Time flies whenever I'm on my computer. I barely notice the dimming natural light outside until Xalale turns on the lamp in order to see the book easier.

    By the time it's 9, though, I'm ready to go. My goodbyes to Xalale are terse and filled with a bit of annoyance still. I head to the door, not waiting for a response, but am surprised when I hear him call out from behind.

   "Enjoy the stars."

    He never looks up from his book, but it doesn't sound as if it was said flippantly or absentmindedly.

    I look back at him, unsure of how to respond, but eventually finding my voice.

    "Thanks, I will."

    Lingering for a second, I shake my head and exit my room, finding my dad waiting for me in the family room.

    "Ready to head on out?" He asks, taking the keys from off the side table.

    "Of course."

     We wave goodbye to mom then go out to my dad's worn-out, old pickup truck where we crank down the windows (yeah, that old) to let in the cool night breeze as we rattle down the road.

    We drive in the opposite direction of town, further into the open, forested area. My stomach only clenches in worry once as we drive away from the house.

   Taking a deep breath of the crisp summer air, I reassure myself.

   "He'll be fine as long as she remains in the family room and he makes no sounds."

    Refusing to let such a minor worry hinder my enjoyment of the night, I refocus on the dark road before us. The high beams of the truck dividing the darkness in two. The radio's on, blaring a few 70s hits that my dad knows all the words to while I can barely guess the title.

    On the way to where we're heading, we stop in at a gas station to fill up. My dad lets me go inside to buy some candy bars and two things of pop then we're back on the open road. There aren't too many people out tonight- especially the backroads that we're taking- since it's 9:30 on a Sunday night.

    We arrive at our final destination, which would be a quiet, serene park. There aren't too many people, as one would imagine, at this time; a few night joggers and lone walkers here and there, but mostly we're just surrounded by the tall oak trees and nighttime critters rustling about.

   We, of course, brought along a blanket to lie on the grass and two flashlights, though we don't really need them in order to go stargazing, as well as the stuff I bought at the gas station. Settling comfortably on the blanket, we can finally do what we came out to do- gaze up at the dazzling, endless night sky above us. It's one of those black night skies which makes the twinkling, bright stars seem that much brighter.

    The first five minutes or so are dedicated to gazing up at the sky solely, but after that- still admiring the view- conversation starts up.

    "So what's been happening in your world?" My dad begins.

    Shrugging, I reply the usual way, "Same old same old."

    "Alright."

    We return to the silence again, but not for long as he lets out a low whistle.

    "I can't believe how fast the time flies. I mean I just can't believe it. Did you know just yesterday it felt like I was bringing you out here to stargaze for the very first time?" He chuckles. "I shoulda taken a camera to capture the look on your face when you looked up at the sky. You woulda thought you'd seen angels the way you were staring. Now look at ya, nearly eighteen and grown."

    I always hate when my dad gets all sentimental going down memory lane because he always becomes somewhat choked up on how old I'm getting even though I'm really not that old.

   "Eighteen's still pretty far away," I counter, my gaze still focused on the sky.

   "It's always a lot closer than you realize."

   Like a child, I always get excited when I spot a colorful star way up in the sky. It always stood out from the others in its own extraordinary way. Though tonight the sky is crowded like an overpopulated metropolis there are individual stars that burn with a different hue from the rest.

    "You haven't brought any boys home yet, have you?"

    "No." Immediately I regret blurting that out so quickly. It might raise suspicion.

     But this is my dad we're dealing with and he was only joking in the first place. He finds my quick answer amusing and laughs.

    "I was just pulling your leg, Mal."

    Chuckling along with him nervously, I attempt to redirect the conversation away from something so ironic.

   "Hey dad, would you and mom be upset if I...say if I moved out?"

    He chortles at this.

    "Well you can't stay in a trailer with me and your mom forever, now can ya?"

    Biting my lip, I hesitate to clarify what I meant by moving out.

    "I mean, like move move out, like out of Cauldron, maybe out of the States."

    A few seconds tick by, his laughing had died down. Worried I've brought up a sore subject, I start to speak again, but he beats me to the chase.

