a / n : 

happy holidays everyone! sorry this update came a bit late. i left my laptop charger at a relative's house and couldn't use it for a while. thank you so much for all the support! 

also, i was supposed to be writing stock chapters of this during my break but i stumbled across a kdrama and bye guys i'm off to live with fictional oppas

(jk i love u so i'll try to write)

  ◇  

t h r e e 

Colin has never had a girlfriend.

It has never really been a priority for him. Or a necessity, for that matter. Among the three of them, Perry was easily the most active when it came to pursuing girls. Drew didn't pursue girls so much as they naturally liked him, whether as a friend or more than.

In fact, Drew is probably closer to more girls than Perry is because remember how Colin compares him to a dog?

Yeah, girls like dogs. A lot.

Back home, his friend Dexter seems almost like a cross between Perry and Drew. Dexter was a big flirt and he was also well-liked by people. On the other hand, Henry, whom he also practically grew up with, was a hopeless romantic. Like Colin, Henry has also never had a girlfriend. But that's mostly because he's gay.

In any case, Colin doesn't know a lot about girls. What little he knew came from his proximity to Sadie and her friends. If it hadn't been for Dexter getting together with Hadley, Colin would probably never even talk to any of them.

Not because he doesn't like girls, either.

Relationships just seem like too much work. He isn't against them, really, nor is he against that whole falling in love thing. He's just not the kind of person who constantly thought about it.

He has dated before, yes, but he never really bothered to get past that first date. Most of his dates were forced on him anyway, usually by Henry (back in high school) and by Perry (now).

"Why won't you just admit it? Sadie's an ex-girlfriend. I just know it."

Colin lets out a groan.

"You give off this... vibe." Perry gives him a scrutinizing look, narrowing his eyes at him.

"Like, why do you always get stingy when it comes to her?"

"I don't."

"Yes, you are! See!" Perry points a condescending finger at Colin's face. "That! Right there."

Colin throws his pillow at him. "Can you please shut the fuck up? I'm studying."

It has been three days since the night they found Sadie in tears. The weekend passed with Perry constantly asking him about his relationship with her, even resorting to stalking Sadie on Facebook to look for clues.

Drew was also asking about her, but not for the same reason as Perry. He was asking Colin why Sadie was crying, and Colin, of course, replied with the truth. "I don't know."

His friend doesn't believe him, and every now and then he'd ask him about it. Colin knows it's out of genuine concern, though, and that Drew isn't just doing it to piss him off.

Needless to say, Colin hates Sadie even more now. The girl wasn't even anywhere in sight and yet she still found ways to annoy him, infiltrating his home, worming her way into conversations he'd really rather not have.

"Colin," Perry says, a serious expression on his face. "I won't stop bothering you till you tell me."

Colin nearly growls. "She's not my ex-girlfriend."

"Then who is she?" Perry doesn't seem at all bothered by the tone of his voice. "She can't just be some girl."

She really isn't. Sadie's more than just some girl, but not for the reasons Perry thinks she is.

It's a Tuesday night and the three of them are in the apartment, with Drew snoozing in his bed in the other room and Colin trying to study for an upcoming exam tomorrow. To his distress, Perry doesn't seem particularly busy, and the guy's practically doing his best to bother him.

Colin would be lying if he said he doesn't regret not knowing why Sadie was crying in the first place. At first, he'd convinced himself that he really didn't give a shit. It's not like it mattered to him, and it's not like he intended to help her with whatever she was going through.

Still, curiosity would sometimes creep up his shoulder, especially when Drew started trying to coax out an answer from him.

"I don't believe you," Drew had told him. "How can you not know why she was crying? You were there comforting her."

"Well, I didn't ask," Colin replied, which was, of course, the truth.

"What kind of person comforts a girl and not ask what's wrong?" Perry butted in, to which Colin just huffed and looked away, feeling his cheeks heat up.

They don't know, Colin reminds himself, how much he dislikes Sadie.

One time back in their senior year, Sadie managed to get a hand on one of his favorite CDs. He would never have willingly let her borrow it, but Dexter somehow got it to her, and then she returned it one day only for him to find a cracked CD inside.

He was so mad about it that he had to keep himself from strangling her.

Of course, he should have inspected it more closely before blowing his top off. He found out, three days later, that she'd actually replaced the CD with something else—one that looked quite similar to the original at first glance—and that she'd done it just to prank him.

