I was still not in my senses when I sat down to make ham sandwiches for Dad. I had come to accept the fact that I was dying and I wanted to leave a clean slate before my time came up. I could only hope that these sandwiches might help me achieve it.

I still didn't know what I was headed for, but before I could change my mind, I wanted to get this done with. I cleaned the kitchen from my mess and went to his room taking the plate and a glass of fresh milk.

Dad was leaning on his bed, with Bible in his hand, reading too much into it. I guess he relied on God now than anyone else to solve what was doomed in for us.

"Morning." I said startling Dad a little, but he only looked at me with a stretch of confusion spread on his face. "Is this one of the daily routines?"

"Huh?" He asked, as he involuntarily closed his book, taking off his reading glasses. "This, yeah... well, this is what is left for me, right? A form of purification."

I sighed as I placed the plate and the glass of milk on the side table and sat at the other edge of the bed, facing him. I was tired of fighting with him everyday. I looked away, figuring out what to do next.

"How are you, Scar?" He asked as he scooted closer, placing his hand on top of mine.

His face had wrinkled way too much in the last two weeks. It felt as if he was hurting now more than he had ever before. His one question took me off guard because it was something that he hadn't asked me all these times I was under his roof.

"Um... okay." I said. I cringed when that one word was enough to make me feel like a liar. "Before anything, I want to say that you are not completely forgiven. This," I pointed towards the sandwich. "It only means that I'm trying."

"I understand." Dad said, looking away.

"I don't want any explanations, Dad." I said, I knew I had figured it all out.

"But I want to clear the air between us. Is that okay?" I nodded my head at him. "Look, Scar." He said. "I know what I did was wrong. When I lost both of them almost back to back, I knew I was screwed. I wanted some kind of repentance, but I was too hurting to even think of that."

"Dad..." I said, not wanting to hear any of that. I hadn't gone to him to hear about his feelings. I wanted to give him some information and get done with it.

"No, I want to tell it to you." He said. "Who knows when you'll make up your mind not to talk to me?"

I sighed, knowing all too well that he was right. I nodded my head, asking him silently to continue.

"That was why I didn't come back home." He said, going down his memory lane. "I wanted to cure myself first and then get back to you. What if I was pouring all my nasty thoughts into your mind? I didn't want to risk that."

I nodded my head, not wanting to say things that would hurt him more than he already was.

"When my leg was broken, I thought I deserved it. But when I saw you working your ass off for me, I couldn't take it. That's why... you know... I tired..."

"To kill yourself." I completed. "I think it's all in the past now, don't you think?"

"I hope so." He said, smiling a little. "Thank you."

It was for the first time that I was seeing him smile after so long. I had been avoiding him for all right reasons, but one call I had got yesterday took away all my anger away from him.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He asked.

"The race with Ashley is pre-poned." I said. "It's today."

It was something that I wasn't okay talking about. All this time, this final race seemed somewhere far off that it felt as if I had been playing all along, not preparing well for the dreaded day. According to the first draft of contract, there was still days to while away before the deadline. But things had changed within the blink of an eye.

The call I had got yesterday was not pretty at all. Ashley was in her calm mode, but her voice told me that she was burning up from inside. She had called up to tell me that the race was tonight and since I had already signed up the contract, I had pretty much no say in it. Though I had manned up to ask her why she was in such a hurry, she had replied that she couldn't sit around when I knew too much of her information.

She had given me the time and place and I had to suck it up to get ready to be killed.

I had taken a moment to sit still, thinking how there were only about forty eight hours left for my survival. Knowing almost everything of why things happened to me the way it did, there was a high probability that I was going down the drain this time. Having played only few games in the illegal world, I didn't know if I had it in me to survive.

That was when I had decided that it was high time I made peace with everything that I was leaving behind. The first thing that I wanted to do was to patch up things with Dad. Even though he was the one that was indirectly responsible for all these things, I tried my best to forgive him and to spend a few hours smiling and talking with him like old times.

It was like a dying wish.

"Oh, God!" Dad wailed. "Wasn't it after a few more days?"

"Yeah," I said tucking my strands of hair behind my ear. "Things changed. Besides, I think I'm ready to deal with her."

It was pure nonsense. I could tell that Dad knew it too, but thankfully he didn't point it out. But a part of me was done with all the games and the secrets. If that race was going to make it all okay, then I wanted one.

"Darling, it's too risky." Dad said. "Look at what she did when I was competing with her?"

I wanted to roll my eyes at that. I was there at the race when he was driving with her. I could tell that he had slipped up few things which she took it in her favor to win the damned game. 

