Ash

"Now, that's what I'm talking about." Randy placed his drink back on the polished counter, clearly happy with the first swig of many. The night had only begun.

Low light from old style lightbulbs framed the shelves stocked with liquor, and jazz sounded from the crisp speakers. The club was worlds apart from neon lights and dancing crowds, catering to those with reputations to maintain or money to show off. I detested the place, but it was close to my apartment and stocked the right kind of liquor to suit my tastes. Besides, people were stuffy enough to keep the noise to a bare minimum. Unlike other places, it was possible to talk without having to shout. We would down a few drinks, talk shit about people, then hit another bar in search for potential bed partners.

I tumbled my first dose of whiskey around the melting ice cubes, not convinced how I felt about the situation. On a normal night, I'd be humming with the anticipation of a much-needed fuck, but the buzz in my ears was unfamiliar.

"See anything you like?" Randy asked, throwing a glance in the direction I'd been staring. He turned back once he realized there was nothing of interest.

Randy sighed. "You need rewiring, man. It's the only way. Drink up while I get another." He leaned over the bar to get the attention of a blonde woman a few years younger than Randy. Just his type. "Another round, please." He was only ever polite to female strangers.

Frustrated, I sloshed down a mouthful, pressing my tongue against my front teeth as the whiskey burned down my throat. "I don't know what your problem is. I'm here, aren't I?"

"Right." Randy was still staring at the bartender.

"Don't give me attitude if you want me in a better mood tonight." I hoped he interpreted that as annoyance rather than a plea.

"Fine. Let's just have a few more drinks and hit the street. I'm even open to Grind if that helps." It wasn't all that often Randy agreed to hit a gay club. I should have been grateful, but I needed far more whiskey for that to happen.

I finished my glass and got an instant refill. "Thanks," I muttered, not sure if I meant it. The bartender smiled and moved on to deal with another customer, clearly not giving enough shit to acknowledge my bitter tone.

"You know, maybe we don't need to hit Grind after all." Randy backed a step, and the moment the space between us widened, a guy in a suit closed the gap.

Polished from head to toe, the man was a looker. Allowing that silent charm to work for him, the man ordered a drink before he even glanced in my direction. "Good evening." His dark eyes roved across my features, and once his mouth quirked into a grin, I knew he was there to get his due.

Randy knew just how much I enjoyed to pound a posh ass like this one, knock them down a peg by making them squirm for it. He grinned across the man's shoulder, all teeth and smug satisfaction. I took that as a sign to let the world roll the dice for a night. Life was less complicated that way.

"Indeed, we have a long night ahead of us," I said, noticing how the stranger's pupils dilated slightly in reaction. In response, I placed my hand on the small of his back, a gesture I'd used a thousand times to get my way into a bedroom.

"Can't wait," he replied.

This game had become habit a long time ago, and I wasn't even sure what kind of thrill I kept chasing. Maybe I kept pouring from an empty bucket.

****

Randy slipped a coffee capsule into the machine as I entered the spotless kitchen after a long night. He glanced over his shoulder. "Feeling better this morning?"

"Sure," I replied. He didn't need to know the particulars.

"I got back a few hours ago. Damn, that bartender. She's a sweet little thing."

I laughed, mostly because I'd never heard Randy use the word sweet. "Can't say I remember her as little." She'd stood taller than quite a few men in there yesterday, moving like a lioness on the prowl behind the counter. Maybe she'd been enough of a woman to deal with Randy. If so, I fully supported it.

"Man, she purred like a kitten."

"Don't tell me." I truly didn't want to know. If this turned into a retelling of conquests, he'd find my story sorely lacking.

Randy placed a cup in front of me. "She's not working tonight, though, so I won't seem desperate if we go back. Do you have business today or are we doing nothing until we head out?"

I rubbed my palm over my face, too tired to deal with the real world for a few hours yet. "Yeah, I should see Lelkin. She said she had some papers for me to sign." My PA was a wonder, and I had a feeling she ran my life better than I would have run it myself.

"Tell her I said hi." The newspaper rustled as Randy turned a page. It was strange to think that Randy was the only person in my life I had a truly domestic relationship with. Us, here over breakfast. In another life, he'd have been my partner rather than friend. I'd never thought of him in romantic terms at all, but I was happy our friendship had become a well-functioning substitute. I didn't need anyone else in my life while he was around to have my back.

Wasn't that what married couples said, anyway? How you became best friends with benefits. In our relationship, we kept the best friend and exchanged the shackles of marriage with total freedom.