And this wasn't a one-time thing. She did all sorts of things to rile him up. He remembers, back in high school, that she was always taking candid photos of him, particularly during their third year. She'd post the particularly bad ones online—the ones where Colin looked worse than he actually did, even on his bad days. Like a picture of him with eyes half closed, or caught mid-yawn.

There was even a time when she caught him mid-sneeze for fuck's sake.

Then he found out over the next few days that all of his friends have switched their lock screens with his photo. (Well, not all. Aanya was too nice to do anything like that.) "Sadie told us to," they'd tell him, or "Sadie sent us the photo."

"I thought you looked cute," Sadie would "defend" herself, zooming in on Colin's nostrils or some shit. "See?"

She never really did anything too big, or too drastic, or too humiliating. But it was the sum of all the little things that really got to him, and Sadie never ran out of little things to piss him off with.

How is he supposed to explain all that to Perry? Neither Dexter nor Henry understood just how much he disliked Sadie, and he can't really expect Perry to be any different.

"Fine," Perry grumbles when it became clear that Colin wouldn't tell him anything. "If I ask her out, you can't call me out on the Bro Code."

"Ask her out?" Colin's head snaps up. "You can't ask her out."

"I knew it!" Perry says, smiling triumphantly. "You're still in love with her and you're too afraid to admit it."

Colin groans. He snaps his book shut and begins to gather his stuff into his bag.

"You know, Colin, it's pretty normal for exes to feel—"

"For the last time," Colin says through gritted teeth, "she's not my ex." He zips his bag up and stands up, heading for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"None of your fucking business."

"Buy me some gummy bears on your way home!" Perry shouts just as Colin slams the door behind him.

  ◇  

Colin always wanted to go to college away from home.

It doesn't seem like much here in the city, but back in Rivermount, the grocery mart his family owns is a pretty big deal. They expect him to take over once he graduates. His father is already pushing past fifty-five and his mother past fifty. They're just waiting for him to graduate and take it from there.

This hasn't always been the role he was supposed to play.

Colin has an older brother, the eldest among the three of them, but Clark hasn't been in good terms with his family for quite some time now. Eventually, Colin came to the realization that his parents are expecting him to fill his big brother's shoes, something he never really thought of until his last few years in high school.

His life is mapped out ahead of him, and being away from home, albeit momentarily, is an experience he might not be able to live out later in his life.

The city life never appealed to him until he'd become immersed in it. His predetermined future has robbed him of any chance to live out a life here. He's going to spend the rest of his life in Rivermount, just like his parents did.

For now, though, he takes in the city as he makes his way to one of his favorite spots. There's a pancake place over at The Strip that he discovered freshman year. Across it stood a bookstore, which he often frequented in hopes of finding titles his younger sister would appreciate.

Colin isn't much of a reader, but Cindy is an avid one. Rivermount has its fair share of bookstores but there are some titles that never seem to get distributed over there.

He orders plain pancakes with maple syrup and makes his way to his favorite booth, getting his book and notes out of the bag while waiting for his order. The place has always had a homey feeling. The thick smell of butter and syrup hangs in the air, warm and comforting.

He finishes studying in thirty minutes, but lingers a little longer, sipping the last dregs of his coffee as slowly as possible. The other customers have all but gone and left, save for a girl in one of the corner booths.

It's fairly quiet now, so when he hears the bell signaling the door being opened, he instinctively looks toward it. In walks a familiar figure, tall and broad-shouldered, together with a girl with all-too-familiar curls.

He immediately regrets having stayed longer.

He gathers his things, doing his best to stay inconspicuous. Every now and then, he'd sneak a glance at the couple standing by the counter to order, if only to check whether they'd seen him or not.

Sadie's still partially hidden from him, but there's just no mistaking those curls.

Colin ducks his head and looks away when Sadie and her boyfriend turns to his direction.

Daniel is actually a pretty decent guy. He's also taking up business, and is actually vice-chairperson of the student council. In fact, he and Colin are actually on pretty good terms. They've paired up for class requirements before and Daniel is pretty easy to talk to.

It's Sadie he doesn't want to deal with, and Daniel, being the people person that he is, will most likely initiate a conversation with him if he sees Colin.

From his peripheral vision, he sees them sit just two tables away from him. He looks over his shoulder, trying to assess how he can slip out without them noticing, and for the first time that night, he gets a clear view of Sadie, seated with her head hung low.

