Secrets! Nothing but blasted overlapped secrets!

I am more than aware by just how holding the name of Sutton, nothing but secrets will intertwine themselves into the very fabric of my being be apart of every day life. My own named family hold their own- but in these foreign lands the secrets of the Suttons are sure to get us killed! 

Marrying into the name of Sutton was an obvious move- being a Jegorova in a foreign land such as this, with such strange customs and people who look at us with eyes clouded in hate- it was the best of choices. 

I do hope I come to love Rhys as a woman is meant to love her husband. He is a good man, and means only well for me. 

Even though he is my husband, I feel I am bound by oath words to not break the silence of what I see, Biruta being the only witness to the transgressions at hand.

But OH the secrets!- are they not more vast in number than they had been at one time? My sister worries as well-if only I could confide into someone else. 

I wish Biruta where to remain in this country- or that perhaps I would follow her with her  husband back to our homelands. 

Aodhan will be with her as well, though has sworn as my dear brother that he shall return to see me, and write often. I fear it shall only be Biruta who writes- Aodhan is rarely seen with a pen in hand.

Even so.

To be alone, as for despite the family remaining I will have no one I can speak of these matters to but in this dairy, I fear this secret shall eat me up inside.

I wish us to have never came to these lands. 

Such sentiments are wasteful. 

My candle runs low, so I shall retire to bed, hoping that these thoughts on paper keep them from tormenting my mind when I wish for sleep.

1847

The 20th of May.

-A