When Gray had said 'this is goodbye' the other day, I didn't take it as seriously as I did today. I thought he meant 'goodbye' as in 'I'm going now; see you soon' or 'we're done'. Not 'goodbye' as in 'I'll probably never see you again and even if we did it's purely coincidental'.

Why have I these kinds of thoughts right now? Well, it's because, apparently, Gray really got himself very busy over the weekends.

On Monday morning, when I stepped into my first class, I expected Gray to be sitting at his usual spot, smiling at me, and telling me that everything is okay, and that everything will turn out right, and that we'll figure a way through this together.

But you know what?

He's not.

I thought he might just be late or something as I went to school quite early that day. But as it came closer and closer to the start of the new school day, and when he didn't come, I thought he might just have requested a change in his schedule or something, but when I tried looking for him, I couldn't find him anywhere else either.

I went home that day thinking that Gray might just have wanted to skip school because of everything that had happened and that he didn't want to face me or something along those lines. Or maybe he had caught a disease or sickness over the weekends.

That evening, when I still had not received any text messages from him, I started to get worried, and decided to call him. I pressed and held the '2' button on my phone for speed dial. But get this. The operator said that the number is unavailable and is non-existent! Believe that!

I thought that my speed dial might have a problem, so I scrolled through my contacts and found his number and called him again. The same thing happened. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What?

I manually dialled his number and tried calling yet again. The operator said the same thing. Stupid operator! But I guess they can't do anything, can they? It's not their fault Gray decided to get a new number. But why? So that I could never contact him again? Perhaps.

I went back to school the next day, hoping that I would get the chance to see him there. But I didn't. And somehow, that fact didn't surprise me. It was as if my instincts know that he won't be coming, but my mind hopes otherwise. After all, don't they all say 'hope for the best and expect the worst'?

But he didn't turn up the following day either. Or the next. Or the next. Or the next. Something is getting suspicious here... I waved the thought away. Nothing could be wrong. It must all just be a pure coincidence. After all, coincidences happen all the time, don't they?

So, due to Gray's absence from school, and my ever increasing worry for him, I went to question our homeroom teacher as to why Gray had not been coming to school for the past few few days.

And guess what.

She told me that Gray had dropped out of this school. Since Saturday. Thus, his absence for the whole week and definitely more. That news and new piece of information really hit me on the head like a brick.

I can't believe it.

I thanked the teacher and walked out of our class, stunned at what I had just heard. I kept on telling myself that I had only misheard the teacher, and that Gray is out with flu. But I can't keep on lying to myself, can I? I've got to admit the truth at one point or another.

I ended up going home that day feeling very grim and upset. I tossed myself onto my bed and curled up like a cocoon, hugging my knees tightly. And the dam inside me broke. A tear trickled down my face. And another. And soon, I started crying bucketful of tears.

Why must Gray leave? And I trusted him. Well, to be honest, I didn't. He told me too many lies, kept me in the dark for way too long for even my own liking, but I trust him anyway. Love blinds you. You've got to hate your emotions sometimes, don't you?

I was really happy when he was still here, when he was still with me. I would trust him with my life on the risk. I would do anything for him. He's the only one in this world who could open up to me, and could make me feel like my old self again. He's the only one who could make me feel like nothing has happened to my life, and that it was perfect.

But now that he's gone? Everything shatters, just like a broken window. Or mirror.

My whole life, it's shattered to pieces. If I'm sadistic enough, I would cut myself. But I'm not. If I'm desperate enough, I would commit suicide, but I'm not. I will not do these things, because that is not what my religion has taught me to do.

Everything happens for a reason, I believe in that statement. It's very true. But what is the reason for Gray leaving me? All it does is kills my spirit to live.

But I guess I don't understand it.

After all, just as it is stated in the Bible in Isaiah 55:8 – 9, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

And suddenly, my next move was staring me right in the face. Why hadn't I think of that? I could just call his mum and ask her where he is!

I rushed over to where I had put my phone and dialled his house number by heart. I pressed the green call button. On the third ring, someone picked up. It was his mum.

"Hello?" his mum asked.

"Hi Mrs Lopez," I replied, trying my best to sound as cheerful as possible.

"Oh, hi there Willow!"

"Umm... I was just calling to ask you if I could speak to Gray, since he's not answering his phone? Or if he could come around? That would be even more fantastic!"

"Oh, he didn't tell you huh?" she asked, with an obvious edge of curiosity in her voice.

"Tell me... What exactly?"

"That he's going abroad to further his education."

I felt my heart drop. "He... What?"

"He's going abroad to further his education," she repeated, with a matter-of-factly tone of voice.

A tear rolled down my cheek. "To where?"

"Oh... About that... He told me not to tell anyone about his whereabouts..."

