[Dean]

Dean didn't see Cas for the rest of the week. He didn't dare to. Knowing that even Cas might be onto the fact that he wasn't as straight as he let on scared him. The tension between them had become very awkward, and he decided to try his best to ignore the situation for a while.

He didn't really think about it again until the next weekend, a week after their beach adventure, where he, Sam and Jo were going home to visit Bobby and Ellen. It had been a while since they had seen them, and finally all three had time to go home over the weekend to see their family.

Dean drove the Impala, with Jo and Sam in the back, doing their own thing. The seat beside him was empty, but this gave Dean time to think. He thought about the fact that one day he would have to tell all of them about it. The fact that he liked guys. He would have to say it once, to Sam, to Jo, to everyone important in his life. He would have to say it to Lisa.

It scared the shit out of him, no matter how much he tried telling himself that most of them wouldn't mind, Sam would always be his brother, and Jo would likely not care. Bobby would for sure not care, he was the one person Dean knew would always support him, and he was sure Ellen wouldn't mind either, and yet, Dean found himself so terrified of thinking about it.

He wanted it to go away, and just let him have a simple life, he wanted to never deal with it, never feel like crap because he felt this scared of talking to his family. He felt this scared of talking to Lisa. This had always been there, but it had never been anything that Dean worried about, because he was never faced with it.

Now he was, faced with the fact that he had feelings for Cas. Feelings that he feared were stronger than what he felt for Lisa, which scared him even more than he thought anything could. He never wanted to ruin what he had with her, and this, this might destroy everything.

That was what he feared the most, that the things that mattered the most to him would be different, that people would look at him different and think of him different, even if not in a negative way. It was scary for him to think that suddenly the world would know this thing he swore to never tell anyone.

He kind of wanted to though, he really wanted to just say it, and get it off his chest and not give a fuck what people felt about it. He wanted to not care, but he did, he cared so much and it scared the hell out of him.

Dean almost didn't even notice it when they finally arrived home, and he had parked the car in the driveway before he actually realized that they had arrived. Sam and Jo had already gone out of the car, and Dean quickly followed them outside.

Sam opened the back of the Impala and gathered his things, Jo grabbed her stuff and lastly Dean came to pick up his things. It was pretty late on a Friday, and Dean knew that Ellen would have prepared a delicious home cooked meal for them like always. He couldn't wait to get eating, and also to see Bobby and Ellen again.

All three of them headed up to the front door, Dean in the back, and Sam opened the door with a grin. "We're home!" He called out to let them know, and allowed for Dean and Jo to come inside of the house as well. Dean was the one who closed the door behind them.

"Boys! Jo!" Bobby came in from the living room, wearing his usual trucker cap and flannel shirt. He took Sam in for a hug, and then Dean and lastly Jo. Dean remembered how when they were younger Bobby would hug Sam and Dean at the same time, but now they had both gotten to big and tall for Bobby to be able to.

"Dinner is ready." Bobby told them, and all three went into the dining area to find Ellen covering the table. She smiled widely upon seeing them, and gave all three a hug as well, and then demanded they help her get the food on the table.

Ellen had prepared a huge meal for all of them, and as they ate and talked, Dean almost forgot all his worries about everything. He just enjoyed eating and talking about subjects and how everything was going for them. When they asked how it was with Lisa Dean just said he hadn't been able to see her in a while, but that it was fine.

Ellen and Bobby said he'd have to remember to invite her over for christmas when that came around, and Dean wondered if everything would be the same then. He wondered if he would have dared to tell them about everything, he wondered if he'd still be in a relationship with Lisa. Not because he had any intention of breaking up with her, but because he was afraid that might happen.

He couldn't help the idea of being Cas' boyfriend, of bringing Cas home to meet his family for christmas and then he almost had to excuse himself from the table for thinking so. He was dating Lisa, he intended to continue dating Lisa. She was going to be joining him home for christmas, not Cas.

He tried to ignore the thought for the rest of the evening, but as they finally went to bed, him and Sam in the same room and Jo in her own Dean couldn't help but think about it again. If he really thought about it, he didn't want to bring home Lisa for christmas, he wanted it to be Cas. He wanted to be Cas' boyfriend and spend his life with Cas. Which made Dean want to hit himself.

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Hi okay I'm bad at this but here you go :))