Leo

I'd never cried so much in my life. Ever. All of the times I've cried combined weren't even close to the amount of tears I'd shed that day.

I didn't want to fall asleep. I didn't want it to end. I wanted to stay wide awake and keep looking at her. Watching her sleep.

Creepy, I know.

But it was my last night with her.

I wanted to beg for her to stay with me. Get on my knees and beg. I was so  desperate to have her in my life even if she wasn't mine.

But even if she accepts me, she can't ever have a safe happy life if she's with me and I won't allow her to be in danger because of me ever again.

I stroked her hair and she leaned into my touch and sighed in her sleep.

Is she awake?

I wanted her to be awake. I wanted to tell her that I can't watch her go.

That I love her.

I felt sad that I didn't get the chance to tell her earlier, but I felt relieved on the other hand. If I told her that she would probably insist on staying.

"Leo? Why are you up?" She asked fluttering her eyes open.

I hadn't realized how much time had passed. I felt dazed as I watched her beautiful face.

"I didn't want to wake up without you and I knew you would leave without saying goodbye" I said.

"That just makes it harder for me to leave" She mumbled looking down.

Don't then.

It was a thought that immediately came to my mind but I tried to make it go away. I was the one who insisted on breaking up because I knew it was for the best.

She stared at me before standing up.

She nodded, "Do you have an extra toothbrush?" She asked.

"Yes"

As soon as she went in the bathroom and closed the door I sat on my bed and cover my face with my hands.

How could I fuck up this bad? I should've never gotten close to her. I should've just let her be. I should've kept my distance.

But now it's too late and she went through hell because of me.

She hated murder and violence and she killed someone because of me. She almost died because of me. She was stressed out the whole relationship because of me.

She exited the bathroom and I looked up, "Don't go yet. I'm just going to go freshen up" I said.

"I have to-"

"I said don't go yet" I said firmly, before softening my voice, "Please"

She nodded, "Okay"

I quickly got everything done. I didn't know if she was going to do what I asked her and didn't want her to give her time to change her mind.

Fortunately, when I got out of the bathroom she was there.

"Hi sweetheart" I said raising my head to look at her and forcing a smile.

"Don't go sweet on me now. Not now, please" She mumbled looking down.

"I'm not trying to do that", I walked up to her and lifted her chin to make her look at me, "Just know that I'll always be here for you" I said looking into her deep brown colored eyes that were a little swollen from sleep.

She glared at me,"You told me to stop coming back to you"

"Yes, because I can't resist you-"

She pulled my head down to her level and pushed her soft lips on mine catching me by surprise.

I immediately responded and ran my hands all over her, kissing her, wanting to memorize every part of her lips and her body, wanted to memorize the taste of her lips and the soft feel of them against mine. Because this was probably the last time I would kiss her.

But the thought of it ruined me.

"This can't be the last time" I voiced out my thoughts in between kisses. I couldn't bring myself to stop kissing her when she pulled away so I kissed down her neck, "I want to-" I trailed off not in the mood to talk anymore.

I just wanted to make her feel good. I wanted to feel like I could give her something.

She let out heavenly sighs that did things to me, made me want to go further, give her more.

But we weren't supposed to be together. At least not now. I was pushing my boundaries. The problem was it felt so good.

"Leo" She breathed out burying her fingers into my hair.

"Yeah?" I asked breathlessly pulling away and looking into her eyes once again.

She hesitated a bit and eventually she said,"I have to go" and stepped out of my reach.

My head hung low. I felt desperate to keep her close to me for as much as I could.

No, this is good. I want her to stay away from me.

But-

"Goodbye" She whispered and got on her tip toes to kiss my cheek softly making my heart feel like it was about to explode.

I shut my eyes and nodded before opening them again.

She started walking to the door, "Tessa" I called out. She stopped when she heard my voice and turned to face me, "If you ever need something or if you're ever in danger, I'd like to know"

I will know regardless, but it would be nice if you contacted me.

She narrowed her eyes at me and continued to walk to the door without saying anything.

Watching her leaving and closing the door behind her felt like I'd lost everything. I felt empty, frustrated and I didn't know what to do.

My first thought was to run after her, but I couldn't do that.

I suggested we break up for her safety and now I act like this. How pathetic.

How long will it take me until I go crazy and try to get back with her? I'm already thinking about it.

Maybe if I found a way. If I stopped doing this job things would calm down, but I would still be related to it. Not a lot of people knew me but things could always happen and I didn't want her to be in danger ever again.

Ugh this is driving me crazy.

I took out my phone and called the one person that could possibly cheer me up and help me.

"What is it, brat?"

"Nate" I warned.

He sighed and then his voiced turned into a sickening sweet one, "What do you want, little icecube"

"Can you come over?"

"Beg"

"Nate" I warned once again.

"I'm already on my way, Leo. I'm kidding" He said with a chuckle. I sighed and hung up before throwing my phone on the couch.

