"And if I could hold on,

Through the tears and the laughter

Would it be beautiful?

Or just a beautiful disaster "

***

The quarterly board meeting wasn't scheduled until after lunch.

I asked Andrea, my assistant, to free my morning because I have a meeting with Angel.

She wanted us to meet at her office but it was inconvenient for me.

I have to review my statement and it doesn't make sense to drive from her building then back to my office.

My mind is made up about going on a hiatus but I have to make sure that it doesn't scare our investors away.

Batchi will handle the business as efficiently as I did. I have no doubt about it.

But our investors have faith in me and have gotten use to how I deal with every aspect of the company.

I introduced Batchi's presence years ago so they will feel relaxed around her.

Most of them are satisfied with Batchi's performance.

A few even hinted that she could be my successor and they were right.

I was grooming my best friend and that was part of the business plan from the beginning.

But there are a few who are not ready for the transition.

Today will be the official handover.

***

The phone rang and I glanced at the call display.

It was Andrea on the other line announcing the arrival of Angel.

I told her to let Angel in.

I closed the folder on the financial statement I was reading and set aside the rest of the reports.

When the door opened, Angel came in, looking fresh and rested.

This time, she was wearing a gray pinstriped suit.

The top slightly revealed her cleavage and I wondered if she was wearing more than a bra underneath.

Or if she was even wearing a bra.

I inhaled and pushed the carnal thoughts out of my mind.

She was smiling at me as if she read my thoughts.

I motioned for her to sit down and when she was seated, she commented on how huge my office was.

"It makes my office looked like a shoebox," she chuckled.

I only smiled at the remark and offered her a drink.

"Water please," she replied.

I buzzed Andrea to bring a glass of water.

Afterwards, Angel gave me a green folder labeled medical records.

I stared at her unable to hide my admiration for her clever sleuthing.

"Honestly, I don't even know how you manage to pull this off," I remarked, failing to conceal my respect for her brilliance.

"It's not important how I was able to get a hold of these documents." She replied.

"But you were right about Jade having amnesia," Angel crossed her legs and leaned on the leather chair.

I placed the folder on the table.

I would rather listen to Angel tell me the story.

"What happened to Jade?" I asked.

"Based on the hospital records, she was admitted on March 4, 2015 due to a motor vehicle accident."

"Her car was totaled and they thought she wouldn't survive."

My mind tried to remember what happened that year.

I drummed my fingers on the table like I always did when I'm thinking.

The movement caught Angel's eye but she didn't comment.

"She disappeared New Year of 2015." I said to Angel.

"We went to Baguio to spend the holidays."

I remembered coming back from the mall to find the hotel room trashed and Jade gone."

She couldn't go with me because she was unwell and although I was hesitant to leave, I had to get medicine for her.

There was another thing I had to do and I promised her I'd come back as soon as I can.

The recollection of that tragic morning uncovered the feelings I've been hiding all these years.

The happiness I shared with Jade that day was shattered.

I saw myself once again standing in the middle of the room, shaken, holding on to the ring box.

I was going to propose to her after our planned trip to Sagada that day.

Since she was sick, I changed my plan.

I couldn't wait any longer.

Sure, we couldn't get married in the Philippines but it was now or never.

I knew in my heart that I had to take a chance.

If she said yes, well and good.

If not, it's still going to be okay.

I will love her, with or without a ring or a wedding.

That was in 2015.

I stopped talking.

The tears fell uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry to hear about what happened," Angel told me then reached for my hand across the table.

I didn't resist.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment.

We both looked at the intruder.

"Should I come back?" Andrea asked but I told her to give Angel the glass of water.

I wiped my face with a tissue and instructed Andrea not to let anyone in.

When she was gone, I apologized to Angel for being emotional.

"I understand, Althea" she replied.

"I want to say I'm used to this but it never gets easy," her expression was sympathetic, genuine.

"Did the report mention anything about Jade committing suicide?" My question was instantaneous.

Jade once promised she would never hurt herself again.

But we could never tell.

Circumstances drive us to behave in ways we never expect.

"That's the reason according to my source," Angel confirmed.

"But you wouldn't find any evidence of that because any proof of the suicide magically disappeared."
"Perhaps to protect the family?" Angel mused.

I exhaled as I nodded in agreement.

