you can't put a full stop
after running your mouth,
can you?

sometimes, I want to put your words
to rest
(for you)
so my introvert of a heart
can rest right
beside it
(for me)

it gets too debilitating

I want to take deep breaths
and I can only do that
in your silence

except
you don't give me some

I can only stare at you
like you are a galaxy
of your own
clashing with the other
galaxies
(so clumsily and so noisily)

and my wish
grows in every stare

stop revolving for some

and then I berate myself
over these ugly wishes
because I forget to be
grateful
for the words you can speak
at all
for the words I can hear you speak
at all

then, it's a doodle starting
it's way from my heart
into my head
where every wish of mine
is caught in the wayward strands
and my guilt over those ungrateful thoughts
catches up with a swiftness
I cannot even fathom

it takes me along with it
right into the depths
of this oxymoronic mess--
as my dignity
is shred into little
threads of panic
and confusion

it's all so mussy
and tiring

there is a darkness
(behind my eyelids)
and the doodles
become a burst of light
somewhere in the
cosmic universe
of the darkness
(behind my eyelids)

there is a girl
(she looks like me)
dancing there
as the planets
dance above her head

and I know,
it must be the hope
showing me
it's benign
ideas

©VioletEden

18thJune2017