There was too much sarcasm in that last chapter. Far too much. I don't think there was a single sentence that wasn't sarcastic.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point of this chapter is PUBLIC SPEAKING.

Now, I joined a club at my school called Literacy Leaders. I genuinely don't know why. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

What you do is, you teach short English related activities to year sevens.

It turned out to be a very bad decision because, althiugh I will now have one extra-curricular activity on my CV, I also have to do a lot of speaking in front of people.

And that is not good.

One of the first things we had to do was a presentation about commas.

Let's just say... That presentation didn't go well.

And by that I mean it went horrifically and it has gone down in history as the infamous 'Comma Presentation'.

You want to hear the story?

You want to hear the story.

So, me and my friend Ani had prepared a presentation/lesson starter about commas. We were teaching a lower set year seven class - children two years younger than me. I'd learnt my words, I knew when I had to speak, and I was PREPARED.

I thought.

So, we went into the classroom a few minutes early, and got our PowerPoint up on the interactive whiteboard, and I went over my words over and over.

Then, in came the devils with murder in their eyes.

Sorry, did I say that? I meant 'children'. My bad.

The dev- children came in, and sat down, and read for five minutes, and then it was time.

Ani introduced us, and then started talking about comma usage in lists (I think. I kinda wiped it from my memory). I stood there listening.

We set them to work on an activity. They did it. I walked around the room to help children, but no one needed help, so I didn't really do anything.

Then came my big moment. My time to shine. My calling. My talk about comma sandwiches.

"So..." I said. "Comma sandwiches..."

Then, I realised that I had forgotten everything. Everything I was supposed to be saying. Literally everything. If you'd asked me what my name was, I'd probably have had no idea.

The de- CHILDREN were staring up at me expectantly, and I freaked. Internally, of course.

Ani was just standing there looking at me hopefully, and then, I said the two most pathetic words I have ever said.

"Ani," I whispered, "help."

And she did. I have never seen anyone improvise so well. It was ridiculous. She taught my section better than I would have done myself, and then proceeded to wrap up the starter nicely, wave to the children, and drag me from the room to tell me off.

So, let's recap. During the fifteen minutes I spent 'teaching a starter', I said seven words.

"I'm Olivia"

"So... Comma sandwiches..."

and

"Ani, help"

Round of applause, me. What a success. I can human.

I thought this fail was a fluke, but NO. If you've read my 'testing' chapter, you'll know all about my EPIC FAIL during my speech in English.

It was around that time when I realised that I have a serious issue with public speaking.

But wait! Just as I realise this, what comes flying through the sky to smash me on the head with horrific news?

Ah yes.

The fact that our next thing in Literacy Leaders is a full lesson.

Yes, you heard me correctly. A. Full. Lesson.

One whole hour of standing in front of a class and talking. I mean, yes, we were doing it in groups of three, but still.

Twenty minutes of talking. On average.

And so we prepared our presentation (about rhyme patterns and stresses in words) and practised it.

And I, knowing that if I did anything wrong I would collapse, went home, wrote out my lines, and learned them. I did this after our final practise, the day before the lesson, when I realised that if I didn't know my words perfectly I would fail.

So, we walk into the lesson, and Mitzi introduces us, and I lead a game, and everything's going great. Ani talks about rhyme patterns, and Mitzi talks about syllables.

Then Mitzi finishes her bit about syllables, and it's my turn.

I had to talk about stresses on words.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understood what I was supposed to be saying. I'd learnt it until I must have been saying it in my sleep. I could have been unconscious at the front of the classroom, and I could still have said it.

Except that's not entirely true. Because I still failed.

I started talking, and it was all going ok, and then I forgot what came next. So I said... Can you guess?

That's right. "Ani, help."

Yes, I'm pathetic. I know.

I asked her to just tell me what I was meant to be saying, rather than say it for me, and so I managed to get through the next sentence without completely messing up.

Not much of an achievement, seeing as that sentence was "now try it with your own names!"

But I did it, and then had five minutes to recover before I had to continue.

So, after that five minutes, Ani shut them all up, and I went over to the whiteboard and said we were going to show them with our names.

Yes, I realise this should have come before we gave them an activity. Sssh.

I did 'Mitzi' and 'Ani', and then I got onto doing the name 'Hannah', because nobody could work out how to do my name.

And then I panicked.

WHERE ARE THE BLOODY STRESSES IN HANNAH? WHY MUST YOU BE CALLED HANNAH, CHILD?

That was my internal monologue. Not what I actually said.

I'm not sure what I did said, but guess what happened?

That's right. Ani did some very impressive improvisation.

While I stood outside the room crying.

I'm a functioning human being, aren't I? HaHahAHaHahaHAHaHAhaHahA. No.

Ok story time is over now and it's time for actual serious discussion thingy.

Yes, I'm pretty shit at public speaking, but it's actually a really hard thing to do. I'm not saying that because I'm making excuses for myself. It's hard. I know someone who has to give presentations almost daily for their job, and they fainted before one of them. And they're an adult with years of practice.

Very few people can public speak well. Most can do it without crying, sure, but few can do it well, and about 15% of people get massively scared about it. IT'S NOT EASY.

So if you, too, are in the 'SHIT AT PUBLIC SPEAKING AND NOT PROUD' squad then raise your hand. It's ok. You're not alone.

And if you're good at it then f u. (Not really. Congratulations.)

Holy crap this was long.

If you liked the story type thingy that was in this chapter then tell me because I kinda want to do more of them.

Ty for bearing with me through 1169 words :D

Byeee