4 YEARS LATER.....

I look down at my desk and release a sigh. I've been at work for 9 hours today, sorting through paper work.
Noah would've been doing some of these stuff, but he's away right now. After Izzy's death, I became my old self. I closed myself off from people to try and freeze the emotions I have to make the pain a little more bearable. Unfortunately it hasn't worked and yet, for some reason I still do it. I think it is a sign of protection. To shut of emotion means to not let people have power over me and therefore not get hurt. The last time I opened up to someone died...and I still have some wounds from that.

Noah couldn't take the Alpha position. Once Izzy died, I needed him to help me organise the pack again. Alpha Landon understood, but was not happy...this was four years ago and the pack is still shattered. It seems when Izzy died, she took the joy and passion of the pack with her, leaving them slow, dark and glum.

It has definitely been a struggle. However, not everything has been all bad. Eddie and Zapora have a Daughter and another one on the way. Soul and Lincoln have been trying to get out more. They've even gone on dates with some other she-wolves. I don't ever believe that they would ever re-mate. But just the fact that they are doing something such as this is good. I take it as a sign of healing for them which gives me a sort of peace.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear big thumps coming outside my office door. Then suddenly a little boy bursts trough the entrance in tears. My son, Xavier.

I turn in my office chair. He jumps on my lap, wraps his small arms around me an cries into my shoulder. I circle my arms around him and rub his back, "What's wrong Xavier?"

Zapora comes running in my office panting which I'm not surprised about considering she is heavily pregnant.

"Sorry Xander. I couldn't catch him. He had a bad nightmare again."

I nod my head towards her, "it's okay Zapora, I'll take it from here."

She nods her head and leaves, closing the door.

I look down at my little boy on my lap, "So you had a nightmare huh?" I ask softly.

He nods his little head and cuddles deeper into me, "I try to be brave like you, but it hard cause I get so scared."

I pull my son closer to me and I whisper, "Do you want to know a little secret?"

Xavier looks up at me with his puffy eyes and runny nose. He nods his head frantically.
I lean a little bit closer and say,"I get scared."

His eyes widen and his mouth drops open, "But you're the Alpha! You're not allowed to be scared!"

I chuckle, "Everyone gets scared Xavier, even Alpha's."

"When were you really really scared?"

I was silent for a little bit then said, "the last time I was really really scared was when I lost your mama."

"Mama?" He whispers.

I nod my head, "Yeah. But I made sure that no one knew."

"How?"

"Well, do you have a mean face?"

He scrunches his face into an angry face. His brows were arched down, be bared his teeth and growled. He looks like me when I'm grumpy. I throw my head back and laugh, "That's very good! Now, as long as you have that face when you're scared, no one will think you are."

He nods his head. Xavier starts to look around the room. His eyes land on a picture frame that has been turned down. He climbs off my lap and walks towards it. He lifts it up, revealing the picture. I instantly look away and close my eye. I create a fist and hold it against my mouth. It's too painful to look at it. "This is Mama." Xavier stated. 

"Yeah son...thats your mama."

There's a small tap on my knee. I open my eyes to see my little boy showing me the picture. "You shouldn't have her down," he says, "Mama wouldn't like that. She might think you don't like her anymore."

I feel my eyes water slightly, but I try to blink them away quickly, "That's wrong. I like your mama very much. Sometimes Papa misses her so much its hard to look."

"Well, I'm sure mama misses you. She gets to look at you from the sky and remember all the good stuff, you should look at her the same way."

I smile down at my son, "You're probably right."

Xavier lays his tiny little hand on my rough cheek, "Don't make your heart hard papa because then the bad guys would win if you do."

I am amazed at my son, "How're you so wise. You're giving council to a grown man and you're only 4 years old."

His cheeks goes red and he giggles.

I rough his hair up a little, "You're going to be a good alpha one day Xavier."

"I hope so."

I nod my head. I stand up from my chair and lift my son up into my arms, "I think nine hours of work will be okay. Come one son, let's go to bed."

We  both get to my room. We both jump on the bed. and we both go to sleep.

***

"Look, it has been four years Xander. My daughter has grown tired of waiting. Your pack is one of the most powerful. It will thrive. I NEED Noah as my successor."

"I understand, Kendrick but I have no choice in the matter. It is Noah's. If you want him that badly, then you should be willing to wait."

"Four Years! Surely that has to be enough!"

