I sit appearing the view from a window that reflects back at me the doubt and pain I feel. I stare longingly wishing the answer would appear but all I see is bleakness and I fall victim to all me fears.

I wonder if the people, I've always thought as my friends are really just sitting in my corner rooting for my downfall?  Pretending to listen and rush to my add as they gleeful enjoy every tear of pain I cry and every word of sorrow I speak.

Are they lying to me, wishing and hoping that bad things happen to me?

Eagerly waiting to gloat behind my back as I struggle to gain footing in this dismal world.

I wonder if the people, I've surrounded myself with laugh at my misfortunes as I try to assist them through theirs.  Lifting them and letting them use me as an anchor or shield.

Am I a fool?  Too blind to see that they are not really my friends but people that are jealous of me.  Are they running to tell everyone they know and don't know about me and my follies.

As I sit here I wonder, where are my real friends?  Are they hiding in bushes waiting to stab me in the back as I walk past unaware of their intentions.

Are they smiling and hugging me with a dagger in their hands as they prepare to plunge the rusted spear of jealousy into my back.

I wonder all of this and more, as I stare out the window pane that reflects nothing back.

Is the pain I feel in my heart, to my soul really worth it?  Or should I become a person that closes myself no longer believing that real friends exist?