I prepared dinner.

I know how to cook. Hindi sobrang dami ng alam ko pero kahit papaano naman, may nailuluto akong iba't ibang putahe sa araw-araw noong nasa condo unit pa ako nakatira. Sometimes, kapag feeling ko, tumataba ako, hindi na ako kumakain sa gabi. Pero always, every weekend, I cook my own food. Kahit na hindi fancy foods, at least masasabi kong masarap.

Nagluto ako ng stir fried squid at korean chicken barbecue. Alam kong dalawa lang kaming kakain nito at hindi rin ako sigurado kung uuwi ba siya ngayon nang dinner time, pero gusto kong gawin 'to. Kahit ngayon lang.

Kahit dito man lang, maiparamdam ko sa kan'ya ang sobrang pasasalamat ko sa ginawa niya.

It's past 9 p.m. but Hunter's still not home. Nagugutom na ako pero gusto ko, kahit ngayong gabi lang, sabay na kaming kumain. Nagmiryenda na lang ako para kahit papaano, hindi maramdaman ng baby yung nararamdaman ko.

Nang sumapit ang 9:40 p.m., doon ko lang narinig ang pagbukas ng pinto. Hunter's there, carrying his case, removing his necktie. I smiled before walking to him.

"Hi," I greeted him.

He smiled before he finally removed his necktie. "Hey, why are you still awake?"

I smiled before showing him the dining table. "I cooked for our dinner."

Napakunot-noo siya bago tumingin sa relo niyang milyon ang halaga, saka niya ibinalik ang tingin sa akin. 

"Almost 10 p.m. na, hindi ka pa kumakain?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin bago umiling. "Hinihintay kita."

He sighed. "You should've texted me, Areeya. Alam mong buntis ka. Hindi ka dapat nagpapagutom."

Tumango ako nang marahan bago nag-angat ng tingin sa kan'ya. "I wasn't hungry. Nagmiryenda naman ako." I smiled. "I just want to eat dinner with you. And also, I want to thank you."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin bago nagbuntonghininga. "Did he tell you already? Leonard?"

I smiled. "Yup. I didn't know that you were working on it together. It was the least thing I've ever expected from the both of you." I chuckled.

He scoffed before looking at me once again. "I'd do anything for you, I told you."

Naglakad na siya papunta sa dining area. Tahimik akong sumunod sa kan'ya.

"Still, thank you for keeping your promise. Thank you dahil hindi mo hinayaang mapunta sa wala ang lahat ng perang pinaghirapan ko at ng mga magulang ko. I really thought that . . . everyone has forgotten about it. I never really thought that you would be working so hard just to take back what's ours."

Huminto siya sa paglalakad saka humarap sa akin. "I'm not one to break my promise, especially to you."

He smiled and turned his back on me once again. Nang makaupo na siya, pumunta ako sa kabilang upuan sa harap niya. Tinanggal ko ang takip ng mga ulam saka naupo na rin.

"I'm . . . I was thinking about . . ." Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin habang nagsasandok ng pagkain sa plato niya. "About something you told me last time."

Kumunot-noo siya. "About what?"

"Baby shower."

Napatigil siya sa ginagawa. Marahan niyang ibinalik ang sandok sa lalagyan ng ulam saka pinagsalikop ang mga daliri ng kamay, malalim ang titig sa akin, hindi nagsasalita. Naghihintay ng mga susunod na sasabihin.

"Kahit 'yon lang, maibigay ko sa 'yo. After all, you didn't ask me for anything in return for the months that I stayed here."

He scoffed. "I am not in the place to ask you anything in return when you're giving me a child. That's more than enough. I don't even think if what I'm doing for you right now was enough to . . . pay back."

As soon as he said that, nilagyan niya na ng pagkain ang plato ko.

It hurt me.

Hearing those words pained me a little. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kasi wala namang masama sa mga salitang 'yon. He's just being polite, right? Kasi, kung tutuusin, hindi nga naman sapat ang gaan ng buhay na mayroon ako dito sa poder niya kung ang kapalit naman nito ay ang danger ng buhay ko sa panganganak.

Pero hindi ko 'yon gustong marinig sa kan'ya.