I had spent last night trying to search her on the internet. Though there was nothing worthwhile, I had found only a single video of her racing. It was one of the legal game and I could tell that she once was a poor racer too.

Though she hadn't won in that race, I could tell that she had improvised along the years. Having two races as reference to beat her, I could only hope it was more than enough for me.

"I know I can do it this time." I said, confidence booming in my voice. After all, wasn't that the only thing I could cling on to? "I just want to get this over with. I can't live in the fear that one day I'll have to face her. Let me do it today and get it done with."

"But honey..."

"No buts, Dad." I smiled. "Just stay on the railings and cheer for me. That will be the last thing I'll ever ask of you."

---

"I don't care if you have your stupid practice, you are coming. That's it!" I almost screamed. I almost had tears in my eyes. "You are coming and that is it!"

"Okay, okay." James said, putting his hand behind my shoulders. "I just meant that I had some stupid practice." He shrugged. "But I'm going to be there, I promise."

I breathed heavily consoling myself that they were all going to be there.

After the conversation with Dad, I had driven myself to school to attend classes. I didn't want to miss any of my usual routine. With the advanced steps now, I was sure that I was going to die tonight. I wanted to make sure that I was living the last few hours of my life to my desire.

That also meant that I had to make sure that I met everyone. I had got invitations to almost everyone I knew. I had even invited Brian to my illegal race once more. He told me that he would get me flowers as a good luck.

When I had said that I was having another race and I was inviting them to watch it, they were excited. Nick and Lily jumped up once they had gotten to know that. But it was James who had second guessed it. Though I had not told my fate about my race, I had felt insecure when he had told me that he had a practice session on the same day.

"It's like after nine." I said, eyeing him. "I know all your practices are going to be done by then."

"Don't worry, Scar." Lily said. "I'll pull him from his place and get him there."

"You can carpool me too." Nick said putting his hands around her shoulders.

"You can surely drive, Nick." Lily said, glaring at him.

"What else are you there for?" Nick asked, earning a blow on his stomach from her.

I laughed and the scenes in front of me eased me back to the usual ways I was used to. With only a few hours left for survival, I was reviving every moment, not wanting to miss anything. Deep down I felt a tinge of self pity surrounding me like an invisible cloak, but I put on a brave face for the show.

James hugged me, promising again that he will be there no matter what and I let out a small smile slip.

"What's so great about this game anyway?" James asked as we walked to the classes after our lunch break. "You are always so stubborn in letting us get in."

"Especially after that last race where she had won." Nick said which brought back few horrible memories back to me.

"I think she only takes us to the races in which she thinks she will win." Lily said as I stuck my tongue out at her. In a way she was right. I usually wanted that, but not this time.

"Will there be booze?" James asked hopefully. When I looked at him giving a bored expression, he shrugged. "What? I'm missing my practices, at least I want a few bottles of booze for me."

"Oh, there will be plenty of booze for you alright." I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"Will Robert be there?" Nick asked dreamily.

My uplifted spirits fell down instantly. All these times I had made sure that I was dealing with those sensitive topics quite well, but now with the topic laying right in front of me, I didn't know how to deal with it.

"So that you can let him draw a little more than circles on your boobs?" I teased. My voice quivered and I prayed that no one got to know about that.

The only thing that I had picked up from him in all these times was to pretend. Just like he had. At least for me, it became easy to hide my emotions from the world. Though I was not so good at it and if someone looked carefully through all the cracks, they could still read me out, but who had the time?

"Really?" Lily turned towards Nick who had become red with embarrassment. "Was it a pen or a real marker?"

"Dude, show it!" James went to him to pull his shirt up to reveal the circles.

I laughed at it, forgetting my worries temporarily. "It goes down till his torso."

"Help! Help!" Nick shouted at the filled canteen hallway, running from James. "I'm getting molested by a horny footballer!"

James chased him all the way into the football field and after another second, they were out of sight. I was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. The only difference was I couldn't tell if it was because I was sad or because I was happy.

As I wiped those away, Lily looped her hands in mine and walked me further.

"So, what's happening?" She asked.

"What?" I sniffed. "It was funny."

"You know I'm not talking about that." She rolled her eyes as we reached one corner. "You know that you are easy to read if one wants to, right?"

Lily was the only person who was interested in what I was feeling. She usually got to the bottom of it if she really wanted to. Being close to her ever since I had joined school here had its own set of perks for me.

Her pale face stayed a little closer to me, inspecting my every cell movement, ready to scream hands-up if she found a wrong move. When I blinked at her, pretending not to know anything, she snapped and pulled me to the nearest washroom.

