For @CloverpawWarriorCats. She won my Name That Apprentice and so I'm doing her oc early as a prize. Next oc should be Fishpool :3

WARNING: THIS CHARACTER'S BACKSTORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF RAPE, GORE, AND OVERALL VIOLENCE.

Name: Hawkstorm

I've seen this name quite a few times. Hawk- is pretty overused in villains (thanks Hawkfrost -_-) and in ocs in general. -storm is also a pretty overused suffix.

Gender: Tom

Why are bad guys always toms? Anyway, cool I guess..

Rank: Dark Forest resident (formerly warrior)

He still reminds me of Hawkfrost XD oh well. Not much to say about this.

Clan: WindClan

Oh, yay! Not many bad guys in WindClan. My favorite Clan :3

Personality: cunning, short tempered, mysterious, secretive, selfish, enjoys watching cats suffer, basically stereotypical evil

He's too stereotypical for my liking. We don't need another Hawkfrost or Tigerstar, do we? I think it would be cooler if he had some unexpected personality traits. Stereotypical bad guy is stereotypical.

Looks: brown tabby tom with yellow eyes and sharp claws. His teeth have a yellow tinge and his fur is short and smooth, but coarse. He has scars lining his throat, scars on his flank and a scar down his face.

Brown tabbies are always bad guys :/ Tigerstar, Hawkfrost, Brokenstar, Bramblestar for a while, etc etc. The yellow eyes are good, keep that. He's got an overall bad guy look to him, which is cool, but a bit stereotypical. I'm sure he has his scars from fighting, which bad guys tend to do, so keep those too. I'd maybe change his pelt color to something like pale brown, to try and keep him more original :3

Backstory: (COULD BE CONSIDERED DISTURBING, CONTINUE WITH CAUTION. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DAMAGE. (Maybe a little extreme but people can seriously be squeamish)

You know your character is messed up when you have to put all of this O.O Not that that's a bad thing, I'm chill with gore as long as it's not irl.

As a kit, Hawkstorm was bullied and picked on, especially targeted by a tom named Splashfrost. Hawkstorm's family had been bullied for many generations, for no reason. When he became a warrior, Hawkstorm's sister Wrenfeather was killed in a battle against RiverClan. Wrenfeather was the only kin he had left, so Hawkstorm became full of rage and hatred. He secretly turned against the Clans and spent moons plotting revenge on any cat who ever hurt his family. He started by killing Splashfrost's newborn kits, and loved the taste of blood so much he couldn't stop. Next he aimed for the cat who killed his sister, then Splashfrost's best friend, and so on. All the while, nobody knew it was him. He loved killing so much he began torturing, too. He kidnapped Splashfrost and slowly sliced his tail off and gouged one of his eyes out. WindClan assumed Splashfrost was dead, but he was being tortured for six moons before he died of infection and blood loss. For a few moons, Hawkstorm got bored of sitting around without blood pooling at his paws, he decided to try a new type of torture. He manipulated one of the she-cats in WindClan to love him, and when he got her to go along on a private patrol, he took her to the place he took Splashfrost and raped her. She bore no kits. He kept her hostage while he returned to WindClan like nothing was wrong. He raped her again. She bore no kits. When he finally realized she was barren, he killed her and manipulated yet another she-cat to love him before kidnapping and raping her as well. When this she-cat had two kits, he k!lled their mother in front of them and then starved the kits for a few moons before killing them as well. When his Clanmates found out he was the serial killer, WindClan's leader Mothstar challenged him to a fight. Hawkstorm won- but Mothstar had one life left. With it, she cracked his neck and Hawkstorm was sent to the Dark Forest, where he roamed with his Dark Forest Clanmates. Forever.

This is cool! You don't see many violent characters like this. The backstory reminds me of Scourge, except even Scourge wasn't this evil O.o I think you should put a reason that his family was bullied, because it kinda makes no sense. Perhaps they're descended from some bad guy, and everyone holds a grudge against them for that. That could contribute to the story somehow.

Anyway, yeah, this is pretty cool. He's got a reason to be evil, at least. The poor kittens tho :(

Mates: Palemoon (unofficially), Oakflower (unofficially

These poor she-cats... Nice names.

Kits: Specklekit and Plumkit (both she kits)

Such cute names :( how could you kill them :( HOW DARE

·~*OVERALL*~·

6/10. I think he could use some work. He's so stereotypical, he seems like a mix of Scourge and Hawkfrost. While he has an awesome backstory, the bullying bit could use an explanation. His appearance and personality aren't very original. I think it would be nice to have a villain who's name doesn't seem like a bad guy's name. Something with, like, Berry, Tall, Olive, Storm, etc. As a prefix. It would be much more original.

He's definitely cool though, and I'd like to read a story about him! Wooo :3