Hope dies last, they say and that will always be correct. Because you either meet death while being filled with hopes inside you and it dies along with you, or your hope dies and you choose to meet death for without it, there's no reason to continue existing.

Hope dies last, yet that doesn't mean that hope is more substantial than anything else. All it means is that it remains till the last station of someone's life, that being its end or the end of that life itself. Have you ever wondered, how many people live in that thin line? In that border, between life and death, simply because a faint stupid hope still flickers inside them?

To some it could be considered as a blessing for it keeps you on one side, alive yet for others it's nothing but torture for the exact same reason. Hope is hated as much as it's loved, it's desired as much as it's not. It's wanted yet detested, for hope can keep you moving on your feet, but could also keep you miserable in waiting potentially till your last breath, only to let you down with reality.

It's a big maybe, that saves lives as much as it ruins them, the difference is only time. Which face you will see of hope, depends only on reality because that's the one that uses your hopes to raise you up, or break your spirits forever. The only thing that can prove if your hope was real or nothing but a mare lie. A reality that no matter how much Jimin would like to ignore and boost his hopes with his potential lies, there still existed moments when he would fall out of that bubble of his, and feel the pain of his actuality.

Jin was his best friend and someone who was considered close family, he had always shown him that he loved him one way or another yet at that very moment, when Jin was hugging his girlfriend, trying to calm her down, he understood that for Jin there existed moment's that he must regret being related to him. For just like Jiya had uttered some seconds prior, he was the only flaw in Jin's life. Without the burden that he was, Jin could be considered a perfect catch for any lady out there and she had been the only one that had accepted his burden as her own, allowing Jimin's problems to basically become worries for them both and even have a spotlight in their relationship.

The guilt tripped inside Jimin's chest as he stood there, unable to look away even though he wanted to erase himself from existence right then and there, for being aware that he was the cause of pain to someone he loved, sure made him ache in ways his mouth could never master to express.

Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to be the problem? Why the more he exists the more that fact seems like a sin in his eyes? How many people would be better if he was to just end this act and allow himself to face things as they were? If he was to stop lying to himself to hang on and accept that in reality there was no hope. There was no change waiting for him in the future and nothing was gonna become better. He is just fooling himself by giving excuses one after another. Lying to keep himself with hopes. One day someone will love him as he is, one day, he won't be a burden to someone or himself, one day he won't be a monster anymore, one day he will reach happiness. One day, someday...it could be any day, yet there were moments that such days felt so out of reach. So far away that the lie trembled before his eyes. 

It's all just a mirage. His hopes are...His future, his will to be loved and to love.

As the seconds ticked, his mind kept falling into the claws of this dark veil of thoughts that had made his breathing fall faint and his eyes stuck in place, along with the rest of his body that unexpectedly was pulled by a hand, making his view change and his mind snap out of it momentarily.

A sharp breath left his lips as he was met with your face and your hand quickly reached to his lips, to signal him to keep quiet, before you urged him to follow you to his office where you had been hiding and had listened to what had been spoken, making you realize that the words Jin's girlfriend had used, could potentially leave a bad taste to Jimin so you decided to take him out of there after you took a peek and deemed the situation as something that the couple needed to figure out alone.

"Whew...things sure are looking awkward for bystanders...I guess it's better that you leave them to figure some things out alone then we could talk altogether." You whispered your thoughts at him, with a slight smile on your face but for some reason he met your eyes briefly and then looked away, saying nothing for a while.

"Jimin?" You softly uttered his name as you tilted your head a bit yet his gaze did not follow your movement, making it seem that he was staring at the floor and his thoughts weren't fully present.

"Hey" Your hand reach his shoulder in order to get his attention but once his head turned to face you, you couldn't help but be caught off guard by the expression that was resting on his face.

He seemed like a canvas whose colours were fading away, leaving him empty yet unclean. A shadow of longing was hanging on his orbs that disappeared as a smile reached his lips. A smile meant to reassure you, yet only that it didn't do, for in all the time he had been perfect in acting, in hiding and pretending, at that very moment, his attempt came off as weak.

The fragility of his entity at that moment awoke in you a familiar facial expression that had stained your memories and instantly engulfed your insides in fear, inhaling a sharp breath and finding yourself unable to release it.

Those eyes, that attempt at happiness, that toxic poison hiding underneath. You could have never been able to recognize it if it wasn't for the fact that your mother had given you the same expression before she had brought to action one of her suicidal attempts from which you had ended up saving her. Only if you could have seen through that smile of hers sooner back then. Only if you could have shoved away that pain that had brought her eyes to seem full of emptiness before she was to have risked her life. You could have saved yourself from a life trauma and probably her a dreadful memory. Because even though you had saved her, after that day, you had lived in constant fear and anxiety of her doing it again.

His face that very instant had become a mirror that took you back in time, making you grab hold of his face like you had wished to have done with her, a hint of desperation dancing all over your entity as you brought his eyes to finally meet yours.

"No." Your sudden action and close proximity of your faces had Jimin's eyes grow wide, while that one word you spoke echoed in his ears without context.

"I don't know what the heck you are thinking about, but whatever it is, it's not true. It's not like that. No." Your hands that had cupped his face a bit abruptly started softening their grip as you allowed him to see in your eyes the vulnerability that the recalling of your past experience had awoken in you.

