The dreaded sound of the alarm wakes me up from sleep. Groaning, I force my eyes open, glancing at the clock on my bedside table, before switching the terribly annoying sound off.

7.20 am.

The day has come, hasn't it? The first day of senior year. t's time to go back to the place rules and social norms force us to, to learn things, like calculus and world geography, that we'll probably never use ever again after we leave.

Oh joy.

I rub my eyes sleepily, clumsily throwing the covers off my body, standing up and make a beeline towards the bathroom. The shrill sound of my phone's ringtone drifts into my ears. Groaning in annoyance, I turn on my heels and head towards the chest of drawers where I normally keep my phone during the night. I pick up the call, only briefly glancing at the caller ID.

"Hello?" I say groggily.

"Hello," he chirps happily. How can he be up at this ungodly hour and still be cheerful? I can never understand morning people. "Willow tree, it's me."

A smile tugs at my lips. There's only one person who calls me that.

Only one person I'll ever be close to.

"Gray? Is that you?" I reply, stifling a yawn.

I can tell, somehow, that he's smiling. The smile seeps into his voice as he speaks. "Who else would it be Willow tree?"

I chuckle. Gray has always called me Willow tree because he claims that my parents must've thought of my name when looking at pictures of willow trees. I'd always laugh it off because his theory sounds too ridiculous to be true. But who knows? Maybe they –

No, Willow, you can't think of them anymore. I can't put myself through all that emotional torture again. I can't.

Instead, I turn my attention back to the conversation. "Oh, I don't know," I reply sarcastically, finally starting to wake up.

"Oh really?" he answers, his voice challenging me.

"If I knew, we wouldn't be having this conversation, now, will we?" I say, chewing my lip to stop myself from bursting out into laughter.

"You have no idea? Not a single clue as to who this may be?"

"Nope," I say, popping the 'p'.

"Could it be a certain someone named Gray?"

"Perhaps."

"Willow tree, you might want to hurry up before I leave without you. It's nearly 7:40."

"Umm— Please explain."

"Look outside."

I head towards the window and push the curtains aside, peering onto the sidewalk. True to his word, he's outside my house, leaning casually against his black Sedan, his phone pressed against his ear.

"Oh."

"Can I come in?"

"You always let yourself in. You have a set of keys after all. Why ask now?"

I see him shrug, looking up at my window. "Maybe I just wanted to be a little more polite today."

I chuckle, shaking my head. "Whatever, Gray. Just come in if you want. I'm going to jump into the shower real quick."

He nods. "Alright then."

"I'm hanging up now."

"See you soon, my Willow tree."

I put down the call and toss it onto my bed, suppressing a smile. That boy, ever the tease. He hasn't changed since I met him two years ago. But I suppose, in a way, his carefree attitude was what made me fall for him in the first place. It was exactly what I needed when I couldn't bring myself to even get out of bed.

I enter the bathroom and slam the door shut behind me, yanking open the cupboard above the sink, rummaging through its contents or the spare set of clothes I keep there in case of emergencies or, in this case, for when I'm running late.

Once my hand touches the soft cotton of my shirt, I tug at the edge of the pile of clothes, pulling it our, watching as they fall to the tiled bathroom floor. I bend down and snatch them off the ground.

A plain black collared shirt and dark washed jeans. It could be better, but it could be worse. But really, who cares? I don't have time to stare at myself in the mirror and contemplate my outfit and look for over an hour every day. There are many important things to take care of.

I strip off the pyjamas and pull on my shirt and jeans, not wanting Gray to have to wait too long for me. Dumping the used clothes on the tiled bathroom floor, I avert my attention to the mirror to freshen up and properly get ready for another day.

Instead, I find myself staring at a girl with dishevelled blond hair and sea green eyes stare back at me, with large dark circles under her eyes – panda eyes, as Mum used to call it – eyes slightly red and puffy from crying.

I almost can't recognise myself. I've changed too much over the years. I'm a completely different person I was two years ago.

And no one knows who I really am anymore, not even me.

I've lost myself in the turmoil that is my life, and I don't know how to find my way back.