   "I mean, of course we'd be upset if you moved so far away," He drums his fingers on his stomach. "But we all have to grow up, don't we? I guess what I'd be askin' is where do you wanna go?"

   I finally turn my head in his direction. Even though the mood has become somewhat sober, I can't help the eager tone emerging in my voice.

   "Europe. I love everything European: the culture, the history, the people. That's where I want to be someday. Maybe I'll even visit Asia at some point, but I'll definitely live in Europe."

   I look at him, waiting for his response. Slightly nervous that he hasn't answered in a bit, my excitement dies down some.

   "That's some big dreams right there," He says. "I don't wanna sound...discouraging, Mal, but my father told me don't wander off the cliff with the rest of the herd, home's good enough."

   I frown at that. "Getting tired of useless, confusing words of wisdom."

   "Yeah," I sigh heavily. "But there's so much more than Cauldron."

   "That's true, but there really ain't no place like home."

   "I'll make a home in Europe," I grumble.

    I kinda want to end this discussion now. It's as though no one in this town gets it. I hate sounding like a stereotypical teenage emo, but really, everyone I bring this issue up with doesn't seem to understand that's there's more to the world than little ol' Cauldron. There are big cities and historical sites hundreds of years old, people who look and speak differently, food that's almost alien-like in appearance and taste. The world has so much more to offer than just a small town in Oregon. What's so wrong with being a wanderer?

   The silence between us is filled with the shattered, humming chirps surrounding us. Facing upward at the night sky again, my mood's slightly dampened by my dad's response to my dreams of living in Europe.

   "No one truly understands my wanderlust trait. Not my father or my mother or Clifford..." There is one person though who, even though he hasn't fully understood my perspective, he hasn't openly discouraged me from persuading my dream. "Xalale. Funny how it would be him of all people. He said he wanted direction in his life so maybe that's what he meant."

   As my thoughts drift to Xalale, there's a small part of me that wants to vent my frustrations to him. He listened so attentively the first time, I guess it's a change of pace from always ranting to my mom.

   "Wonder what he's up to now. Dad hasn't received a frantic call from mom yet, so he still must be safe."

   Safe, there goes that word again to specifically describe his situation. I barely ever use that word on a day-to-day basis yet I've used it twice for him.

   "He's probably at the end of that book by now- he seems like a speedy reader. I wonder if he likes this book more than Alice in Wonderland."

   Recalling how flippantly he changed his mind about Alice in Wonderland if he doesn't like The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe I could alway plead its case for him.

   Staring far up into the sky, I'm suddenly taken back to how often I've done this already before. Watching the dazzling, diamond sky reminds me of Edalirwen a bit- though only a bit. I guess it never struck me how often I gazed up at the night sky nowadays.

   Before I know it, a small smile has spread across my face as I remember how avid Xalale is on not singing though I try my hardest to get him to sing- I'll have to be more clever. I brought it up the last time we were stargazing, but he caught onto my trick.

   "Hey, Xalale-" The moment I hear myself say that all joy leaves my voice and I just want to slap myself for that massive slip up.

   It felt like habit to say his name whenever I'm staring at the stars. I forgot all about my dad being here with me.

   "Huh?" My dad gives me a bewildered look that I try to avoid. The tips of my ears are burning with worry and embarrassment. "Xalale? Who's that?"

   "Sorry, I just- it's a character I made up for one of my stories." I quickly fib.

   His eyebrows knit together in thought. "Have you said that name before? I coulda sworn you did."

   A cold sweat is slowly starting to break out across my back and moisten under my armpits. My dad's not as observant as my mom, but I'm practically spelling the writing out on the wall for him.

   "I thought you were calling me when I was on the John that one day and you were saying a name. Was it that one? When I answered back, you looked like you'd seen a ghost."

   "Sorry," I sigh. "Babysitting just wears me out lately. I guess I should probably get more rest so I won't be calling out fictional character's names anymore."

    Praying he'll drop the topic, I breathe a mental sigh of relief when he does, indeed, move on, though a sliver of suspicion continues to mark his face.

   "Yeah, you ought to. Me and your mom were whipped after havin' you. Grant it you weren't too needy of a child, but it is tiring work caring for one."