The washroom looked freshly cleaned and smelled of detergent and soap. Too heavy for my nose. I wrinkled my face and rubbed my nose to settle.

"Let's get out of here." I said. "I can't handle this smell."

Lily looked as if she was in her favorite garden with roses and tulips. She was least bit bothered by the strong smell.

"I asked you what's wrong." She said, crossing her arms on her chest. "We can go when you answer my questions."

"Lily." I sighed. "I'm just a little worried about my race tonight. It's like the nerves. I always have it when there is a race."

But tonight, my nerves were jumping very high, but she didn't have to know that.

"Okay." She said. "What about Robert?"

She had struck the chord right where it hurt. The things I had heard still rang in my ears loud and clear and I was still not over certain facts. It had become difficult to understand from his point of view and eventually I had given up. Anger was the only emotion I could handle when I heard his name now.

"What about him?" I gritted my teeth.

"Are you guys having another fight or something?" She asked concerned. "Because I don't think it's one of the same fights that you usually have."

I heaved a sigh. "Are you sure you want to be a doctor?" I asked. "You could very well fit into the psychiatrist department."

"Don't mock me, Scarlet." Lily said, anger evident in her voice. She sighed before she came towards me. "Look at yourself in the mirror." She said, making me turn towards the mirror.

The huge glass reflected a girl who had her hair undone. Her eyes were blood red while a layer of dark circle surrounded it. Her face had lost its natural color and it looked almost dead. The smile which was present on her face looked like a pretend show for the world that she didn't know. But more than ever, I could tell that there was something that was bothering her.

For a second, I could not recognize the face that was present in front of me, making me wonder who the hell was staring back at me.

"Can you tell me who that girl is?" Lily asked slowly. "For all I care, that's not the Scarlet I know."

I heaved a sigh and looked at her reflection. She was genuinely concerned about me. "Life just got complicated over a night, Lil. That's all."

"What happened, Scar?" She asked and I knew she was more than worried for me.

I didn't know if I could tell her and expect not to do anything about it. But then again, if I had to go and if my Dad remained, I wanted someone to take care of him. I decided she should know about it. If not the full parts at least the part that there might be something wrong happening tonight.

"I'm participating in an illegal race today." I said. It was more than enough for her to join one dot with another to find what I was talking about. "So, it's not safe."

"That means..." She left the sentence hanging and I nodded my head at her, making sure that she understood what I meant when I said it was not safe. "You could have insurance?"

"It doesn't work like that, Lily." I heaved a sigh. "It's illegal, I could get arrested because of it."

"Then why are you racing in it?" She asked. If I left her with her thoughts for more than a few minutes, I was sure she would have pulled all her hair thinking if I was crazy. "Say you cannot."

"The pay's good." I shrugged. Lily's eyes enlarged at that. "Besides, I've played illegal races before. So, it should be fine."

I personally, highly doubted that. But for her sake I kept on a positive note, hoping that it might actually become my reality tonight.

"You have done illegal racing before?" She asked, her voice low and scary. "God, Scar! Why the heck didn't you tell me?"

"Because of how you are acting now." I rolled my eyes. Talking with her made me feel as if it was okay to do what I was doing. Talking positive about the whole race, I felt it might probably all work out well in the end after all. Listening to myself, I felt like I could do this. Moreover, hadn't I played illegal races before? It should be a piece of cake.

"You hadn't invited us to any of your illegal games before." Lily said, calculating everything that I had said her. "Then why are you inviting us now?"

She had proved herself to be a genius yet again and had made me speechless. I agree that even if I had told her the truth, there were certain things that I wanted to keep away from. I didn't want to scare her and eventually scare myself in the process. I was having a lot of cold feet to handle and I didn't want her scary eyes to frighten me further.

"It's because of Robert." I said. My voice wavered, but I held on to the ground.

"What did he do?" She asked and I thought she had figured it all out. "Did he push you into this now?"

I leaned on the sink of the washroom, heaving a sigh. Lily came closer to me and placed her hand on mine for moral support.

"He's not going to be my earpiece for this one." I said.

It was the truth. Even if it wasn't Ashley's race, knowing the facts, I was not going to work with him anymore. He had proved that there was only money and the work that remained between us. Nothing more.

"What?" She asked, taken aback. "He's your main guy, isn't he? Why is he not your earpiece?"

"I just fired him." I said, pouring cold water on my face, trying to hide my pain and anguish that rolled down my cheeks as tears.

---

A/N: Are you ready for the race, one last time? Let me know your expectations!