An electrifying beam of white lightens my obsidian room with Ivory, the shadows of every corner chased away for only seconds before they returned. Sharp rain and tiny rocks flicking against my tall window by the gusts of the whistling wind, the tides of the ocean roars as the storm took its course. With no alert, the celestial night took a course and poured its tears. Neighs of horses and guards shouting command emanated out the field, a deep long night and I couldn't find a moments peace to rest my eyes despite the aching sore that numbs my bones.

Entangled in soft, thick sheets, burdened and tormented by the ghostly hollows of the wind. The outside torrent was one thing, now I deal with the ones that tousle in clash in my body.

Not fear, not anger, not the touch of betrayal of what I should be feeling. Just the longing to be in his bed in this horrid rain.

"Open the barrier." A man shouted into the rain. "Storm."

Didn't surprise me, even with the fortunes he spent on this land, it was still not safe by the wrath of nature. And that's one thing these elites fail to comprehend. But I give Adonai props. Upset tides violently hitting over the shoreline and rocks when it was interrupted by an ear deafening blare of a buzz, around the outside, then flashes of red, and the sounds of crashing sea wanes for lighter thumps against glass.

Slow heavy feet creaked out in the dark hallway just the current steadies, a figure meanders close against my door, and I took a glimpse. Molten lava melting into my streams. The supposed silence is perturbed by harsh breathing against the wood, and I clenched the sheets into my hand, attentively awaiting. Thin nylon night gown tightening around my body in desperate hopes it was who I wanted more than anything.

Slow and steadied deep breaths roll against the wood, A faint scent of pineapple exudes beneath the seam of the door drawing the line of suspense and I licked my lips, trembles of excitement burning in me and I sat up, waiting for him to open the door and be with me for the remaining havoc of the outside.

But no one ever did, the slow steady creaks recede, and it stole the thrums of my heart along with it until a door clicked in the end, leaving me alone in thick warm sheets, and the nuisance of a large bed for three to contemplate through my dark thoughts. He didn't show, I waited for him, and he didn't open the door and let me gaze at his face.

And why would he? why should he have to pick and choose from the dozens of mixed signals I give him daily, then endure the humiliation of my constant rejection, leading him on only to make him suffer in the end. It pains me watching him stand in the dark shadows, it pains me imagining how he must feel watching Gunter and I after voicing his feelings for me ... wait, has he?

Out of everything he has confessed, his feelings for me were never one of them. Maybe it all lives in my head, or I'm just creating a narrative of him loving me ... because it is how I feel for him. Could I say it was love? I wouldn't qualify. Not when I shield myself or shoot him down for trying to get to know what lives underneath the surface of me.

The surface of my eyes shimmer until they stung with dwelling tears, a single warm bead trailed down my cheeks and it follows by another. Nasir can never know my secrets. My way of pulling these rotten weeds from the ground, my own criminal work. He wouldn't look at me the same, he would hate me, especially since I joined him to hunt down these members, but one day all he'd have to do is glance right aside him and there I'd be, a snake in the cave.

No one warned me how painful this feeling is, when your heart tears in two. I must live for my people and the way of the crown. But Nasir, he wants me to live and live for me. Twisted, it was all twisted. Just when I think I can give in, I worry for our future, I worry for the inevitable outcome, there is always something preventing me from doing what Tiana wants.

I sigh a long deep breath, the knots unbinding in my veins, and tucked myself back into my own cocoon, re-burying the usual longing of forbidden parts into the abyss of my head, never to see the day of light, for now at least. The storm brews freely into the plains, crashing thunder and zips of lightning, and all I can do is stare, into nothing but pitch black, watching the moving shadows and daydream what it would be like, just to live, and not live by the standards I am given.

'What does Tiana want?' -- I startled upwards, forcing my lulling eyes to stay awake, disrupted by a voice. Somehow, I found a moment of calamity and fell into a slumber and now awoken by a deep and resonant tone. But no face. My eyes searching within every corner of the still dark room as a beam of lightning lit the corners, strands of my loose curls brushing my naked shoulders and the small of my back, raindrops trickle down the glass.