My eyelids are always so heavy, but my mind never goes to sleep. I don't think I've had a single good night's sleep since the accident, the accident that turned my life upside down a mere two years ago.

It was also the year my mother left me. All because of that incident. She recovered and came home, and I thought that maybe, things will work out. That, at least I still had my mother, But she left the house one day, several weeks later and never came back.

I like to think that she's somewhere out in the world, exploring the world like she has always talked about, that she didn't leave me to deal with this grief alone, that she's having the time of her life and finding the peace she deserves.

Mum, what about me? Don't I deserve that too?

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't want to hold it against her as I'm sure she has her reasons to do it, but I need closure too, Mum. You can't just walk away without any warning or goodbye. Why didn't you bring me with you? Don't you know I was going through the same hard time of loss as well?

Why, Mom, why?

I thought we were family. We were so close. Mum, why didn't you tell me anything?

A tear escapes my eye, streaming down my face, leaving a wet trail on my cheek. I wipe it away with the back of my hand. I wish I could have at least one good night's sleep. Just one night. One night without nightmares and tears and what ifs. Without the abyss that always comes with the night.

Is that too much for a girl to ask?

I'll always remember. Every memory I've had with my family, the people I care about. They come flooding into my mind every night – those childhood days, those days where we would explore another distant land, all those moments turned bittersweet moments, and then, the accident that erased them from the face of this earth.

I can never forget them.

I've never realised how much the loss of a person can affect you until then. Even now, I can barely leave the house unless Gray forces me out. I can't stand to face the world by myself.

The outside world brings out my most precious memories, my worst fears, my deepest secrets. I feel so naked when I'm in the world alone. The cold truth, the reality of my situation, comes back to haunt me when the world is by my side.

And the worst part is, the truth hurts.

The truth is that I'm the only one in the Rayne family, my immediate family, that's alive, but I'm barely breathing. The truth that my father, sister and best friend are gone forever. The truth that my mother disappeared into the cruel world and didn't come back. The truth that I am left in the world.

Alone.

I'm tossed into a world where I can barely stay afloat and no one else cared to even so much as glance at me. What happened to our world?

I guess the truth only comes out when you're at your lowest. That's when you know for certain whether something is true or just a lie.

It's ironic how the world can be filled with both the truth – the cold and cruel truth – and lies – the bright lies that made you feel so happy, so alive.

Of course, life is never that simple. It's never black and white, always grey.

Every day I wake up, hoping that the truths are all just lies. And all of this is all just a dream, just a nightmare, and that I would wake up any moment now from this awful dream, and everything will return to normal.

Except that it's not a dream. It never was, it never will be. Because this is the truth. The cold, hard and cruel truth.

Everything, everybody, in my life, they're all gone. And it's my fault. I should've forced them to stay home with me.

I should've left with them.

Then, at least, I won't be left alone. I would be liberated from my sufferings.

Survivor's guilt, that's what they call it.

As cliché as it sounds, Gray is the only thing that keeps me grounded, that stops me from ending my own life and reuniting with my loved ones, the only one who's managed to convince me that life will get better.

But does it really?

Gray. Is his love for me real? Or is it just another in this endless web of lie? Is he just playing around with me? Or does he really want to help me? I will never know for sure.

And, as cliché as it sounds, I'd just be another person – another depressed person – in the cold, cruel world, with no will to live life to the fullest, just living day after day for the sake of it, if it wasn't for Gray. I'm willing to give my heart to Gray because after all, what else do I have to lose? He's the one who reignited my will to live, to give life another chance.

But I guess it doesn't matter whether he's real, or just a figment of my imagination. The damage has been done. The impact has been made.

It doesn't matter whether what we have is real or not. Because it shapes us to the person we are today.

If he's real, then at least my life will be worth a living. If he's not, well, I'd just continue going day to day, alive but barely breathing.

He is my rock, the only thing that is not shaking, that makes sense, in this spiralling world of mine. The last – and only – thing that keeps me going. The only thing that motivates me to stay strong.

Hope. It's there. Hope is something we all have, whether we choose to believe in it or not. Something we wish we could have.

