Sorry for the wait 🙂Go check out my book Graffiti

I've been writing this chapter for days

I didn't know how to finish it but I figured it out

It hurt as I wrote this so I can't edit it right now

Excuse the mistakes.

-2Q
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KATHRYN

Y'all told me to start putting more pictures so I guess I will 🙄

"Andre can you get up?"I asked. "Pastor is coming by to pray with us."

He rolled over on his side. He opened his eyes. I smiled, showing my pearly whites. He closed his eyes and rolled back over. I grabbed a pillow off the couch and hit him with it.

"Get..."Hit,"Up...."Hit, "Andre."

"Stop fuckin wit' me Kathryn,"He mumbled.

I sat on his back. He let out a loud groan, but I didn't get up. I rubbed his shoulders.

"I know you're upset. I'm upset too. Imagine if Amarah was here and she saw you doing this?"I asked.

He scoffed, "That's thing thing ma'. She not."

"The police are looking Dre. You can't give up hope. We have to trust Go-"

He pushed me off his back and sat up. I fell to the floor with a loud thud. He stared at me for a few seconds.

"God took ma' baybeh. Ya think ima trust him?"

I sighed and got up. He's been this way since Amarah disappeared. Phrey, Darnell, and Andre searched everywhere for her. The police were even looking. Phrey had some of his friends look for her too.

PJ and I spent most of the time trying to help him recover. It was hard because he didn't remember anything from that day. Darnell said he probably wouldn't gain that memory back. He felt like everything was his fault. We honestly didn't know of that was true.

"Can you at least leave? I don't want Pastor to see you like...this."

He rolled his eyes. He grabbed his phone, the bottle of Hennessy beside him, and the 'Advil' he's been taking. He stomped away while cursing me out under his breath.

I grabbed the couch cushions and fixed them. They smelled like straight weed. Andre's been doing heavy drugs since. I tried to tell him to stop but who am I to tell him anything?

I poured out his 'advil' which is really Oxy. He only bought some more. I flushed his weed. He had a secret stash. I emptied every bottle of alcohol. He just bought some more. It hurt on the inside knowing he was going through this.

I was going through it too. I cry myself to sleep every night. The last words Amarah said to me was, "I can do that too." She was the light of my world, but she just disappeared. I hated it.

My prayers have extended. To be honest I haven't left the house for anything, besides to see PJ. I can barely drive straight. It hurts so much.

Andre seemed to be having worse time. Today was the first day he's ever spoken more than three words to me. He leaves late in the afternoon to find Amarah. He stays out until 4 am. When he comes back he cries while he gets drunk. Then he passes out on the sofa, and repeats the next day. I hate it for him. I hate that his world was snatched away from him in only a few hours.

I've asked him if he wanted to pray with me, but he only turns it down. He wants nothing to do with God. He keeps repeating the bullshit Darnell's been telling him about fate. Darnell fucked him up with his stupid theory.

"I'm goin out. Ya want anything?"He mumbled as he walked down the stairs.

He had on a striped shirt. His black jacket hung off his body. His jeans were stained in the front from his adventure yesterday. I cringed as he stood in front of me.

"You're going somewhere looking like that? Can you at least put on a clean pair of jeans?"

He closed his eyes, "I'm so fuckin close ta slapping tha shit outta ya Kathryn."

"Andre!"I shouted. "I just want you to look decent."

"Ma fuckin daughta is out hea alone. Ya want me ta look decent fa what? I lost ma fuckin child Kathryn. Get it through ya thick ass skull that I'm not going any fuckin wea' until she in ma arms."

"She's my daught-"

"BULLSHIT!" He screamed. "That's ma daughter! Ya haven't done shit fa ha since she went missing. Ya sit around and cry. Ya just cry. I bust ma fucking ass searching everywhere fa ha. Ya don't do shit Kathryn!"

"Because it's the police's job. What would you do if you found her? Huh?"

"Ima put a fuckin bullet in somebody's head."

"And then go to prison? You're going to kill somebody to be away from you-"

"You don't understand! When ya have a fuckin kid ya do anything fo them. I'll throw myself in front of a fuckin train fa Amarah. I'll jump off Mount Everest fa ha."

"She's my child too. You keep saying shit like she's not my daughter Andre. She's my fucking daughter too."

"Ya know why ya don't have no kids yet?" He asked. He looked me in the eyes with a grim face. "Ya not ready fa kids. Ya not ready fa shit. Ya got ya self somebody else kid and ya think ya can raise a daycare. News fuckin flash Kathryn ya can't."

A few tears slipped out of my eyes as he screamed at me. He realized what he had said and quickly tried to correct himself.

"Damn Kat, I ain't mean it like that baybeh."

"Why would you say that?"I cried.

"I ain't mean i-"

"You know I can't have kids Andre! You know my situation. Why would you say some shit like that?" He pulled me in for a hug, but I pushed him away. "Get out."