"Y/N...what are you talking about?... I am okay." He giggled in an attempt to play it off then he brought his hands to hold yours in order to free himself from your hold, that in no way felt unpleasant to him. However, once he had his hands above yours, holding them, he didn't move them and you did not either, for there was something inside you that was still not convinced.

"Don't smile...don't laugh...It's okay if you can't tell me how are you feeling or what are you thinking, but there's no reason to lie either...Just don't. Don't believe every thought you have." Your gaze comforted him even though the tone of your voice came off as a bit harsh, making his eyes freeze while looking at yours, simply because at that very moment he found himself being lost in your orbs.

His heartbeat started thumbing louder in his chest as the dark thoughts that had consumed him started giving place to the fact that your hands felt so warm against his skin and your eyes filled him with the impression that you cared.

"It's all just a moment. You won't think the same way twice. It will be okay. I know this mess can be hard on you, but we will see it through. You will see." You gifted him a small smile as you pulled your hands away leaving his hanging in mid-air briefly before he let them fall at the side of his body.

"Right, you are right." He murmured while his gaze was now avoiding yours, and his body followed soon as he turned his back on you and started pretending as if he was looking at some objects that were resting atop his desk.

"Once I find the one who is behind all these attempts, I will have one more thing off my shoulders."

"Don't worry, it will happen soon. Whoever is that contacted her, in whatever way they did, we can use her to lure them in. They don't know that she was found out after all. This time, we can trap them and catch them for good." Your voice dripped with enthusiasm as you spoke of that idea that crossed your head and Jimin looked past his shoulder at you.

"I really like your thinking process sometimes."

"Sometimes? Please, my mind is always sharp." You crossed your arms over your chest as you replied with a slight arrogance in an attempt to light up the atmosphere and thankfully he laughed a bit as he turned to face you again, leaving his body to lean at the corner of his desk for a seat.

"I don't know if I would call your mind 'sharp' for you do irrational actions often, but you do your work for sure." 

"What?Me? When?" You argued, finding his claims baseless.

"Where do I start...jumping from balconies of hotel rooms, being stuck outside of windows on second floors of people's residences, to getting involved with me. Does any of these actions fall under any rational category? I think not." The serious way that he replied had you crack a smile despite the fact that you rolled your eyes at him, finding the things he mentioned not necessary to be brought up.

"Whatever. Irrational or not, progress is all that matters and somehow we are making progress aren't we?" You took a step closer to him as you spoke, and strangely enough, he immediately tore his eyes away from you, while he maintained that light smile on his lips.

"Definitely...we are... making progress." He agreed even though he was not talking about the progress of discovering who was after his career only but of the progress of his own feelings as well, for his heartbeat was still echoing in his ears, making him unable to escape the simple yet unwanted realization. He...had taken a liking to you.

He left his eyes to return to your figure soon, concealing every thought that was running in his mind at that moment for tonight he had come to know that he was in no place to want nor keep any other person by his side. All this time that he had been in desperate need to be loved, had brought him to the realization that even if he was to achieve that wish, he had to throw it away. Because he can't allow himself to love nor be loved. He can't take the pain of becoming a flaw in anyone's else life. For whoever he loves and could love him, meant that they would share the curse that his entity is.

Whoever his heart comes to beat for and care for, will only be unlucky for the love of a monster can only hurt you and he definitely wasn't willing to make you hurt. It sure was too late to claim firmly that he had no feelings for you whatsoever, yet that fact was something he was willing to hide forever if he could not erase it.

You will go before he knows it. Those feelings will die before you ever suspect their existence. No apology will ever escape his lips over that fact nor he will need to feel guilty for his mistake. No one will ever know, he will never let it show.  The discovery and the progress he became aware of tonight, was something he was willing to take to his grave.

His heartbeat and the warmth of your comfort that reached his heart were gonna be buried under his smile before the rays of the morning sun, reach his windows and before he himself fall prey to the glimpse of hope that it lit inside him.

A hope that was as burning as it was cold, as ruthless as it could be merciful. As much of a curse as it could be a blessing. A hope that could be true as much as it was false, as correct as it was wrong and something that he should run from as much as he should chase. A hope that could become his doom as well as his stronger reason to hang on. A Russian roulette aiming at his heart that was already too broken to withstand any other hit.

Yet...The risk was dancing enchantingly in his head, making that hope appeal so much more seductive, than reality.

Give in...Give in...It whispered

 Because no matter the outcome, his heart will hang itself anyways. 

To be continued...

The End of Book 1

Before you all panic, Let me explain 😂

This is the end of this book, not the end of this story.

The story will be a trilogy. There will be two more books. This was Book 1 " The beginning".

Please make sure you check my wall on June 1st for I will upload the new book and will inform you there. The second book will continue exactly here where we left. It will start at Chapter 81. 

This story is deep and complicated and I have planned it well and intended to pass many messages on it so it was impossible to conclude it in a book only. I still hope you will read it and stay along till the end.

PS: As you can see I also made a series covers, Book 1 Yellow lighting, Book 2 Pink and Book 3 Blue

Hope you like them🤗
Crossing fingers my first trilogy series goes well🤞

See you on the new set, Wikigirl Book 2

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