Song: Words Unspoken- Leroy Sanchez

Fingers

I sat quietly as I stare at Samantha's beautiful sleeping face. Humalukipkip ako at pinagmasdan siyang muli. It's been eight months since the tragedy happened. Walong buwan na rin ang nakalipas nang huli ko siyang makita nang mulat ang mga mata.

When are you going to wake up, Sam? How long do you want me to wait? Because I'm willing to wait for you, even if it meant that I have to wait for you at the end of the cliff. Handa akong maghintay para sa'yo basta ang kapalit noon ay gigising ka.

My family will arrive today. They decided to come here and visit. Ang dami ko nang namiss na family events dahil hindi ako makauwi.

Well, I'd rather stay here. I'd rather stay and wait to witness Sam waking up from coma. Wala akong pakialam kung ilang family events pa ang makaligtaan ko. Mas pipiliin ko pang makaligtaan iyon kaysa ang makaligtaan ang pagmulat niya ng kanyang mga mata.

I licked my lips and thought about when I asked her what she wants for our wedding. Though I'm still not proposing that time, I told her to plan ahead. Expected niya na naman na magpropopose ako sakanya, e. She just don't know when.

But when I was about to, tsaka pa nangyari 'to.

"Well, of course, I want a church wedding. Sino bang may ayaw?" she smirked. Tumango naman ako bilang ikumpirma sakanya na pinakikinggan ko siya.

"And I want the motif to be... hmm... ano kaya sa tingin mo ang pwede?" I shrugged my shoulders.

I really have no idea with those kind of things, kaya siya iyong tinatanong ko. Kung ako tatanungin, mas pipiliin ko nalang na black and white. But then, I want her to be the only one wearing white. So, hindi na iyon pwede.

"I don't know. I really have no idea." Umirap siya sa akin.

I'm not a great help for this, aren't I? I really have no specific answer whenever she asks for my opinion. Dahil siguro, wala rin naman talaga akong alam. Girls are good at this kaya sakanya ko na ipinapaubaya iyon.

"Tss..." aniya at hinayaan ko na siyang mag-isip muli.

I pulled her closer towards me. I buried my face on her shoulders and waited for her to tell me what she wants again. I caressed her waist lightly. This is my most favorite thing to do. To spend my free days with her, to talk about things, to talk about our plans for our wedding... just this.

Kahit ganito lang kasimple umikot ang araw ko, sapat na ako. Being with her satisfies me. So, so much, that I'd rather miss a lot of practices than to miss my free days with her.

"I think I know what I want now." narinig kong sinabi niya. Inangat ko naman ang tingin ko sakanya at ipinatong ang aking baba sa kanyang balikat.

"Hmm?"

"I think I want a burgundy, gold, and navy color scheme."

I smirked. I like the way she's speaking to me when it comes to colors. It reminds me that she's not only a supermodel but also a licensed interior designer. And the way she imagines things, the way she views things at her own perspective always amaze me.

How lucky was I to call a girl with big dreams, mine?

"What do you think?" she asked.

I can't hardly imagine what she wants. Pero alam ko naman na maganda ang kalalabasan nun. She wouldn't want something if she's not sure that it's not going to turn out well.

"I think it's great."

I saw her smile a little. "Can you imagine it?"

"No." I answered truthfully. I chuckled when she rolled her eyes at me.

"Come on, ano ang itutulong mo sa akin dito? Hindi lang naman ako ang pupwedeng magplano dito, diba? Dapat ikaw rin!"

"Well, I can help you with the guest list."

Tumawa siya ng dahil doon. Hinarap niya ako.

"Wow! That is such a great help!" she said sarcastically. She even pinched me on my cheeks. Mabilis kong inalis ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko.

She loves to pinch me on my cheeks, while I hate it. But she looks really cute when she does that so I don't really mind sometimes.

She pressed a short kiss on my lips. Dahil hindi nakuntento, hinila ko siyang muli palapit sa akin para sa isang mas malalim at mas matagal na halik. She smiled in between our kiss.

I pulled her closer towards me hanggang madikit na siya sa dibdib ko. I accidentally touched her stomach and I immediately thought... ilang anak kaya ang gusto niya?

Kung ako ang tatanungin, sapat na ako sa apat. O di kaya ay lima. Para may pang first five na ako sa basketball. Kasi kung ibabase ko sa football, baka hindi kayanin ni Sam. Masyadong maraming players doon.

It's funny how she's the only person who can make me think about how many children I want in the future. That never happened with Cindy. All I wanted that time is for us to work out and be together as long as we can.

I didn't have the time to think about the future because I was so focused with the present. But when I'm with Sam, I suddenly become a multitasker. Because while I'm busy living in the present, I can't help but get excited and think about the future.