"Kathryn, I said sorry. This been a rough week. I was just talking outta ma ass."

"Andre,"I whispered. "I won't say it again. Get out."

He looked at me with pleading eyes. I looked away. The door slammed as he walked out. I ran to the window to see him pulling out of our driveway.

ANDRE

"Who this?"I asked.

"This one of ma lil niggas. He tryna learn tha game. So we go teach him. He don't find Marah, he ain't in."

I looked at the young boy. He couldn't have been any older than 17. He was scrawny. He couldn't handle these streets.

"Ya know what happen if ya don't make it?"I asked with a eyebrow raised.

"Y'all niggas ain't offing me. Ima find her by tomorrow night. I'm putting my life on this one."

I rolled my eyes. The last four niggas said the same thing. Each time I just popped a bullet through they head. I don't fuck with people who can't keep promises.

"What ya doing standing hea' then? Ole goofy ass gon! Ya gon die nigga,"Phrey shouted.

The lil boy ran out of the room. I chuckled. Phrey wouldn't let me kill him. I know it. Phrey was really soft on the kids. The other niggas who looked for Marah was near death anyways. Phrey caught them stealing product, so he gave them a choice. Die now, or find Amarah. If they ain't find Amarah they died. Needless to say none of them did.

"How PJ?"

"He good. He gettin released today. I can finally get my dick sucked."

I straight faced him, "I don't know why PJ like ya ugly ass."

"PJ loves ma ugly ass,"He joked. "We going through with it brotha."

"Yall actually gon do it?"

"Issa lil girl at the hospital. When PJ was shot he needed blood. PJ type O, so ya know its rare. Lil girl at tha hospital gettin a check up gave blood."

"Wow."

"I contacted ha parents like 'Aye y'all lil girl so nice. Let me pay fa ha college tuition.' I found out she live in foster ca'e. Ya kna I can't let tha baybeh live like that. So PJ and I decided we gon take ha in."

"How old is she?"

"5, ya know what's crazy man? Ha birthday on the same day as Amarah's. She just a yea' younga."

"What's ha name?"

"Alayah."

I nodded, "Well 'Marah...What am I saying? We can't e'en find ma baybeh girl."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "We gon find ha. Marah a fighta. Ya need ta get ya self togetha. All this smoking, drinking, and stayin out late ain't right. If Marah was he'a ya wouldn't do that shit in front of ha. Kathryn hate it. Ya need ta stop treating tha woman like she tha pro'lem."

I didn't say anything. I was tired of being lectured on how to act. Nobody understood what I was going through. I barely understood what I was going through. I grabbed my keys off the table and left out.

Phrey called after me but I ain't say anything. I pulled out of tha trap and began ta ride the streets. It was beginning ta turn dark, which was tha time I usually looked fa Marah.

I thought about how lonely she could be. Sometimes I thought she was lonely. What if they kidnapped some otha lil girls? What if they were torturing my poor baybeh?

The thought of me having ta identify ya body made my heart cry. I couldn't do it. If I had to, I couldn't, I couldn't look at my little girls body. Even if it wasn't her, I couldn't look.

My phone rang on the passenger seat. I looked at the words 'Baybeh' appear across my screen. I turned it off and continued to drive. Kathryn did this every night. She called me thousands of time. She begged for me to come home. I just couldn't be with her.

She's the main one who doesn't understand. Amarah isn't even her child, but she's acting like she lost the whole world. I can't stand her fake cries and fake sympathy.

The phone rang some more. This time it was Phrey. I turned it off again. I parked my car at the lake. Sure enough, he was there. This was his spot. I got out of the car and walked over to him. He slid me a can.

"Any news?"He asked.

"Nah, How PJ?"

"He's fine. He just got released a couple hours ago,"he spoke softly. "Any news on Amarah?"

"Nothin. My mind is begging me ta give up, but ma heart won't let me."

"Andr-"

"I feel like all this ma fault. If I wouldn't have let ha go she would've been in ma arms. I could listen ta Kathryn sing ha a lullaby. Now I just listen ta Kathryn cry. She hurtin, and I can't do nothing about it. I did ha so wrong today."

"Stop blaming yourself Andre. Everything isn't always your fault. You're not always in the wrong. You can't prevent or alter fate."

"I told Kathryn she would neva be a parent. Befo' Marah left, we planned on having a kid. She wanted ta be inseminated lata on this yea'. She wanted ta try even though tha odds was against ha. If we can't find Amarah, I just wouldn't be able ta do it. I can't replace ma baybeh."

"Having another child won't replace Amarah. Nothing will ever replace Amarah and you know that."

My phone rang loudly in my pocket. I looked at it and saw Kathryn's face across the screen. I had 48 missed calls from her within the last 30 minutes.

"What's up?" I asked annoyed.