"He is the one committed to this. he should have the right to pull out if he wishes. You shouldn't force your daughter and a male to mate."

"You gave your word Xander. If you break it, I will have to declare war against you."

I stand up from my chair and growl, "Are you threatening me?"

"Not threatening, just stating."

I snarl at his face, "How dare you!"

"No Xander, its more of how dare YOU. You're the one breaking a promise."

I walk over to the window that over looks the whole pack and release a great big sigh. How can I get out of this? What would be best for Xavier? He does need a mother and she is the daughter of an Alpha. She'd be a good mother to him. "What if..." I can't believe I'm saying this, "What if I married her instead. Would that make you happy?"

He just stares at me for a bit, "Why would you?"

"My mate is dead. I have no commitment to her anymore. I am free to be with whoever I want."

He nods slowly as if warming up to the idea, "I like this, yes. I think that would be more appropriate."

I nod my head, "Good. I'll be at your pack for the ceremony in two days, now get out."

He bows his head and leaves. As soon as the door closes I collapse onto my chair. I rubs both of my eyes. I open them and see the picture of Izzy. I grab and just look at it, "Don't be jealous," I whisper, "Me and the Alpha's daughter may get married, but she will never have my heart. You took that with with you the day you died."

I walk out of the room. I need to see my son. I climb down the stairs to see him at the bottom. He's lying on his stomach and drawing. There were pieces of paper everywhere with little drawings here and there. "Hey Xav. What're you doing?" 

"Drawing."

"I see that. What're you drawing?"

"I drawing the most beautiful woman in her home."

I look down and see a lady in a rugged red dress, with long hair, standing beside a waterfall. Waterfall? He's never seen a waterfall before though.

"Have you seen this waterfall Xav?"

He looks up at me and giggles. Then he brings his finger up to his lips, "Ssshhh it's a secret."

I frown down at him, "Xav tell your father now, where have you seen-"

"Xander?" I look up and see Eddie. 

"Yeah?"

"You're marrying Alpha Kendrick's daughter?"

I frown up at him, "How'd you know that?"

"because he told Noah in front of all of us that you're marrying her."

"That bastard."I mumble.

"How could you re-mate? What about Izzy?"

I stand up immediately and walk right up to his face, "Don't you dare say her name." I growl deeply, "You will not say her name ever again in my presence," I snarl. 

"Xander!" We both turn and see Zapora. "Stop it! You're being childish." 

"Ugh!" I yell. "Watch Xavier! I need to go on a run." I walk out and slam the door.

SOUL'S POV:

Zapora and Eddie walks back into the room. "He's gotten worse." She whispers in a shaky voice. Eddie wraps a protective arm around her, "Don't stress darling, he is just still wounded from her death."

"I know...but that was four years ago, surely he had to have gotten better."

I decided to intervene in this conversation, "It's not that easy Zapora."

Her eyes lifts to mine, "What do you mean."

"Izzy was his heart and soul. Do you remember how much he changed once he met her, only a true mate could do something like that. She was his world, his key to having a happy life...and she was ripped out of his hold in second. No real mate could truely ever recover from something like that. I'd know..." I mumbled the last two words to myself. I understood Xander's pain. The only difference with our situations was that my mate was still alive, she just doesn't want to be with me anymore. 

"I'm sorry Soul," Zapora says, "I didn't mean to come across like that."

I wave it off, "Don't worry about it baby sis. It's already forgotten." She nods her head. Eddie ushers her out of the room and helps her up the stairs, probably for a nap or something. 

Someone plots themselves down beside me. I turn and see Noah. "Sup man."

"Hey," he says in his deep english voice. 

"Can I help you with anything?"

Noah just stares at me with his bright blue eyes. Then he says, "She will come back to you. Don't worry about it."

I laugh without any humor, "Sure, right. It's been who knows how many years. She's probably already mated with some male and have their own little happy family, that should've really been my family. I have no one."

"You still have us." he says in his serious tone.

"I do and I am grateful for that. But you have Keith, Xander has Xavier, Zapora has Eddie and their daughter. I am going to be left with no one at my death bed." I couldn't handle this conversation anymore, I stood up  to leave. I went to climb the stairs, but stop myself. I look over my shoulder. where's Xav?! The pieces of paper were flying everywhere. The door was open. "Oh shit!" I jumped down the stairs and out the door. "Xavier!" I shouted. 

Noah comes stomping out, "What is it? What happened?"

"Xavier's gone."