I promised that we'll get married first before I make love to her, right? Kaya ngayon... ilang anak muna ang gusto ko ang iisipin ko. Tsaka na iyong dirty thoughts na mayroon ako para kay Sam noon pa man.

Hindi ko namamalayan na napapangiti na pala ako habang inaalala iyon. Though it's been eight months, she never fails to make me remember the moments we shared together. She gave me a lot of memories to reminisce in times like this.

Nawala lang ang tingin ko kay Sam nang may pumasok na nurse sa kwarto. I immediately stood up, nag-aakalang baka may nangyari na hindi maganda.

She smiled at me. "I'm just here to check for her IV fluids."

I sighed in relief. Akala ko kung ano na...

Minsan hindi ko nalang talaga mapigilan na iexaggerate ang pagpasok ng mga doctor at nurses dito. Dahil sa tuwing gagawin nila iyon, hindi ko mapigilan na isipin na baka may nangyaring masama o di kaya'y may ibabalita silang masama sa akin.

Tumabi ako at hinayaan siyang gawin ang pakay niya rito.

"I'll be back in an hour or two to replace her fluids, sir." The nurse informed me. I nodded.

Kasabay naman noon ay narinig ko ang pagkatok mula sa pinto. Nilingon ko kung sino ito at nakita na dumating na ang pamilya ko.

A nurse is leading their way at nang tumama ang mga mata ni Mommy sa akin ay mabilis na lumabas ang ngiti sa kanyang labi. I didn't realize how much I miss them until I saw them from face to face.

"Excuse me..." the nurse excused herself and then she walked out of the room.

Agad na lumapit sa akin si Mommy at hinawakan ang magkabila kong pisngi. She smiled sadly at me.

"Oh, hijo! Have you been sleeping?" she asks. I shrugged.

I really don't know when was the last time I had a decent sleep. Ever since she had her fifth seizure, hindi na ako umalis dito sa ospital. I spend most of my day here. Sometimes I'll go out with Ian to grab something to eat. Sometimes I'll watch football on TV.

But most of the time, I watch her. Umaasa at naghihintay na magising siya.

My mother sighed. She used her thumb to caressed my cheeks. She made me look at her. Sinubukan niyang ngumiti sa akin, pero ako hindi ko kayang gawin iyon. Itinulak niya ako palapit sakanya at niyakap ako ng mahigpit.

I didn't know that my mother offering me comfort will hurt this much. This is the kind of comfort I want ever since the accident happened. Some offered me, but it was nothing like this.

This comfort made me realize how much it hurts but at the same time, it made me realize that it's okay to breakdown. That it's okay to let go of the pain that I've been keeping for the past eight months.

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. I tried so hard not to make a sound but I know that my mom knows that I'm crying. She rubbed my back and let me cry on her shoulders.

"It's okay, Zach... it's okay." Her voice broke. She continued rubbing my back until I calmed down.

Pagkatapos noon ay binati ko si Katarina at Daddy. My sister smiled sadly at me at muling binalik ang tingin kay Sam.

My father patted me on my shoulders.

"You have been so strong for the past eight months, anak. I'm so proud of you." he tried to smile at me.

Though my father isn't vocal about her adoration towards Sam like my mother, I can feel that he really likes Sam for me. Minsan mas mauuna pa siyang kumustahin si Sam kaysa sa akin.

I don't really mind though. Because that only implies that they love Sam for me. They love Sam as much as I love her.

Ngumiti ako pabalik. Sinundan ko naman sila ng tingin at pinanood habang pinagmamasdan nila ang natutulog na si Sam. There's still a tube inside her mouth because her body isn't reacting to it yet.

Ang sabi kasi ng doctor, once she chokes from the tube it means that her body is responding. He also told me if that happens, I should call them immediately.

"Ate Sam..." bulong ni Katarina. She ran her fingers through her hair. Tipid siyang ngumiti at binalik muli ang tingin sa akin.

"Ang ganda niya parin, Kuya, noh?" Katarina chuckled.

"Yeah..." tipid akong ngumiti sakanya.

Ngayon naman ay pinanood ko ang paglapit ng magulang ko sakanya. My father stared at her while my mother keeps on caressing her hand. She smiled sadly again.

"Oh, dear..."

She rubbed Sam's cheeks using her thumb, just like what she did to me a while ago. Later on, I saw her tearing up. My mother treated Sam as her own. She took Sam's parent's place when no one was there to award her medal.

She defended Sam from her step mother when she said ill things about her. She did everything like a mother would do for her child. Kaya naiintindihan ko na masakit rin na para sakanya na makita si Sam na ganito.

Hindi na niya napigilan pa ang sarili at pumikit na. She let the tears fall and then she hugs Sam. Nagpatuloy siya sa pag-iyak.

Pinanood ko lang siyang umiiyak. I pay so much attention that I didn't miss out the part where I thought I saw Sam's fingers moved.