First I love you,
Then I hate you
I won't dare try to replace you
I ain't crazy...

:6LACK

AMARAH

"Then he called his daddy out onna affair he was havin. It was so crazy y'all."

Niya laughed, "Your black ass just sat there entertained?"

"Nah, I was bout ta knock his Taylor Swift lookin sista out."

"That's enough. The one thing you are not going to do is disrespect my queen today,"Eli spoke loudly. "T-swizzle is a queen, and she deserves nothing but positivity."

Niya, Gerald, and I rolled our eyes. Eli had a deep love for Taylor Swift. I could not stand her. After the Kanye thing, she lost all of my respect.

Gerald stabbed his fork into the salad he was eating. It was football season, and the coaches had him on a strict diet. I would never complain about it though. Gerald always looked good during football season.

"Can I eat my salad in peace?"

I giggled, "Gimme a bite."

"What happened to, 'I would neva eat that rabbit food shit.'?" He mocked me.

"I need ta start eatin healthy fa tha baybeh."

"I don't want my niece looking crazy Amarah. You know you have to cut out all of that bullshit,"Niya lectured. "The drinking, smoking, eating badly, not working out, all of that has to end immediately."

I rolled my eyes, "A'ight Rico. Trust me I haven't touched nothin bad since I been with Rico. He won't e'en let me eat fast food like that."

"Then what are you eating?"Eli asked. "I know that nigga ain't cooking for you."

"They have their own personal chef Eli. I mean that lady be cooking them all types of crazy meals,"Niya laughed. "I went over there, and Rico had ordered me some oysters."

Eli gagged. I laughed. She wasn't wrong. The chef fucks it up in the kitchen. I never complained about the food.

"I haven't ever ate oysters before that, but when I say I fucked them oysters up,"She closed her eyes. "Ohh Amarah I might be coming over today. I would kill for some more then nasty looking bitches."

"Can't,"I mumbled. "I have a doctors appointment."

"I can see your little pudge. Aww look at my pookie!"Niya teased.

"How far along are you?"Eli asked.

"Approaching fo' months."

"I can't believe you hid that for three months."

"I know! I was with her every day since the...accident, and I never knew,"Niya fussed at me. "Then she told some nigga she didn't even know before she told me!"

"Ya kna I told Rico because he was closest ta Jordan. I just felt like somebody close ta him had ta kna before I got the abortion."

Eli choked on his burger, "I know you didn't just say abortion..."

"Yes abortion. I was gonna have one before Rico gave me his sob story."

Niya crosses her arms, "So why didn't you tell us about this abortion idea?"

I chuckled, "The last thing y'all are gonna do is lectu'a me. If I wanted ta have an abortion than I would've. It's ma' choice, and ma' body."

"So you were going to kill something that could've done gr-"

"Puh-lease,"I mumbled with an emphasis on the p.

"You know God wouldn't ha-"

"Eli ya gay. Please don't lectu'a me on God right na'. When ya perfect then ya can tell me all about God."

Eli scoffed. He stood up and grabbed his book bag.

"Wait Eli,"I spoke. "I didn't mean that. I just wanted t-"

"You know how it took for me to accept myself. The only person I had on my side was God. If you tried him one day, maybe you would understand."

"Eli I'm fine with ya bein gay. I'm just sayin ya shouldn't tell me how ta live ma life if ya's ain't perfect."

"I'm gay. I'm not a murder..."

"I didn't say that."

Before I could try to save myself even more, Eli was gone. He walked off the patio, and back into the school. I sunk down in my seat.

Eli struggled a lot. Freshman year, his boyfriend exposed him. Eli tried his hardest not to let anyone know he was gay. So as his cover, he got a girlfriend. When his boyfriend heard about it, he exposed him. He released all types of text messages, pictures, phone calls, and gifts.

Eli then had to come out to not just the whole school, but his whole world. His parents found out, and immediately ignored him for the rest of the year. His church family kicked him off the choir. The football team tormented him so much, he quit.

The only place he felt safe was in marching band. To be honest, half of the marching band were socially different kids. They didn't judge, or get judged. They just were marching band kids.

Around that time, I became friends with Eli. Truthfully, Eli was the only person who knew I was bi-curious. He always pushed me to figure myself out. He wanted me to feel comfortable with who I was. He was there for me when I wasn't there for myself.

"I should go check on him,"Niya whispered. "He had a rough time with his parents this week. It's not you."

I nodded slowly, "Oh."

