11/14 5:37PM

Natty: how u holdin up? 

Lee: I don't know how to answer that.  

Natty: so then,, bad

Lee: ... 

Lee: I thought he was my best friend. No matter what.

Lee: And then he went and

Lee: He went and just

5:48PM

Natty: lee?? u still there?

Lee: I really can't hold a conversation right now.

Natty: np, u dont have to.

Natty: rant to me, lee.

Lee: ...

Lee: Are you sure you don't mind?

Natty: u need this. i dont even have the right to mind.

Lee: Ok well, I don't really know how I feel about that reply but you're right. I've bottled it up too much and

Lee: We were always attached at the hip, and we told each other everything, and I

Lee: I would have died for him, Natalie.

Natty: ...

Natty: i know.

Lee: But then he started ditching me for her, and- I mean, god, if anyone knows the extent of my little "crush" on him, it's you.

Lee: And he wouldn't even tell me what they were doing together and I know that was so clingy of me to even want to know, but he told me he was gay a long, long time ago, Nat

Lee: And it just didn't make SENSE, you know?

Natty: u weren't being clingy, lee, it WAS super sketchy

Lee: Right!? So then he got all angry about it and wanted to know why I cared so much, and like I couldn't just come right out and say I was practically in love with him.

Lee: But, god, did I say some dumbass things instead

Lee: And he kind of deadnamed me, which is kind of justified considering the circumstances

Natty: im gonna have to stop you right there. he had NO right.

Lee: He had every right! Michael's known me since fourth grade, I

Lee: ...

Lee:  I probably deserved it. But I don't think I deserved

Lee: I think it was out of line, maybe, and I didn't deserve

Natty: the school thing?

Lee: ...

Lee: He told the whole fucking school, Natty.

Lee: I walked in, and there wasn't a single kid in that school who didn't immediately start calling me "Lisa," just to see what would happen.

Natty: i mean i def didnt but like,, yeah ok i get ur point

Lee: The entire student body suddenly knew I was trans, and that was CLASSIFIED INFORMATION that I had barely even started trusting YOU with

Lee: But, Michael, I would've trusted him with my life, so of course he knew but I just

Lee: I didn't... expect that, you know? He just up and told the entire school my biggest secret, all because I asked about him and Marina.

Natty: i shuddered as i read her name

Lee: Fucking same.

Lee:  But Natty

Lee: It's like the memory changes every time I think about it

Lee: And every time it's worse, and in my mind I remember it as me overreacting so, so much and

Lee: I really don't think Michael was to blame for the end of our friendship.

Lee: ...

Lee: I think it was all me.

Natty: well ur wrong, leeby. there were some things that were out of his ctrl, thats true, but that doesnt excuse all the bs things he did to u

Natty: its not cool to deadname ur bff and its def not cool to tell ur bffs biggest secret to the school.

Natty: i know it feels wrong now that u cant really uh talk to him anymore but

Natty: ur still allowed to be angry.

Lee: ...

Lee: I miss him.

Natty: god, lee

Natty: ik u do

Natty: god

Lee: I just feel like things could have been

Lee: ...

Lee: different.

Lee: Like I could've fixed things between us, if I had just forced him to talk to me, then and there

Lee: But instead I just let him walk out the cafeteria doors after I yelled at him for everything and

Lee: And I let him drive away.