I leaned on my chair and stared into space.

"Is it worth going through this again?" The question was random and it caught me by surprise.

It wasn't directed to Angel but for me.

"Only you can answer that Althea," Angel replied.

"She has anterograde amnesia," she added.

"Meaning she can't remember things for long periods of time,"

"No one knows if her memory will come back,"

"Eight years had passed and if she couldn't remember you, I won't be surprise if this would be permanent,"

"Was that how Oscar was able to take her away?"

"To marry David and have a kid?"

Once again, the emotions threatened to choke me with its intensity.

I swallowed hard and clenched my fist.

"It's possible," Angel answered.

"Six months after the accident, Jade flew to Canada."

"A few months later, she was married to David in British Columbia."

I took a deep breath as I imagined her and David on wedding day.

Before, their engagement was cancelled because Jade chose me.

David was spurned and left for the US.

He must felt victorious when he finally married her.

It doesn't matter that she had amnesia.

I closed my eyes, defeat slowly overtaking my will power.

My shoulders shook and I was helpless to control the torrents of emotions that washed over me.

I covered my face with my hands and surrendered to my feelings.

Eight long and painful years.

What was I thinking holding on to the promise that Jade was coming back for me?

Everyday, I'd wake up hoping she's laying beside me.

Her smiling face would greet me good morning or she'd climb on top of me so we can make love before we go to work.

I was holding on to an empty promise and it almost drove me to insanity.

But instead of losing my mind, I found comfort in alcohol.

It didn't last very long.

One day, Batchi and Wila found me on my living room floor, unconscious.

That was the turning point.

"Do you still want to do this?" Angel's voice was filled with concern.

I removed my hands from my face.

She handed me a thick wad of tissue paper and I wiped my tears.

Despite my apprehension, there was a fire in my heart that won't let me give up.

I answered yes.

Angel sighed at my reply.

"Alright," she tapped her knee with one hand and stood up from her seat.

"Then we'd better get the ball rolling," she smoothed the front of her suit and prepared to leave.

"Angel?" There was one more thing I have to ask before she leaves.

"When did she gave birth to her daughter?"

The detective was immobile for a moment and I tried to read her expression.

"That's my next assignment," she answered.

"But I don't think she was born here,"

I stood up from my chair and walk her to the door.

"Once again, I'm sorry for losing control,"

Angel touched me by the arm and my skin tingled with the sensation.

She pulled her hand away, blushing.

"Like what I told you before, I promised satisfaction guaranteed." She said to me as she held the door handle.

"Come hell or high water, I will be with you till this mission is over."

Angel flashed me a smile as she opened the door and stepped out.

When she was gone, I closed the door behind me.

"Be still my beating heart," I told myself.

***

Once I was at the elevator, I pulled a paper from the inside pocket of my suit.

It was the birth certificate of Deborah Jade Tanchingco Limjoco.

I had the foresight of excluding it from the documents I gave to Althea.

I am a detective.

Two steps ahead are how I tackle my business.

But somehow, my gut was telling me not to reveal this information to Althea.

Or is it more for me?

I couldn't deny my attraction to her the first time I saw her in my office.

She felt the same way too.

But I try not to get involve with my clients and it's excruciatingly painful.

She will not be the first client I was attracted to.

I just have to put things in perspective.

Most of the time, they are driven by loneliness and frustration.

Love is not part of the equation.

They are losing a part of themselves like their husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends etc.

They want proof of their intuition that's why they come to me.

The confusion that comes along with all the other baggage makes them vulnerable.

I didn't want to be caught in the drama so I distance myself or go somewhere else.

It's easy to be involved with a random person than a paying customer.

Aside from being unprofessional, I didn't want to be labeled as predatory.

Althea was different.

I felt her strength underneath the layers of vulnerability she showed me.

The same weakness pulled me to her, igniting my instinct to protect her from the hurt she is about to experience.

I have conjured various scenarios in my head on how this is going to end and for the most part, I am right.

My instinct is one of the reasons I'm successful in my business.

I don't want her to get hurt but she is setting herself for disaster.

When the shit hits the fan, I have to make sure that I can cover her whether she wants to or not.

The door opened and I let myself out.

I'm going to withhold the information for now.

My instinct will tell me when Althea has to know.