I sat on my couch with my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my palms.

I didn't want to let her go, but what was I supposed to do to keep her safe? lock her in a cage? Tie her to the bed?

I couldn't believe I wanted to cry again. I wanted to punch myself again.

"Fuck, Nate what's taking you so long?" I whispered.

After a few minutes of trying to calm down I heard a knock on the door. I immediately stood up and opened the door.

I was hoping it would be Tessa. Maybe she forgot something and came back.

I should've hid something so she would come back for it.

If only I could see her for a little more. Hear her voice a little more. Touch her a little more.

But of course, it wasn't her and I tried to be grateful for that. Seeing her now would drive me insane with all the ideas I was getting to make her stay.

"God, you look awful!" Nate said after gasping.

"Thanks" I mumbled.

"You look worse than you did when I beat your ass two years ago" He said walking in.

I rolled my eyes and didn't reply.

"What has you looking like that?" He asked sitting on the couch and patting the space next to him.

I hesitantly walked there and sat down next to him, "Let's not talk about it"

"Aw my little icecube is heartbroken? Come here" He cooed hugging me and patting my back a little too hard. He was crazy affectionate sometimes.

"I'm not heartbroken" I said stubbornly, but we both knew that wasn't true.

He pulled back and looked at me, "Your swollen face says otherwise. You've been crying" He pointed out. 

Is it that noticeable?

He sighed, "Why don't you tell her, Leo?"

"Tell her what?"

"That you love her" He said.

"I am not going to make her into stay with me by saying that. That would be wrong"

I did love her. So much. It was just the wrong time to tell her that. I didn't want her to think she has to stay because I feel like that. I didn't want to use my feelings to force her. She was clearly unhappy with me even if she said otherwise.

"But does she want to stay with you or no? Did you even ask her opinion? You're not the only one who's hurt here" He said.

"I'm not going to let her risk her safety to be with me" I said firmly.

"But she wants to, doesn't she?" He asked with a grin, "Love isn't easy"

"How do you know that?"

"People in movies say that a lot"

I sighed in frustration.

This isn't helping.

"Well, think of this" He said, "You would risk your safety if it meant being with her, right?"

"Of course, but it's different. I have no relatives. I only have you and Ares and I know you can protect yourselves. What if something happened to her family because of me? She would hate me"

"But we can protect her family" He said, "You're only seeing the dangerous stuff that could happen, but you don't realize that you have the power to protect her better than anyone else"

I looked down thinking about it.

"Say she moves on and finds another guy"

That sentence alone made my blood boil.

"He's a normal guy. He has a normal job and is not related to dangerous stuff at all" He described.

How boring.

"First of all your face has jealousy written all over it, but anyway, let's say Tessa suddenly gets tangled up in something dangerous like last time"

I could see where he was going with this now.

"That guy will not be able to protect her like you and he might even get hurt in the process"

"You're trying to change my mind. Stop that" I said.

He was actually starting to convince me.

"Come on, think about it" He urged me.

"No there are a couple of people who know me out there. I have to at least make sure they are taken care of before I get back with her"

"So you are thinking about getting back with her again in the future" He said with a grin.

I sighed, "Yes"

I didn't think I could go my whole life without her.

"Well, tell her that then. Don't crush all of her hopes"

"No, she doesn't have to wait for me. She's free to do whatever she wants" I forced myself to say.

He rolled his eyes, "Whatever. How about we start searching for those people and start taking care of them then?" He suggested with an evil look on his face.

I sighed, "Tomorrow. Let me be sad for a day" I said and fell back on the couch.

"How about I call Ares and Vinny and we have a sleepover?" He said looking excited as he took out his phone.

What a child.

"Do whatever you want"

The next day I worked as usual, but this time I was trying to find people who possibly knew more things about me than they should and could possibly target me.

Ares had some people trying to take him down and he deals with dangerous people,so naturally, we would be in danger too if anyone ever tried anything again.

"Hey" I heard a voice behind me.

It was Vincent.

"Ares told me to give you this" He said and handed me some papers and photos.

Probably more work for me.

"Thank you" I said.

"H-hey you should probably take a break, you know" He said fiddling with his fingers. Vincent was still getting used to all of this and he was a little shy.

Him and his sister, Serenity, resembled each other so much.

"I don't mean to tell you what to do, but you've been working non stop for hours. Your eyes are red" He said.

"I'll try. Thank you" I said. He nodded with a small smile and left the room, closing the door behind him.

I decided to do as he said, since I felt like my eyes were going to pop out and leaned back on my chair with a sigh.

But as much as I tried to stop myself my thoughts wandered back to Tessa.

Taking a break was a bad idea.

I subconsciously took out my phone and checked if she had texted me.

No texts. Nothing.

My finger lingered over her contact name, "I hope you wait for me" I whispered, "I might be selfish but I hope you wait for me"