   "Yeah."

     "That was too close. I really need a filter for this mouth of mine."

   I really can't enjoy the rest of the night since I'm walking around eggshells, worried I'll have another slip-up. To be honest, I feel like blaming Xalale for this, but that's a stupid mentality to have seeing how I'm the one thinking about him in the first place.

    Resting my hand on my sides, I'm reminded of the small stone in my pocket. It brings me comfort and dread to think about what might happen if this fell into someone like Aelita's hands. As long as I'm breathing, I will protect this stone.

    Suddenly, this trip hasn't the same nostalgic vibe it first had when we departed from the house. Now I just feel fatigued and antsy.

   "Hey, dad?"

   "Yeah?"

   I sit up, fiddling with a blade of grass.

   "Can we go home? I don't mean to cut this short, but like I said, I'm tired and I gotta watch Clifford tomorrow."

   He sits up as well, a frown on his face, but he nods, "Sure." We collect our stuff then trek it back to the truck where, once we get it, we pull out and head back towards Cauldron.

   Sneaking a subtle glance over at him, I can tell my dad's a little saddened by this early ending to a tradition we once held so highly. I don't know why those warm, nostalgic feelings weren't stirred for me tonight- I wanted them to be.

    The ride home is a quiet one. We return to the trailer by 10:15, startling mom when we enter.

   "I didn't expect you home so early."

   "Mal wanted to come home early so she wouldn't be too beat for tomorrow. It was probably best, I gotta work tomorrow anyhow. I need to wash up before bed."

   Even though he tried to mask it, I could still hear the disappointment in his voice and the loss of pep in his step as he drags off to the bathroom. My goal wasn't to dampen his spirits by leaving so soon and telling him about my plans for the future, but it ended up that way. Another thing I ruined.

   "I'll be in my room," I mumble to my mom before breezing out of the family room.

    I'm greeted by a darken room which surprises me since I would have thought Xalale would need light in order to read. Flicking on the lights, I figure out the reason he wouldn't need lights. I guess he was taking a nap while I was away. He stirs once the lights come on, giving that same questioning look my mom gave me when I walked through the door.

    "You weren't gone for very long, were you?"

    Shaking my head, I take the stone out of my pocket, placing it back in the drawer for the night.

    "I was tired, plus I have to work tomorrow, so I wanted to come back."

    "Hm."

    "Why'd you have the lights out?"

     He eases back down. "I didn't want to raise suspicions."

    "That's smart."

     I plan on changing in the bathroom once my dad is done, so I take out my night clothes beforehand.

    "Were the stars brilliant tonight?"

    "Huh?" I was only half listening to the question. "Oh, yeah, it was nice. Did you ever finish that book?"

    "Yes, it wasn't as confusing as your other tale, but it still had its flaws- though I overlooked them."

    "That's good."

    Since the water's still running in the bathroom I have to wait for my dad to finish in order for me to change.

    "X-a-l-a-l-e."

    "Wha?" I turn to look at him, puzzled.

    "The proper spelling of my name."

    It takes me a moment (the slow person I am) to let that information sink in. It takes me another moment to respond.

   "Your name starts with an X?"

   "Xalale, what did you think it started with. If I recall correctly, you started it with an A."

   "Now I feel like an idiot."

   To this, he simply smirks and lies back again.

   "Starts with an X. Who woulda thought?" I smile despite myself, continuing to wait for my dad to finish up in the bathroom.

   I'm a bit impatient, but eventually he clears out and I enter the steamy bathroom.

    As I'm changing into my night clothes, I can't help but wish I could have enjoyed tonight more than I did. I loved going out with my dad to stargaze, I was excited before we went, then we got there and the excitement died out. Perhaps this is the irreversible change of growing up and growing out of childhood memories.

    Then another idea takes hold. One that I have to pause and think about.

    Perhaps I hadn't grown out of a nostalgic memory. Maybe I simply switched it out with a similar one. One where, not me and my dad stargaze, but me and Xalale, who have done it so often it seems. It's weird but that's the way it feels.

    The worst part is, I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing.