'Life can sure be scary. At the moment you least expect it, it can give you things or take them away from you. A second you breathe naturally and live your everyday usual life and the next, everything that was surrounding you could be turned into a chaos that terrifies you as you keep looking at it.

How could it be to be part of that chaos? If just the sight is terrifying. Could you even imagine, how overwhelming it is to live such a moment?

I really wish you would never go through that. Make sure you never let your life take control of your heart and soul. You live life. Don't let life use you to live."

The words written on the royal purple notebook had struck your emotions once again, despite the fact that you had re-read them so many times that you remembered them by heart.

Strangely though you had a desire to get back to the diary that your old best friend had left behind for you. Maybe it was because with starting a new job, you had felt as if your life was taking a step forward and you were uncertain if that step was in the direction that you wanted it.

The job wasn't bad but also wasn't what you wanted to be all your life and of course, it was beneficial cause you needed to bring in an income but still the veil of uncertainty stayed inside you, thinking about your decision and if this work would end up sidetracking you from your goals or actually help you reach them.

In moments of doubt as such, you tended to go back to her words often in your head and your memories would even bring back to mind her smiling face and the way she used to pat your back whenever she was to encourage you.

Helena may not be alive anymore, but truth was that her words never died. Not just the ones she had written in that notebook but also the ones she had managed to engrave in your mind.

And every time you were to recall them you tended to feel more grateful than sad as even if she was no longer with you in flesh, she remained in your heart, despite how much time had passed.

You closed the notebook with a smile, feeling slightly better and determined to make the best out of this opportunity, no matter how challenging and complicated it may seem. You proceeded to place it on the shelf of your commode where you used to keep it and then left your room, thinking of passing some time, watching some TV.

As soon as you got to the living room though, you couldn't help but feel a wave of loneliness hit you as your mind traveled to Jungkook.

Your previous roommate didn't use to make his presence too loud and noticeable but the fact that Jungkook was around the house had become something natural and a thing that somehow used to make the atmosphere less cold was he or not in the same room as you.

"Ah, why did he had to move out. They should have just come to live here together" You softly spoke, referring to Jungkook and his girlfriend Areum with which you wouldn't have had any issue if she was to have moved in with Jungkook instead of him moving in with her.

You plopped on the couch and snagged under the blanket you had previously abandoned there, not bothering to actually turn on the TV as you previously planned to do. Instead, you just stayed there in the darkness of the room, thinking about many things and mostly, Jimin.

He sure was a great boyfriend and he hasn't even once not grabbed every chance he got, to show you how much he cares about you, yet here you were, still uncertain about taking a step further in this relationship.

It wasn't the fact that you didn't trust him as you knew that he may have thought, it was mostly because you were scared. It had nothing to do with him and he had done nothing wrong but still, you were scared.

You love him and want him as much as he says he wants you to not say more, but exactly because you loved him, you couldn't take that step so easily yet.

Because he meant a lot, you didn't want to lose him. Because you wanted to see him happy, you didn't want him to ever feel disappointed or hurt by you and you just weren't sure, if you would be able to live up to all those high expectations you had placed on your own self.

Ah, I am overthinking again. Great. Someone stop me.

You scolded yourself, as you knew that all the thoughts you were having were not right, yet they didn't stop coming and making you feel cornered.

The sudden ring of the doorbell however managed to cut off your trail of thoughts and you immediately stood up from the couch, along with your blanket, and walked towards the door.

You took a look at the hole to see who it may be but no one was there, making your face take on a confused expression.

You debated if you should open or not, considering the late hour but soon curiosity took the best of you like the sound of the bell echoed again.

You put on the key chain and opened the door slightly, only to be met Jimin standing at the side of your door. You quickly closed the door and took off the chain, opening it fully again in order to face him.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you here at such an hour?" You asked him visibly worried as you were sure that you hadn't had any late-night plans with him or anything along those lines.

"Can I come in?" He asked and you stepped aside leaving room for him then proceeded to close the door once he entered.

"Jimin?" You called him and he just turned and faced you for some minutes, before he pulled you in his arms and kept you tight.

"I couldn't sleep."He replied as his face hid on the crook of your neck gently, making a soft smile appear on your lips.

"And because you couldn't sleep, you thought that you should keep others awake too huh?"You joked while you left your fingers to get entangled between his hot pink colored hair.

"You can sleep. Just let me hold you while you do so."His words made your heartbeat get louder in your ears as you pulled away and met his eyes.

"Why can't you sleep? What is bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?" You asked him, concerned about him as after his Father's death, truth was that Jimin had had trouble at falling asleep and generally trouble at calming down his emotions that would get too violent and strong against him sometimes.

"Say, do you really think I am worth being loved? Do you think that I deserve you?"He uttered, as his hand traveled to your cheek and caressed it softly."It gets frightening sometimes Y/N. When I remember who I am and who you are, I just feel like you deserve so much more than I could ever be. But at the same time, I don't want to let you go. Even if I don't deserve you, I still want to have you and try my best to keep you forever. Am I being egoistic?"

"It seems I am not the only one who was overthinking tonight."You replied before pecking his lips softly. "I love you. Deserved or not. I love you."

Your words even though they were so simple, had managed to soothe a bit his raging thoughts that from the moment you had rejected living with him, had grown more along with his insecurities.

"I love you too"He stated as he leaned and pulled you in a kiss way longer and more full of emotions from the simple peck you gave him.

"Do you still want to stay and cuddle me to sleep?" You asked him after he pulled away and his eyes lighted up immediately at the thought only that you may agree to it cause you mostly had rejected such offers.

Being in the same bed with him was dangerous after all cause you both loved each other and craved for each other and since you weren't ready for anything to go towards a certain action, you thought it would be better to not make him suffer by giving him early hopes or something.

"Is that even a question? We both know I would never say no to that."Jimin said as a  matter of fact and you smiled at him, feeling happy that he had come.

"Okay then. But just cuddling. Don't start kissing my neck and leaving hickeys on it like last time!" you warned him, feeling a little embarrassed by the last time you had happened to get that close to him.

"Promise," He replied as he grabbed your hand and started pulling you along, towards your bedroom.

"That didn't sound convincing Jimin. We both know that you can lie better than that" You laughed at him as he didn't even seem to bother to deceive you or anything.

"Y/N be my good girl and pretend you didn't understand, babe."He winked as he pulled you in bed and kept you in his arms for a moment making you laugh at him, as he was still fully clothed and had his coat on.

"Won't you go change first?"

"Yeah, just one more second," He said and continued holding you, making you snuggle against his chest, his heartbeat echoing under your ear.

It was so rhythmic yet loud. So warm and calming that made you forget of any struggling feeling you were having till some minutes ago.

I am not the one who is healing you Jimin. You are doing the same for me too. And I am sorry, I keep feeding your insecurities.  But I will soon get over it. You will see it. I will reach the day, where I won't recall that terrible event.

---To be continued...