LIBBY

***

"When do you leave?" My best friend Lois asks whilst on my speakerphone. I'm still gathering up and folding the last of my clothes, so I need both my hands.

"Two days!" I squeal excitedly and my dog, Jughead looks up alarmed. When he sees I'm not squealing because I'm hurt, he puts his head back down and closes his eyes.

"And you're gone for a whole year?" She asks for the fourteenth time, and she sounds sad for the fourteenth time. Lois, my best friend in all the world, is probably one of the only ones – other than my immediate family – who is sad to see me leave the country for a year.

"Yup. But hey, we can skype all the time. And texting. Lo, trust me, it'll be like I never left," I smile and take her off speaker, putting my phone to my ear.

"I suppose. Have you got everything on your list?" She giggles, knowing me to a tee. I am an extensive list-maker and I stress about things that don't even need to be stressed about.

I giggle, "Maybe."

She laughs down the phone and I'm glad her mood has turned around. I don't like it when she's sad. "I'll leave you to your lists."

"Cool. I'll come round and see you tomorrow, I promise."

"Sounds good. I'm seriously going to miss you, you know. And I know I keep saying it, but you better not meet someone and stay out there..." She giggles knowingly and I can picture her face on the other end of the line, teasing me.

"Lo, come on. I'm there to study. I may meet someone but they'll probably only be fascinated with the accent then get bored," I giggle. "But, more importantly, I'm really going to miss you too!"

I clutch my hand to my chest and swallow back a lump in my throat. I wasn't lying. I was about to go somewhere completely alien, and I wish every day that she'd be right there with me, enjoying and experiencing it all with me. She's the sister I've always wanted and I can't imagine surviving America without her.

"Libby!" I hear a call from downstairs through my open bedroom door.

"Crap, that's Dad. I better go. Love you Lo!"

"Love you too!"

I hang up and drop the phone on my bed before counting my piles quickly. I then head down the stairs towards the call of my dad. Jughead loyally follows and jumps up at my dad, wagging his tail furiously. Dad, however, does a fantastic job of ignoring him.

"Hey Dad, what's up?" I ask, coming and sitting down in the kitchen next to him.

He's home for the next few days because Mum couldn't get it off work. My flight is at eight on Saturday morning, in two days, which means I have to get there by five o'clock in the morning to check-in... and I really was regretting booking it so early now that I thought about it. I'm not a morning person, and I never have been, so I really don't know what I was thinking.

"You all packed?" He asks, taking a slurp of his coffee.

I grab a piece of toast from the plate in the middle of the table and break off a piece, feeding some of it to Jughead, who had been staring at it in my hand. "Nearly. Just need to put it in the actual bag."

He nods and chuckles as he sees Jughead put his head on my knee, awaiting petting. I laugh but reward him anyway, scratching behind his ears.

Everyone knows how anal I am when it comes to some things, so they've left me to it in terms of packing. And as I was going away for a year I had to make sure I had absolutely everything. I was off to America, North Carolina to be exact. I'm on a four year American Studies course, which means we do a kind of exchange with American colleges. So one student from UNC Wilmington was going to be spending a year at Exeter, and I'll be spending a year in the sunny climes of Wilmington.

The spaces were allocated according to grades for second year. I had five choices – Wilmington, Miami, San Francisco, Seattle and Albany – and as my grades had been pretty much perfect across the board, I'd been granted my first choice. But to be honest, because there were so few people on the exchange this year, most people got into their first choice colleges anyway.

Wilmington was a great university for history, media and humanities, which is where all my interests lie. Every single module being offered in my year group there was something I'd wanted to study, so after researching all the universities on our list, I came up with these five, with Wilmington as top. And we all waited with patience as our supervisors made their final decisions.

Then finally, about three months before the end of term, universities were posted and I almost did a somersault with excitement. I booked my flights immediately, sent the details off to UNCW and waited with trepidation for my details to be confirmed.

But now, skipping another three months of a long, working summer, and I was finally leaving. And now that I was starting to think about it, I was actually pretty nervous.

"You okay?" Dad asks, and I feel his hand touch my shoulder, pulling me from my thoughts.

His wise, hazel eyes are filled with concern as they look at me through his glasses.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

My parents had been really supportive of me over the years. I was the more hard-working child out of myself and my two brothers, so they were all on board with me heading away on this year abroad experience. I think if Rob or Andy had asked to do it, they would have been more reticent.

"I was wondering whether you'd be okay without me, Dad," I giggle, trying to disguise my nerves with a joke.

"It will be hard," he says, putting on a fake voice, pretending he's about to cry. "But I'm sure I'll just about manage."

I smile and narrow my eyes. "I hate you." I chuckle and stand, dropping the remainder of my toast on his plate for him to finish.

"No, you don't!" he calls with his mouth full, and I find myself laughing as I head back up to my room.

***

As I pack my final things into my carry-on luggage, I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

I have one more sleep until I leave, and the daunting idea of living in a different city and in a different country. Hell... I'm living on a different continent... Well, it's all scaring the living crap out of me.

I'm excited, don't get me wrong. So excited. But I'm allowed to have a moment to be scared shitless at the prospect of not having my parents to fall back on if anything goes wrong. With the time difference, they'll be five hours ahead, and no longer contactable easily by phone, so I needed to step up and be an adult. I would be ready tomorrow, but right now, I was still a twenty year-old that was about to take the biggest step in her life.

I'd seen Lo today, and we'd said a very tearful goodbye after an epic movie marathon – all three Batman films, starting at six this morning and finishing about an hour ago – and I'd had a frog in my throat ever since. And that frog had finally exploded, with tears now flowing effortlessly down my cheeks freely, dropping onto my things as I pack them into my bag.

