant but mum and dad would. They deserve a full cooked meal.

"We can celebrate of course but today might not be a good idea." Dad says chuckling a little.

"AWW NO. We have to go today. Why cant we? Please?" I whine.

"Ems, the weather forecast says it might rain tonight. We can go tomorrow dear."

"Please mum, dad. Lets go tonight. Please?" I pull out my best puppy dog face which no one can resist. They both look at each other again uncertainly.

"Okay, I guess."

"YAAAY! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!" I launch myself onto them. They both laugh and wrap their arms around each other so that I am caged between them. We stay in the group hug for a few minutes when mum pulls away.

"I have to fix an appointment with the doctor so I can have a check up." She walks away.

I hug my dad again. He wraps his muscular arms around me tightly.

"I'm so happy dad." I mumble when a small tear escapes my eye and lands on his neck.

"Me too princess, I'm so happy. This child is another gift, like you." He says softly pulling away and wiping the escaped tear.

"Now, go get ready for dinner." He says turning me around and giving me a slight push.

"I love you dad." I chuckle.

"Love you too princess, so much."

I run up stairs to my room and start searching for something good to wear.

A few hours later, we were on our way to the restaurant. Apparently, the weather forecast was wrong. The sky was filled with stars with the moon shining brightly. I was barely able to sit still.

Mum and dad were holding hands and dad was driving. We were all smiling, happy and more than ready to welcome another member to our family. 'Viva la Vida' by Coldplay started to play on the radio and being one of my and dad's favourite, we started to sing.

I got my singing talent from dad, of course. We were both singing on top of our lungs while mum was just smiling, listening to our voice. She said that dad and me were a great duo, we could match pitch easily. We were engrossed in singing when mum shouted.

"WATCH OUT!"

Everything happened in a blur. Another car was approaching our way and dad took a steep right turn to prevent a crash. The car scewered and I was shrieking wildly. We crashed into a hard concrete wall of some shop and everything went black.

-flashback ends-

I close my eyes tightly as some stray tears escape my eyes.

"I am so sorry mum and dad. If I hadn't persuaded you that day, you wouldn't have left. It's all my fault. I'm sorry." I speak to them.

I know aunt Tessie doesn't blame me. I know Alice doesn't blame me. But for some reason, I cant help but think its all my fault.

Pain is something I have become accustomed to in my life. The pain of losing the people who loved you the most. It's unbearable. I know pain is temporary but that doesn't mean it cant comeback. It's like when you are on your period, you lay down in a comfortable position, after sometime the cramps come back, and you have to change your position.

Wow, Emily. You're comparing such a serious topic to periods.

I take out my guitar as tears continue to pour down my face. There is no stopping them, today, my tear ducts work overtime. I start playing.

I play songs and random tunes. Sometimes singing, sometimes strumming. I don't stop however. I play and play and play. It gives me time to think, to clear my mind a little. The air grows colder as time passes. The grass is a little moist and wet from the dewdrops forming on them.

I sit there in my black jeans and black converse, playing my guitar, not caring about the little dirt and grass sticking to my plain white t-shirt.

Tears bleed from my eyes, literally and so does blood, from my fingers. I don't feel the pain though. I don't care that blood is staining the strings of my guitar. I just play.

After what seems to be hours but feel like mere minutes, I stop. I keep my guitar inside its bag and stand up slinging it over my shoulder.

"I love you, mum and dad." I whisper one more time before heading back to my car. It's already dark as I walk through the cemetery.

When I was young, I was scared from this place because my father had told me various scary stories that almost made me shit my pants. 'Eat your peas or the zombie might catch ya.' He used to say to get me to eat my veggies. Now, it didn't bother me. I didn't care if some ghost or zombie appears in front of me wailing like a maniac, I would simply give him the finger and move on.

The fact that I probably looked like a homeless teenager right now could scare off the scariest of monsters.

I reach my car and sit inside. I take a deep breath, which does nothing to calm me down. I take a quick look at my fingers. Each of them is cut and still bleeding from playing the guitar for so long. I ignore them and start the car.

I don't take the usual two-hour drive route to my dorm. Instead, I take a much more longer route which is practically wasting fuel. Like I give a flying fuck.

By the time I reach back to the college campus, its already 2am in the night. I park Alice's car near her block and take the keys with me, I'll return them tomorrow. I walk to my block, which takes about fifteen minutes seeing my block is on the other side of the campus.

I enter the dorm making sure to be quiet and not wake Luke up. The room is dark and I assume that Luke is already sleeping. It two in the morning, Emily! Of course, he is sleeping. I place my guitar beside my bed at its usual place and then I switch on the lights.

"Emily?"

Oh, shit.

...............................................................................................................................................

I cried writing this chapter.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

Sorry for the cliffhanger. Not really.

Love you all!

Until next time!