Author: eiramana325
Genre: Mystery /Thriller
Parts: 9
Critique from SircasticNoble

1. Cover:
⚫The cover is okay. It's simple.

2. Title:
⚫I have no issues against the title, so let's move on to the next.

3. Blurb:
⚫Your blurb is okay...not! Seriously, it's hideous. You want people to notice your story, but your blurb looks like that? You need to change it. You have to. Why was it written that way anyway? Avoid using too much spaces, dots, etc.

To pacify my perplexity , I made a sample of a blurb using your materials.

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Are you afraid of the night? Maybe not, as it is the perfect time to have fun—sex craving fun. Beware though, 'coz you'll never know who's giving you the mind-blowing pleasure.

Enjoy the night! It might not be your best experience, but it will definitely be your last.
-----

See? It's better this way, right? Concise yet alluring.

4. Prologue /Teaser/Introduction:

⚫It's too much. You could just use the first part from "Dick Eater" (I find this chapter title funny in it's own way) and omit the second one. Delete the info above before the teaser itself.

5. Grammar/Punctuation/Writing Skills:

⚫You're not good in sentence construction. I always pointed it out while doing inline comments. Never finish a sentence, only to follow it with a dependent clause. Instead, use linking verbs and prepositions to connect them. You have to be keen in using the right tenses.

The verb must always be in its base form when the preceding word is in future tense.

"The girl will TAKE" not "takes".

I've noticed countless times wherein you use past tense when it should be in it's base form. I can't get an example from your story since it seems like you deleted my inline comments, not that it's a big deal though. It's your freedom since it's your book.

6. Plot:

⚫There's definitely a plot, though the first and second case's connections are not linked yet. Since the story is still on it's starting point or prematurity, there should be an insight of both's connection. Because they appear separately, they look more like two relative one shots placed under a collection.

7. Breath/Tone and Narration/Dialogue:

⚫You're a good narrator so your story setting came to life. I can feel the breath of every character inside the story as you meticulously described each one of them. The exchange of  dialogues is clear too.

8. Character (build up)

⚫I'm finding the words to say regarding this part. Although the story is narrated well, it's still all over the place. The character build up is messy, confusing, and blah.

9. Good points:
⚫vivid narration
⚫believable and credible information cited.

10. Bad points:
⚫Sentence construction
⚫Paraphrasing
⚫Tenses
⚫Escalation of the story

11. Overall feel/suggestions:
⚫Research more. You have a great potential of becoming a renowned writer. Your story's  a jewel that just needs to be polished. I prefer detective Jorelle's character than the vengeful woman. Basing on what I've read, I bet you're gonna shine more in creating detective stories.

12. Is it something to be read of?
⚫It could be if it's polished. It's a promising story afterall.

13. Scale (1-10):
⚫7. Refer to the preceding pointer as to why.

14. Diagnosis:
⚫You have what it takes. The materials are there. You just need to make use of them properly. Play the right cards, and you'll definitely hit the charts. That's it.

Just being me,

SircasticNoble