I needed to talk to the other witches.

Firstly, I wanted some information on the Virginia Witches' Collective. If they were a formal group, they should have some established policies. I wanted to know what they were.

Second, I needed to mine the members for information. Someone there was bound to know more than I did about Sylvans, soul mates, or any of the other nine thousand subjects I was researching. I'd have to be careful about how I asked, of course, but it was worth the risk. I needed that information very, very badly.

Calen gave me the address of the Virginia Witches' Collective headquarters when I asked, which turned out to be an old, abandoned hotel in the midtown area. I'd wondered who had moved in and started sprucing the place up, and now I knew.

I took the bus out to the hotel and made my way inside without trouble. A few people milled about in what was once the lobby area, and... Well, it still looked like a lobby area. It was set up as a casual meeting space with coffee and tea, a few tables, and some nice seating. Some witches had their tarot cards out for readings, while others just talked and sipped their drinks.

Calen came down to meet me only a few minutes after I arrived, immediately walking over to pull me into a hug. He bent to press a kiss to my lips that lingered perhaps a little longer than it should have in public, but the warmth of having him near was worth it. My heart raced every time he touched me, tingles running across my skin and adrenaline flooding my veins.

"Let's go to my office," he said, grabbing my hand.

It was probably best to get out of the public eye for sure. I could take some time before I left to talk to the other witches. For now, I wanted to spend a little time with Calen, see what he knew, and just enjoy being together for a little while.

"What are you using all the rooms for?" I asked, glancing up and down the hallway.

"We use the ballroom for public meetings, but many of the rooms are occupied as apartments," Calen said. "A lot of witches in this area need somewhere to stay. It's cheap rent for them and a secure community for all of us."

I wondered how many were occupied. The hotel wasn't massive, at least not for a hotel, but it was a good six stories full of rooms.

"So you just... casually bought the building?" I asked. A little manic laugh slipped out at the insanity of it all. Who on earth just casually bought and renovated an entire hotel? Normal people didn't do that.

"I make good money," Calen said, smirking.

"Damn. Maybe I should get into advertising..." I muttered, looking around. All the walls had been recently painted in muted shades of cream and sage green, the light fixtures replaced with entirely new ones, and everything looked incredibly clean.

I just wanted money for my own house.

As we walked, I stared at the Thread running between us. I wasn't sure, but it was possible it had gotten thicker since the last time around. Between that and watching the Thread forming between Dante and I, it was clear that present actions had as much effect on the Threads as predestination.

Weird.

I'd never seen things like this happen before, but I'd also never looked. As a child and a teenager, I was so focused on changing predetermined outcomes by altering what was already present that I'd never thought about what it meant to create new options for yourself. I'd never thought much about how existing Threads could change based on my choices, not just cutting them with my magic.

The soul mate Thread between Calen and I was strong because it had formed over lifetimes. It wasn't just tied to this incarnation or our Witch's Marks. It was something woven into the fabric of our souls, bringing us together over and over again.

Still, there was some niggling something in me that made me want to ask...

Once we arrived at Calen's office, which appeared to be an old manager's space or break room in the hotel, I closed the door behind us and walked right up to him. He didn't even flinch when I reached for his arm, gently rolling up the sleeve of his black button-down shirt.

"Stupid question," I said, turning his hand over to look at the Witch's Mark. "You're really my soul mate, right?"

Calen laughed softly. "Try some makeup remover on it if you want. It won't work."

I took a deep breath, nodding as I traced my fingers over the design. It was in the same place that it had been every time. It didn't have the same slight blur marks that an old tattoo might, and it did match mine entirely.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I'm just paranoid, I guess," I fumbled. "I'm not really sure how this is supposed to work."

"Let me help you, then," Calen crooned, wrapping his arms around my waist.

He hauled me in for a rough kiss, my arms automatically coming up to wrap around his neck. I had to stand on tiptoe to kiss him due to the height difference, but Calen made up for that. I yelped as he picked me up, pressing my back against the wall and urging me to wrap my legs around his waist for support.

It felt like it was flying and falling and combusting, and I didn't think I'd let go of him for anything in that moment. My hands snuck under the hem of his shirt, tracing across the muscles of his abdomen, nails gently scratching along his back. Calen groaned, lifting me a little higher against the wall.

"I wanted our first time to be in a bed, but I don't think either of us can wait," he rasped.

I gasped as he sucked on my pulse point, teeth scraping my collarbone. I'd have hickeys in the morning, and I did not care at all.

He was right. I couldn't wait, and I didn't care. It was like all logic went out the window with him, like something primal and feral just wanted to be close, and damn the consequences.

That was what love was supposed to be, wasn't it? This desire that was inescapable, this feeling of completion when you were close together?

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered that someone was knocking on the door. I didn't really care in the moment, too dazed to bother with it.

"Ignore it," Calen growled, palming my breast. I moaned without consciously realizing it, hands tracing across his back under the fabric of his shirt.

The knocking came again, and louder this time. A muffled voice called from the hallway, but neither of us responded. We were a little preoccupied.