No one, just my imagination. Or a dream.

'What does Tiana desire?' -- there it purrs again, like a floating apparition. My heart plummeted.

"Hello?" I call out, only the sharp rain is responsive to my words. Was this all in my head? --'Yes'

The resonant voice droned within ear shot this time, but I don't flinch, frozen in place, surges of sharp chills race down my spine and I lower my presence, reeling in my uncontrollable huffs. That voice. It was a familiar pitch to what Nasir normally sounds like, something only he'd normally say. Or maybe I have fallen too deep.

"He-Hello?" I croaked lowly, a mild burn pinching my cheeks. No response, only the sharp rain and rolling thunder. 'Hello?' I said inwardly.

'What does Tiana want?' -- the voice said, I bit my lip, the sharp chill molts to tingles as they drag down my spine. The way it's' spoken didn't hint a question, neither did it aim to scare me. It was gentle, smooth even, but it was all in my head.

My conscious running rampant, splintering my mind in two an echo, meant to torment me. What did I want? I live by the same rules every day, trapped.

'What does Tiana want?' --It says again, a deep hum drags down my body, close than it last was. It really is all in my head, but is it me asking these questions and fabricate Nasir's voice?

'What does Tiana desire?'

It's endless, I can't tune it out now, even when I respond to it, an inner voice with question for me to decide. What is it that I wanted, for once what is it that I truly wanted for so long, haven't even had time to mull that over, it's always give. Give. And give and never take or given.

No, not tonight, not right now. I know what I wanted, better yet, I know who I needed beside me more than ever ... and ... I didn't tell him goodnight. I just got up and left him there with his injuries because I was afraid to let him have all of me.

"Nasir." His name slips my lips so airily and soft, as if I was exhaled my last breath, and just as it drifted, a kindle of warmth begun to burn just underneath the surface of my body. I am Queen Tiana for crise sakes, and the leader of my own life. Words I have always spewed but faintly didn't even believe. Strong in and out. And not because of some standard that is marked on women who look like me, I am because I wanted to be.

'Remind them of their place, and you remind yourself of yours.' that inner voice recited. I reminisced, all those times Nasir would be the one to remind myself of my worth, and I will find it on this arc. But for now, I want to tell Nasir goodnight. To thank him ... and tell him how ... I felt for all these years.

That's what I wanted, and that is what I chose.

With a steadied haste, the heated sheets are untangled and thrown to the side as I round each leg from the mattress until the pads of me feet touched the cold flooring. My eyes keen towards the bedroom door that couldn't have been close enough, heartbeat is set ablaze, and plump lines of my lips drawing into an eager smile.

A step towards the opening. He says I am the finish line, but he is the start of mine, and I'll trail through every dark trenches alongside of him. Soon, I will tell him how I feel, scream it even despite our distance and confess.

My answer is, yes, Nasir. I choose you in the end. Warm tears glide down my cheeks and the cold handle of my bedroom door shivers me all around, a grin bursting to the surface of my face and small bubbly giggles arose from my throat as the door is pried open, when a white beam of lightning whipped through the windows, a crinkled sound attained my attention and a white note sandwiched into the door tumbles down to the floor, with squinted eyes I stare at the dark red ink of words.

Thunder smoothly rolls over the sky, and a single stomp of a foot frightened me in place, and I whirled back to the dark hallway. A peculiar shape lined against the wall clenched my lungs. A faint flash of white crashed again, and my eyes narrow straight ahead when the shape of darkness solidifies. Another beam of white zipped through the sky closer to the window, I startled back, and the shadow sprints down the hall fading into the distance.

I can only manage labored breaths and the clench around my lung tightens, the seam of Nasir's room is pitch black, a numbing chill pulling my bones, and my hand flung towards my door by another slow creaking board, ushering the door to steadied click. The gust of air swirls the paper before me, and I peeled my back from the wood and locked the door. Unsteadied hands violently trembling as I capture my bottom quivering lip, lifting the thin crinkling paper, the words encrypted drenched and cold as if the paint had not yet dried, but a raw scent of Iron scrunches my nose and threatens bile to pour from my throat.