I sit down on my bed and put my head in my hands, embracing the sobs wracking through me.

"Lib?" I hear my brother's voice outside my door a few minutes later. "Lib, you okay?"

He doesn't wait for me to say anything and I hear my door creak softly as it opens.

"Aww, Libby," he walks over and I feel the bed dip as he sits down next to me and puts a beefy arm around my shoulders. "What's wrong? How come you're crying?" He smells like oil but I don't care. Over the years I've found it quite comforting.

I lean into his shoulder and wipe my nose unattractively. "I... I'm nervous about," I breathe in a raggedy breath. "Tomorrow."

I look up at him and he smiles, tucking a piece of escaped hair back behind my ear. He kisses the side of my head quickly and rubs my shoulder comfortingly.

"Lib, you are going to smash this, okay?" His voice has no hint of sarcasm, which is always safe to assume with him. "This is an amazing opportunity and you'll love it once you're there. You'll be in your element. Trust me." He grins down at me and I can't help but smile back.

"How did you do it?" I ask, picking at something on my jeans.

"How did I do what?"

"Travel alone? Not worry? Make friends?" I ask and he shakes his head. I was most worried about that last part.

"You've just got to do it, Lib. And as for the not worrying... well, you've just got to put it out of your head for the moment... and just know everything will be okay. I know it's daunting, and I know you're a worrier... but you will be fine. You're strong." He boops my nose with an oil-stained finger. "And making friends is easy. Just be yourself... and everyone will love you."

"Rob, I only have one proper friend... and she's not coming with me." I have other friends as well, but none were as close me and Lo.

"I think you'd rather have three great friends than hundreds of okay friends you can't trust... am I right?" I roll my eyes and shrug in response. "But you should always be you. You're hilarious and you're a fun, loving and unbelievably kind person, Lib. Everyone will love you."

"Love me," I laugh. "Ha! Right."

When I finally get a proper look at him through my teary eyes, I can see Rob is absolutely filthy. He obviously hasn't got changed from work and I'm inwardly cringing as he sits on my crisp, white sheets.

At the moment, he works for a garage up the road that's owned by one his friends from school. His dream is to own his own car workshop one day, but I always told him he's selling himself short. I think if he put his mind to it he could work for F1 teams. In fact, he was waiting to hear on an F1 job for Mercedes at Silverstone. He said he probably wouldn't get it, but he'd also promised to call as soon as he heard anything, no matter the outcome.

Rob had gone travelling in his gap year before going to university though, which is why he was the best person to comfort me right now. He was the only one who knew what I was about to experience, being so far away from home, with only myself to depend on. Andy, my other brother, hasn't been on long haul flights at all, and neither have my parents.

"They will. You're awesome," he says, nudging me with his shoulder. "Listen, who's taking you tomorrow?"

I wipe my eyes and try to get my voice sounding vaguely normal again.

"Dad is. No one else volunteered to get up at three to take me," I half laugh, although it comes out as a sob.

He chuckles. "Well I'll come?" He offers. I shake my head and start to protest but he shakes his head and clamps my lips shut between two dirty fingers. "Nope, I'm coming."

I shake my head free. "Rob, come on. You'll be shattered all day and you have work?"

"Nah, I don't mind. Vinnie'll be fine about it. He loves me," he scoffs, which makes me laugh. "Lib, you'll be fine." He pretends to smooth the crease in between my eyebrows and I smile wider.

"I know," I say, leaning away from him and wiping my nose on my hand, making sure he hadn't left an oil mark. "I'm going to be keeping my head down anyway. I want to pass this year."

He narrows his eyes. "But you will try to have a little bit of fun as well, won't you? I mean you're in America after all. You can pass all those classes in your sleep," he chuckles. "You don't even need to try."

"Hey, I can have fun," I counter.

He snorts, "It's Lo that suggests things. I think you'll spend the whole year in the library." He's taunting me, I know he is.

He laughs and I know he doesn't mean it in a horrible way. Sure, I care a lot about my studies, but it's because I want to do well. But I do get what he's saying. I will be in a new country for the year, experiencing completely new things, and I should go out and enjoy myself in my down time.

"Again, I can have fun," I shove him with my shoulder, emphasising 'again' to prove I'm not as boring as he seems to think I am.

"Oh... No doubt," he jokes, raising his hands in defence.

I chuckle and I really am glad it's Rob that came up here, despite the jokes he's cracking at me. Andy probably would have patted my back, said 'there, there' and left again. He's made me feel a million times better already, and my tears have stopped.

"You'll be awesome," he says as he stands. "And I mean that."

I roll my eyes but a genuine smile now sits on my face, replacing my previous tears. "Thanks Robbie."

"No probs, sis. Now you need to get to sleep... We both do. So I'm going to hit the hay." I nod as he stands. As he leaves he gives me an awkward wave and closes my door again. I smile, knowing his little pep talk has made me feel a bit better.

But he was also right about sleep. I really did need to get some, but I don't think I'd be able to. My mind is firing on all cylinders and probably would be for a while.

I feel a lot more calm knowing Rob's coming with me tomorrow, even though he doesn't have to. It means Dad will have company for one thing... and he can talk to him while I have a little snooze in the back. Either way, I was glad he was coming.

***

Checking my clock it was just before eight. I had the opportunity to get my full set of sleeping hours, but from the state of nerves in my stomach, I didn't think I'd do much sleeping tonight.

But after I get ready for bed, even though I'm staring up at the ceiling thinking of nothing but how daunting a challenge I actually have ahead of me this year, my eyes start to close and sleep takes over me.