She got up from her seat and made her way to the door. I pulled out my phone. Rico has blew up my phone with text messages.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 9:48 am

Are you alright? I haven't seen you since I dropped you off.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 10:13 am

I will not be in lunch today. I have to makeup a quiz, or else I won't be able to play in today's game.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 10:15 am

By the way I am back on the team. I talked to Coach during weight training. He let me take my spot back, but that means I have a lot of working out to do.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 10:17 am

I'll probably look like Jordan lol. You know because Jordan was buff and everything?

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 11:01 am

Dude I just heard Mr. Bates singing R Kelly. Terrence just said I should report him lol.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 11:34

Alayah and Toni just walked past me in the hallway. Toni's nose is bandaged up. She's claiming it's broken. Did I tell you she got it reconstructed?

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 11:56 am

I will not be at lunch today, just in case you didn't get my message.

I rolled my eyes at all of the text messages. He was very extra, and it was hilarious.

To: Ricotta 🧀
Delivered at 12:03 pm

I got tha memo.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 12:03 pm

I'll get you an Uber to go home, unless Niya can drive you. I have practice after school.

I sighed out loud. I specifically told Rico not to make plans.

To: Ricotta 🧀
Delivered at 12:04 pm

I told ya I had a doctors appointment ta'day.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 12:05 pm

Crap! I can't get out of practice. Can you find someone else to take you? I'll pick you up right after it.

To: Ricotta 🧀
Delivered at 12:06 pm

Don't worry bout it. I'll get ma mama ta take me. Ya kna we was supposed ta meet up tomorrow, but I'll just move tha date ta ta'day.

From: Ricotta 🧀
Received at 12:06 pm

Alright. Let me know if you need anything Armadillo.

I slipped my phone into my pocket. I looked up and saw Gerald's eyes focused on me. I smiled at him.

"Like what ya see or something?"

"Ion fuck with pregnant girls."

I let out a fake laugh, "Ha, ha, ha, very funny."

"You busy after school?"

"Were ya listening ta tha conversation? I have a docta's appointment. I gotta call ma mama and see if she can take me."

"I can do it."

"Ya got football practice..."

"We had an early practice today at 5. I'm free for the afternoon."

I smiled, "Well I guess I'll see ya this afta'noon."

"I guess you will..."

RICO

The team watched me as I stepped to the plate. Honestly, I haven't held a bat since I quit the team. The braves youth team is only in the summer. So technically I lied to Amarah. I just didn't want her to worry.

I wanted to spend as much time with Amarah as possible. Baseball was taking up majority of my time. Amarah and I weren't as close as most people who would co-parent should be. To be honest, I didn't even know Amarah's middle name. I needed time to bond with her.

The ball flew my way. I swung my bat. Without hesitation I dropped it and began to run. I ran through all of the bases. Sweat dripped off my body as I continued to run.

"Roberts! What the hell are you doing?"Coach shouted.

I touched home plate. Everyone stared at me with smirks.

"I just hit a r-"

"You didn't even hit the ball Roberts."

I shook my head. There was no way I missed the swing. I haven't missed a swing since freshman year.

"Coach that's no-"

"He too busy hitting his baby mama that he forgot how to swing a bat."

I turned around and looked at Terrence. He was laughing at Dolan, who said the joke. I squinted my eyes at all of them. They quickly straightened up and stopped talking. Dolan crossed his arms and stared at me.

"If you say something else about Amarah, I'll hurt you."

"Is Amarah your bitch now? You were just waiting for her to leave Jordan weren't you?"Dolan spoke.

"You know what?"I mumbled.

I slipped my helmet off. He walked closer to me. I pulled my arm back to punch him, but I felt a hand grab it.

"You just got back on the team nigga. Don't let him ruin your future,"Terrence whispered in my ear.

"I'm pretty sure a baby has already done that."

I pulled out of Terrence's grasp. Before Terrence could grab me, I punched Dolan in his jaw. He stumbled back.

"Roberts!"Coach shouted. "My office, right fucking now!"

Terrence went to Dolan's rescue. I stomped into the athletic office. Coach's office door was wide open. I walked in and sat down.

He paced around his small office. He was fuming, and I knew I was in trouble.

"What the hell is wrong with you son?"

"I have a lot going on coach."

"I don't fucking care! You don't bring that shit to the field!"

"Well I'm sorry okay! My fucking best friend died and left a child. It's my responsibility to take care of him or her. I can't care for a baby and play baseball at the same time! One has to go, and I'm damn sure not leaving Amarah alone."