Calen's tongue slipped into my mouth once more, swallowing my cries as his hands moved over every inch of skin he could find. Both of my legs wrapped around his waist, his hands sliding under my skirt, fingertips tracing up the garters at the top of my thigh-high socks—

Well, now someone was just pounding on the door. I flinched, turning to look. Whatever it was must be seriously urgent.

"Shit," Calen rasped, pulling away. "I'm sorry."

He put me down gently and stormed towards the door, flinging it open. I prayed for whoever was unfortunate enough to interrupt, because he was very clearly not happy. Neither was I, to be fair.

When we pulled apart, my heart was pounding, but I also realized that I felt incredibly nauseous. I was panting, and I thought the adrenaline in my blood was from arousal, but when I looked down, my hands were shaking.

I grabbed onto a chair to give my wobbling knees a little reprieve. Something was wrong. I couldn't quite tell what it was, but I needed to get out of here.

Now.

I pushed off the chair and stood up straight, moving to where Calen stood at the door. He and a woman I hadn't seen before were engaged in a hushed conversation, but I wasn't worried about interrupting at the moment. Instead, I took advantage of the distraction to slip by them both.

"I should go," I murmured, leaning in to gently kiss his cheek. I hoped it would distract him from my inexplicably shaking hands.

"You don't have to—"

"It's late. We'll talk tomorrow," I said, waving him off.

In reality, I had to get out of there. If I didn't, I thought I might scream.

I managed to walk calmly down the hallway and out to what was once the hotel lobby. I waved to the night watch at the desk, made my way through the revolving door, and walked out into the cool night air. The temperature change helped ground me a little, but I still felt nervous, still felt like something bad was about to happen.

I made it to the sidewalk before I started running.

It was instinct more than anything. I had to move, I had to get away, I had to get out of there. At the very least, I had enough good sense to turn back towards the main downtown area, where there would be more people and more lights. My vision narrowed to the sidewalk alone, my entire consciousness put into the effort of not tripping on broken spots, propelling myself forward as quickly as I could.

I only stopped when I physically had to stop. My legs were shaking and my side hurt, but I made it back into the lights of cheery downtown. A few people stared as I leaned against the nearest office building, closed for the night by now, trying to calm my racing heart.

I felt like I was going to die. I was terrified. I... I was terrified of what might have happened if someone hadn't knocked.

That wasn't love, I realized. That may not have even been lust.

That was my fight or flight instinct.

The sympathetic nervous system activates for both arousal and fear. It was understandable that in the moment, I hadn't really been able to differentiate. I'd assumed it was desire driving me towards Calen, and his reciprocal desire seemed to confirm it. And, in the moment, it felt good. It felt like it was supposed to happen, like I was supposed to be there.

So why did my body want me to run from my soul mate?

I'd made it a good four blocks before I stopped feeling the urge to sprint as far as I could. In the distance, I could see the hotel at the edge of town, but at least I was back in the city lights. There were a few bar hoppers out on the streets and a few people taking evening walks after dinner, and the area was generally well lit.

Feeling a little safer, I sat down on a city bench and pulled out my phone. I'd catch my breath and then walk until I found one of those kooky electric scooters to ride the last couple miles home. The way things were going with attempts on my life, there was no way in hell I was calling an Uber. For now, I was breathing hard, my lungs burned, my legs were itchy and sore, and there was a stitch in my side from running.

Even worse, now I was frustrated, and in multiple ways.

Dreams, desire, paranoia, hope, love, and a horrible, cold terror all blended together in my chest, and I didn't know what to do with it. I wanted Calen. I wanted the security of my person, of knowing that one person existed for me in the whole universe. I wanted to fall into his embrace and trust that everything would work out as long as we stayed together.

Something felt off, though, and I couldn't quite articulate why.

Maybe whatever happened in those dreams was just a coincidence, just the fear coming through. Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, fear of something— it had to be something else than the past. Calen wouldn't look like he looked now if it was all the past! He'd look as different as I did.

... Unless he was like my dad, of course, who apparently knew a past incarnation of my mom.

He wasn't, though. He couldn't be. Calen was a witch.

And, not to mention, this kind of connection was rare. Witches found their soul mates maybe twenty-five percent of the time, and the intensity wasn't always as overwhelming as this connection. This was a kind of fire that time and distance couldn't put out. This was something that I'd been dreaming about, the missing part I'd been wanting to find my whole life. I should feel like a part of me that had been long gone had been returned!

So why did I just feel annoyed and confused?

Part of me was glad that whoever knocked on the door had interrupted, and part of me felt sick that I was glad. Shouldn't I want to have sex with my soul mate? Shouldn't I feel okay giving into that desire? Shouldn't I feel secure in knowing I was there with him?

I wanted... I didn't even know what I wanted any more. I wanted Calen, but I wanted the Calen that would make me feel safe. I wanted a Calen who would hold me while I cried and tuck me in at night.

I liked the desire. I did. I reveled in the attraction and the attention because I'd never felt it like this before, but I needed more. I needed something else from him, and I didn't know why that made me feel so, so empty.