Mid October. 2016

Ashley and I were in Edmonton for Phoenix's game against the Oilers tonight. Ashley figured since he couldn't come home for her Halloween event, she'd make the trip to see him instead. Spending time with Ash was strange.

To me, she was still a stranger, much like a lot of the people in my life. But there was a comfort in her presence. She didn't make it weird or awkward. Instead she was relaxed, she walked beside me, we talked about basic subjects and once in a while she'd remind me that she needs a coffee before she drops dead.

We're shopping at the Kingsway Mall to kill time before we go to the stadium to watch the game. Phoenix has a lot on his plate this afternoon. Training, interviews with reporters, panels with more reporters. It's easy to forget that he's this big time sports star that half of the women in Canada thirst over whenever he's on screen.

When he's with me, he's all mine and I'm all his. He calls me all the time, the text messages are endless. It's hard to imagine that I'm never not on his mind and to compare that person to the one who sits at a podium and talks to camera's that are broadcast across national television, it's a hard connection to make. He seems so much larger than life when I see him on the screen.

"How's the new job?" Ash asked, swinging a bag with new shoes inside of it. She didn't look at me, opting to watch the store fronts instead, but I knew she was listening. "Sadie said you were a bit pissed about Jason being the new boss."

That was the other strange thing. Sadie and Ash were closer than she and I were. My sister didn't have a lot of friends, she never had. Growing up, she preferred to spend time with me or whoever she was dating at the time. There was something about this friendship though, the opposites attract rule applied and it worked.

"Yeah, it wasn't that I was pissed about him being the boss," I said, earning a side on glance from Ash. "I mean, it was a weird shock. The part that bothered me was Phoenix and Sadie deciding to keep it from me."

Ash rolled her lips together, peering off in the opposite direction. We weaved through shoppers and were careful to side step for an older woman coming through in a wheel chair.

"I'm going to potentially put my foot in it," Ash said, walking taller than I ever would as we went past the food court. The smell was mouthwatering. "Phoenix and Sadie don't see eye to eye on a lot of the things that go on with you. The hard part for me is being torn down the middle. Sadie is one of my best friend's and Phoenix is my brother. It's hard but, just trust that Phoenix isn't always the one calling the shots."

We came to a stand still on the edge of the food court and I stared at Ash, who stared right back, the hum and background noise falling quiet.

"Sadie is the one that wants things kept from me?"

Ash pursed her lips, sliding her free hand into the pocket of her black denim jacket. "I'm not dumping people in the deep end. You just have to know that Phoenix has your best interests at heart."

I opened my mouth to defend Sadie, I was sure she had my best interests at heart as well. But Ash cut me off before I could talk.

"Wait, no, they both do. They just. . . show it differently."

"Yeah, I get that I suppose."

Ash gave me a big exaggerated smile, full of fear she'd just said the wrong thing. The mall wasn't the right place to be having this conversation, so I sighed and kept walking around the edge of the food court seating. Phoenix did tell me that Sadie was the one who didn't want me to know that Jason was the owner of Linn Architects, but it sounded like there was more in her bank of information she was responsible for keeping from me.

Ash and I got something to eat, an early dinner and sat down at a little booth with plant boxes built into the top of the seats. We shared a board of pizza and a side of sweet potato fries. Apparently, I was the one who introduced sweet potato fries to Ash. She dipped one in aioli and dangled it above her mouth.

"You didn't answer me about how the new job is going?" Ash reminded me of her earlier question while she chewed on her fry.

"I've only done one full day so far," I said, pinching my fingers together to dust the crumbs off. "It was good. I have a little office with an amazing view and I can decorate it however I want. On Monday I have to go through client requests and select three profiles."

Jason said I can choose between three and seven, but no less than three. I work on a percentage over costs which means the more clients I have, the more money I make. A portion of that is given to the business. Making a lot of money isn't what this job is about for me though, it's about the attention to detail and a customer, client relationship where I can bring vision to life.

The last thing I want is to have too much on my plate when I've just started and lose that careful care and planning I put into a project.

Next week will be all about meeting clients, drawing up contracts, starting on designs and mood boards that I can then share with the clients. I need to find my flow before I bite off more than I can chew.

"What about you?" I asked, not wanting to talk about a job I hadn't started. "How's work going?"

Ash swallowed her mouthful of soda and shrugged, placing it back on the table in front of her. "I stick needles in patients, I clean up shit from bed pans, I convince old men that I'm not actually down for their pension payments in exchange for my ass. You know, there's a lot about nursing that I love and there's a lot about it that makes me think I should just get into porn instead."