Coach turned around and looked at me. The look in his eyes were forgiving but sinister at the same time.

"You really care for this girl don't you?"

"Amarah is caring the light of this world. Of course I care for her Coach."

"Just to be clear, this child is not Jesus. Therefore you can't miss every practice. I'm willing to work out a schedule for you though."

"Really?"I smiled. "Oh thank you Coach. I just can't be here all the time. I promise I'll practice at home. I'll be at every game, unless there's an emergency."

"Now go back on the field."

I got up with a huge smile on my face. I could finally do two things I loved, care for the baby and play baseball. I know that's what Jordan would've done.

"Oh and Rico tell Amarah I said thank you for toughening you up. I was getting tired of you acting like a little bitch all the time."

***

My car beeped as I hit the unlock button. I looked up at Toni standing by it. She had on gymnastics uniform. I rolled my eyes. I didn't want to deal with her today.

"Rico."

"Toni."

"We need to talk."

"I don't have time right now. I have to pick up Amarah."

Toni rolled her eyes, "I don't give a fuck about Amarah." She wrapped her arms around my neck. "I'm worried about us baby."

"Toni you told everybody what I told you not to tell. I obviously can't trust you."

"So you're going to break up with me over a rumor?"

"I'm not breaking up with you. I'm just saying we should ta-"

"Is this about Amarah? Are you in love with her?"

I sighed, "Amarah is a friend. I don't like her. We're co-parenting. That's all we are Toni."

She pulled out her phone. I opened my car door so she could get in. I placed my bag in the trunk and then got in.

Toni Braxton's You're Makin' Me High played softly in the car. I looked at Toni with a smile. She knew this was my song.

She started to unzip her uniform that displayed her lacy bra. She bit her lip as she looked at me. I shook my head.

"Toni,"I whispered. "We're not doing this."

"Who said we were doing anything?"She giggled.

She pulled down the rest of her uniform to reveal her lacy panties. She slipped them off. My eyes widened as she placed two fingers inside of her.

"Toni...I- uh- ca-"

"Mmmm..."She moaned.

She grabbed my hands. I tried to pull them back, but she didn't let go.

"You don't want to play with me?"She gave me soft puppy eyes.

"I would love too. You know I just don't believe in sex until marriage."

Her mood instantly dropped. She gave me an annoyed look.

"It's not sex Rico."

"It could lead to sex, and that's the last thing I need,"I spoke. "I do not need two babies."

AMARAH

"Would you like to know the gender today?"The doctor asked

"Can I wait? I want Rico ta be hea fa it."

"Of course!" She handed me some paperwork. "Here's a list of things I want you to do until I see you next month. You're eating habits need some work. You haven't gained much weight. That isn't bad but it could be dangerous for the baby. Also I want you to get more rest. I can tell that you are tired, and it's only your fourth month. If you need to take online instruction please let me know. I can give a notice to the school, and you'll take it for free."

"Thank you docta'."

"It was nice meeting you Mr. Rodriguez,"She shook his hand. "Alright you crazy kids get up out of here."

I smiled. Gerald helped me get down from the table. He held my hand all the way to the parking lot. It had started to get dark outside.

The office was nearly two hours away. Luckily it won't be the hospital I would be giving birth in. The trip here would just be too long. Rico wanted me to have this OBGYN because she was the best in state, and he wasn't wrong. She was fantastic.

"Rico should pick me up in a few minutes."

Gerald smirked, "So you got a few minutes to give me some kisses?"

I hit his shoulder, "Gerald that was a one time thing. Ya like ma olda brotha."

"You wouldn't have kissed your brother though..."

He pulled me close to him. I giggled as his nose grazed mine.

"Ive been missing these lips,"Gerald whispered.

His lips connected with mine. He kissed me softly, and I liked it. I pulled back after it got too far.

"Gerald, I'm pregnant."

He chuckled, "I know...what does that have to do with us kissing?"

"I can't do anything sexu-"

"We're just kissing Mar," He sighed heavily. "Is this about Janiya? We didn't tell her before, and we don't have to tell her now."

"I just don't want to lose my best friend. I'm pregnant with someone else's baby. I'm living with a guy who isn't the father. I'm kissing somebody who isn't the father. Every time I think about it, I think I'm a hoe. I don't want that for myself."

"You need to calm down. You're not a hoe. If anything ya perfect. I am tell your upset cause your losing that accent. Let me make you happy."

He leaned back in to kiss me. This time I didn't pull away. I let the vibe take us away.

"Amarah?"Rico shouted.