Her heavy breathing filled my ear, "Some-somebody-somebody in the hou-house."

I jumped up to my feet, "Fuck ya talking bout?"

"Please just com-hurry."

The phone hung up. I ran to my car. Darnell was hot on my toes following me. I got in and raced home. My mind was clouded with unbearable thoughts.

They came for Amarah. Now they're coming for Kathryn. They're going to take whoever's close to me.

The front door to the house stood wide opened. I got out of the car as Darnell pulled into the driveway. Not far behind him was Phrey. I grabbed my gun out of my dashboard. Phrey made me carry it for the time being.

I walked inside the house with my gun in front of me. I heard things being thrown around. The kitchen looked a mess. The cabinets and drawers were emptied out. Every utensil, plate, and cup were on the ground shattered. The pots were scattered throughout the floor.

The living room looked more of a mess. Our tv was shattered against our glass end table. The couch was flipped over on the love seat. The chandelier was hanging so low, I could touch it.

The door to Amarah's room stood wide open. I looked at the older man searching through the drawers. He had a bag in his hand. I could see the doll heads peeking out of the top.

"Fuck ya doing?"I shouted.

He jumped, "Shit, boss gon kill me."

"Nah I'm gon kill ya. Fuck is going on?"

A gun shot rang out. I watched the man fall to the floor. Blood splattered against Amarah's pink walls. I turned around and saw Phrey.

"Why ya do that? We could've got answers!"I shouted.

"It's mo' of them in hea'. I can sense it."

A younger boy popped out of the closet. He held a gun in his hand shaking. I took two looks at him. He held his gun pointing towards Phrey's forehead.

"Let me leave, or I'll shoot."

"'Ight...go."

A smile spread across the boy's face. He dropped everything he had and ran out of the house. Before he could open the door Phrey put two bullets through the back of his head. He fell to the ground with a thump.

"Ya ain't have ta kill hi-"

"My uncle said if you don't like Trey Songz you're ugly. I guess that means you're ugly."

Phrey looked at me. I walked to Kathryn's room and saw a man going through the window. Amarah was standing by the window. She looked dirty. Her hair was matted up. Her clothes had holes in them.

"Daddy!"She shouted as she saw me.

She got up to run towards me, but the man held her back. He pulled a gun out and placed it at the temple of her forehead.

"If you come any closer, I'll kill her. I swear to God."

I sighed, "Please just give me ma daughter. Ya can have anything ya want. I just want ma daughta man."

"If ya kill ha I swear ta God ya gon rot in prison while I kill ya whole fuckin family,"Phrey gritted.

"Phrey can ya just...stop? Ma daughta ain't gon die cause ya."

"Uncle Phrey!"Amarah shouted. She tried to wiggle out of the man's grip but she couldn't, "Let me go!"

"Amarah, baby just calm down. We gon get ya in a few minutes. Just let me talk ta tha man,"She nodded as tears fell down her cheeks. "Ya kna how much Daddy love ya right?"

"A whole lot, except when I'm bad."

"No baybeh, Daddy love ya even when ya bad. I love ya no matter what ya do."

"Then why do I get whoopins?"

The man laughed. She looked at me with cloudy eyes. My smile fell as I saw who stood behind him.

"Hello Andre. Did you miss me?"She giggled.

"I'm gon kill ha Andre. Don't touch ma niece bitch!"Phrey shouted.

She covered Amarah's ears, "Our baby shouldn't be hearing these types of words."

"My baybeh! Ya never fuckin ca'ed fa ha. Ya left ha! She's not ya child Ebony,"I shouted. "She don't e'en kna who ya are."

"I'm her mo-"

I watched Ebony's body fall to the ground with a loud thump. The guy turned around to shoot whoever it was but he fell to the ground with Ebony. I ran to Amarah and hugged her.

"Daddy!"She shouted.

Phrey grabbed Amarah and pulled her out of the room. I looked out the window and saw Darnell shaking. I jumped out the window and ran to him.

"I...killed them. I've killed someone."

"Darnell, calm down. It's okay."

"My job is to save people. I just took someone's life,"He said as he shook.

"Darnell calm down. Please, it's gon be okay. We can probably sav-"

"This was my fate."

He pointed the gun towards his forehead.

"Darnell don't do th-"

His body turned lifeless and fell. All he wanted to do was save lives, but sometimes you have to save your own. Kathryn's face emerged from the back door. She ran over to me and held his head.

"Darnell!"She cried.

"Kathryn baybeh. Darnell had a lot going on. This sent hi-"

"Darnell...I know I said I some terrible things but I never meant it. Please Darnell, don't leave me now."

I held her close to me as she cried. Her soft cries filled the neighborhood. The blue lights began to flash as we watched Darnell take his last breath.

"Why God?..."She whispered.

"I've been asking tha same question baybeh."