"I mean . . . you want to do it—"

He sighed, taking the spoon and fork as he started to eat. "I'm not doing it if I'm the only one who wants it," he said, cutting me off.

I took a deep breath. "Then . . . I want it, too." He looked up at me. I smiled. "But not an extravagant party like everyone was doing. I want it to be intimate. Us . . . closest friends . . . families. And I want a pregnancy photoshoot. With you."

He gulped, looking away, his eyes blinking fast. "Why would you want that? Hindi ba't ayaw na ayaw mo ng mga gan'yan? Lalo na kapag kasama ako."

I gulped, heaving a deep sigh. "Uhm, I . . . I want a remembrance. Something that will remind me of your baby. Na, kahit wala ako sa piling niya, kahit wala na ako dito, at least alam niyang ako ang nagdala sa kan'ya. May maipapakita siya kapag . . . tinanong siya ng mga tao kung sino ang mama niya. At least . . . hindi niya mararamdaman na may kulang—"

"Eat," he said, cutting me off, without looking at me.

Napakunot-noo ako. "Huh?"

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. "You're babbling nonsense. Eat."

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa dahil, sa sobrang dami kong sinabi, alam kong nasira ko ulit ang mood niya.

Kumain na lang din ako ng dinner kahit na wala na akong gana.

___

Kinabukasan, Hunter told me that he's actually doing it. Inaasikaso na niya ang para sa baby shower na gaganapin. Nag-hire na rin siya ng event planner para doon.

"Who are you inviting?" he asked.

I shrugged. "My parents and friends. Tanya, Daisy, Queenie, Dian and Leonard."

He scoffed. "Leonard, huh?"

"Why? Akala ko okay na kayo? Didn't you work together for my father's estafa case?" kunot-noong tanong ko habang kumakain ng tuna omelette.

"We're not."

Napairap na lang ako bago uminom ng tubig. "So, who are you inviting?" I asked.

Umiling siya. "No one."

Napaawang ang bibig ko. "Wala ka bang friends? Family? Your parents?"

Nagkibit-balikat siya bago sumubo ng bacon. "I don't care about them. Mom's overseas for a project until next month."

Tumango-tango ako. "Friends?"

"None. I don't do that."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Ang lungkot naman ng buhay mo."

He smirked. "Totally forgot about that when you came into my life, actually."

Hindi ako nakapagsalita doon. Tinapos na niya ang pagkain tapos dinala sa sink ang pinagkainan para hugasan. Hindi na siya nagpaalam pa sa akin nang lumabas na. Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako at nalungkot nang mag-isa habang tinatapos ang breakfast.

If I hadn't drawn a line between us, he would never do that.

___

Ibinalita ko kina Daisy at Tanya ang event na mangyayari in less than a week. It was a short notice since kahapon ko lang naman napagdesisyunan na gusto kong gawin 'yon. Mabuti na nga lang at may nakuhang event planner si Hunter na kayang i-cater lahat ng kailangan namin kahit na sobrang rushed. Ayon sa event planner na nakausap ni Hunter, may place nang na-book sa BGC. He told me also via text that he'll invite some of his colleagues para may bisita rin siya.

"Mabuti na lang I already prepared a gift for momma and baby!" Tanya said before lying on the long couch.

Nailang ako kasi hindi ko naman bahay 'to kung tutuusin, pero kay Hunter na rin kasi nanggaling na kung gusto akong makita ng friends ko, they should be the one to come to me, considering the fact that I'm almost six months pregnant.

"So, what's your bet? A girl or a boy?" Daisy asked, sitting crossed legged on the floor, unwrapping the food they bought from a restaurant.

I watched them be comfortable like they used to back in my apartment. Nakakatuwa kasi I found a family in them. It's been more than a decade since we became friends and nothing has ever changed between us. Nagkakaroon lang kami ng problema paminsan-minsan pero nagkakaayos din sa tuwing napag-uusapan nang maayos.

"I think it's a boy!" Tanya answered as she turned the TV on. "Sobrang g'wapo siguro ng batang 'yan kapag lumaki kasi pinaghalong Areeya at Hunter. Damn, what a great combination of genes!"

