Ares

Cole and I settled on the couch, sitting sideways so we could face each other. He watched me expectantly and I took a moment to ground myself, studying my mate and assuring myself once again he was safe.

I had been in the midst of treaty negotiations, going on the third consecutive hour of talking in circles with my opponents. They - the Darong faction - were notoriously stubborn and had been doggedly seeking the same thing from us they always wanted: our most sacred land opened to them and a promise not to erect any more barriers to entry. In exchange? They would stop attacking us. The very idea we would rather sacrifice what was most precious to us for peace was laughable. Yet, they insisted on these annual negotiations only for them to end the same way they ever did: an impasse.

And then, sharp terror had blazed through the mate bond that had been muffled for the past day. I had never moved so quickly in my life, neglecting to excuse myself before hurrying to Cole's side. There would be fallout from that later, but nothing the Darong could do mattered nearly as much as Cole's safety. I only hoped they didn't look too hard into what had called me away.

That was a problem for another time.

For now, Cole was here, safe, and watching me with expectation. His blonde hair took on a richer tone than usual in this warm lighting, and his eyes were fathomlessly dark. It was a striking contrast, and I felt the same prickling awareness I did any time he looked at me so directly. His gaze felt almost like a touch.

He was clearly losing patience, so I quit my stalling and forced the words out, the ones I feared would change the way he regarded me. "I am a demon."

I watched his reaction closely and hoped he wouldn't be so afraid of the idea that he would stop listening. His eyes went wide. Was that fear in them? It hurt to see, but I couldn't pull my gaze away, wanting to take in every facet of his reaction.

Cole seemed to take a moment to digest, then licked his bottom lip. I wanted to trace it with my finger. "What does that mean?"

It was a good question, one I appreciated because it meant he was willing to listen. "You can think of me as another kind of shifter, one with a different specialization than you. Where you turn into a wolf, I turn into... this."

I didn't let myself hesitate, keeping my eyes fixed on Cole as I showed him my true form, the one I had been born into. My skin hardened, becoming more scale-like and deepening in color to a rich red. I knew my eyes would have changed in appearance, as well. In this form, the iris ate up almost all of the white sclera and changed from a fairly normal brown to dark red that glinted like jewels. Horns would be poking up through my hair - small ones relative to many of my brethren, but certainly present. My fingers looked longer and more lethal, with sharp nails. All that in addition to the wings that swept out behind and around me, tipped with black horns and large enough that I could wrap them fully around myself and Cole with ease if I wanted to.

I fully expected Cole to panic. His eyes went wide as they took in the changes, but he didn't flinch or shift away from me. His hand was steady as he slowly reached forward to brush his fingers down my forearm. He looked curious rather than afraid.

While I gave him time, I tapped into our mate bond to get a sense for how he was feeling. I had expected to find a block like the one he'd had up most of the day, but he had left himself open to me. I couldn't find a single hint of fear in him. In fact, he seemed almost... happy?

Cole took my hands in his, his hold just the same as it ever was despite my hands' scaly skin and black, pointed nails. His thumbs stroked gently over the backs of my hands and his eyes were warm as I watched in utter confusion. What was he doing?

"Thank you for showing me," Cole said. My frown of confusion deepened. "Does it hurt to be in your other form, the one that looks human?"

"No more than I imagine it hurts you to be in your wolf form." Which was to say, not at all.

He nodded at that. "Which do you prefer?"

Did I have a preference? I wasn't sure. There was a time wearing my human skin had felt like donning a costume; now, I was so used to it that it barely registered. "Why? Do you wish me to change back?"

I was about to do just that when Cole's eyes widened and he shook his head rapidly. How could he look so adorable at a time like this? My heart reacted strangely to him. Cole's every expression was endearing. "Don't shift back unless you want to," Cole said, and the words sank into my heart like hooks, anchoring me to him further.

"What are you thinking?" I asked - pleaded, more like. I was almost desperate to know.

Cole's eyes flitted over me once more and his cheeks pinkened. "Let's circle back to that."