I choked on a laugh, covering my mouth so I didn't shower pizza crumbs across the table.

Ash cracked a grin.

"Okay, so what else would you be doing if it weren't nursing?" I asked.

It falls quiet between us while Ash gives me a calculated stare. "I'll tell you something about me, if you promise not to laugh."

"Of course."

She let her eyes slide across the other tables, the shoppers shouting over bowls of noodles or fried chicken. Finally she blew out a deep sigh. "I'm into dressing up and doing skits and if I could earn a full time income doing that, I might just leave nursing. But then there's the part of me that knows how desperately our medical system needs nurses who care. And I do care. Fuck it all, I do."

"Dressing up and doing skits? So you are into porn?"

She glared. "I said dressing up, not getting naked."

We both laughed and I waited for her to elaborate because I was still confused.

"I cosplay characters from television, books, movies. I love fantasy. I've done a lot of Game of Thrones and that sort of thing."

I felt my smile lift, imagining this woman in front of me who often seemed a bit sick of the world, talk about dressing up and I loved it. "That sounds so fun. Can I see?"

"Sure, later. We'll go back to the hotel and I'll show you my YouTube page while we get ready for the game. You can watch the one I forced Leighton to be in when he was drunk at New Year's Eve three years ago."

I tapped the edge of the board our pizza was on and slowly shook my head. "I can just imagine all the stupid ideas Leighton would come up with."

"Oh, the man is full of dip shit suggestions. But we did have a lot of fun that night. You know, after lights out."

"Wait, what?"

"Just once," she turned her nose up and tapped the end of it. "Just once and we never broke character. So, I don't think it counts."

I folded my arms on the table and grinned. "Would you do it again?"

".Hmm, no. Yeah, well, no. I don't know."

That was a loaded answer.

Ash kept her promise when we got back to the hotel and we were almost late for the game because I spent hours going through her content and watching her skits. The attention in her outfits was phenomenal. She could've told me they were the actual costumes from the set of movies and I would believe her.

Later that night, I lay on my stomach in the hotel watching Sportsnet. We were staying at the JW Marriot hotel, just one minute from Rogers Place stadium where the game was. The stadium just opened in September and the team had collaborated with the hotel for first choice of the beautiful rooms. The decor was modern, sharp. Sophisticated tile bathrooms, black and white furniture, exquisite views of the city center.

I lay on the bed watching highlights from the game, a slow motion shot of Phoenix came up. He was gliding down the ice, straight up the middle of the rink while Leighton tousled with someone behind the Oiler's net. Their sticks clashed and then Lei got a snap shot on the puck, sending it straight for Phoenix who met it in front of the goal zone and snapped it right between the goalies knees.

I smiled, watching him throw his arms up, skating straight into the middle of a celebratory huddle. The screen zoomed out from the highlight and then he was standing in the cordoned off section of the rink where reporters are allowed access to a few minutes with some of the players.

He talked about this season, his hopes for the team and the recent trade that was made for Tatum Lawrence, a winger for the Knights. When the interviewer asks about his dating life, Phoenix gets this big stupid smile on his face.

"Dating life?" He repeated the question, wiping his face which was still damp with sweat. A couple of his team mates passed him and slapped him on the back.

"We've heard some whispers," the interviewer teased. "There's a girl who's had your attention in the stands."

"Oh, dating life," he nodded, tousling his dark brown mess of hair. "You made it sound so casual."

"It's not casual?"

"No," he laughed, starting to walk off. "Not casual at all."

I rolled around on the bed, feet kicking and butterflies swarming around in my stomach.

While I'd had some hang ups about Phoenix and I, the advantage of time he had and the fact that I wasn't quite who I used to be, I was soaking up all of the good feelings that came with new romance. Phoenix was this beautiful, caring, gorgeous man who looked at me like I was the most important person in the world. I could move past the fact that he knew me better than I knew him. It wouldn't take long until we were on the same page.

A while later, the door beeped and Phoenix came in with a sports bag slung over his shoulder. He was wearing a hoodie and cargo pants, boots on his feet and a beanie on his head. His smile turned into a mild wince as he reached behind him and closed the door, his features contorting like he was in pain.

He blew out a breath as he let his bag slide off his shoulder and drop on the floor.

"Is something hurting?" I asked, skipping the hello's because I was worried as I moved up onto my knees and watched him lean against the door.

His head was tipped back, watching me down his nose with a hooded stare that made me tremble in all the right places. "Just a ping in the shoulder from being checked. No big deal."

"You want a massage?"