She searched for a movie to watch on Netflix as Daisy answered her question, too.

"I think it's a girl, nag-bloom kasi si Areeya noong nagbuntis. Lalong gumanda," she said, chuckling. "What gender do you prefer, Aree?"

I shrugged as I rubbed my tummy. "Kahit na ano, it's okay. Besides, Hunter's the one who's taking care of it."

Ngumuso si Tanya bago naupo mula sa pagkakahiga. Kumuha siya ng isang fried chicken sa paper box saka kumagat dito bago nagsalita.

"Kung girl daw ang first born, babaero daw ang ama."

Tinawanan naming dalawa ni Daisy 'yon. "Naniniwala ka ro'n?" I asked.

Kumuha si Daisy ng isang hita saka iniabot sa akin. "So, ibig sabihin, babaero ang mga tatay natin noon kaya puro tayo babae ngayon?" She laughed.

Nagkibit-balikat si Tanya bago sumagot. "I don't know about your fathers but mine certainly was."

"Hindi ka naman first born!" I told her.

Tumawa kaming tatlo bago sumagot si Tanya. "Pero babaero naman talaga." Nagbuntonghininga siya bilang pagsuko. "Fine, debunked na agad ang myth na 'yon dahil babae man o lalaki ang first born, ang babaero ay babaero talaga."

Nag-angat ng tingin sa akin si Daisy habang kumakagat sa fried chicken niya. Natawa ako sa itsura niya bago itinuloy rin ang pagkain ng sa akin.

"Babaero ba si Hunter?" she asked.

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Siguro?"

"Oh? Does he brings another woman here now that you and him are not—you know—fuck buddies?" Tanya asked.

Umiling ako bago humigop sa iced tea na nasa center table. "Nope."

"What if he did?" Daisy asked in her serious tone.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin bago bahagyang tumawa saka sumagot. "Eh 'di magdala siya. Besides, it's his place. Nakikitira lang ako. Isa pa, okay na rin 'yon para may makilalang ina yung bata in case he chose to settle with her."

Ngumuso si Tanya bago muling kumuha ng manok sa box. "Ang lungkot naman n'on. So, you have decided to finally leave him kahit na mahal mo rin naman siya?"

Ngumiti ako bago tumango sa kan'ya. "Yes."

"What is wrong with settling with someone ba? Like, why are you so afraid of being with him for the rest of your life?" Daisy asked, unable to understand me for so many years. "I mean, alam kong hindi mo na magagawa yung mga usual na ginagawa mo noong dalaga ka pa pero I think Hunter's a good person. He won't cage you here."

Umiling ako bago sumagot. "Hindi naman si Hunter yung problema. Yung buhay niya."

"What the fuck is wrong with his life?" Tanya asked, confused.

I smiled. "It's just . . . too much for me. I can't handle it."

She rolled her eyes. "You always talked bad about men before but now, you think you don't deserve a rich life just because you weren't one?" She scoffed. "You think of yourself so lowly the way you thought of men before. Nasaan na yung Areeya na alam kung ano ang deserve sa buhay?"

Tumawa ako nang mahina. "This is what I don't deserve. That's what I know."

"How can you say that?" Daisy asked sadly.

"I just know that this is too much for me. This life, I would never fit in, I just know. His family, his parents . . . those were some of the things that I know I wouldn't be part of. And his lifestyle?" I shook my head. "I can't handle that."

"I'm certain that Hunter doesn't care about those things. For me lang, ang nakikita ko, Hunter would literally give everything up for you, you know," Tanya said, matter of factly.

I chuckled. "Mas lalong hindi ko siya deserved kapag gano'n."

"Dahil hindi mo siya mahal katulad ng pagmamahal niya sa 'yo?" Daisy said. I fell silent. "Dahil hindi mo kayang magsakripisyo nang gano'n para sa kan'ya?"

I nodded slightly, then didn't talk anymore.

The rest of the night that we're together were spent with talking about the baby shower that's going to happen. They were excited—they were more excited than Hunter and I.

Siguro . . . para sa aming dalawa ni Hunter, this is going to be the last celebration for us—a goodbye for the family he once dreamed of . . . with me.