Had I been almost desperate? That no longer seemed an adequate descriptor. But Cole didn't leave me time to ask what had him blushing; he had moved on to his next question. "I still need to know... how did you get to me so fast? You weren't supposed to be in town. I- I missed you, and you were supposed to let me know when you were back, and you-"

"Cole," I jumped in when his words started coming faster and it became clear this had been bothering him. "Demons can manipulate space. Portal magic, you could say it is. I created a portal from my meeting to you. I hadn't returned yet, truly."

I had thought this would ease Cole's upset. I was mistaken. What in my words had sparked the ire that now filled his expression?

"You can make portals?" he said, his tone hard.

I nodded cautiously. How had he accepted my demonic form so easily while getting upset I could create portals? Demons weren't even the only species capable of such. "We can also imbue talismans with portal magic, such as the passkey to enter my home."

He had taken that into stride. Maybe the reminder would help soothe his anger?

It did not.

"Then why couldn't I see you?" Cole asked, and his anger evaporated to leave only hurt. "If you can make portals and just show up in the café or wherever whenever you want, why didn't you come back and see me before?"

Cole's eyes were fixed on his hands now, which he withdrew from mine. His hurt permeated our bond so clearly, I felt it like it was mine. Or, maybe I had wounded myself by my own actions. "I couldn't bring you with me," I attempted to explain. "I was meeting with a faction of people who wish very much to find some way to make me capitulate to their demands. If I started acting differently, coming and going, I would have aroused their suspicion and they would have come looking for you."

If I'd thought that would help, I was mistaken. Cole shook his head and finally looked at me. "You had a private room to sleep in, didn't you?" At my nod, he added, "We could have at least slept together, then."

It would have been too hard, I had thought. Too hard to explain so early what I was and what I could do. Too hard to be with him only to sleep and to go back upon waking. It was clear Cole disagreed. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have made that decision for the both of us."

Cole shook his head. "I don't want you spending time with me just because I asked for it."

I frowned again. He had it all wrong, but what conclusion was he supposed to draw from my actions? "Cole, I want to be near you." Could I put into words how much? And would he listen now, when he was so hurt by my own actions? I reached out to cup his cheek and for the first time, he leaned away before I could make contact.

"I needed you, Ares. I really -" his voice broke and he shook his head before quietly finishing, "I really needed you. And you could have been there."

"I didn't know." Was this why he had blocked me out? "Did something happen?"

Cole ducked his head down and surreptitiously wiped away a tear. I began to fear something was really wrong. "Cole?" I prompted.

He looked at me, his eyes sad and searching. When they met mine, it was like a dam broke and tears flowed quickly down his cheeks. He leaned forward and let himself fall against me, where I wrapped arms securely around him both for his comfort and to try and calm my racing heart. What was this? What had happened while I'd been away? More than before, I cursed myself for staying away so long.

Cole quaked against me, crying in earnest now. He tried a few times to speak, but his voice wouldn't cooperate while he was in this state. Then, his voice came through our bond for the first time in too long. "My gran had a heart attack. She needed surgery. I've been so scared."

I tightened my grip on him and stroked his back. "Oh, Cole. I'm so sorry." Words couldn't be adequate for the ache in my chest at the anguish I felt through our bond. "I should have been there."

Cole rubbed his cheek on my chest, something I knew werewolves instinctively did with their mates for comfort. My heart fluttered. "You didn't know," he responded.

"I should have been there," I repeated firmly. "This will not happen again."

Cole looked up at me through teary eyes - measuring my resolve, I thought. He sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing into my hold. "Okay."

I was pleased to hear his voice again, and beyond pleased to have him taking comfort in my arms. We stayed like that for a long time. It wasn't until later, when we moved toward the bedroom to prepare for bed, that I realized I was still in my demonic form. Cole had taken comfort from me while I looked like something out of a nightmare, had clutched at me and nuzzled against me with complete acceptance. It sparked an affection for Cole that was almost painful. My mind raced with plans, with every protection I would implement to keep him safe in my world. I had already started laying some of the groundwork when not in meetings, but not enough; I could not risk him, and I would not leave him behind again.