The moment Seungsik turns to me, I expect everything, yet nothing at the same time. His grin makes me die inside. Has the production team deliberately chosen the most outrageous fan requests to embarrass me?

Considering how Seoyoung and Hyewon get challenges that perfectly align their skill sets and personalities, I hope not to receive a different treatment, at least out of respect for the competition and equity among all contestants. Instead, I'm in for a huge load of disappointment and indignation.

Seungsik retrieves a post on X by someone who's introduced as a "die hard fan" of mine. Too bad they ask me to... try my hand at pole dance. I've never done it in my life. I'm not even sure I can practice it here. I ask out of desperation, "Is there another challenge for me?"

Seungsik's answer is dogmatic. "You can't back down this challenge, Saesom, it's out of question. If you do, you'll be disqualified immediately." Oh, shit. There goes my confidence. I'm ready for a shitty figure and the bare minimum of ten points unless I can find a solution that bails me out of embarrassment.

"Okay. Here we go." Hyewon chuckles, wishing for my failure. I turn to my group of friends with a deadly threat. "If I catch any of you laughing in case I trip, I swear I'll-" I'm cut off by louder, more intense laughter. Not just by Hyewon, by the way. Daneung, Mari and, to my shock, Seoyoung have joined in the laugh fest.

I don't want to go home, but I can't afford to ruin everything I've built so far over a stupid pole. Fuck that fan and their delusions. If their desire was that of pushing me way over my limits, they've succeeded.

***

Of course, my strip tease with a final number on the pole, which takes place between Daha's funny impression of the judges and Seoyoung's stunning ballet performance, is pitiful. So much that Seungsik erupts into what stands between laughter and a roar.

I leave the stage in tears, but the host remains unsympathetic, bringing up the threat of disqualification. I return there, met by stern looks by Sara and Songbin, but also by a heartfelt hug by Saesong. I don't know what I'd do without her right now.

Meanwhile, Saeha and Hyanggi are outraged at his attitude towards me. "For real? Is this meant to be a joke?" asks the former, furious at that pathetic excuse of an MC. "Just because pole dance isn't her forte, you have no right to belittle her like that!"

"Shame on you, Park Seungsik-nim!" adds Hyanggi, her hands on her hips. It has taken me a few minutes to regain my composure, which, however, are enough for the host and the judges to put an end to their "laugh and glare" show.

All those fuckers manage to do is to mutter an apology. Seungsik keeps his head low and can barely look at me. He has hit rock bottom with me. All because of a piece of shit who pretended to be a fan to set me up.

It doesn't change the fact that my performance has been exceptionally disappointing, though. I have no excuses: I have to do much better in the remaining three challenges. It can take just a few seconds to experience downfall; getting back up is harder and requires a lot more time, but, in this case, it's needed in order for me to succeed.

Still, I'm surprised when I read the score board in detail.

'Park Boyeon, 100 points
Shin Hyanggi, 90 points
Kim Hyewon, 80 points
Kwon Seoyoung, 70 points
Bae Daha, 60 points
Yoon Saeha, 50 points
Kang Saesong, 40 points
Heo Mari, 30 points
Cha Saesom, 20 points
Kang Daneung, 10 ponts.'

This means that Daneung has done worse than me. It's nothing to be proud about, because, thanks to my low score, I lose several positions in the general rank, as well as bragging rights. I've become vulnerable again at the eyes of the panel. Only excellent performances from now on will make me win over the audience.

While the others retreat to the dorm, Seungsik singles me out. "Saesom, listen, we need to talk."

"It'd better not be a ridiculous excuse." I'm still mad at him. While I doubt he has direct responsibility over choosing that one post, he should've realized it'd be harmful and, for once, refuse to follow the script the production imposed to him.

"Look, I know you're angry and disappointed. I won't try to justify myself, I promise. I just want to say sorry. That's it."

I cry again, this time in silence and without letting out even a sob. He extracts a tissue from his pockets and delicately wipes my tears. "Stop. I've caused a disaster. You don't deserve to waste your precious tears over my stupidity. Again, I'm truly sorry."

I've criticized him so many times for his manners and his arrogant demeanor, and am not the only one who's grown frustrated over his shenanigans. But this time, he sounds genuine. Beneath his plastic smiles, I can see the sorrow of someone who knows has royally messed up but can't find the solution to the problem he's caused.

I bow at him and leave the studio in silence, pondering my journey in this competition so far and wondering what steps I have to take next.

***

"Do you realize this is already the eighth challenge?" asks Saesong, a wide smile brightening her face.

I nod. "Yeah, we've come so far throughout this competition." Most of the others agree with me. Surprisingly, even Mari, who has maintained a volatile attitude towards me these weeks.

To my shock, however, Daneung and Hyewon don't seem to appreciate my approach. Both shake their heads. I know they're highly competitive; however, considering how strong they are, I'm disappointed they didn't make enough effort to display a more positive mindset. Or, maybe they did, but it wasn't effective.

"Anyway, I can't wait to see what it's about. So, are you all coming?" I lead the group out of the dorm after checking everything is spot on, with three staff members closing the line. Destination: the studio, as usual.

When we're inside, we don't find Seungsik at the center of the stage. There are Dohee and Sara instead. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. For now, I take my place on stage and wait for clear instructions.

"Welcome back! This is a new episode of Turning Point: Road to Stardom! I'm Jo Dohee, one of the judges of this exciting competition, and today I'll replace Seungsik as the host. Are you ready?" I feel a new energy radiating in the studio. The other contestants cheer: they've had enough of the main host's pompous arrogance.

When Daha asks about Seungsik's whereabouts, Sara promptly answers, "Unfortunately, he fell ill these days, so he won't be able to join us on stage! However, he'll keep cheering for you all even as he's stuck in bed." I don't know if it's exactly good news.

A ridiculous conspiracy theory pops up in my mind. What if he wasn't ill, but the production suspended him over his reaction at my terrible pole dance show in the previous challenge? The moment I share with the others, Saeha dismisses it. "Please, let's be serious! If it were true, the production team would've already issued an official statement."

"Yeah, they couldn't have just swept it under the rug," adds Boyeon, who approaches me with a smile. For the first time since the competition began, whom I perceived as a ruthless rival turns out to be more loyal than I thought. "Anyway, I can't believe they made you do that stuff. And for those three idiots to laugh at you! They owe you an apology at the very least."

I sigh. "They do indeed. But, knowing them, I don't think all of them will apologize." It's sad but true. I can't please everyone, and that's a matter of fact. But this doesn't mean I have to accept a shitty behavior with no conditions. I have to be more firm when setting boundaries.

Dohee claps his hands to regain our attentions. "Girls, come on. There are other places where to discuss Seungsik's health. Let's talk about the challenge instead!"

"Today, we'll delve into the magic world of songwriting," explains Sara. "I hope you feel inspired because... you'll work in pairs!" Oh, great! I love writing songs. I can come up with verses based on so many themes. I still remember that one time when I wrote a song about freshly made hotteok.

Hoping not to have to work with Daneung, I cross my fingers. A good partner can encourage me to do well. She would just ruin everything for me.