I can't believe him. "Not even me?"

She sighed. "He didn't say anything about exceptions, and I am not about to tell anyone his whereabouts any time soon until he says so. Sorry."

I feel like screaming at her. Come on! You wouldn't even tell your own son's girlfriend his whereabouts? Talk about loyal! But they have known me for quite a while already! And... And... I sighed in frustration. Never mind!

I somehow managed to control my anger – thank goodness for that – and not yell at her. "Oh. It's okay. Thank you anyway, Mrs Lopez."

She chuckled. "Any time dear, any time."

And with that, I hung up the phone.

I groaned in frustration as I tossed my phone onto my bed. So... To sum it all up, he:

a) dropped out of school

b) changed all his contact info

and

c) gone abroad to study with no one knowing about his whereabouts except his family and he himself.

I seriously have no idea what in the world is happening to my life right now. It's falling to pieces. But then again, we don't understand God's perfect plan for each and every one of us, just as how I don't understand it now.

But the sad thing is that my life, as of right now, is just way too messed up for the likes of me. The 'ignorant' girl who everyone always 'leaves in the dark'. And I also don't really like riddles. So, if anyone asks me any riddles, I probably won't be able to answer you.

But then again, from what I've recently realised, I have really grown up over a mere course of a few weeks. Except for the immature part of me. And I still like the llama song. It's so catchy, and the actions are so cute.

The 'llama' is made by joining your thumb, ring and middle finger together, and your index and little finger is raised up. The 'happy llama' is made by pointing the 'llama' up, and the 'sad llama' is the total opposite.

The 'really, really rad llama' is done by shaking the 'llama' not too vigorously. The 'super llama' is made by making a scooping action with your 'llama', 'drama llama' by joining the thumb, ring and middle fingers of both hands,, and 'big, fat mama llama' is done by joining two 'llama's together, thus, making a fat llama!

'Baby llama' is by raising your 'llama' and putting it next to your face, or around your ear area, 'crazy llama' is when you spin your 'llama' in a circular motion beside your face, indicating crazy, except with a 'llama', and 'barrack o'llama' is by just putting your 'llama' straight.

For 'fish', just put your hand flat out. Since there are two 'fishes', put the 'llama' hand first, then the other. Next is 'more fish', where you spin your flat out hands around each other, and at 'fish', put both hands flat out once more.

'Turtle' is by putting one hand on top of the other, with the thumbs sticking out prominently. 'What' is when you pull the 'turtle' nearer to your body. 'Unicorn' is done by joining your index fingers at your forehead area and 'peacock' is done by spreading out your hands and arms. You know, like what the little kids do when they say 'a lot'. But it's done in a smaller scale.

Oh my gosh. I'm teaching the llama song to myself. Ah well! I shall sing it anyway! Plus actions! Insert smiley face here.

"Happy llama, sad llama, really, really rad llama,

Super llama, drama llama, big fat mama llama,

Baby llama, crazy llama, don't forget barrack o'llama,

Fish, fish, more fish,

Turtle, what?

Unicorn, peacock!"

Awesome song! I forgot who had thought me that... Oh right... My sis... Insert a sigh here.

But then again, I shouldn't be upset. I should learn to accept the truth about things. Well, I have. I've learnt to accept most of the truth already. I don't really cry as often anymore when I hear – or thing about – the truth. Not as well as I could've handled accepting the truth, but better than before nevertheless.

I've learnt that what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do to change that, no matter how hard I want to. And that I should just accept the past and move on with my life. But sadly, I didn't learn that the easy way.

I had to learn that simple fact the hard way.

And then... There's nightmares... I still have them, but not as much anymore. Sometimes, especially if I'm lucky, I can manage to sleep through the night without a single nightmare. I do not cry over spilt milk anymore. Especially if they're my paintings. I've learnt that memories should be treasured, and that we should hold onto them forever.

Ironically, it was Gray who taught me all these. By lying to me. Well, not exactly lying... More like 'holding back the truth', but still, it's pretty much worst

[Flashback]

"You don't need to hide it Willow; it's written all over your face. I know you're disappointed and I know you hate me for what I had just did, but I hope you know that this is the best for everyone."

He paused for a moment. Or maybe he hesitated. I can't tell. But he looked as if he was trying to think.

"Just so you know, but I'm pretty sure that you've already figured this out, but the game we play between us is over. So, I guess this is goodbye. But I have a strong hunch that we are going to see each other again real soon."

[End of Flashback]

I sighed, the last few words still echoing in my mind.

"But I have a strong hunch that we are going to see each other again real soon."

_____________________________

Bah-bye! Going to go sleep soon! XDD

And Obtw, the song is a real song. My youth friend taught it to me during our Youth camp