Another sharp stroke of lightning cracked outside as I stood at the center of the bedroom, timorously staring at the encryptions within the low drumming thunder, that sealed me back into my shell from that night on.

'You were ready to seek comfort in another man's room. Long live our Queen, or should we say the Monarchs first whore.'

***

"Words cannot explain the sheer apology for such a disaster yesterday." Adonai spews, cutting through a plump crisped sausage. "I have informed the guards to be more cautious when practicing their aims." Pink pebbled nipples flaunting aside his face as the maid leans forwards to pour the fizz of a sangria in his glass. An aroma of fluffed eggs with an array of endless options to the breakfast banquet, but my plate is cold, not even a lift from my fork or knife, only minding that slow sparking flame lighting in my soul.

"Aims?" I questioned lowly, a maid blocking the ray of sun splashed over my face as she refills my glass.

"Oh uh - they have mandatory drills every now and then." he said no more, mouth stuffed with food and no care.

The sun arose with radiance, liquid remnants of last night's storm tracing down the windowsill, and flocks of flapping birds. Guards lined around the kitchen, expressions aloof, shoulders tensed as they silently observed Nasir at the center. Who stoically gazed down at Adonai with eyes stained with venom.

Adonai musingly peeked up to me, his pupils dazzled by a settled ray over the dining wood and I knotted my brows by a strange detail. Before today his irises were a darker shade, and now they lightened to bright violet -- changing along with the fluorescents.

"Your breakfast is not up to par, Queen Tiana?" he asks me, voice steeping low, his high constructed cheek bones rose, and his eyes squinted as he suppressed a pocket of laughter.

My silence drew a line, chains of curses right at the tip of my tongue but I swallowed my intended words, "I - I don't have much of appetite since yesterday's event." I forced, a wriggling smile playing at my lips.

The Monarch's first Whore. Those words imbedded deep, carved behind my eyes. I nearly jumped to forbidden territories and quickly paid the price without even making it out the door. This is Adonai's domain; it is he who oversees all things within this ground. My soul intention for stepping on this forsaken island is solely for my people and my Queendom ... but now. Fuck that. He was no more than Gunter's pawn, Nasir nearly lost his finger yesterday, and got hurt, if it hadn't been for his quick abilities to heal, he would have succumbed to an infection.

Adonai caused him pain and is now my enemy, any chances to secure our allies burned to cinders. A sour taste filling my throat as I gaze straight at him, an eyesight that begins to sore, but I'll deal with him later. For now, my eyes scan for another, the one responsible for firing the bullet. From what I gathered since my arrival, the ones that carry guns are only those that work right alongside Adonai. The downfall of Adonai will begin with him.

In the settling silence Adonai crooked a brow, reaching outwards for his crisp Sangria, as he said, "Surely only one incident, can't change your mind of my home so quickly." He sipped slowly, and exhaled loudly, "Accidents do happen." he razzes.

I reign in my dark urges, having zoned out from his endless rambles and returned in time. And with those words my own sheepish grin slid across my lips, picking the breadcrumbs he left behind, "Exactly." I huffed, shrugging ever so apathetically, and picking up the steaming bowl of cheddar soup.

He hmph's triumphantly, slouching down towards his plate when I spoke again, "King Adonai's land is said to be the greatest amongst the greatest," I taunted, "surely a man that prioritizes pleasure and safety could allow such an error." A few guards behind him straightening their backs, and I found Nasir just at the center, who's eyes soften upon our quiet gaze. My eyes keenly observing him from my seated view across, the pace of his wrist slowing until it stilled and quiet, a maid's heel scuffed the floor behind him. "It's just so odd, how one of your best and loyal men so happenly gets impaled by a bullet as he was only speaking to me about the upcoming Mardi-Gra. And has been missing even until now." I huffed in one go.

His eyes rising to gaze over at me, hooded lids darken his orbs, a deep gleam.

"The bullet shot through cleanly." I continued, swirling my soup, "And even until now, I still have no face to blame, almost as if ... it was intentional."