But hope is dangerous.

It makes you so... Hopeful, so anxious. It raises your spirits to the highest level possible, then just kills it off. Hope, it's useless to me. All my hope vanished with the accident. But at the same time, one last hope presented itself to me.

Gray.

My life sounds like a romantic fairy tale, and I know it seems very childish to most, but to me, it's the only silver lining I have left in my life that's all falling to bits around me.

What else do I have?

A knock on the door snaps me out of my thoughts and pulled me back into reality. I sigh loudly, feeling the weight of the world return to its home on my shoulders.

"Willow tree? Are you done? We're going to be late if we don't hurry. There's only ten minutes left before the bell."

Darn it, I've lost track of time again. I quickly gargle a minty mouthwash and splash my face with water, hastily wiping the droplets of water off with the rem of my shirt, before exiting the room.

"Let's go," I tell him as I enter the living room, grabbing my bag off the sofa.

He nods, opening the door for me. As I pass him and out the door, he grabs my hand and our fingers intertwine. He walks out and closes the door behind him, before heading towards his car, pulling me gently along with him. He opens the passenger door for me to get in before he goes to the other side and slides into the driver's seat.

"Are you okay, Willow tree? You seem kind of quiet."

"I'm fine."

"Oh, okay," he replies, concern thick in his voice.

Gray starts the engine and drives off. It's a good thing the school is near my house. It takes us less about two minutes to reach. We find a parking almost immediately after entering the car park, and kills the engine, both of us getting out of the car.

"Thanks," I muttered, before making a beeline for the school entrance.

I start walking faster and faster, wanting to put as much distance between myself and the outside world, not that being in this building will make that much of a difference. The sound of hurried footsteps from behind me drifts into my ears.

"Wait!"

I stop in my tracks, waiting for him to catch up, not turning back even once.

"Hey," he says, panting when he finally does. "Willow, are you sure you're okay?"

I shrug, not bothering to keep up any facade; I'm too tired. His hand snakes around my waist and pulls me close.

"Shall we go before we're too late?"

"We should."

I take his hand as he leads me to homeroom, grabbing our books and schedules from the office along the way.

"Gray, we've got the exact same schedules. What a nice surprise."

He smirks. "Actually, I requested for it. Seems like they went through with it."

My lips curve up into a smile.

That's Gray for you.

We reach class just as the late bell ring. I let out a sigh of relief. Senior year is going to be a very difficult year, isn't it? But at the same time, it might turn out alright. Maybe it's the year I find my bearings again.

I guess there's only one way to find out.

*

First and second period flies by, with Gray and I sitting next to each other the whole time. It's biology now. And Gray's my lab partner, of course. And I am not complaining. I hope this day will pass as quickly as the morning.

But I dread the night. I always do.

The night brings out everything I was before. The person I was before, the life I lived before, they haunt me in my sleep. Every single memory. Every night, I watch as all of them crumble before my eyes, turning sweet memories into horrid ones, into tragedies.

No one knows about them. I don't want to tell anyone, not even Gray. I can't. He doesn't deserve to carry my nightmares on his shoulders. I am already a burden enough. I don't think he needs any more.

No, I can't.

I can't.

The ringing of the bell brings me out of my thoughts.

"Let's go Willow tree."

I nod, keeping all my books and stationery scattered across the table into my bag. He takes my hand and leads me out of the lab. I glance at his hand in mind and, unable to help myself, I smile.

It's worthwhile – I guess – feeling loved, feeling like, at least, one person wants me in their world. It'll be fun while it lasts. However long that is.

But just like all those cliché romance novel, these types of relationships never lasts. And it makes sense. It's just puppy love. Once it gets too complicated, it'll break off. It's all just a game.

It'll never last. Not today.

Not ever.

___

A/N: Did you enjoy it?? Anyways, please vote, comment and fan if you enjoyed it.

Update (06/2016): Nothing drastic changed in this chapter. I reworded a lot of the sentences in here because they're just so cringeworthy and unnecessary and childish haha. I hope you enjoy the revamped version. c: Nothing much will probably change for the first few chapters but we'll see how it goes.