January 5, 2017
Atlanta Georgia

I just don't get my life sometimes.

I'm trying my hardest to stay strong since my dad left us but I lost hope.

I lost it completely.

I was ten by that time when dad and my mother faught and split up. My dad reject my words after I told him I want to stay and love with him.

I went to my bathroom to do my daily routine for school.

Take a nice bath.

Brush teeth.

Check acne and pimples.

And mostly clean my ears.

After I'm done, I went to see my phone charge.

Fuck!

My mom took my charger again!

Its half charge but its ohk cause I don't use it that much.

I went to my closet and pick out my white tank top with black leggings.

Then i bend down to get my shoes to wear so I chose my black Jordan 11s.

After I worn them I'll make sure my hair have been completely curl since I fix last night. I took my bonnett off so did the curls too. I'm really in love with my hair right now.

Before I pack up anything, I bend down my knees and prayed.

After I'm finish, I get my belongings and go downstairs too see my mom smoking.

I rolled my eyes and walk pass her to the kitchen.

"You ain't funna say good morning  to your mother, child?"

"Hi good morning mother..damn" I said roughly then mumbled.

I get my banana chips with my ginger soda with me and went out to the door.

Yup, no goodbye kiss, I love you, or stay in school routine ain't happening. And never will be.

I went to my Cadillac and start my car.

As you can see my dad still paying child support since I'm not 18 yet.

To be honest I'm starting to love it.

Not that my dad deserve it or anything it just my mom don't want to get her ass up in the couch and find a job.

My mom is also a drug dealer so she gets money whatever she wants too.

I'm not spoiled because I usually buys things on my own. I barely remember the last time we go to shopping as a family.

But I can't wait until May the 16th the year of 2017 when this beautiful fuck up kind being going to be her 18 years of living in this miserable planet.

I always regret calling this place miserable. Earth always created beautiful things everyday. It just the bad people and spirits make this Earth miserable.

I search a parking lot until one hooch bag wanna take my fucking spot.

I sigh and park next to it.

I grab everything and get out of my car.

I walked around the school to search for my friend. Usually everyone goes around the school to hang out until the secutiy told us it time to go.

Sometimes I skip schools just to hang out on that one spot.

It's like a place where I can tell something personal to God.

Rather than do it at home but still.

I go walk through the grass until I saw my best friend, Danaya.

"Hey baby girl!" I said lean and hug her.

"Hello bestie" She smiled.

Danaya is a cooled, sweet innocent chick. She not only my best friend but the the person I fuck with heavy. I use to have a lot until one of them backstap me like hell. I got expelled twice because I fought three girls in my first and five in my second. They were also my friends.

Since it's my third school, I have to act like I'm shy and talked to nobody until I met Danaya.

We been friends since the eleventh grade. She knows me so well and known my strongest and my weakness. I tell her everything I've been going through a lot. She has my back no matter what the cost.

I sat next to her and ate my banana chip as I watch her reading some book.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading, dumbass what did you think?"

We laugh as I playfully slap her in the thigh.

"I'm not a dumbass, you bitch. I was playing. But anyways how was your new year sweet thang?"

"Not good actually. My mom crashes the party when she drank a bottle of tequila. I might calm her down if you come to my house.."

"Danaya you know..."

"I know I know. It just boring over there without you"

"Awe. Poor baby. But it's OK I will make it up to you mkay?"

She smiled.

"Mkay"

We laugh once again until we go back what we're doing.

***********
This class is pissing me off.

I hate reading. I swear.

Every since I was in elementary, I have these struggles on this particular subject.

I always getting Cs and Ds and sometimes an F for each marking period.

I never made any progress.

"Ozana, will you please stop day dreaming and do your work. Or should I recall that your copying?"

I look at her rolling my eyes and look down at my paper which is empty.

"Keep rolling your eyes, till it get stuck" She joked.

"That's not what you said when you been giving me head last night" I mumbled.

Of course them kids funna laugh.

"What's so funny, boy?"

I gave him a glare till he stop.

"Nothing"

I grin and went back to work.

The bell finally rang till it time to go home with our normal lives. I get up towards the door till the teacher called me.

I turn and sigh.

"Yess.." I said irritated.

"I need to talk to you about you failing my class"

"Ugh, do we have too?"

"Yes, you know the rule. You fail this class, you can't graduate. And you don't want that"

"Fine. Imma see I can try to deal with my grades miss"

She nod and release me.

I know damn well I would NOT try to deal with it at all.

But at the same time, I have to graduate to get the hell away from my mom as long as I live.

Go to college.

Find a good job.

Make money.

I have a dream that is waiting, waiting, and waiting for me.

But I always blew it.

Just then, I found myself push by some tall ass nigga.

Instead of talking like a nigga, I just stare at him and gave him a slightly attitude.

He didn't say anything.

Welp, it worth a shot.

"Hey, at least a sorry will help sir instead of walking pass me like a bitch" I said.

He turn and I figure I just curse out a teacher.

Damn I'm in trouble.... I thoughted.

All he was doing is use his finger to point me as a signal to come to him.

I groan and came to him. Then I was following him to the office.

He told me sit on a bench until someone called me to come in.

Last time I was in trouble, I just wall the fuck out of this bench and leave.

But this time I can't because last time I did I made it to few detentions. Also cleaning up the whole entire school.

So I rather sit here and wait.

"OK, the principle told you to come in now" the lady said rolling her eyes.

I smiled at her and went to the principle office.

"Before you even speak, I did not know that was a teacher. Plus he barely dress like one either. Please don't send me off detentions or suspension or other punishments" I said speaking fast.

"Woah Ozanna, calm down"

"It's Ozana. O-Za-Na" I corrected him.

"Ozana, he didn't bring you here because you in trouble which you not at all. It's that your grades...its um.."

"Horrible I know" I finish it for him. "I'm trying to get it done jus like I said to Ms.Smith. Can I gooo now" I whined.

"One more thing. If your grades not in a right track by the end of the year, you will have to sent to summer school"

When that word hit me, I know I got to work hard for that.

Summer school. I hate it.

I agree as he release me to go home.

I didn't see Danaya so I must keep her too long.

I'll texted her later.

I went to the door of my house and get in. I see mother wearing a glasses with a beer in her hand crying on the couch.

"Baaaaaby. C-come here please...."

I gotten a little worry so I walked up close to her.

She stand as I flinch and trying to back up a little until she grab me by the arm.

"M-ma.."

"N-Noo" She said sobbing.

Instead of abusing me with her empty bottle, she hug me.

Hug me like she never see or heard from me in years.

But I didn't hug her back.

"I'm s-sorry Ozana. I'm really am"

****************