He slid his beanie off and walked over to the edge of the bed, leaning down with puckered lips. Still on my knees, I shuffled over to him and closed the distance, kissing him, inhaling the scent of his cologne and musk. His hand glided across my jaw and his fingers clutched the space behind my ear and on the back of my neck. I loved the way he held me, it was tender but demanding, his desire obvious but respectful.

The kiss was soft, tantalizing and supple as he gave me light chaste kisses, just barely parting from my mouth and coming back again, over and over. His hand slid down a little lower, moving feather light over my neck, caressing the ridges until his thumb was stroking the space between my throat and collar bone.

A soft gasp from me made him smile into our kiss and all I wanted to do was grab the front of his hoodie and drag him on top of me. We hadn't had sex again since the night we spent in the tree house and while the memory was incredible fuel, I was getting desperate for the real thing.

"Hello," he whispered, licking my bottom lip. "What was the question again."

Even I couldn't remember. "Oh," I felt breathless as he continued to trace my neck with the pad of his thumb. "A massage."

"Mmmm," he kissed me, a little rougher this time. "You do give a good massage."

That was news to me, but I shouldn't be surprised to learn that I'd massaged him before. I also liked that he gave me that little bit of information. He'd heard me when I said I was sick of the secrets and finding out that I used to give him massages wasn't going to be a downfall in my new walk of life.

Earlier it might have been a rough reminder that I had a past I didn't remember, but I was getting used to it and I was learning to accept it for what it was.

Phoenix stood up straight again and lifted his hoodie over his head, wincing as he slowly lowered his arms in front of him and shrugged the rest of the way out of it.

"It's warm in here," he said, wandering over to the window where the lights illuminated the dark night. I watched him take his t-shirt off next, his face twisted in pain and I felt a bout of concern shoot through me, desperate to help him feel better.

Tapping the bed, I gestured for him to sit down on the edge of it. He did, giving me a sweet smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. He looked excited. With his back to me, he lowered onto the edge of the bed and I admired his broad shoulders, the taut pull of his skin against muscle and the tight definition trailing right down his torso into the band of his pants.

For a brief moment, I wondered how someone with his body, ended up with someone like me. A bit rounder, thighs that spread the width of a seat whenever I sat down, love handles and a pouch. I didn't voice those thoughts, I just drifted back to that night he'd worshiped me, held each curve, kissed the excess skin and told me he loved how I felt to hold.

It made me tingle to know he appreciated parts of me I'd never loved as much as I should have. Sadie said bodies like mine were celebrated more now than ever before and I was glad, but growing up being told I was fat, as if it were a bad thing, has stuck.

No, it didn't become my entire image, I didn't let it ruin my self confidence or dictate how I dressed, but it was always in the back of my head, a little voice narrating what I was sure other people were thinking about me when I arrived at an event in something tight or revealing.

After I found some ointment in Phoenix's bag, I kneel behind him and warmed it up in my hands before rubbing it across his shoulder blades. He said he'd visit the team doctor in the morning to get a proper assessment done and do a session with the physio as well, but tonight, I was going to be the one rubbing him down.

His head lolled back as I rubbed his shoulders and back, the base of his neck and the back of his arms. He moaned, his satisfaction obvious as I worked over him. I didn't put too much pressure or pretend I knew how to massage an injury, but he seemed to appreciate it all the same.

About ten minutes later, he reached behind him and wrapped his hand around my wrist before he twisted his torso to look at me. Then, he stood up and started crawling onto the bed. I shuffled backward, palms out behind me to keep me up right.

"Your turn."

"I don't need a massage," my legs fell open as he moved between them, his too large frame settling in the space and caging me in with his arms.

"Perhaps not, but I can think of a lot of other things my hands can do to this body."

My stomach turned over itself. "Oh?"

He nodded, his face hovering in front of mine as his teeth sunk into his soft inviting lip. "I miss this body when you're not with me. I miss these thighs."

With one hand holding his weight, the other came down in a hard but sensual slap on my outer thigh, drifting up and up, into the drip of my waist and back down again.

"I miss these," he lowered his face to the swell of breast peeping out of my tank top, nestling his mouth and nose in the cleavage and licking a line back up my throat. When his mouth came to my nape, he sucked the skin in and I gasped, clenching my thighs around his waist.

He dropped his hips and thrust, the friction on my core made me whimper. I was soaking. Drenched for him and his words and the way his body encased me and made me feel safer than I'd ever felt before. I loved how his hands felt on me, gripping hard, pressing down and reminding me that he absolutely adored how I felt beneath him.

Before you get your knickers in a twist, this scene is continued in the next chapter.