A blood vessel thickens at the side of his temple as he gently placed down his utensil aside the ceramic plate, a simmering line is strewn as he elegantly lifted a serviette to wipe his mouth. As his attention focuses on reeling in his evident rage I await quietly for one slip up, throwing a simple glance to Nasir who read my eyes loudly. Adonai cleared his throat, and I tear away, his knuckles clenched so tightly I heard a bone pop, all anger pouring into the scrunched material in his hand and his knuckles turn white.

One slip up. I recite silently. Just one.

He manages to peer up to me in the ticking seconds of burning silence, tilted his lips reassuringly with the widest grin I have ever seen since I have been on the island, "Please except my deepest apologies, there is a search party for Javier as we speak, and as for the one who fired the bullet, you have my word he will be severely dealt with."

From what I can garner in his mood, his shoulders were so tensed they locked in place and the corner of his lip twitching, his true intentions sealed, but then his eyes took a small glance from me and drifted only an inch over my right shoulder, honing a dark malice at someone behind me, and I smirked. Bingo.

Steadily I bring the rim of my glass to my lips, tilting the crisp beverage until my eyes bury entirely from Adonai's view, privily drifted to Nasir's. His rigid stance softening as he found my eyes through the glass and furrowed his brows. One swift sweep and I guided my glare to a figure on my right and he followed suit immediately. Through his eyes I watched him soak in the figure and a dark smirk creeping across his face.

***

I returned to my room for fresher air after that inadequate brunch, drained physically and burdened emotionally. Sat beside my window while crocheting silk material, for the upcoming Mardi-gra where the honor would be in my name. And masks are mandatory. The plains are void of people but the neighing horses that troll closely in groups, the sun sets high to the north and the rays splash over the field and treetops. As if guarded by a dragon, I felt so restrained to wonder about, chained to my chambers, it was no different than when I was in New Orleans. My every move is monitored.

Just when I wanted to tell him how I felt. Just when I wanted to confess to him about it all, I have to swallow them once again.

The thoughts spiraling in my mind are enough to immobilize me, and suddenly the thin needle between my fingers grew in size.

How was my castle back home. How was the team, the kids, and Charlotte.

A hand rapped at my door, and I shook the thoughts that would have only further slumped my shoulders. The sun has only begun its shift, I didn't want to be disturbed by anyone, but my time on this island didn't matter. With a deep unbinding sigh, I lift from the sill of the window, bones rattling with unease and a thousand different narratives swarming inside my brain. A breeze caresses my nape and the invincible fumed tendrils of lemon wafts from the vents, the distance between me and the door only growing narrow when my feet froze in the midst. My name called in a ghostly breath and a chill dragged down my spine.

The door rapped again, and I jolted, the floating ghosts dispersed, and the chill lessened. Nervously clearing my throat my heels scuff the tiled flooring until I am at the door, heedful of the unknown with my shoulders stiff until I glimpsed into the coruscating brown.

He had leaned against the wall but pushed up to stand at the center where he could look at me fully, granting an inch of space between us. A dark woven curl fancily hanging over his eye, and a soft smile.

"I come in peace." he says, a shy grin playing at his lips, my body effortlessly trying not to melt to the ground by his baritone voice. "I only just wanted to check on you."

My eyes tracing his vascular outline, his blazer ditched, and he only stood there with bare forearms. The dark veins lined under the skin were plump. There he was my chance, but I couldn't speak.

His serene smirk lightened and sighed remorsefully, "Tiana. About last night-"

My cheeks glistened red, and I swelled my burning lungs with cold air, behind the door my palms tightened around the handle, bracing for him to bring up that memory of us again on his bed.

"I'm really sorry. I can't think when I am around you and foolishly acted instinctively -" His teeth chattered mildly midst of his sentence, "I been wanting to apologize to you all night, but your space mattered to me ... so -"

"I forgive you Nasir." I spoke midway, he watched my door pry open with a soft squeak. "Come inside."

He attentively studies me in silence.

"It's ok." I smiled. "I need you next to me more than ever."