He stops.

Her eyes are red and her shoulders are slumped. Something about the way she looks tugs uncomfortably at his chest. It feels wrong, to be seeing her this way, and though there's absolutely no reason for him to feel guilty about it, he does anyway.

"Sade," he hears Daniel say. "I don't want it to be this way either."

Sadie doesn't say anything.

"Please look at me."

Colin doesn't mean to eavesdrop, and staying longer makes him feel guiltier. He shifts in his seat, ready to stand up.

"Is this it, then?" Daniel says. "You're not even going to talk to me?"

"We can't keep doing this."

Colin freezes when he hears her voice. She sounds nothing like herself. There's none of her usual confidence and it sounds so awfully wrong to hear her speaking like this.

"You're right." Daniel's voice is just as quiet.

Fuck. He can't keep listening to this. He stands, making his way to the door, pushing past it without caring if either of them had seen him or not because all he knows is that he needed to get the hell out of there.

He steps out, letting the door swing shut behind him, thankful for the noise of the city. He peers over his shoulder, trying to spot Sadie and Daniel through the glass wall. He watches as Daniel reaches for her, putting his hand on her shoulder, only be to be shaken off as she ducks out of his reach.

There's nothing to do here, he reminds himself. He wrenches his gaze away from them, readjusting his backpack over his shoulder. He's just about to step out of the shop's awning when he hears the rain.

He hears it before he sees it. It starts out slow, a muffled pitter-patter on the roof, but then it begins to pour, the raindrops growing heavier and louder by the second.

Colin instinctively steps back, watching people scurrying around to find some cover. A guy even takes shelter next to him.

"—can't believe this," the guy, drenched despite having dashed there with all his might, is saying into his phone. "The rain here is fucking crazy."

It really is. Colin looks around and hisses out a curse. The rain just came out of absolutely nowhere and it's pouring—really pouring—and isn't this just a nice night for him not to bring his umbrella?

"Reed, I'm not going to run in the rain and get my sexy ass soaked for—" the guy next to him was saying, oblivious, or just uncaring, of Colin listening in.

Colin feels his own phone buzz in his pocket. He fishes it out and answers the call.

"What?"

"Colin!" Drew all but yells at him. "Perry told me you went out and that you promised him gummy bears—"

"I did not promise him gummy bears—"

"—and I'm calling to tell you to get something for me, too."

"I'm not getting either of you anything."

"Thank you, man, we love you—"

"Drew, I'm not—"

"—so fucking much. Stay safe!"

Drew ends the call before Colin can stammer out another reply, which leaves him feeling... salty as fuck.

He puts his phone back in his pocket and scowls at the rain, wondering if he should make a run for it and risk getting his textbook wet. His parents did not pay a shitload of money for his books to get ruined by the rain. Plus, he plans on selling them when he doesn't need them anymore to at least get some of that shitload back.

Right now, all he can do is watch the downpour

If it hadn't been for Perry pestering him, he wouldn't be stranded here. And if it hadn't been for Sadie, Perry wouldn't be as annoying as he has been, so in the end, didn't it all boil down to her?

He looks over his shoulder to glower at her, but he startles when he sees that she's alone. He peers closer, confused, just as the door swings open to reveal Daniel. Colin inches back to hide, but Daniel doesn't see him. He just sprints towards his car, braving the rain before hastily getting in and promptly driving away.

Leaving Sadie alone.

Colin's confusion intensifies. He watches Daniel's car until it turns round the corner, disappearing from view. And then he looks back at Sadie, the look on her face, and the plates of uneaten pancakes laid out in front of her.

I don't give a shit. Colin forces himself to look away and go back to scowling at the rain, hoping—wishing—it would let up soon.

But a knot has formed in his stomach, a nagging feeling that gnaws at him until he relents, letting his gaze flit over to Sadie.

She's crying again.

He clenches his hands into fist, his nails biting into skin.

She has no fucking business sitting there looking like the universe had crumpled in and of itself. This isn't her. Sadie Reynolds would never let the forces of the universe get to her—she'd take the universe herself and make it her own.

He lets out an aggravated sigh, one that sounds almost like a growl.

Fuck it.

Before he can think better of what he's doing—because really, what the fuck is he doing?—he's already pushing past the door, hating himself a little bit more with every step he's taking as he walks, for reasons he himself did not know, closer and closer to Sadie fucking Reynolds.

%zd*