I thought about the guy from yesterday. That was pure freedom. The right to choose and have nobody guilt me for anything. I'd lived by that mantra for years, and even though I'd stupidly forgotten about it for a few days, I had Randy to remind me. I'd lived too many years trying to break free to ever want something remotely similar again—least of all a relationship that came with expectations and demands.

Relaxing in the chair, I lifted the cup. "Thanks Randy, I owe you for this."

He seemed to understand exactly what I'd meant. "Sure thing. I knew you needed to get away from that house."

No one knew me better than Randy. No one understood me better. And, I had a feeling no one loved me more than he did, even if it was truly platonic.

****

Another night, another man without a name, another lesson.

If only it hadn't felt so unbearably empty.

****

The gravel gnawed into the tires as Randy steered us closer to the garage. The house looked exactly the same as it had always done, built from solid rocks and shadows that had seen too much. I'd meant to leave it behind years ago, but the shackles held strong no matter how hard I pulled.

It hadn't been a pleasant drive. Partly because of traffic, partly because I knew what awaited me the second I stepped inside. Anything I had left behind in search of fleeting moments of freedom would haunt me with a vengeance. Even the someone I hadn't wanted to leave even if I'd needed the distance to see clearly.

I'd shaken him loose, drowned the want in near anonymous bodies, but for each mile we'd travelled west, my resolve had fractured.

I just wanted to taste that sweetness, to hold it like a fleeting ember while it lasted. Without all the other parts.

The birds were singing, shattering the last remnants of London from my brain. Country sounds and smells, fresh air and too much sunlight.

Mads rounded a corner, pushing a wheelbarrow full of weeds across the gravel. "You two are back from London, and I don't even get to see a decent walk of shame. What a waste."

Randy groaned. "I can't deal with her today," he said and simply continued toward the house. My gaze flickered to the windows, one by one once Randy was out of sight. I knew exactly why my eyes had strayed, but that didn't make it better.

Mads paused next to me and crossed her arms. Never a good sign. "He's twenty-four."

"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about. Certainly not Randy.

"Raven is twenty-four and he's had his heart broken. I'm telling you to stay away because we both know you'll mess up if this continues. And don't even bother saying I've got it wrong. I've seen how you look at him."

My brain was reaching overcapacity trying to process all of that. So much that I stood there in dumb silence.

"Are you even listening?" Mads sounded positively lethal.

"Yes. I heard you." This was it, then. Absolutely everything clashed, two pieces of something that did not fit and never would. He was too young, too vulnerable, too wounded to be anywhere near my callous attraction. "I get it. Now stop bringing it up or you'll be picking at scabs and I might forget this resolve."

"Fine. As long as we're on the same page."

"We are." No matter how much his very presence called out to me, I wouldn't answer. I'd lived long enough to be smarter than that. Emotions could be overruled, and I wasn't even close to having feelings for him.

Mads continued with her wheelbarrow, shoulders tense rather than straining. I wasn't absolutely sure she'd believed me.

Inside the house, the temperature dropped from balmy to chilled. The stone walls had never fared well in early summer, retaining the cold from months passed. I would have gone straight to my room if I hadn't glanced inside the library on my way there. It was all kinds of stupid and out of line. But there he sat. Far too young, even younger than I'd thought, perched like a sparrow, earthly and delicate in equal measures—hiding from the world in a room that seemed to hug him like a long lost child. He belonged there, surrounded by books and old things.

When he looked up from his reading, I wished I'd continued straight to my room. His eyes were too large, too full of questions.

"You're back."

"Yes."

He seemed to hesitate, closing the book with those hands that kept such a light touch that I wondered how they would feel on mine.

"How was London?"

"Still standing." I had to get away from him. "I'll let you get back to it. See you at dinner." I left, one foot in front of the other, determined to steer away from immediate danger.  

A/N Gosh, it was hard getting back into this story after dealing with another round of edits for Volatile. I entered the world of Dante and Chris, and had to fight my way back to Raven and Ash. So this is a bit short but I wanted to post.

I promised to put up a poll for Randy's name change, so I'll list some alternatives here, and you'll get to vote by commenting (in-line) on the name. You're allowed to pick two favorites, but not more <3

1. Andy

2. Winston

3. Richard

4. Andrew

5. Francis

6. Logan

7. Patrick

8. Frethol

9. Ludwig

10. William

11. Rafe ( think this might be too close to Raven again though)

12. Damian

13. Jago

14. Reginald

15. Broderick

Last but not least, we have another contribution from Anonymous78912 this time Ash in all his splendor <3